So before I get into it, let me give you the basics. I'm 25yrs old. I started this path on 4/25/18, that was my first visit with my bariatric team, it was a general info session and first time meeting the surgeon. He told me because of my age, he recommends the sleeve. He said it would offer me a better quality of life post-op. From there he told me I had to schedule mandatory appointments with the cardiologist, pulmonologist, nutritionist, psychologist and I needed to have a sleep study done; all fine and dandy. The first four weeks of May I managed to get all of that done. I started my pre-op diet of 2 weeks, clear liquids only and I had my surgery on 6/25/18. My starting/highest weight was 410 lbs. (When I found that out, it broke me). After the 2 week pre-op diet I weighed in at 367 lbs. 1 week post op, I'm now, currently, 353.2 lbs. So ok, let's get into it.... As a kid I was always big. There is no denying that. I transitioned from happy meals at McDonald's to eating a big mac meal and still wanting a damn toy... ain't that some ****. But anyways, gist of things, I was always big. It wasn't until high school that I was like damn, I need to lose some weight. So I did, I lost alot of weight. I can't tell you my stats because I honestly dont remember but I can tell you my lowest weight was around 212-220-ish and stacked! It felt good! Then high school is over aaaannnndddd life happens! (Isn't that just the greatest fuc**** excuse?!...smh). A series of events later proceeded to happen and as the years went by that just drove me to a complete downward spiral in which I just completely gave up on my self. And what hurts the most is knowing I never truly knew how big I was or maybe I just didn't want to believe it! To me, in my eyes, I wasn't as big as I thought I was. I felt that I was still "healthy" I was active, I played sports, I went to the gym, I was strong, i was f**king untouchable..... i was a fat boy in complete denial. It wasn't until I saw a picture of myself sitting next to my girlfriend in which I just couldn't believe it. How bad I let things go and yet I still didn't want to believe it. Fast forward a bit, my son was born and it was then that it clicked for me. Had I kept on in the path I was on, my son would grow up without a father and I just couldn't do that to him or my girlfriend. One of my supervisors had the bypass operation done and recommended me to his doctor and that's how I ended up getting sleeved. But my point to all this is I was so active before that I just feel like a failure to myself! Like why couldn't I do this the natural way? Why did it take for me to get sliced and diced for me to lose the weight. I feel like I let myself down. Like my "yoyo" effect was entirely my fault for not putting in 100% of the effort in my past diet attempts. I follow so many people on social media who did it the natural way and it just gets to me. Now I can barely finish a damn protein shake without getting a stomachache because I drank it to fast. I'm restricted on my meals and idk.... I have a woman who loves me and supports me. I have two amazing boys. The support of my family and friends so why do I feel like I failed myself. Despite my current weight loss in such a short amount of time, why do I wish I never got it done and did it normally. I'm so sorry for the rant I just really needed to vent! I'm the "strong person" in everyone's life and I just couldn't break down like this to them.... I'm currently 3 weeks post op on the pureed stage and just trying to be strong both physically and mentally. Hope you're all doing great. Side note: I'm so happy I found this forum. When I first signed up, I spent like 3 hours going through threads and I read up on so many things I could relate to. For example, how I'm so young and I can't even enjoy amusement parks with my friends or family because I don't fit on the rides. How I fear going to eat in public cause of the structural integrity of the furniture. How I hear all the comments and stares when I'm out in public with my better half (shes a very active and tiny little thing compared to me, definitely got lucky with her [emoji172]). How I'm scared to ride in an airplane cause of the seatbelts. How I dread the summer time cause of the heat and the sweating and just everything! I felt I was alone and I could now relate to so many others.... it was just a sigh of relief to know I wasn't alone. I'm so sorry for the length of this post, I just needed to vent... Sent from my SM-G950U using BariatricPal mobile app
