luvlif

12/6/07Went to Pru affair... Bart came up to where I was sitting & hugged & kissed me.... he still can't get over how Chris & I split up after all these years. I miss him....Yesterday I woke up from a dream where he was holding my head in his arms with his cheek on top of my head...there is not a day that goes by that I do not sense him wanting to kiss me. 11/27 I still miss him... there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of him. Last night I dreamt of him & I called him "my darling" & he smiled happily, told me he drove the Bonneville to work, because he had to meet me,I smiled & mentioned the Bayport office & he rolled his eyes & shook his head. then i told him about the sign...I was v tired after the Stratus class...went to sleep & woke up @ 1.30am. somehow it came to me that Arindel & Vizzi broke up too before they got married...another needy guy!strange but true thought. I want to desperately hear his voice but I will not call him...let him think this one thru.....I saw his pic in the libor mag w Mohsin Zandehieh he looked very angry A few weeks ago I dreamt of him & when I saw him I ran up to him held his face in my hands & kissed his mouth. Somehow I know we will end up together...I'm sure he's missing me just as much as I'm missing him. We are souulmates...we were and are meant for eachother!

12/6/07Went to Pru affair... Bart came up to where I was sitting & hugged & kissed me.... he still can't get over how Chris & I split up after all these years. I miss him....Yesterday I woke up from a dream where he was holding my head in his arms with his cheek on top of my head...there is not a day that goes by that I do not sense him wanting to kiss me. 11/27 I still miss him... there isn't a day that goes by that I do not think of him. Last night I dreamt of him & I called him "my darling" & he smiled happily, told me he drove the Bonneville to work, because he had to meet me,I smiled & mentioned the Bayport office & he rolled his eyes & shook his head. then i told him about the sign...I was v tired after the Stratus class...went to sleep & woke up @ 1.30am. somehow it came to me that Arindel & Vizzi broke up too before they got married...another needy guy!strange but true thought. I want to desperately hear his voice but I will not call him...let him think this one thru.....I saw his pic in the libor mag w Mohsin Zandehieh he looked very angry A few weeks ago I dreamt of him & when I saw him I ran up to him held his face in my hands & kissed his mouth. Somehow I know we will end up together...I'm sure he's missing me just as much as I'm missing him. We are souulmates...we were and are meant for eachother!

:whoo::clap2:

:whoo::clap2:

Mom's controling beh has cost me a lot in life, including my weight issues, secretive behavior, not moving forward w my only sweetheart, the love of my life, Alissa said I behave the way I do w food to stuff my emotions and not feel them...since last nite I 've been teary eyed, I told him to-day that I owed him an apology, that I know I had been difficult for the last month & it had nothing to do w him, it had to do w my mother and how controlling she was & she wanted me to pack up & go to India to live w her, he got very soft & heard me out. He didn't say a word later when ralph left the room he just lay his head back & closed his eyes, he looked drained. Alissa said there is a link between emotional eating & controlling mothers & overweight daughters. People w eating disorders also love secrecy...that's why I love to eat in private, don't open up about my emotions, finances and more...in pathetic efforts to control my life. She said the best thing I could have done was cut off w her, & it's true since my visit to Mumbai,I've gotten worse w my eating....& my relat w him has gotten bad. bec I'm afraid to let anyone in..I'll lose controll of my life...that's my fear! Sartaj Aunty s/w me on Tues & was very supportive of my relationship w him, she asked me why 14 yrs & I told her because it wouldn't have been fair to him to have my kids come before him. He didn't deserve that. Now I have the time to devote & make him #1 in my life. She is right when she said my kids have a right to their own lives just as I had a right to mine at their age & I still resent toxic Mom for expecting me to go take care of her...what damn nonsense!:car: She shared w me how Zafar her brother told her that at our age life moves very fast. She is also right that I have a right to my own happiness & not to care what people think bec when push comes to shove they don't really care...they are too involved in their own lives! She asked me why I was hesitant & I told her bec he's a control freak @ work...again she wisely said"a man's different in his personal life...don't apply that to how he relates to you"

Mom's controling beh has cost me a lot in life, including my weight issues, secretive behavior, not moving forward w my only sweetheart, the love of my life, Alissa said I behave the way I do w food to stuff my emotions and not feel them...since last nite I 've been teary eyed, I told him to-day that I owed him an apology, that I know I had been difficult for the last month & it had nothing to do w him, it had to do w my mother and how controlling she was & she wanted me to pack up & go to India to live w her, he got very soft & heard me out. He didn't say a word later when ralph left the room he just lay his head back & closed his eyes, he looked drained. Alissa said there is a link between emotional eating & controlling mothers & overweight daughters. People w eating disorders also love secrecy...that's why I love to eat in private, don't open up about my emotions, finances and more...in pathetic efforts to control my life. She said the best thing I could have done was cut off w her, & it's true since my visit to Mumbai,I've gotten worse w my eating....& my relat w him has gotten bad. bec I'm afraid to let anyone in..I'll lose controll of my life...that's my fear! Sartaj Aunty s/w me on Tues & was very supportive of my relationship w him, she asked me why 14 yrs & I told her because it wouldn't have been fair to him to have my kids come before him. He didn't deserve that. Now I have the time to devote & make him #1 in my life. She is right when she said my kids have a right to their own lives just as I had a right to mine at their age & I still resent toxic Mom for expecting me to go take care of her...what damn nonsense!:mad: She shared w me how Zafar her brother told her that at our age life moves very fast. She is also right that I have a right to my own happiness & not to care what people think bec when push comes to shove they don't really care...they are too involved in their own lives! She asked me why I was hesitant & I told her bec he's a control freak @ work...again she wisely said"a man's different in his personal life...don't apply that to how he relates to you"

Fri I went to drop off pap work & he saw me in brown tank top w plunging neckline ...I said I had to get back to new recruit (Cute)one)..he called screaming....but 1st tried to controll himself. When I called Sat he was gentle when I said"still mad @ me?":whoo: Mon he was v subdued @ mtg til I started gazing @ his mouth, ear lobe, eyes,& finally...nipple....then moved from behind the chair so I could gaze @ his fav spot!...called back & fourth sev times bec he was turned on!

Fri I went to drop off pap work & he saw me in brown tank top w plunging neckline ...I said I had to get back to new recruit (Cute)one)..he called screaming....but 1st tried to controll himself. When I called Sat he was gentle when I said"still mad @ me?":whoo: Mon he was v subdued @ mtg til I started gazing @ his mouth, ear lobe, eyes,& finally...nipple....then moved from behind the chair so I could gaze @ his fav spot!...called back & fourth sev times bec he was turned on!

he called yesterday & to-day from cell I did not ask where he is ...at all...... but to-day I told him I was going to be away Fra & Sat..."alright" he responded ...not happy...almost wondering where I was going...but did not have the guts to ask! Now he knows how I felt!:heh:

he called yesterday & to-day from cell I did not ask where he is ...at all...... but to-day I told him I was going to be away Fra & Sat..."alright" he responded ...not happy...almost wondering where I was going...but did not have the guts to ask! Now he knows how I felt!:heh:

sat 8/25 to lincoln sun 8/26 mohawh w barkley, ab lounge 2 sets, pm walk w Kathy mon 8/27 mohawk to hiram to terry w kathy:car: tues 8/28 mohawk w kath hiram terry claas mohawk:clap2:

sat 8/25 to lincoln sun 8/26 mohawh w barkley, ab lounge 2 sets, pm walk w Kathy mon 8/27 mohawk to hiram to terry w kathy:car: tues 8/28 mohawk w kath hiram terry claas mohawk:clap2:

The 4 Secrets to Weight Loss Success the Diet Books Don’t Tell you:faint: by: Meri Raffetto RD Weight loss plans come in all shapes and sizes. Some are fad diets that are too restrictive to follow more than a couple of weeks, while others are provided by professionals that make customized plans for us. All of them give us some guidelines on what we should and shouldn’t eat to ultimately reach our weight loss goals. No matter how many food plans we try, healthy or unhealthy, there are some fundamental things you must know in order to be successful in a weight loss program that, believe it or not, have nothing to do with food. 1. Readiness- Are you ready to make change in your life right now? How would you know? The reason many weight loss plans fail is because people are not truly emotionally ready for change. In order to have true lifelong weight loss you have to commit to trading your old habits in for a new, healthier lifestyle. This has more to do with readiness for change than a desire to shed pounds- there is a big difference. The good news is, as you start on the journey to change these old habits you will be amazed how much better you feel physically, psychologically, and emotionally. This is the place where the people who have experienced long term weight loss have entered and want to stay. When you are truly committed to changing your lifestyle you will achieve lifelong weight loss and so much more! Ask yourself a few questions. Are you ready to make permanent dietary changes for you and your family? Are you ready to start exercising regularly? Are you ready to defend your new lifestyle changes to those who are undermining your efforts? Don’t fret if you aren’t completely ready to dive into change. This is the stage to keep up the learning process by reading articles and gathering information. You will know when the time is right and that will be when you answer an unequivocal “Yes!” to the above questions. 2. Developing a vision. When I ask people what their goals are for a weight loss program the answer is always, “to lose weight of course”, or “to lose x amount of pounds”. It is crucial to have another more, heart-felt reason to lose weight other than losing pounds and appearance. This is because when times are tough, and they will be during any change process, you will need a heart-felt or internal reason to lose the weight to keep you motivated. Losing weight for appearance is ok but it is an external reason and will not help to keep you motivated for long. In the past my clients have chosen things like, being able to play with their kids, running a marathon, backpacking trip they have longed to go on for years, and a big motivator is often a health condition. I call this your vision. It is imperative to take a few minutes to learn what your vision is. What is important to you that you will be able to achieve with weight loss? Write this vision down and plaster it everywhere so you always see your end goal and it will always help to motivate you further when times are tough. 3. Self Talk – is yours negative or positive? Unfortunately it’s true that we are our own worst critics and like hearing any critic it often leads us to failure because we believe the critic is right. Furthermore, we start to believe things are true that are absolutely not true. For instance, if a child is told they are a klutz from an early age they will likely always think they are a klutz. We believe what we are told repeatedly. What do you tell yourself? One common statement I hear a lot of these days is, “I can’t eat carbohydrates because once I start I can’t stop”. This is a belief that you have set up from constant defeating self-talk and once you believe it then no doubt you will act it out. However, there is no scientific reason why a person would not be able to stop eating after having a bite of carbohydrates. Your belief makes it your reality. So whenever you hear yourself say I can’t do something or any other self-defeating talk. Stop yourself and change the sentence to a positive. For example, I realize that carbs have been a challenge for me in the past but I can eat a portion and put the rest away for later. Keep working on your own positive reinforcement by being gentler with yourself and tell yourself all that you CAN do. 4. Be prepared for change. All weight loss programs require us to change a habit yet no one warns us about the process of change. The first thing to know is that the beginning of change is difficult and uncomfortable. This is because it forces us to get off autopilot and focus on our new behaviors. Luckily it takes about 21 days to make a new habit and the uncomfortable part goes away and our new habits become autopilot. For example: Imagine you get your dream job and it requires that you have to get up at 5:30am. Yikes! You normally get up at about 7:30 am. So, what do you think will happen that first morning when the alarm goes off at 5:30? You aren’t going to feel so great and your body is going to beg you to get back into your warm bed! This will go on for about 2-3 weeks until your body stops fighting you and realizes this is the new habit. The same thing will happen to you when you change eating and exercise habits. Just expect a little resistance and keep going! Your new healthy changes will eventually become your new habit. You just have to keep at it.

The 4 Secrets to Weight Loss Success the Diet Books Don’t Tell you:faint: by: Meri Raffetto RD Weight loss plans come in all shapes and sizes. Some are fad diets that are too restrictive to follow more than a couple of weeks, while others are provided by professionals that make customized plans for us. All of them give us some guidelines on what we should and shouldn’t eat to ultimately reach our weight loss goals. No matter how many food plans we try, healthy or unhealthy, there are some fundamental things you must know in order to be successful in a weight loss program that, believe it or not, have nothing to do with food. 1. Readiness- Are you ready to make change in your life right now? How would you know? The reason many weight loss plans fail is because people are not truly emotionally ready for change. In order to have true lifelong weight loss you have to commit to trading your old habits in for a new, healthier lifestyle. This has more to do with readiness for change than a desire to shed pounds- there is a big difference. The good news is, as you start on the journey to change these old habits you will be amazed how much better you feel physically, psychologically, and emotionally. This is the place where the people who have experienced long term weight loss have entered and want to stay. When you are truly committed to changing your lifestyle you will achieve lifelong weight loss and so much more! Ask yourself a few questions. Are you ready to make permanent dietary changes for you and your family? Are you ready to start exercising regularly? Are you ready to defend your new lifestyle changes to those who are undermining your efforts? Don’t fret if you aren’t completely ready to dive into change. This is the stage to keep up the learning process by reading articles and gathering information. You will know when the time is right and that will be when you answer an unequivocal “Yes!” to the above questions. 2. Developing a vision. When I ask people what their goals are for a weight loss program the answer is always, “to lose weight of course”, or “to lose x amount of pounds”. It is crucial to have another more, heart-felt reason to lose weight other than losing pounds and appearance. This is because when times are tough, and they will be during any change process, you will need a heart-felt or internal reason to lose the weight to keep you motivated. Losing weight for appearance is ok but it is an external reason and will not help to keep you motivated for long. In the past my clients have chosen things like, being able to play with their kids, running a marathon, backpacking trip they have longed to go on for years, and a big motivator is often a health condition. I call this your vision. It is imperative to take a few minutes to learn what your vision is. What is important to you that you will be able to achieve with weight loss? Write this vision down and plaster it everywhere so you always see your end goal and it will always help to motivate you further when times are tough. 3. Self Talk – is yours negative or positive? Unfortunately it’s true that we are our own worst critics and like hearing any critic it often leads us to failure because we believe the critic is right. Furthermore, we start to believe things are true that are absolutely not true. For instance, if a child is told they are a klutz from an early age they will likely always think they are a klutz. We believe what we are told repeatedly. What do you tell yourself? One common statement I hear a lot of these days is, “I can’t eat carbohydrates because once I start I can’t stop”. This is a belief that you have set up from constant defeating self-talk and once you believe it then no doubt you will act it out. However, there is no scientific reason why a person would not be able to stop eating after having a bite of carbohydrates. Your belief makes it your reality. So whenever you hear yourself say I can’t do something or any other self-defeating talk. Stop yourself and change the sentence to a positive. For example, I realize that carbs have been a challenge for me in the past but I can eat a portion and put the rest away for later. Keep working on your own positive reinforcement by being gentler with yourself and tell yourself all that you CAN do. 4. Be prepared for change. All weight loss programs require us to change a habit yet no one warns us about the process of change. The first thing to know is that the beginning of change is difficult and uncomfortable. This is because it forces us to get off autopilot and focus on our new behaviors. Luckily it takes about 21 days to make a new habit and the uncomfortable part goes away and our new habits become autopilot. For example: Imagine you get your dream job and it requires that you have to get up at 5:30am. Yikes! You normally get up at about 7:30 am. So, what do you think will happen that first morning when the alarm goes off at 5:30? You aren’t going to feel so great and your body is going to beg you to get back into your warm bed! This will go on for about 2-3 weeks until your body stops fighting you and realizes this is the new habit. The same thing will happen to you when you change eating and exercise habits. Just expect a little resistance and keep going! Your new healthy changes will eventually become your new habit. You just have to keep at it.