luvlif

SIZE 6 NY&CO PANT FIT LIKE A GLOVE! (IT WAS MY RUBU'S) I CAME BACK FROM INDIA & I WEIGHED MYSELF...DOWN 2.5 LBS!

SIZE 6 NY&CO PANT FIT LIKE A GLOVE! (IT WAS MY RUBU'S) I CAME BACK FROM INDIA & I WEIGHED MYSELF...DOWN 2.5 LBS!

yipee! 168.2 now I'm down into the 60s:clap2:

yipee! 168.2 now I'm down into the 60s:clap2:

Instead of focusing on what others think about us, we can focus on what we think of ourselves. An entire arena of potential unhappiness is dissolved when we simply stop worrying so much about what others think of us. With this one shift, you'll have the freedom to try something and then change your mind if you don't like it. You won't be worried that people will judge you for quitting, even when your goal in quitting one path is to pursue what you hope will be a better road. You can try and fail, and get right back up to try again if that is what your inner guidance says to do - without worrying that others will be gossiping about your initial failure. What do people know of your deepest aspirations and dreams, of your faith and hopes and unrealized potential? People usually only know what they can see, if that. If we try to please people's judgmental perceptions and opinions all the time, we'll be spending a great deal of our focus, energy, and other resources on a superficial dance of outer appearances that ultimately dissolves. So many of the things we do that keep us from being happy, and so many of the things we don't do that would make us happy, come from concern over what other people might say or think about us. Many have disregarded their deepest goals because they didn't want to disrupt whatever plans their family had made on their behalf. Some may have been scheduled to go to college, but found something else that was their true calling. Yet, many would squelch that inner passion and longing, just so nobody will get mad at them for going against expectations. Entire lives have been built on trying to please and impress others, with entire dreams for true happiness left, lost and abandoned, by the roadside. What's important in living a happy life is to have what you need and want, and not what other people will be impressed by, or what they think you should need or want. And your other job is to strive to keep your needs and wants in harmony with your higher nature, and with the deep inner wellspring of soul wisdom that knows exactly what you truly need in every moment. Of course, it is fine and well to listen and take into account the advice of those whose opinions you respect, yet, once you are officially an adult in society's eyes, your life is your responsibility. Don't let others bring you down! Maybe you were born with a talent and love for playing musical instruments, but your macho father pushed you to spend your after school time in sports. Maybe you had spiritual or artistic aspirations that were squelched by those who wanted you to focus on endeavors they thought were more important. Maybe your parents wanted to be grandparents, and you decided to have children to fulfill those expectations. I remember years ago, while I was living in the monastery, my grandmother tried to convince me to marry and have children. Her main reason that one should have kids was so you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old. What a gamble that is: spend two decades of your life slaving away for a child you may not even want, with expectations of great rewards in the distant future - and hope that you don't end up with a Goth freak who hates you and runs away from home, or one of any other variety of possible outcomes that might keep you from getting your expected returns from this substantial investment. So many unwanted situations come from this one quality of caring too much about what other people think of us. Even if you spend all your efforts to please everybody, truthfully, in the end, none of that really matters so much. You may do everything that people want you to do, and then do one thing wrong, and find yourself being harshly judged anyway. I first learned not to let others bring me down as a child, when my family moved from a simple, poorer city into a much wealthier suburb. My sister and I experienced a great deal of prejudice from the other children, most of whom were much more well-dressed and well cared for than we were. Of course, children can sometimes reveal the more animalistic tendencies of the untamed human nature, and I experienced many encounters with young ones who thought they could bring themselves up by pushing others down. Although this was not a pleasant experience, it did teach me to hold my own in life, and to not let others bring me down - try, though they might. For several years, until finally moving into the more pleasant and friendly waters of junior high school, I experienced being somewhat of an outcast. Although the experience was often challenging, during this time, I also gained some precious blessings. Unlike many of my fellow classmates, I was not so focused on social hierarchies or childish spats. I learned to enjoy being alone. I became more inwardly focused, and found a certain peaceful enjoyment there. I learned to watch the world, and to listen to my inner soul, even though I didn't call it that at the time. This inner growth prepared me, by age twenty, to make the biggest leap of trust that I'd made up till that point. After being brought up as an atheist my whole life, I left right in the middle of college to pursue a monastic life. I moved into the ashram of my guru, Swami Muktananda. For me, leaving college to move into an Indian ashram at age twenty was definitely an unexpected twist - not only for me, but for my friends and family as well. After all, this took place in 1980, long before topics such as spirituality, yoga, gurus, or meditation became familiar and prevalent in society. About the only spiritual books you could find in those days were pop-psychology paperbacks and old, occult-style books. Moving into an ashram was simply not an acceptable choice to make in our suburban town. Yet, I thank God that I found the strength to follow my heart's calling, in spite of having to take the heat of other people's burned expectations. In fact, because of the independent spirit I'd developed during my childhood years, I really didn't feel very much heat at all. I was inwardly guided to take this surprising step, and nobody was going to be able to keep me down. The next ten years of monastic life transformed and uplifted me from the inside, out. I thank God every day that I was able to follow my own guidance instead of relying on the group mentality of my society at that time. From this successful leap of faith, I learned that you don't need to have the approval of everyone else in order to be happy. Therefore, my suggestion is to keep your focus on what you believe is right, while remaining open to any helpful suggestions that come from those around you. Even to progress in our spiritual evolution, we have to have some detachment from the opinions and expectations of others. For example, if you have evolved to a point of seeing beyond certain limited perspectives, well, you can be sure that people who still have those limited perspectives aren't going to want you to come around and mess with them. I remember years ago when, if I mentioned to someone that I did yoga, they would look shocked at my doing something so weird, or they may have made fun of me for doing something so strange. Of course, now yoga is all over the place, but if I had waited to enjoy its benefits until the rest of society caught up to it, then I would have missed the best opportunities of my life. Although you may find it beneficial to fit into whatever culture and social system you've taken birth into, you don't have to be limited by such structures in your own mind, heart, and soul. Don't let others bring you down. For example, if you believe that death is not bad, but is rather the passing of a soul into heaven, or back into its original nature, then don't let the anguish and sorrow of others keep you from trusting your higher vision when someone you know passes over. This is where the dual awareness explained earlier can also come in handy. You can use the idea of dual awareness to feel and express the appropriate sadness for having lost someone, while also remaining anchored in faith and trust that all is well, and that the person is cradled in God's Loving Hands. Don't let others keep you from singing the song you are here to sing in this grand symphony of life. Find your song. Find your essence. Find your dreams. Find your greatest destiny. Find your path of harmony, and you'll also find spiritual happiness.

Instead of focusing on what others think about us, we can focus on what we think of ourselves. An entire arena of potential unhappiness is dissolved when we simply stop worrying so much about what others think of us. With this one shift, you'll have the freedom to try something and then change your mind if you don't like it. You won't be worried that people will judge you for quitting, even when your goal in quitting one path is to pursue what you hope will be a better road. You can try and fail, and get right back up to try again if that is what your inner guidance says to do - without worrying that others will be gossiping about your initial failure. What do people know of your deepest aspirations and dreams, of your faith and hopes and unrealized potential? People usually only know what they can see, if that. If we try to please people's judgmental perceptions and opinions all the time, we'll be spending a great deal of our focus, energy, and other resources on a superficial dance of outer appearances that ultimately dissolves. So many of the things we do that keep us from being happy, and so many of the things we don't do that would make us happy, come from concern over what other people might say or think about us. Many have disregarded their deepest goals because they didn't want to disrupt whatever plans their family had made on their behalf. Some may have been scheduled to go to college, but found something else that was their true calling. Yet, many would squelch that inner passion and longing, just so nobody will get mad at them for going against expectations. Entire lives have been built on trying to please and impress others, with entire dreams for true happiness left, lost and abandoned, by the roadside. What's important in living a happy life is to have what you need and want, and not what other people will be impressed by, or what they think you should need or want. And your other job is to strive to keep your needs and wants in harmony with your higher nature, and with the deep inner wellspring of soul wisdom that knows exactly what you truly need in every moment. Of course, it is fine and well to listen and take into account the advice of those whose opinions you respect, yet, once you are officially an adult in society's eyes, your life is your responsibility. Don't let others bring you down! Maybe you were born with a talent and love for playing musical instruments, but your macho father pushed you to spend your after school time in sports. Maybe you had spiritual or artistic aspirations that were squelched by those who wanted you to focus on endeavors they thought were more important. Maybe your parents wanted to be grandparents, and you decided to have children to fulfill those expectations. I remember years ago, while I was living in the monastery, my grandmother tried to convince me to marry and have children. Her main reason that one should have kids was so you'll have someone to take care of you when you're old. What a gamble that is: spend two decades of your life slaving away for a child you may not even want, with expectations of great rewards in the distant future - and hope that you don't end up with a Goth freak who hates you and runs away from home, or one of any other variety of possible outcomes that might keep you from getting your expected returns from this substantial investment. So many unwanted situations come from this one quality of caring too much about what other people think of us. Even if you spend all your efforts to please everybody, truthfully, in the end, none of that really matters so much. You may do everything that people want you to do, and then do one thing wrong, and find yourself being harshly judged anyway. I first learned not to let others bring me down as a child, when my family moved from a simple, poorer city into a much wealthier suburb. My sister and I experienced a great deal of prejudice from the other children, most of whom were much more well-dressed and well cared for than we were. Of course, children can sometimes reveal the more animalistic tendencies of the untamed human nature, and I experienced many encounters with young ones who thought they could bring themselves up by pushing others down. Although this was not a pleasant experience, it did teach me to hold my own in life, and to not let others bring me down - try, though they might. For several years, until finally moving into the more pleasant and friendly waters of junior high school, I experienced being somewhat of an outcast. Although the experience was often challenging, during this time, I also gained some precious blessings. Unlike many of my fellow classmates, I was not so focused on social hierarchies or childish spats. I learned to enjoy being alone. I became more inwardly focused, and found a certain peaceful enjoyment there. I learned to watch the world, and to listen to my inner soul, even though I didn't call it that at the time. This inner growth prepared me, by age twenty, to make the biggest leap of trust that I'd made up till that point. After being brought up as an atheist my whole life, I left right in the middle of college to pursue a monastic life. I moved into the ashram of my guru, Swami Muktananda. For me, leaving college to move into an Indian ashram at age twenty was definitely an unexpected twist - not only for me, but for my friends and family as well. After all, this took place in 1980, long before topics such as spirituality, yoga, gurus, or meditation became familiar and prevalent in society. About the only spiritual books you could find in those days were pop-psychology paperbacks and old, occult-style books. Moving into an ashram was simply not an acceptable choice to make in our suburban town. Yet, I thank God that I found the strength to follow my heart's calling, in spite of having to take the heat of other people's burned expectations. In fact, because of the independent spirit I'd developed during my childhood years, I really didn't feel very much heat at all. I was inwardly guided to take this surprising step, and nobody was going to be able to keep me down. The next ten years of monastic life transformed and uplifted me from the inside, out. I thank God every day that I was able to follow my own guidance instead of relying on the group mentality of my society at that time. From this successful leap of faith, I learned that you don't need to have the approval of everyone else in order to be happy. Therefore, my suggestion is to keep your focus on what you believe is right, while remaining open to any helpful suggestions that come from those around you. Even to progress in our spiritual evolution, we have to have some detachment from the opinions and expectations of others. For example, if you have evolved to a point of seeing beyond certain limited perspectives, well, you can be sure that people who still have those limited perspectives aren't going to want you to come around and mess with them. I remember years ago when, if I mentioned to someone that I did yoga, they would look shocked at my doing something so weird, or they may have made fun of me for doing something so strange. Of course, now yoga is all over the place, but if I had waited to enjoy its benefits until the rest of society caught up to it, then I would have missed the best opportunities of my life. Although you may find it beneficial to fit into whatever culture and social system you've taken birth into, you don't have to be limited by such structures in your own mind, heart, and soul. Don't let others bring you down. For example, if you believe that death is not bad, but is rather the passing of a soul into heaven, or back into its original nature, then don't let the anguish and sorrow of others keep you from trusting your higher vision when someone you know passes over. This is where the dual awareness explained earlier can also come in handy. You can use the idea of dual awareness to feel and express the appropriate sadness for having lost someone, while also remaining anchored in faith and trust that all is well, and that the person is cradled in God's Loving Hands. Don't let others keep you from singing the song you are here to sing in this grand symphony of life. Find your song. Find your essence. Find your dreams. Find your greatest destiny. Find your path of harmony, and you'll also find spiritual happiness.

Insecurity It sounds like he is very insecure.. I have been with my husband for 13 years and Married for 12 of those years.. it got ugly between him and I when I was fatter. I felt that he lost respect for me, Since my surgery I am down a lil over 60 lbs .. (girl you have done awesome with your band!) but my husband has been so clingy lately. This surgery has made my relationship with my husband way better. Hang in there and maybe seek some counseling? I don't know but I wish you the best.. honestly I know being married ain't easy... It sounds like you are the one that is changing and not him. You mentioned that he never gives you compliments and I wonder if he did that before? I would guess not and if he didn't you really can't expect him to do things differently now. I think we are not supposed to make any life changing decisions too soon after a major event in our lives (a death, a birth, a financial windfall etc)and I think WLS is one of those things so if I were you I would put out some feelers to him about conseling or at least just try talking to him about how you feel and find out how he feels. Give it all you've got cause good men are hard to find. Your advice is right on - I would also add this. It it impossible to change someone else - the only thing we have power over is our own actions. I have learned to be more tolerant and understanding over time. I hope that Laura's husband will adapt and regain his self-confidence so that they can grow old together. This is going to sound ridiculous, but he is acting this way because he loves you. He probably was secure in you being a bigger girl because, well society puts us last, you have accomplished such a huge loss in a short time, it's a shock for everyone. You are probably primping and glowing all over the place, and that gets his attention, don't kid yourself, but he doesn't want it to get anyone else's attention. Just do your best to make him feel secure, and if it is something that won't blow up... ask him what he thinks. I know it is hard to seperate when someone is working things out with themself or a personal attack. Remember, whatever negative comes out of his mouth is HIS emotion that needs work. Just love him, but because this is such a drastic change, you guys are going to have to kick up the communication. You're a doll! Great Job!!! To me, it sounds like he married the fat girl, and was comfortable with that. It made him feel confident in the relationship because he was "Good Enough" for you. Now that you are losing weight, he is worried that he is no longer "Good Enough", and that you will find a better replacement. I think that a pretty common feeling in couples when someone makes self improvements, or one is obviously better looking that the other. Like with me, I have been overweight my whole life, and am self-conscious about it. Well my wife is a former model, and weighs about 115 lbs.. I have to admit that every time she goes out without me, there is a small voice in the back of my head saying "She's going to find a hot guy, and replace me". My logical mind knows that this is not true - we have the perfect marraige, but it's just something that you can't turn off. I just keep it completely to myself, and would never say anything to her about it. The quickest way to push her away would be to try to bottle her up. It sounds like to me that you need to confirm to him that you ONLY want to be with him, and no matter how much weight you lose, HE is the one you want to be with. If I were in the situation, words like that would go a LONG way towards easing my insecurities. Another trick may be the next time you go out with your girls, get home and tell him that you were thinking about him all night, and then jump his bones t's great that we feel prettier and more sexy...it's a good thing but maybe you need to show hubby you still have it for him. Telling him would help but with men, sex usually works best!! Maybe you could show him! Well I can tell you that I think he is really just insecure... You are a hottie! Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you are proud of yourself for doing so well on your band and you share your pictures here because we can offer you the support you need because we all understand the struggle weight loss can be. Let him know that you haven't changed ~ you're just healthier now. That just means you can live a longer, more fulfilling life with him. Tell him that you married him for better or for worse, and remind him that he loved you at your "worst" healthwise and now you want him to love you now that you're better. If he is hard to talk to, write him a letter. I do this often with my husband because then he can concentrate on my words an not my, um... attitude. It seems to sink in better for him that way. To be very honest here, I do detect a bit of an attitude with your weight loss, your husband feels he has lost the old you who he loved fat, now that you are thinner he wants you back... His feelings are real for him, don't make him wrong for feeling the way he feels, I think you need to just keep reminding him you love him and would never hurt him...Did you go out with your girlfriends before you lost the weight or is this a new thing??? If it's something new, I don't blame your husband at all for feeling that way...Good luck and hopefully it will work out... I don't think you have serious issues. I have noticed how insecure my husband is, regardless of how I look. I met him when I was 19 and 'only' 142 lbs. Way back when he thought I was fat. We didn't talk for a few years and then we met again I weight 180 lbs and then I gained and gained and he married me at 230. My highest recorded weight was 286 within the last year or so. Anyway I was insecure for years about how I looked. I've 'only' lost 50 lbs and truly have about 100 lbs before I am at goal...but I wear lower cut shirts, I feel better about myself. I am going to counseling and letting my needs be known. HOWEVER, he never compliments me unless I fish for it. If I say my pants are too big he says thats a great problem to have. Or if I say I weigh xxx now he says 'way to go'. But I never get a 'wow you look great' without fishing for it. I think it is wrong for others to point out your CONFIDENCE and say you shouldn't have it. There is nothing wrong and it is absolutely necessary that we change with this journey. So what if you think you are a sexi mamma etc... YOU ARE!!! And if you go out with friends its because you aren't embarrassed to be in public anymore. You are entitled to your life and friends and getting away. HOWEVER if you are ever unhappy goto counseling before you do anything. And if after counseling it doesn't work you've done your best. If anything goto counseling to deal with your emotions on this, you can't fix him but you can fix you! You look great and be proud! He sounds pretty insecure to me. I'd make sure you let him know how much he means to you, and no matter how much you change on the OUTSIDE, you are the same person INSIDE, and your love for him won't change. BUT I would address his insecurities and jealousy with him, let him know how it makes you feel and see if he offers up WHY he feels that way. Worse can scenario...maybe some marital counseling would do you both some good. It always helps to have a neutral 3rd party listening in to the he said/she said thing. It definately sounds like insecurity on your husband's part. Men are so funny, just last week I told my DH that I was going to a Christmas party and he got so upset but didn't really show it so I was like, OK. The next day I got a long voice mail on my cellphone (very unexpected) that took me by suprise. When I confronted him about it, he told me straight out that he was the jealous type and wasn't use to me getting all this attention. Who would have thunk it, after 10 yrs of not knowing this?!?! I appreciated him for telling me that because my DH has always displayed confidence and never a jealous bone in his body (at least I thought). Anyway, I have started to judge my words with him a little better than before, I didn't mind telling him about someone hitting on me or making comments about my figure because of the person he is but now I don't do that. My DH is great, he has been my #1 cheerleader before and after WLS and I am greatful for his support. I wouldn't want to do anything to make my hubby feel insecure. Seeking counsel is the best advice anyone could give you. My WL has definately changed my DH but for the better, he was already the greatest and now he loves the confidence WL has given me. Hi Laura! I have experience everything that you have experienced and have been married 21 years. I was skinny when he married me and just continued to gain weight over the years. We hardley ever had sex but once every month in a half or hugged or got affectionate. I missed those things so very much. My husband would still want to have sex but it was more me because I didnt want to because I felt fat and thought I looked horrible. I still do have a problem with wanting to have sex just becuase I still feel fat and ugly. Dont get me wrong I love to have sex and we have it more often then we did before and it seems the more sex we have the more comfortable he feels about me going out. Its kinda funny how things are sometimes, but give it a chance and they will work out. Men sometimes need more reassurance then we do. When I had my surgery in Feb. 06 he continued to tell me that I would leave him and I continued to tell him that I love him and would always love him unless he just became more of an a**hole. Well he became more of an a**hole and we had to do some serious talking to save our marriage. I did begin to go out with my friends once a month as well and would feel like I just needed a break from the kiddos and everything eles. Everytime I step out the door to go out he gets upset and jealous and I have to reassure him that I love him and its just something he will have to get use to. We now go out together but I still make time for my friends as well. I go to Therapy once a month and my hubby will be going with me soon because I feel like its more his issues then mine. My husband sometimes will catch himself with the jealously stuff but I tell him that we have come to far in this marraige and that he just needs to trust me and that he shouldbe happy that I have more confidence and that I feel healthy. Sorry to keep carrying on but I know that things will work out for me so I believe they will work out. Keep your head up and try communicating more I've lived this from both sides. My husband has had the same weight issues all his adult life that I've had. Up and down, up and down. We met each other about four years ago when we were both in the going down phase (although I now weigh about 60 lbs less than when we met!). He was at the perfect weight for him when we met. When we moved in together, and eventually married- we both started putting the weight back on. Mine leveled out at about 10 lbs more than when we met, but his continued to climb. He decided to join a gym and start dieting and it FREAKED ME OUT. I was so worried that he'd get thin and would not want to be with his fat wife anymore. That's when I started looking into lapband. I knew that if I didn't do something about my weight- my insecurities would kill our marriage, even though he never made ONE.SINGLE.COMMENT about my weight. Then the tables turned. He was sure I'd leave him when *I* got thin- or possibly nag him about his weight. Neither happened- because I love him no matter what weight he is. Not only is he a handsome devil, he's the kindest, most wonderful man I've ever met. My point is, insecurity does funny things to us. Change makes insecure people even more insecure. I hope that this is just a phase for your husband, as it was for my husband. Eventually, my husband learned that I wasn't going anywhere and he's back to his ol' secure self. I honestly don't know how I would have acted, if the tables were turned, because of my HORRIBLE insecurities. I hope that the two sides of the story helps!

Insecurity It sounds like he is very insecure.. I have been with my husband for 13 years and Married for 12 of those years.. it got ugly between him and I when I was fatter. I felt that he lost respect for me, Since my surgery I am down a lil over 60 lbs .. (girl you have done awesome with your band!) but my husband has been so clingy lately. This surgery has made my relationship with my husband way better. Hang in there and maybe seek some counseling? I don't know but I wish you the best.. honestly I know being married ain't easy... It sounds like you are the one that is changing and not him. You mentioned that he never gives you compliments and I wonder if he did that before? I would guess not and if he didn't you really can't expect him to do things differently now. I think we are not supposed to make any life changing decisions too soon after a major event in our lives (a death, a birth, a financial windfall etc)and I think WLS is one of those things so if I were you I would put out some feelers to him about conseling or at least just try talking to him about how you feel and find out how he feels. Give it all you've got cause good men are hard to find. Your advice is right on - I would also add this. It it impossible to change someone else - the only thing we have power over is our own actions. I have learned to be more tolerant and understanding over time. I hope that Laura's husband will adapt and regain his self-confidence so that they can grow old together. This is going to sound ridiculous, but he is acting this way because he loves you. He probably was secure in you being a bigger girl because, well society puts us last, you have accomplished such a huge loss in a short time, it's a shock for everyone. You are probably primping and glowing all over the place, and that gets his attention, don't kid yourself, but he doesn't want it to get anyone else's attention. Just do your best to make him feel secure, and if it is something that won't blow up... ask him what he thinks. I know it is hard to seperate when someone is working things out with themself or a personal attack. Remember, whatever negative comes out of his mouth is HIS emotion that needs work. Just love him, but because this is such a drastic change, you guys are going to have to kick up the communication. You're a doll! Great Job!!! To me, it sounds like he married the fat girl, and was comfortable with that. It made him feel confident in the relationship because he was "Good Enough" for you. Now that you are losing weight, he is worried that he is no longer "Good Enough", and that you will find a better replacement. I think that a pretty common feeling in couples when someone makes self improvements, or one is obviously better looking that the other. Like with me, I have been overweight my whole life, and am self-conscious about it. Well my wife is a former model, and weighs about 115 lbs.. I have to admit that every time she goes out without me, there is a small voice in the back of my head saying "She's going to find a hot guy, and replace me". My logical mind knows that this is not true - we have the perfect marraige, but it's just something that you can't turn off. I just keep it completely to myself, and would never say anything to her about it. The quickest way to push her away would be to try to bottle her up. It sounds like to me that you need to confirm to him that you ONLY want to be with him, and no matter how much weight you lose, HE is the one you want to be with. If I were in the situation, words like that would go a LONG way towards easing my insecurities. Another trick may be the next time you go out with your girls, get home and tell him that you were thinking about him all night, and then jump his bones t's great that we feel prettier and more sexy...it's a good thing but maybe you need to show hubby you still have it for him. Telling him would help but with men, sex usually works best!! Maybe you could show him! Well I can tell you that I think he is really just insecure... You are a hottie! Maybe you need to have a heart to heart with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that you are proud of yourself for doing so well on your band and you share your pictures here because we can offer you the support you need because we all understand the struggle weight loss can be. Let him know that you haven't changed ~ you're just healthier now. That just means you can live a longer, more fulfilling life with him. Tell him that you married him for better or for worse, and remind him that he loved you at your "worst" healthwise and now you want him to love you now that you're better. If he is hard to talk to, write him a letter. I do this often with my husband because then he can concentrate on my words an not my, um... attitude. It seems to sink in better for him that way. To be very honest here, I do detect a bit of an attitude with your weight loss, your husband feels he has lost the old you who he loved fat, now that you are thinner he wants you back... His feelings are real for him, don't make him wrong for feeling the way he feels, I think you need to just keep reminding him you love him and would never hurt him...Did you go out with your girlfriends before you lost the weight or is this a new thing??? If it's something new, I don't blame your husband at all for feeling that way...Good luck and hopefully it will work out... I don't think you have serious issues. I have noticed how insecure my husband is, regardless of how I look. I met him when I was 19 and 'only' 142 lbs. Way back when he thought I was fat. We didn't talk for a few years and then we met again I weight 180 lbs and then I gained and gained and he married me at 230. My highest recorded weight was 286 within the last year or so. Anyway I was insecure for years about how I looked. I've 'only' lost 50 lbs and truly have about 100 lbs before I am at goal...but I wear lower cut shirts, I feel better about myself. I am going to counseling and letting my needs be known. HOWEVER, he never compliments me unless I fish for it. If I say my pants are too big he says thats a great problem to have. Or if I say I weigh xxx now he says 'way to go'. But I never get a 'wow you look great' without fishing for it. I think it is wrong for others to point out your CONFIDENCE and say you shouldn't have it. There is nothing wrong and it is absolutely necessary that we change with this journey. So what if you think you are a sexi mamma etc... YOU ARE!!! And if you go out with friends its because you aren't embarrassed to be in public anymore. You are entitled to your life and friends and getting away. HOWEVER if you are ever unhappy goto counseling before you do anything. And if after counseling it doesn't work you've done your best. If anything goto counseling to deal with your emotions on this, you can't fix him but you can fix you! You look great and be proud! He sounds pretty insecure to me. I'd make sure you let him know how much he means to you, and no matter how much you change on the OUTSIDE, you are the same person INSIDE, and your love for him won't change. BUT I would address his insecurities and jealousy with him, let him know how it makes you feel and see if he offers up WHY he feels that way. Worse can scenario...maybe some marital counseling would do you both some good. It always helps to have a neutral 3rd party listening in to the he said/she said thing. It definately sounds like insecurity on your husband's part. Men are so funny, just last week I told my DH that I was going to a Christmas party and he got so upset but didn't really show it so I was like, OK. The next day I got a long voice mail on my cellphone (very unexpected) that took me by suprise. When I confronted him about it, he told me straight out that he was the jealous type and wasn't use to me getting all this attention. Who would have thunk it, after 10 yrs of not knowing this?!?! I appreciated him for telling me that because my DH has always displayed confidence and never a jealous bone in his body (at least I thought). Anyway, I have started to judge my words with him a little better than before, I didn't mind telling him about someone hitting on me or making comments about my figure because of the person he is but now I don't do that. My DH is great, he has been my #1 cheerleader before and after WLS and I am greatful for his support. I wouldn't want to do anything to make my hubby feel insecure. Seeking counsel is the best advice anyone could give you. My WL has definately changed my DH but for the better, he was already the greatest and now he loves the confidence WL has given me. Hi Laura! I have experience everything that you have experienced and have been married 21 years. I was skinny when he married me and just continued to gain weight over the years. We hardley ever had sex but once every month in a half or hugged or got affectionate. I missed those things so very much. My husband would still want to have sex but it was more me because I didnt want to because I felt fat and thought I looked horrible. I still do have a problem with wanting to have sex just becuase I still feel fat and ugly. Dont get me wrong I love to have sex and we have it more often then we did before and it seems the more sex we have the more comfortable he feels about me going out. Its kinda funny how things are sometimes, but give it a chance and they will work out. Men sometimes need more reassurance then we do. When I had my surgery in Feb. 06 he continued to tell me that I would leave him and I continued to tell him that I love him and would always love him unless he just became more of an a**hole. Well he became more of an a**hole and we had to do some serious talking to save our marriage. I did begin to go out with my friends once a month as well and would feel like I just needed a break from the kiddos and everything eles. Everytime I step out the door to go out he gets upset and jealous and I have to reassure him that I love him and its just something he will have to get use to. We now go out together but I still make time for my friends as well. I go to Therapy once a month and my hubby will be going with me soon because I feel like its more his issues then mine. My husband sometimes will catch himself with the jealously stuff but I tell him that we have come to far in this marraige and that he just needs to trust me and that he shouldbe happy that I have more confidence and that I feel healthy. Sorry to keep carrying on but I know that things will work out for me so I believe they will work out. Keep your head up and try communicating more I've lived this from both sides. My husband has had the same weight issues all his adult life that I've had. Up and down, up and down. We met each other about four years ago when we were both in the going down phase (although I now weigh about 60 lbs less than when we met!). He was at the perfect weight for him when we met. When we moved in together, and eventually married- we both started putting the weight back on. Mine leveled out at about 10 lbs more than when we met, but his continued to climb. He decided to join a gym and start dieting and it FREAKED ME OUT. I was so worried that he'd get thin and would not want to be with his fat wife anymore. That's when I started looking into lapband. I knew that if I didn't do something about my weight- my insecurities would kill our marriage, even though he never made ONE.SINGLE.COMMENT about my weight. Then the tables turned. He was sure I'd leave him when *I* got thin- or possibly nag him about his weight. Neither happened- because I love him no matter what weight he is. Not only is he a handsome devil, he's the kindest, most wonderful man I've ever met. My point is, insecurity does funny things to us. Change makes insecure people even more insecure. I hope that this is just a phase for your husband, as it was for my husband. Eventually, my husband learned that I wasn't going anywhere and he's back to his ol' secure self. I honestly don't know how I would have acted, if the tables were turned, because of my HORRIBLE insecurities. I hope that the two sides of the story helps!

He was abrupt & rude to-day when I called.... then I remembered that's how he behaves when I'm upset Later I stopped into p/u checks....him & her were argueing.... he had his arms folded across his chest...(defensive) she didn't look too happy to see me ...what no sweetie pie smile? I BET SHE'S PISSED ABOUT 5% & HE PROBABLY GAVE IT TO HER ABOUT CANCELLING MY APT & SHIT STIRRING....I HAD TOLD HIM SHE ONLY TOLD HIM A 1/2 TRUTH ON SAT... YESTERDAY I MENTIONED IT AGAIN" My darling " I said quietly he got it.HIS LOOK SAID "I LOVE YOU"..then rubbed his face like he does when he's caught in a lie....she was bullying him BUSTED!

He was abrupt & rude to-day when I called.... then I remembered that's how he behaves when I'm upset Later I stopped into p/u checks....him & her were argueing.... he had his arms folded across his chest...(defensive) she didn't look too happy to see me ...what no sweetie pie smile? I BET SHE'S PISSED ABOUT 5% & HE PROBABLY GAVE IT TO HER ABOUT CANCELLING MY APT & SHIT STIRRING....I HAD TOLD HIM SHE ONLY TOLD HIM A 1/2 TRUTH ON SAT... YESTERDAY I MENTIONED IT AGAIN" My darling " I said quietly he got it.HIS LOOK SAID "I LOVE YOU"..then rubbed his face like he does when he's caught in a lie....she was bullying him BUSTED!

I fit into Lee riders size 6 petites pants that I couldn't zip up last week! Now I'm 173 lbs....I'm so excited about that.:clap2: 8lbs away from mini goal of 165

I fit into Lee riders size 6 petites pants that I couldn't zip up last week! Now I'm 173 lbs....I'm so excited about that.:clap2: 8lbs away from mini goal of 165

Maureen came in @ 9.40 in jeans. said she fell in the ice. RW in @ 10.5 shovelling ice on h/o's driveway for oh. yesterday he came in @ 10.30 had to drive kids to school...school opened 2 hrs late.....wife wouldnt drive them ...she sleeps....came in late for mtg...CA told him no sexual innuendos please.

Maureen came in @ 9.40 in jeans. said she fell in the ice. RW in @ 10.5 shovelling ice on h/o's driveway for oh. yesterday he came in @ 10.30 had to drive kids to school...school opened 2 hrs late.....wife wouldnt drive them ...she sleeps....came in late for mtg...CA told him no sexual innuendos please.

I smiled & silently asked him"Will you be my Valentine?" As I sat there in my red jacket. He smiled shyly I was very insulted when you flung that check @ me on Sat. That's because I tried to tell you the problem for a yr & you wouldn't listen...it was the only way I could get your attention. You have all watched me change over the past year...what you guys did not know was how the band tightens when you get stressed & I would be in the bathroom puking my brains out. His face showed his shock you have a very high level of awareness.... & you use it... you have low patience w people...you lose patience you can cut people with what you say (Arlene @mtg re Kathy Bryant) "what are you going to go work for another c21?" "NO!!!! why would I be talking to you then?....I won't leave you, I'll just go back into sales I have no problem giving you the extra 5% because I appreciate you.

I smiled & silently asked him"Will you be my Valentine?" As I sat there in my red jacket. He smiled shyly I was very insulted when you flung that check @ me on Sat. That's because I tried to tell you the problem for a yr & you wouldn't listen...it was the only way I could get your attention. You have all watched me change over the past year...what you guys did not know was how the band tightens when you get stressed & I would be in the bathroom puking my brains out. His face showed his shock you have a very high level of awareness.... & you use it... you have low patience w people...you lose patience you can cut people with what you say (Arlene @mtg re Kathy Bryant) "what are you going to go work for another c21?" "NO!!!! why would I be talking to you then?....I won't leave you, I'll just go back into sales I have no problem giving you the extra 5% because I appreciate you.

we've hit a rocky spot... to day @ mtg I silently said"this is your love for me?" I know he felt it. I guess he hates when I do that.he was subdued @ mtg...not himself til I silently said "I love you my darling"...then he spoke about Mugsy in Brooklyn w all the small dogs "How did Mugsy react to the small dogs" I said That hit home ...his whole face lit up...he knew & I knew why I was asking that. then he smiled @ me when he said "I redid my bathroom...I went all out" & smiled adorably @ me meaningfully as if to say "I did it for you for when you are w me" Silently I heard "You are my whole life. My life would be over if I did'nt have you." Later I realized he called me "Mrs A"

we've hit a rocky spot... to day @ mtg I silently said"this is your love for me?" I know he felt it. I guess he hates when I do that.he was subdued @ mtg...not himself til I silently said "I love you my darling"...then he spoke about Mugsy in Brooklyn w all the small dogs "How did Mugsy react to the small dogs" I said That hit home ...his whole face lit up...he knew & I knew why I was asking that. then he smiled @ me when he said "I redid my bathroom...I went all out" & smiled adorably @ me meaningfully as if to say "I did it for you for when you are w me" Silently I heard "You are my whole life. My life would be over if I did'nt have you." Later I realized he called me "Mrs A"

I haven't looked into the mirror for years until recently. I'm down to 132 lbs. and have started looking -- wow, what a difference! I have had blinders on for the past 30 years with myself and everone else. I do notice that I am shyer than I thought I was and am getting a lot of attention that I feel ambivalent about. I sort of still think, "Why didn't these people talk to me before?" I see how other people look, as well as myself. It is still difficult for me to look in the mirror but it's getting easier. One thing that I do notice is how many unhealthy looking people are out there in the world and how very lucky I am to have had this change of lifestyle. This new life is a challenging one -- lots more to do, but lots more energy to do it with. I have gone back to work and exercise every day. I also have a good appetite (can eat anything except chicken) so I have to work out a lot, but I still only eat a small portion (I graze a lot at night but on good foods). I have also taken up knitting. I am a much happier person now and the depression and anxiety I felt before has gone away (hopefully never to return). Keep up the good work -- we'll get used to everything. I do look in the mirror more now than I ever have in my life. I think because they kept telling me how my tummy would be kissing my knees. Well that didn't happen. It is hard but I think because I have rode this roller coaster so much I keep waiting for the fall. Like I have done so many times I can't even count them. I have to now make my self stop eating because I catch my self I can take another bite. I asked why are you trying to stretch your pouch???? I need to go back to fixing smaller plates if I want to stay this way. I look in the mirror and I don't see me

I haven't looked into the mirror for years until recently. I'm down to 132 lbs. and have started looking -- wow, what a difference! I have had blinders on for the past 30 years with myself and everone else. I do notice that I am shyer than I thought I was and am getting a lot of attention that I feel ambivalent about. I sort of still think, "Why didn't these people talk to me before?" I see how other people look, as well as myself. It is still difficult for me to look in the mirror but it's getting easier. One thing that I do notice is how many unhealthy looking people are out there in the world and how very lucky I am to have had this change of lifestyle. This new life is a challenging one -- lots more to do, but lots more energy to do it with. I have gone back to work and exercise every day. I also have a good appetite (can eat anything except chicken) so I have to work out a lot, but I still only eat a small portion (I graze a lot at night but on good foods). I have also taken up knitting. I am a much happier person now and the depression and anxiety I felt before has gone away (hopefully never to return). Keep up the good work -- we'll get used to everything. I do look in the mirror more now than I ever have in my life. I think because they kept telling me how my tummy would be kissing my knees. Well that didn't happen. It is hard but I think because I have rode this roller coaster so much I keep waiting for the fall. Like I have done so many times I can't even count them. I have to now make my self stop eating because I catch my self I can take another bite. I asked why are you trying to stretch your pouch???? I need to go back to fixing smaller plates if I want to stay this way. I look in the mirror and I don't see me

I am at the stage in life where I divide everything into two categories: my problem - not my problem. If it's my problem I fix it. If it's not my problem I don't worry about it. When you do this life becomes very simple. I avoid toxic people. I avoid negative people. I don't tolerate whining well. I have a list of coping skills on my bulletin board. When I feel I need food to cope I read through the list first. Be realistic Get perspective on the problem Be optimistic Give up perfectionism Meditate Reflect Think Relax Journal This will not last for ever Create positive energy Talk to yourself Talk to others Visualize One thing at a time Exercise or engage in physical activity Hobbies Do something you enjoy Look to the future Make healthy lifestyle choices Eat less, decrease caffeine, decrease alcohol Sleep, exercise, seek balance Share feelings, talk Use groups Use your relationships Love, support, guidance Give in, be flexible Go easy on the criticism of self and others Change your reaction to the situation Change your thinking Change your feelings Change your behavior Get help Get professional help

I am at the stage in life where I divide everything into two categories: my problem - not my problem. If it's my problem I fix it. If it's not my problem I don't worry about it. When you do this life becomes very simple. I avoid toxic people. I avoid negative people. I don't tolerate whining well. I have a list of coping skills on my bulletin board. When I feel I need food to cope I read through the list first. Be realistic Get perspective on the problem Be optimistic Give up perfectionism Meditate Reflect Think Relax Journal This will not last for ever Create positive energy Talk to yourself Talk to others Visualize One thing at a time Exercise or engage in physical activity Hobbies Do something you enjoy Look to the future Make healthy lifestyle choices Eat less, decrease caffeine, decrease alcohol Sleep, exercise, seek balance Share feelings, talk Use groups Use your relationships Love, support, guidance Give in, be flexible Go easy on the criticism of self and others Change your reaction to the situation Change your thinking Change your feelings Change your behavior Get help Get professional help

LEE size 6 jeans fit to day yes! I'm very restricted...Powers gave me a great fill my next apt is on the 26th @ 3pm

LEE size 6 jeans fit to day yes! I'm very restricted...Powers gave me a great fill my next apt is on the 26th @ 3pm

TO NIGHT WHEN I TOLD MOM THAT IMTIAZ & ZULFI WERE SAYING HOW GOOD I LOOKED SHE SAID "THAT MEANS THEY THINK YOU'LL BE LOOKING FOR ANOTHER MAN"... YA MA, THEM, YOU, & EVERYONE ELSE THINK THAT...HIM TOO?