Frustr8

Well Jonah there were multiple considerations, but my main bottom line " I found I feared the prospect of major surgery much less than existing as I was, obese, unloved by most everyone, hurting so much with arthritis,i could scarcely exercise. So short,of breath I couldn't climb a flight of stairs without stopping half-way. And my PCP had started making " you're gonna die within a year or too" and my insurance was paying good money for him to be my friend. Oh I had heard in passing about Bariatric Surgery, I figured it was Elective Mutilation, Structerlized starvation and for much younger people than me. I was 4 months short of 70 when I started my search, 72 years,8 months and 13 days when I received it, a RNY bypass, because it would alleviate most of not all of my comorbities. Now I do not deprecate VSG, it works well for many people, it just wasn't in my future ever. What was it going to harm me to try for this surgery? My Primary Doctor had also mentioned as I gained weight and inches that,I was going to die. So if I was going to die anyway, what harm in trying? Maybe I would be,laughed out of the surgeon's office but I am redheaded, stubborn and I was not going out of life without a fight! I have lost 130-some pounds since my highest weight, 95 since my surgery 8 months ago. And that , darlin', is with an aging post- menopausal body with Basal Metabolim Rate comparing to a Sick Sea Slug. You as being younger and also being male, can duplicate or exceed what I have done. I tell my friends and others my Fat Shell is cracking and as it disappears they are starting to see the real ME underneath. I used to have a round moon-shaper face, now as I lose, my face is rectangular, I have a neck, I joke like a 🐢 turtle, but I no longer recognize the Old Frustr8 in the mirror. I am seeing reflections of Dead Relatives, first my own mother, than her older sister Aunt Grace, now this week I look like their mother Grandma Cora. That one was a shock because she was 5ft3 or so, I am 5ft8in down from a youthful 5ft 11 or 6 feet height. Your spine kind of mushes down with menopause, and I am on the verge of isteoporosis, what I have is osteopenia, translates as calcium-poor bones, but not the deformities of o-porosis as yet. By now I should be type 2 diabetic- both parents were, cardiac complications much worse than I have, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and wheelchair- bound because of the arthritis who has a steady relationship with me since 25 years old. It is only with the Grace of God I escaped them, with intact mind and emotions, body,well I never will look as good there as I would if I had been normal weight range. But life is what life is, I will rock what I can until death, and now I have every chance of making it to 90-100 years, I come from strong farm- rootstock people, they wore out instead of rusting out, the vast majority. And I plan to be on Bariatric Pal as long as I have the wits to do it. So do consider joining us , it is the best thing I have ever,had, and I say that barring all the unforseen complications I have had, somebody gonna,get it well it would be ME.But still I would never,go back to my existance prior to surgery, wish I had done it earlier in my life, but I hadn't been ready then, but God and my surgeon have helped me become a thinner, more healthy person and I will be eternally grateful to both.So if you have questions, just ask, I pride myself on being pretty smart but if I can't give you an answer, there will be surely someone else who could. So stick with us, we will help Your rest of life to be the best of Your life.

That 2/4/2014 ticker keeps following me around. I do not know where it came from but September 5th 2018. is my true date. On the other date, as far as I can remember, I was fat, depressed but still working for Wal-Mart. My late husband was hostile toward me, it turns out he was in process of dying, I thought he maybe had Alzheimers, well I did promise in sickness and heath, so I tried to not let,people know my daily sorrows at home, because I did have my pride. He ad me convinced I could not do much of anything right. I was a horrid housekeeper,, my cooking was so horrendous that he was conviced I would kill him for his,insurance. He would tell me he didn't,want any,of my foul cooking, then after half an hour of me leaving,he and my son would go to China Buffet or another local restaurant. You know how it feels to be held at gunpoint? My life was pretty much like that, which way do I move to keep him calm and quiet? Luckily we had no guns or ammo in the house, or I might have been shot. And still I tried to hang on, he would threaten " When I know for certain I am going to die, I will kill both our son and you because you are such inept failures and couldn't survive without me!" As it turns out, the hereditary kidney disease rampant in his family was also killing him. His doctor had warned him a couple of years before that without,proper specialist assistance he was surly going to die. About this time or shortly before he started not letting me accompli to doctors appointments. Usually if someone in our family had to see a doctor the rest of us would go for moral support.I had no. clue all this was going on, found the paperwork among his personal effects after his death. Why did the doctor not tell me or my son? Well we have a nasty little health manifesto called HIPAA, if someone requests another person. not know such information, the doctor is bound by law not to tell. I had been married to him 44 years, you would have thought I or our son would be his next of kin and should been told, well it Fi,dnot happen. And,he had also convinced me that no one really liked, loved or could put up with me. I was merely an extension of him and had. the personality of vanilla blancmange pudding. I could not possibly be liked by someone,in their,own mind. Well to swich the subject I have,now shrunk down to 224 from a High Weight of 365+ in October 2017 and if my,caculations are correct 95 pounds lost in, just 8 months. I am currently losing 1 of your kg a week so there is a strong possibility I may be under 200 pounds by my one-year anniversary, that would leave me approximately 25 pounds from goal which I originally thought would be March 2020. I had an appointment at my Bairatric clinic yesterday, I went in feeling I was resembling Road Kill, but they honestly believe I am doi,g well. My pouch is no longer showing signs of rampant gastritis, stoma still small but no longer a pinhole from all the swelling. Alas the jejunal ulcers still abide, she suspects they are causing the recurrent emesis, they keep the lumen of my RNY smaller so things above pureed move slower. Yes I am digesting,the foods but it is farther down where my bile and pancreatic juices come back in. So,continue as I have been but go ahead if I make vegetable soup, don't strain , try to chew up the veggies if they are smallish size. I am fated for one more endosvopy, they will let me know when but unless there is great improvement I may have surgical intervention done by my Doctor Needleman. I don't have anotherWell Bariatric scheduled until August 15th but endoscopy late June or somewhere in July. Right now, and kind of pinned her down on this, told her I come from a wagering background, 8to5 😸👩 I will get surgery, said this usually resolves by 6-8 months. But there was No Way that ,this had been in my forecast. Keep on with vitamins and minerals that will fill in the nutritional gaps, protein of course , try to find a kind my pouch,will accept, vegetarian is still okay if milk and animal meats fail me. And she is very pleased to see how good I look! I have gone from Looking like my mother, my Aunt Grace, her older sister and this week I look like Grandma Cora their mother, a big surprise because she was physically much shorter than me. So I don't know who I will finally resemble at goal, I just hope I look good and don't frighten small childre,months footpath. And I have absolutely no H Pylori, they keep testing to make sure it isn't a complication. But James, I have had 12 endoscopies, 9 at Ohio State University Hospital. The workers at the Hepatology/Endoscopy section now call me by name instead of a #. One time Dr Noria, my Dr Needlemans associate had an unexpected something come up so asked her chief resident to do it. I'm lying on the gurney , he comes in and says " Assume the Position" that meant to slide up to the top of the gurney and flip onto the Left side. Yeah I knew what he meant!

Just back from Columbus, I'll post a little later. .. .,Frust8

It's probably a stall, once your body regroups itself, you should start losing again.

Pineapple is one of the 3 flavors in Popsicle brand Sugar free Tropical popsicles. Run about $3.88 at my local Wal-Mart.

May it be so for you Mrs Gamgee! Looking forward to updates once you've had your surgery.

Maybe Peer to Peer review, I know that is sometimes done to appeal a denial.

I started out thinking it tasted sweet like weak Kool-aid, now it tasted bitter. almost like the taste of bile refluxed up. Now what caused that? Wish I knew.

Reach out to. a Bariatric consultant, I think perhaps will help you get more of your motivation back. So sorry about your son, losing a child is one of the hardest things to live through

And it might sound unbelievable but post - Endoscopy I never slimed or had foamies. Until you brought it up, I hadn't reflected on it that much. They told me each time for a week make sure you're using your C-Pap, well I usually use Uncle Snuffly anyway so no problem there. Yeah I was able to reschedule for Wednesday at noon. Only time they really had until July. Guess they might be centering on a new crop of Bariatric Seekers. Well it's 8 months for me, wonder if I still get an 10 month appointment or whether I wait until 1 year? I don't think I am following. their usual game plan!👈👸👉

Read over my postings and you'll see. Epigastric pain, inability to retain your foods, when you're not vomiting you are still nauseous. I manage to keep my meds and vitamins down but anything but liquids, soups and thin purees, forget about it! And yes ulcers hurt, and an inflamed pouch is miserable too, sometimes I rub it gently to reassure it YOu GOT TO DO WHAT YOU GOT TO DO. And I have been on this whirlwind about 7 of my 8 months out, they seem to want 1 more endoscopy and they feel I am no longer inflamed so maybe my pinhole will be of the past, and the balloon will stretch my stoma to the right size for efficient drainage. It has been a war but maybe peace threaties will be signed.

My stoma will not stay open after they dilate it, wish they would stent it or something. Plus my pouch had ulceration in it, and additional ulcers marching down my jejunem. I predicted this was going to happen,Omeprazole is not gastroprotective for me. Back in December 2017 my gastroenterologist found on endoscopy I had 1 small ulcer(Hector) and gastritis. And I was on Omeprazole tjreapy at the time. Made it clear to my Bariatic team, no Omeprazole, what do they give me? One guess! I started telling 2 weeks in that there is something wrong. And they got peeved that I would suggest such a thing! Basically it was "Shut up and let yourself heal" Finally, I suspect they thought to prove me wrong an endoscopy was scheduled for October 12. When I woke up, Dr Noria, my surgeon's partner, shook my hand and admitted I was right, there was something wrong . They may have the degrees, but I have lived in this body over 70 years and I could tell.So at first I was having 2 endoscopies a month, then it spaced out to monthly, and now it is 7-8 weeks, and every time they try to stretch out my stoma, and pop it regressed back. Carafate every 6 hours, still on 3 times daily Zofran, to try to calm my nauseous poor pouch, last 2 nights I have vomited, basically liquids are all I can handle and that will pass through, well chewed other items come right back up. And I am weary of this all, oh my weight loss is great, 130 or so pounds since my HW, 95 pounds since surgery, now 224 and hoping to make goal 12-15 months out. Yeah I am usually trying to be upbeat but today I woke up in. pain still, right subcostal area is tender, that's the jejunal ulcers. I was assured I was coming along , go ahead and increase my diet, well I ended up wearing it again, stuff just doesn't go through that pinhole if it isn't liquids or thin puree. Only one teeny blessing, since vomit so quickly there is no bad smell to it all.

Well no surprise to me, to me you had the signs, and I am still living the LIFE. Had to move my appointment until noon on Wednesday, my ride ditched on me for today, wish I had an Uncle Vito to arrange for a funeral for LastMinuteLouise, oh waited until 10AM to tell me she couldn't do it. Grrr!

Me too, I do need to get another box, the Tropical is wearying, need orange , grape and either strawberry or Cherry. Next time I go to W'-M I'll get some.

And I brought out one of my cherished blue Levi's. Not even a belt will help these , too doggone big, Bye Bye 26W, now I have to either sell or give away you! I claim a NSV there!

Hey it's worth a try, after all Nothing ventured- Nothing gained, that's people do say.

Well they did pay attention after all, so glad he says he can fix it and also give you your bypass. Have you gotten a firm date or is he going to go for a day when he doesn't have a lot of other things that need his attention?😝

Me too, I got some and maybe I am deluding myself but I think it is helping. The contortions I have to go through to slather it on, it should qualify for exercise.

Way to go Lochnessamber, I am so happy for your NSV and maybe I'll have another of own soon.

And when I was sitting in my blue funk, not eating -all I lost was 7,5 pounds because I did not do exercises or anything.But I feel better, stronger, my own woman now, and I am going to be a success, just watch and see!

Gerd,sleep apnea , they allowed arthritis as a lesser comorb since I have had since age 25 psychological well'being since denial in February, PCP concerned I might harm myself, wouldn't I had an uncle comitted suicide about a year and half before my birth. I always wondered if he would have liked me, because majority on Daddy's side did not. My daddy and Uncle Clement were closest in age, almost Irish twins, you seldom saw one without the other, and i saw how hard it was for him to talk about it 15-20 years later. I vowed them and there I WOULD NEVER subject.. my children or anyone who,loved me to such a thing! And that is a vow I have kept 60 years. My moderately severe depression took the form of apathy, barely eating, relating minimally with people, I basically gave,up for a period of time. Then I clumb out of the slippery sided blue pit of depression, enough to try one more and then when i attended prelimerary meeting I liked what I heard, people were welcoming to me, and it has been ACES every since, every member of the Bariatric staff is wonferful, and I feel it was the making, remaking and emotional growth I have achieved. If I had a million dollars, I would donate it all in gratitude for the change in me. so I had enough wrong to have my surgery even if I slipped below 40. And I didn't declare another motivating factor, my cousin June-Ellen who died of esophageal cancer at the Cleveland Clinic, only 4 years younger.

Looking good and I'm sure, feeling fine! Congratulations on a year well- spent!

Why would you not be fertile anymore? We have more than a few who had VSG or RNY or DS first and are now blissfully expecting. YOUR babies tend to be slightly smaller, 6 pounds as opposed to 9 pounds, but every poster says they come out healthy and screaming their little heads off. She is obviously thinking with her gut instead of her brain. Mama is supposed to want what is best for her little girl, I'm sure this was not a flippant decision on your part, even if she doesn't totally understand, she should be grateful she raised a strong daughter and support your desire to be smaller and healthier. I have been a Mama for 50+ years, an recovering RYN bypassed for 8 months, so I have experienced both sides of the coin , therefore I am a advisor to anyone who will listen. And if she can't be proud of you decisions, I am and I wish,you only the best of everything!

#30- At this point I am dubbing this "Don't accomplish much of Anything" although it should be "Take Inventory- Did you Meet Your Goals?" At 3 pm I have a Bariatric Clinic appointment, seems to be with Nurse Practitioner Valerie, if I get a paper full of euphemisms like the last one, I am either going to have a tantrum or tear it in teeny tiny pieces and throw them on the floor. " Frustr8 is doing well for being____months out from her surgery and is recovering well" I am not,in a cattle barn, so please stop with the B.S. please. I am also not in the Military so "Don't tell me "I am all I can be" cause I do not think I am" This morning I woke up in a nasty humor. My stomach wall is sore from vomiting before I went to bed 2 nights in a row, my right arm is throbbing, I had surgery on it April 4th to remove the titanium hardware I had still retained since my,broken upper arm and surgical repair 9 years and 3 months ago. Who would have thought as I lost weight I lost fat in there and when it started to Rock back and forth it became a constant source of inflammation and irritation? Fine I was willing to have it removed, but while looking around the open incision,which is 6 inches long, 2 inches on top, 4 inches going down right upper arm, he noticed my rotator cuff was hanging together by one beleaguered tendon so he repaired it so I wouldn't have to return in a couple months for another surgery. Thank You Dr Ken Doolittle( spoken through clenched teeth) this surely adds a glimmer of Joy to my days! I sleep with it propped upon a pillow, I rest fitfully , maybe 3-4 hours and then I awake to feel like it has been twisted behind my back. Have Norco in the house, but try to do Tylenol if I can, Norco pushs me back to constipation if I take more than 1 or 2. My day starts with Carafate. at 6 AM, I am told it comes in a liquid form, but my Medicare part D doesn't cover it, cheap b****** in Arizona! So I am.stuck dissolving big white horse pills in warm or hot water, then drinking the slurry down. And I get to do this every 6 hours around the clock. Then 1.5-2 hours in goes the PPI, wellbutrin and Ditropan, then I have to wait for my Zofran because it and Dexilent seem to fight with each other . And the other pills follow all day at intervals. Its a wonder I don't rattle when I walk around. And now the latest, every since my endoscopy on the 12th, well actually late 12th when I had to go NPO, it did something to my bladder and urinary system. Try as I may, no matter how much fluid I swallowed my urine stayed a disgusting darkish color. I have Tidy Bowl tabs in, the back. turns the pretty blue water nasty pea green. Had an appointment with PCP, gave him a liquid sample, stated" yep looks like some sort of UTI, when do you see your urologist?" told him Monday the 22nd, so he says I'll give you a small script for Macrodantin to tide you over the weekend, but he never called it in. And he hides down in AppleValley on his pontoon boat without cell phone etc Okay Monday I saw Dr Henry , my step- urologist, my Dr Clemens decided to stay in Franklin County and Columbus and no longer comes here. Dr H says he doesn't like the appearance of my urine. Well Duhh, why else would I have come in? So he says I want to try testing exactly what it is causing it, just force fluids until I get back to you on Wednesday. Never heard until Thursday noon, went and picked up Bactrim from Wal-Mart, now I have taken it before, never had a reaction. Boy I did this time. I have a diffuse rash on most of my body, but my face is the worst, the whole left side of cheek and eyelids have an ugly purple rash with a couple blisters that have broken open. I look like Rocky Balboa either hit me or whacked my face with a board containing nails. The GOOD news, it did kill whatever bacteria was infecting my Urinary SYSTEM, the bad news? I look like I was a victim of Elder Abuse! So my April 30th challenge to be met? Try to smile and act reasonably happy while looking like Crap warmed over! Might as well go take a shower, don't think body temprature water can harm me any and then my pick-up to go to Columbus 1:30 or 2 o'clock this afternoon. Do hope they don't send Terry, he always gets lost because he won't drive with the GPS on and plays whiney country music on the radio.

Hoping and praying I can duplicate this . And the last 2 nights I have been vomiting, and when I go for checkups they keep noting I am doing well for ____months.I am not, stop noting pacifing things. This not the way things are supposed to be, will I have to scream today. to get someone to listen? Have an appointment at 3pm today, May be Only with Nurse Practioner Valerie, no sign of my surgeon, well having a mini-pity party at this second. Maybe I'll never see him again unless I need surgery again. Perhaps I get only a nurse because my case is BORING? Well last weight was 224 on Thursday, I won't make 1/2 until I make goal, maybe 50 pounds to go. I was literally twice as big as I should be when I set out on the journey, lost about 125 since then, 95 or 96 pounds since surgery date 8 months ago, those sound fine except this AM my baby tummy is SORE. They told me at last EGJ things are healing well from what could be visualized, not so certain in my 💔of. ❤s. I have taken enough Carafate to build a patio, enough PPI to last until I'm 80, still do best. with protein shakes, RTF or powder reconstituted, soups with minimal or no texture to them, applesauce, occasional mashed up fruit or veggies, am I on a Mechanical soft died the rest of my life? In theory I should be on Stage 4 or at least Stage 3, but when I venture towards such, up things come! Still unable to handle banana, peanut butter, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese. eggs, or meat. Ground up?,Can't even handle ham salad with nothing added like pickle relish, celery or even diet mayo. So many abortive trials I am also sickened by the thought of trying once more. Oh I do take all my vitamins, minerals, all the things PCP and Bariatric staff think I need, maybe that's what keeps me alive because a varied diet sure isn't. It is fatigue- ing to throw a tantrum but perhaps it's what I need to have someone listen for once! I want my joy back , I want my digestion back, I want to feel better and this blase treatment isn't making it for ME.