Schwarz64

If you're like me, you play these little games with yourself - where when you're doing well on losing weight, you tell yourself that you can "afford" something that's not supposed to be on your plan.  Maybe it's a piece of chocolate - something in-control that seems worth it.  For me though, it's not those little tiny things.  It's stuff like deciding to have my morning coffee - which is laden with real sugar and flavored (sugared) creamer.  God I love that stuff.  Yes, I have tried artificial sweetener, but it's not worth it to me - I'd rather just not have the coffee.  So when it's a choice between coffee I'm not into or no coffee at all, I'll choose no coffee.  But when it's a choice between "do I want to do the coffee thing today?" and no coffee, then of course I'll choose yes to the coffee.  It's a really bad way for me start out my day - with all that failure right off the bat.  I did that yesterday.  And then I did a few french fries with dinner (maybe 6?) as I poked at the serving dish out there for everyone else.  Otherwise I did well.  I wanted to do an evening tea before bed, but as I'm sure you can guess, it too is laden with sugar.   I was actually thirsty, so I opted for water instead.  Not nearly as satisfying, but I was able to do it.
Today I got up and wanted to do coffee again.  MY way.  Except that yesterday was the first time that I actually started to feel some of my weight loss - I kept needing to yank my pants up all day.  What the heck, this is actually WORKING?  So today I said no to the coffee.  Instead, I started with water.  And actually made breakfast instead of it being something that I did later when I was hungry hours after the coffee.  A 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese, a 1/2 cup of mango pieces, and a hard-boiled egg.  That was hours ago, and I'm just now starting to think about having lunch.  It worked!  So I'm off to a great start today.  I also tackled my shower tile, which needed a bunch of scrubbing - specifically because why not burn the calories now - today?  Later I plan to take the dog for a walk if I can tolerate the cold.  20 minutes of yoga is also on the docket.  I'm going to be doing some vacuuming this afternoon, too.  Today feels..... in control.  I'm going to try to have a day like I'm supposed to, and see how that feels.  Because I want to see how getting rid of all of this fat feels, too!

Ok, here it goes. Please excuse my spelling or grammar as this is just coming from the heart.  I have been battling my weight my whole life.  I can even remember being called wilson when i was in elementary school.  I later found out it was because I was round like a ball.  Ugh, kids are mean, well adults can be also.  In High School I yo yo'd back and forth.  My self esteem was non existent and unfortunately I let some take advantage of that.  I was or felt like I was always the fat friend, the fat sister, the fat daughter.  The girl with the pretty face if only she could lose the weight.  Which I would and then gain back even more.  I would do this many times over.  Unfortunately for my Husband I met him on a thin year.  I feel so bad, like a duped him sometimes.  But he is by my side and supportive.  We have two little kids that I want to have a healthy Mom.   So all that being said, Today I scheduled my Gastric Sleeve Surgery!  I'm excited and nervous and wish it was sooner.  I'm eager to start my new life style.  February 27th is the big day!   I have lots of my appointments in the coming weeks.  Wish me luck and good luck to all of you on this journey with me.