Abby Normal

I am absolutely amazed by all your heartfelt responses. I truly dont mind the tough love thing. It reminds me of my mom's advice...which is something I wish I had right now :-) I think the root of all this is guilt. I feel guilty for everything I do and dont do. Truth is, Ive lost 100 lbs before on my own...no band, no diets...just good old fashioned excersise and lots and LOTS of fiber. I was critical of those who couldnt do it on their own...like me. Now I feel horribly guilty for all that critisism (even if it was just in my thoughts), because now, I am that person who cant do it on their own. Granted, lots of things have changed for me since I lost, and subsequently gained my pesky 100lbs. I know I am a different person now, both physically and emotionally. I know I am unhappy in most aspects of my life...which Im sure contributes to my lack of all motivation to be the best me. I know all these things, and I know I am the only one who can fix it. Im jealous of those who can just do it. Im jealous because that used to be ME. I desperately want it to be me again. Im opening up on this board because I think others (like Noahsmom) feel similar to me. We see all these posts about how easy and great it is to be healthy. How easy and great it is to lose weight, and change every bad habit in regards to food. I applaud those people. I think they're truly ready for this surgery, and have a great chance of living a full, healthy life. But what about those of us who arent ready...but HAVE to be. I have to get myself ready. I dont have a choice....its get ready, or die...period. I didnt check this forum for over a week...and I felt my motivation wane. I just now made a promise to check this website and post as frequently as possible. I feel more motivated now, than I have in serveral weeks...I need to keep this momentum. Thanks everyone (even those who are critical)...I need it more than you know! A

So, I know Ive got issues with food.....duh. I know I dont have a ton of will power. I know I eat emotionally. I know I need to stop. So, whats the deal? I am literally unable to change my behavior. I have begun eating compulsively and without thought...or actually, I do think...I just convince myself that whatever Im doing (like eating a bag of cookies) is somehow beneficial. I am trying to lose 7lbs to reach my pre op surgery goal weight. Thats all fine and dandy...I can lose 7lbs no problem...its those other pesky 143lbs that dont want to come off. I can starve myself, or eat the right things and still "starve"...and end up binging because Im so hungry...and that Wendy's looks mighty tastey right about now...I can work out 6 days a week...I can lose the 7lbs. But what about after surgery? Ive read a lot of posts about folks who are/were frustrated with their band...and I notice that its mostly because they didnt stick to a healthy, restrictive diet. I cant stick to a diet...I think that should be obvious. If I could, I wouldnt need this drastic surgery in the first place. If I just had some sense. If I could just get a hold of my self control. I know what some of you will say...I need therapy....I dont dispute that...I KNOW I need therapy. I know I need to find out WHY I do these things to myself, and how to figure out how to stop. Problem is....Im a single mother, working 50+ hours per week for a company with no health insurance. I have Kaiser...which is not outstanding in the way of mental health issues. Theres a road block no matter where I turn...I either bust them down...or spend eternity trying to get around them. Im afraid that I will get the band, and eat around that every chance I get. Im afraid that major abdominal surgery will not be enough to stop me from killing myself...slowly..but surely. Was there a lightbulb for anyone after surgery? I know Im supposed to be preparing myself by eating right now...so it wont be so hard after. Is there anyone who did a complete 180 after surgery? I want my will power to be enough...I want this so bad. Its terrible, but my Doctor told me Im going to die and leave my kids alone...why isnt that statement alone enough to make me change my ways for good?! I feel like a monster. phew....that was long, nonsensical, and rambling...anyone get my jist?

My boyfriend isnt all that supportive either. He says he is, but he's brought it up more than once. Im not banded, and the thought of having to go through all of this without any support from him is not appealing. Is your boyfriend over weight as well? Mine is, and I think he's just affraid I will not want to be with him anymore after I lose weight. I dont have a ton of advice, because Im sort of in the same boat....however, I know that its going to be ten times harder without my man on board with all of this.

Im no expert. I havent been banded, but am in the process, like yourself. I have kids (little ones, so I dont think they will remember much), but what about emphasizing the health aspect of the surgery. Its not that you as a person are not good enough, but your health is not as good as you need it to be to be a "good" mommy. Maybe just trying to completely take out the part where you lose weight, and make it more about getting super healthy and strong, and learning new ways to handle food. My kids are the reason Im doing this. Yes, I want to fit into skinny clothes, and feel better about myself, and yes, I dont want to continue on the un-healthy road Im on now....but I KNOW that if I didnt have kids, this surgery wouldnt even have occured to me. They are the reason why I want to stick around for as long as possible. I dont know if this helps at all, but I wish you luck!

ohhhhhhhhhh.....thats probably the worst thing I have ever read on this site. Fills alone is enough to make me REALLY not want to go through with this. I hate hate hate needles...Im completely phobic. Anyone have cute, sweet, rosy experiences with fills? :blushing: Do you have to have fills for the rest of your life? or just in the begining? A

Im pretty conflicted on who to tell about this process. Im not banded yet, but the pre-op process is pretty intensive. I told my mom, and she knows me the best, and thinks its a great idea. She doesnt want to out live her daughter...and I think thats her motivation for being supportive. My boyfriend knows, ONLY because we live together and have a child, so all my 5 hour appointments and such would be difficult to keep from him. I told my sister, and she thought it was an okay idea, said she would be supportive, but then kinda fizzled out in support. My office knows (all two of them), because Im taking so much time off for appointments and such, I thought it only fair to tell them. My boss isnt terribly supportive, I assume because of all the time I have to take off. I told him that I want to be around to see my kids grow, and I think he understood. Im seriously considering telling my best friend. She's truly the best, and I know she will ask all the pertinent questions, and play devils advocate, but in the end she will support me...I just dont feel like getting into it so in depth right now with her....I like the idea of surprising her with all my weight loss, but I think Ill crack and tell her wayyyyy before. I dont want to be embarassed by this, but I am. I used to be so critical of my friend who had gastric bypass (she eventually died from her obesity), and I was totally one of those people who thought it was the easy way out....I know now I was mistaken, but I dont want others to think the same about me...but I also dont want to be a liar...ugh...

I LOVE my Curves. Ive been going there regularly for more than six years. I originally lost 85 lbs just going to curves every day. As soon as I stopped going, is when I gained all my weight back and then some, then I had a baby, which sent me spiraling out of control....not the point... the point is, Curves can be as intense as you make it. Some days I go and dont even break a sweat, and some days I go and really push myself, and come out pouring sweat. I reccomend curves. Ive been to other gyms like 24 hr fitness...but its so uncomfortable with all those gym rats... The only thing about Curves is they are Christian oriented (not actually at the gym...or not at mine at least), but the organizations they support are usually christian groups. I dont necesarily agree with their politics, but they have helped me, and I am grateful for that!

Okay, So Ive been approved with Kaiser. I have been to all their meetings, psych drs, I have an appointment with the Surgeon next week to get my pre-op goal weight (which I should be close, since Ive lost 20lbs so far on my own)....What Im wondering is how strict, or intrusive is Kaiser before and after surgery. They tell me that they test for nicotine, alcohol and caffine....they ACTUALLY drug test? I have a pre-op diet (very VERY strict) which Im not really following. I excersise six days a week, which is why the weight is coming off. Im trying to do the things they say are important, like chewing my food thouroughly, eating slower, making better choices (for the most part), not snacking...etc... but there are some "rules" that Kaiser has, that Ive never heard anywhere else. I heard from someone that Kaiser has a basic plan that works for lap band and Gastic bypass, and thats why it has to be so restictive. They tell me I can never have a glass (or 1/2 glass) of wine...ever again. They tell me that I can never eat Cereal, bread, Pasta, or Peanut Butter...EVER AGAIN. Im 25 years old, and yes, I want/need/long to lose weight, but at what price? Im slowly realizing that I need to find a balance between Kaiser's obvious restictive plan, and what will work for me, for the rest of my life. Anyone with Kaiser who has an experience (positive or negative)? They seem to be so hard nosed about the whole process, its very cold and indifferent so far. I am going to the Kaiser Richmond facility...anyone have experience there? How many of you can eat peanut butter (in small quantities)? It might sound weird and petty, but I LOVE peanut butter. I dont have to eat it by the spoonfull or anything, but the thought of a world without it, is not a world I want to live in... Before someone jumps me for "not being ready for the surgery", I make no claims to being ready for this surgery, Im weighing my pros and cons on a daily basis...Im extremely conflicted regarding this...and any insight is always appreciated.. A

Since you mentioned your incision got infected, Im wondering if that is a common thing? Im not banded, so I cant say I know how you feel, but I had a C-section last year that got serverely infected, and I was MISERABLE for weeks...so I can relate...somewhat. Be well! A