sideeye

Surgiversary for me! Lost 97.9 lbs, size 10-12 jeans, and went to Club Monaco today to try on a top and the sales guy goes "I'll see if we have a large in the back" which on the surface sounds horrifying but Club Monaco clothes are tiny! And the large fit! And then I didn't buy it because while it fit the color just wasn't exactly what I wanted! My friend told me when I started seriously thinking about this that the surgery had changed her life, and I thought she was being dramatic. I no longer think that. Shaking off the constant social "you're fat" pressure has been unbelievably freeing, and other people have noticed the huge change in the way I interact with the world. 10/10 would engage in radical body modification again.

If it helps, I can tell you what made me pick him out of a lineup on Bumble: good photos (not mirror-selfies, with good lighting, photos that had been taken by another person or possibly by a tripod I guess), self-confident conversation when we texted, good sense of communication boundaries, seemed witty, we had similar interests. That’s what made me contact him. The number one thing I avoid in these profiles is any sense that I am going to have to spend the date cosplaying as the guy’s therapist. Stuff like “I just got out of a long term relationship”, “hoping someone will see my true value”, any vibe of self-pity or “prove you’re worth it”? I run like the damn wind. I have enough issues with the patriarchy without having to coax someone along during a first date. He probably does have other dates lined up. Good luck to those ladies, because I had no qualms about throwing this particular fish back. But seriously - don’t focus on the other guys. They don’t matter to you, at all. They do not stand between you and women, and it’s not a good use of your time to focus on them. I can’t speak for all women of course, but I do not open my dating app and think “I will contact five of the men on this app” and rate them against each other to select those five. I just select the guys who appeal to me. There’s no competition between the guys for me, never crossed my mind to think that way. I just contact the guys I like, based on the contents of their profile. Focus on presenting the most appealing (and truthful, obviously) version of you. And then be confident that you are likeable just the way you self-represented. Make sense?

Been on around five dates - only one hilariously dumb, the others were 6 or 7 out of 10. But I am really busy and exhausted so frankly I’m not really following up on anything below an 8 (and I’m talking date quality here, not attractiveness). No one sparked enough yet to make me WANT to pursue date two. I may go on another date with an EMT, but he’s borderline as well.... What I will say is that dating has stopped being a terrifying trial. That plus not needing to recharge my introvert batteries as much has made this all much easier. I don’t have to hype myself up anymore, it’s just going out for a drink. The playing field feels a lot more balanced. I am THRILLED to hear a Bumble guy is working out for you! Keep us posted! I wouldfeel to intimidated to ask to fool around on the first date. This guy probably gets many dates and women keep complaining about him. I think he is what women want. Good lord, why would you read that tale and come away thinking he’s what women want? He got one date. I listened to him yammer, then never contacted him again. So no, unlikely to be what women want - he looked good on paper, but in person he washed out.

Soooo... remember when I was bitching about being exhausted and mental and thought it was B1 deficiency? It’s not, it’s Hashimoto’s. I don’t see anything linking bariatric surgery and Hashimoto’s (in fact, some people say surgery alleviates symptoms), and I’m right on the leading edge of the segment most likely to get it (women age 40-60), but have any of you got it? If so, before or after surgery? if anything, I’m sort of relieved about the diagnosis - the depression, stalled weight loss, lack of energy, forgetfulness and visibly puffy face (?!) were really freaking me out. A sudden decisive change 9 months after surgery had me seriously worried this was VSG-related and permanent. It’s still likely to be permanent, but at least Hashimoto’s is widely understood and treatable.

Spent two hours mildly tolerating a navel-gazing, pseudo-intellectual, self-satisfied Peter Pan who then called after me as I left “Call me if you want to hang out, or fool around!” On one hand, this was such an absurd thing to say to a first date that it had me snickering all the way home. But on the other hand - anyone not wanting to jump back into the dating pool because guys won’t want to sleep with you? Not going to be a problem. ...and no, I will not be calling him.

I fall into the “nah” category, though I don’t see that as particularly noble... One thing I have started doing is keeping a list on my phone of stuff I don’t actually like anymore. My brain says I like it, but then my taste buds say no. Like during last week’s snow/ice storm when I thought “ah, might as well buy a slice of banana bread for later, since I won’t want to leave the house...” Not a good decision in the first place (see “nah”), but on top of that pretty much ANY baked good purchased in a store is now way too sweet for me. Homemade is a different story, but restaurant baked goods go on my “you don’t actually like this anymore” list. This plateau has lasted for almost 2 months though, so I may have to power through the “nah”s and get a lot more strict, just to change up the tempo. Hey, this thread is here for all the ups and downs! You weren’t self-indulgent at all, you were justifiably low. Glad you’re feeling more upbeat.

Are we all on the same cursed ride? I’ve been hovering at 193 for about 6 weeks...

Fifty-nine dollars. Other versions are a little cheaper, including one pair that I bought online that I'm a little skeptical of the fabric, but we'll see. The cut seems to work, so that's half the battle.

That's what I do - I was a swimmer for years so I guess it's second nature, but I can see why it's not for everyone. And I can report I've tried on the Sloan pants at Banana Republic and they're pretty good! Nice medium-weight material that doesn't show every dimple, but still stretchy. They are also on sale right now, if you like them - they fall a few inches below the waist (meh) but they're not hip-huggers, and will work perfectly well as basic work pants.

My go-to for lingerie really is the Spanx Spotlight on Lace bodysuit. It is incredibly comfortable for me to wear, daily, and has the bonus of men really liking it too. And I’ll buy third love bras forever too. And the Natori Shangri-la robe and gown I really like - I used to get Calvin Klein chemises (they were basically cottony slip-style nightgowns) but I don’t like the direction they’ve gone in lately. Less pretty, more utilitarian. I was out at a client site and ended up being there for so long that I was going to get stuck in rush hour headed home, so I voluntarily pulled off at a mall to kill time. @sillykitty I bought Michael Kors pumps (not wedges and quite high heel, so likely a swap-from-flats-on-site shoe) that will work as a stand-in for my beige Purity wedges this spring. I got them on sale at Nordstrom’s, they’ve got a nice wood-design heel. And then I bought a pink sweater at Madewell off the clearance rack too. Whole new world, where that series of events is an option: the mall stop, the slightly impractical high heel, the option of not just browsing but FINDING STUFF on the sale rack.... I’m out at a client again tomorrow and 100% confident about what I’m wearing, knowing it’ll look great and that if I poured coffee down my front before leaving the house? There are easy swaps available that will still look good. No more stress-dressing, clawing through my closet for the thing that is least awful, panicking that the one appropriate pair of pants that coordinate with the non-clingy sweater aren’t washed. Living like this is so much better, even if I can’t eat more than four fries at Shake Shack without feeling full.

They’re Clarks Purity wedges, I can’t find them ANYWHERE anymore, and I am going to repair them until the cobbler breaks up with me. They’re my favorite favorite favorite. I intend to spend most of this spring finding a back-up from another retailer because I will go mad if they wear through. Has anyone tried Banana Republic Sloan pants, by the way? My sister swears by them but I’d love firsthand reviews. I’m about to see my primary care physician, first time she’s seen me since the operation. I started going to this doc after a long search for someone who genuinely didn’t have a knee-jerk anti-fat reaction, so I don’t expect much change there, but interesting to hear what she has to say...

Reverse SAD: actual thing. Summer makes me depressed. Shopping: I can wear proper fitted shirts now! No gaping because of breasts, smooth line down to my hip! Look! Might actually be a size 10 pant now in some designers, and actually had an enjoyable time wandering around and trying stuff on. Did not purchase anything and feel great that I had no impulse to “buy something to make the trip worth the effort” or get the best option out of a bad set. date: perfectly nice guy, enjoyable conversation, no spark. Hmmm. May give it one more go, but a good re-entry into the pool. Vacation: will absolutely share photos. It’s going to be gorgeous.

OKAY. So. Out of the slump - and thank you everyone for putting up with a solid month of moaning from me. Lost three pounds last month which is no world record, but at least posts as a loss and means my insane erratic eating habits after my ill-fated IF excursion may be evening out (disclaimer: IF certainly is viable for some women, I just appear to be that edge case who trips every hormonal circuit when I try). Tomorrow night I am going on my first dating-app date, I’ve got another queued for next week, I’m beginning to get the hang of the app part at least. Rival Consultant is also asking to go out together more, which is interesting. Foreign cardio partner remains involved in vacation planning, which is now about 45 days away, and which reminds me I need to start swimming. Someone brought over a whole cheesecake for my birthday and last night I threw the remaining half of it out, which felt like a minor milestone because 1) I haven’t had anything that insane in that quantity in my house for a year and 2) I was able to throw it out even though my mind was wailing that it’s a perfectly good cheesecake. Am going shopping tomorrow, because I feel so much better when I’m wearing something seriously awesome and I’ve been wearing my handful of best outfits on heavy enough rotation that someone referred to today’s gear as “your favorite sweater that isn’t your other favorite sweater”. Ooooh, also some jewelry I ordered arrives tomorrow. So if I also schedule a haircut I will look like the terrifyingly casual businesswoman I aspire to be and that will further lift my mood. It’s odd to think I’m looking forward to shopping, when I used to be more inclined to chew off my own arm. How is everyone else doing now we’re in Febr.... HA. Ah. I’ve literally just now realized what turned it: I have reverse SAD (no seriously, diagnosed and everything) and we hadn’t had a true long cold snap yet. I revived during the polar vortex. Why am I so goddamn weird?!

Okay, went to dinner with the Rival Consultant. Nice, going to be a slow burn if anything (awkward because of work relationship obv) but a nice three-hour dinner. Bumble is starting to catch a bit, I still don’t have enough photos of me, but lots of interest and we’ll see about meet-ups. And long-distance guy is being very entertaining on text and is now in vacation-planning mode and making lingerie requests.

Today a work colleague saw that I had only bought three pieces of sushi and got spooked. He first met me 4 months ago so doesn’t know I used to be much larger, and I think he’s now suddenly realizing that every time he eats with me, I don’t eat much. So I ate a Mrs Fields cookie two hours later after a group meeting, where he could see it. This was a mistake, not so much because of diet or capacity, but because the sugar went straight to my head and I couldn’t think coherently! i don’t really let it get to me, but yeah - people who knew me when I was heavier don’t mention the food intake, I think because they approve of my new size so don’t want to rattle that. New people just think I don’t eat enough.

Done in by a virus and the government shutdown - due to airport craziness and a week-long bug, he’s been working remotely. But I did put a profile on Bumble last night. So.

I broke up with a guy because he made me lose my mind in airports. I am an airport ninja, and he dithered - couldn't find his passport, couldn't decide how to get to the airport, got to the airport late, meandered around duty free.. Vibrating with rage turned out not to be a good start to a vacation, but it was an excellent warning for what a future life together might've been like. I also ditch coworkers in airports, especially my boss. Airports are my zen place, and I will LIE to take a different flight than him. If I have to take the same flight, I ensure I am out of his sight for as long as humanly possible (which just means he texts me frantically for the 45 minutes leading up to boarding, but still).

So, so troubling. Not the recent purchase (link doesn't work), but how exactly our habits align, down to the fact that I have just been buying Etsy jewelry. Just 30 mins ago, from here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FerkosFineJewelry?ref=l2-shopheader-name. I am slightly worried your dead link goes straight to that shop. My other jewelry-related binging is happening here, in the rings section: https://www.melaniecasey.com/collections/all-products?page=1 Needless to say, the only reason I haven't bought the Joybird couch is because I spent two months going back and forth and ended up buying a sleeper from The Sofa Bed Store two weeks ago instead. And art, you say? UGallery's my fix: https://www.ugallery.com/artist/Dwight-Smith I would love to visit a Californian beach house, but I'm slightly worried I'd arrive and find it vacant, or with an older Chinese man living in it, because we are actually from similar-but-parallel universes and can only interact through writing. Like Griffin and Sabine.

All right, I have lost ALL motivation. ALL. My mindless boredom kind of morphed into excessive grumpiness and now I'm just overall not having it. Off and on, that boredom is translating into grazing on the terrible food I've had in the house for months for visitors without problem, but now I'M eating it and that is a problem. It's cold and no one's around and I'm tired of unpacking stuff and I can't buy any investment clothing because I don't know if I'll keep losing and even if I did buy investment clothing I have to cover it in a million layers for survival, so what's the point. I need to sort out finances and have for weeks but it's a chore not a five-alarm fire so even that, I'm all "meh". I'm starting to think that I need to take a long weekend somewhere, just to snap out of this funk. Doesn't even need to be warm, just needs to be somewhere different to shake things up a bit. Is this a ten-month slump or just January? (I used to be really good at January, I used to LIKE January!)

Don’t be intimidated, the Korean supermarket is the best! Get the tiny drinkable yogurts! And the produce tends to be amazing. Get kimchi too.

It sounds like the real issue is that your coworkers might think you have cancer, or another serious disease that requires long-term care. It’s nice that they’re worried about you, but the questions they’re asking to try and figure out if you’re sick are probably pretty annoying. You don’t owe them any answers about what type of surgery you had, but if you want to head off the questioning you can very sweetly reply that it was a one time procedure, it was effective, and you’re fine and healthy now. Thanks. That lets them know that there is no ongoing health issue, and hopefully gets them off your back when they’re trying to be kind. … And then they will be the nosy ones who are asking because they’re curious. Feel free to just give them a slightly puzzled look, smile and move on.

I could be wrong! “Goya” is just “고야” phonetically. “분말” means powder, but sometimes I screw up compound words, my vocabulary isn’t extensive. If you’re looking for different-but-good teas, barley tea (boricha/보리차) is really nice iced.

Nah, that's mostly Chinese with some Korean at the top (not that I have any idea what "goya powder" is).

Horrible progress on photo-taking, working on it. Bar was actually quite grim with barfly woman monopolizing the bartender and any man who came in range. It felt like a warning from the Ghost of Barflies Future. Will not be returning to that location. But did sort of accidentally agree to go out to dinner/drinks with a guy I’ve been working with on a project? We were having a hard time scheduling a meeting, finally found an overlap time, and then he said “now let’s find a time for dinner or drinks” and I was on such a scheduling high that I went “sure! I’m free Wednesday and Thursday!” Wondering if that was a Jedi mind trick.

Luckily the contacts weren’t in - but she’d been in a nonresponsive vegetative state for a week before we had that revelation and got her glasses. Hard to tell if she’s focusing on people purposefully if she can’t see a damn thing either way! Unfortunately she’s not okay, though there is always hope of further improvement. She experienced something called an amniotic fluid embolism during the birth of her first child, which caused a cascade of other complications including a stroke that resulted in the coma. Freak condition, no warning or prevention, just happens. It is completely unreal that this is happening to her and it’s very hard to process that she’s going to need assistance in some degree for the rest of her life, but she’s in there and we get hints of her occasionally. Communication is still a struggle. Her baby survived and is doing well, and frankly that’s what would matter most to her, so. Every time I visit her I reassure her no, she hasn’t slept away entire years between visits, I actually am losing weight at a ridiculous clip. (This is fine humor-wise, she’s been one of my closet friends since we were 14.) And then I make her husband leave the room and tell her scurrilous gossip.