sideeye

9. So much 9, with the background of 3.

What concerns me about him is that he feels like he’s trapped in a self-affirming loop. That’s not to say he’s wrong, by the way - just to say that I think he’s accepted some things as such solid fact that he would have a hard time reshaping his thinking even if contradictory evidence appeared.

Yes, it evens out. I was always either very visible or invisible. Now I get roughly the same amount of casual attention as everyone else, unless I aim to be more or less visible. The baseline’s changed, and now I’m actually in control of how visible I am, whereas before other people kind of decided that for me.

I weighed in at my lowest ever this morning, and then proceeded to eat all the sugar in the WORLD. There is none left. I ate it all. The two events are not actually connected, I’ve been stocking up on sugar all week (but not eating it!) for weird stress-related reasons, but man. Today was not a proud day. Currently drinking peppermint tea to try and wash it all out. Back to scary turmeric tonic tomorrow AM, which generally prevents me from wanting to eat anything for a good few hours.

Cultural quirks apply here, I think - not in their behavior, but in your response. Having spent a while in your neck of the woods, I’d just give them the flattest, most factual answer. “Is that all you’re eating?” “Yeah.” And “good woman” just merits a quick skeptical look, followed by a total boring change in subject. Language games are more common in the UK so don’t give them ammo, just shut it down. Their comments are purely to get a reaction, so give them the most boring reaction possible. Eventually teasing you about it will be less fun that the effort is worth.

Is it just me, or is that gerbil practicing mindful eating? Also while I promise not to make a grilled cheese and chutney the size of my own head, I cannot promise I will chew each bite 20 times, or that I will limit myself to a few bites and then throw the rest away (or cast it directly onto the floor). So that is PARTIALLY me this weekend, but not completely. Also the rodent has no wine. Rookie mistake, rodent.

1>8>3>4>6. I think I hit a turning point last night after smashing my phone screen to smithereens and nearly slicing off my own fingerprints. Just... FINE. Now I’m rolling into the weekend with a solid 2 hours of drinking coffee while sitting in a swivel armchair staring out the window at birds and listening to yoga music. Amazon is delivering a ton of bath stuff tomorrow, and I’m going to make chutney this weekend and eat it on a tiny grilled cheese. I have a plan. Monday things can wait for Monday.

I love this one. Tons of protein, spaghetti form is way better than fettuccini, and straight-up edamame works for me. Just toss it in a little sauce/pesto right out of the pot so it doesn’t clump, then eat with a dense sauce. You kind of have to 50/50 it, or even more sauce than noodles. But it’s filling and definitely hits my pasta spot.

Yep, bruising like crazy. Maybe our blood vessels are closer... to th... No, I have no idea. But I do bruise all over now. Makes getting ready for summer skirt season awkward, I’m going to be purple all the time.

An average fashion model, minus her head.

This is the fifth season in a row when I’ve pulled out my stash of season-change clothing and realized I have to donate almost all of it. I am both happy and horrified ($$$!!!) about this. And this one is a bit odd, but I wore jeans to work today. To get away with wearing jeans in my kind of business setting, you have to make it a whole outfit - like, you’re able to wear jeans but they have to be tailored, an attractive wash, paired with heels and coordinated jewelry and you really need to get the top half right including hair. Jeans can be worn, but as part of a LOOK. You have to look like you might actually be representing a music label in some capacity, rather than “I wore jeans because they’re easy”. Anyhow, I always felt that was a tall order when I was overweight - coordinating all of that was a million times harder because that shirt might not lie right on my body, the jeans might be a little muffin-top-ish, the shoes might not be good for miles of walking, the bracelet might not fit. And all of that would change week to week, like I was a shapeshifter. But now I just think “that would go together” AND IT DOES. I don’t have to worry about my body underneath it all anymore.

I remember coming back on these forums and calling bullshit on the “you’ll eat to satisfaction!” line a couple months after the surgery. I was happy with progress and sticking to the plan, but “satisfaction”? No. I remember satisfaction, and this ain’t it. It made me kind of angry that people were selling a “satisfaction” line that I thought post-op to be completely misleading. I used to get a chemical rush off of eating too much. There are some people who enjoy the process of eating food and savor every bite - that wasn’t me. I was doing a logical, explicable thing: if I had a **** day at work I would buy Ben & Jerry’s and eat a pint. I sometimes would even be aware partway through that I really wasn’t into the taste in my mouth right now, but it didn’t matter because once I’d had too much, something in my system would kick in and wash good, happy chemicals through me. Overeating literally altered my body chemistry to a state where the negatives were less immediate. I actually asked around about this, and was somewhat shocked to find that what I’d always thought of as “satisfaction” was totally alien to most average weight people. No happy bump after eating - this wasn’t just that my happy-satisfaction had a trigger that was way delayed compared to others, for others it didn’t exist AT ALL. Their “stop eating” cue was feeling full or just being done with a specific taste. They were not chasing a chemical high like I was at every meal, thinking it was normal. Realizing this helped balance me out, as did recognizing what my max-out signals are. Initially I was enormously frustrated that I wasn’t getting that post-food high, but once I knew it was abnormal, I could focus a lot more on the sensation of coming up on being too full, or evaluating whether this giant strawberry is really tasty enough to merit eating the whole thing. I’ve also gotten a hell of a lot better at gauging the hour or so after eating; I can eat a one-egg omelette and feel fine at the time, but know I will feel my stomach working on that egg for the next hour so I’d better not bump it to two. Meals have stopped being a source of mood regulation and have turned into energy/fuel-ups. Still tasty, but different motivation. Am I ever “satisfied” like I used to be? No. But it turns out that sensation was abnormal, so now I think of “satisfaction” as just not feeling hungry anymore. Which is also a good thing. Switching that mindset can take effort and sometimes outside influence, so going to a counselor to talk it out is a good idea. ...and the comparison of orgasm and meal-related satisfaction is, in my view, EXACTLY on-point. How frustrating would it be if you suddenly stopped having orgasms and everyone else is chirping “I’m totally satisfied!” And then later you find out none of them have ever HAD an orgasm and are talking about cuddling. Both good sensations but VERY DIFFERENT.

I didn’t start dating until after 6 months so I was cleared for alcohol, but typically went out for a drink and an appetizer. I’d prep by having a larger breakfast and a smaller or earlier lunch, and then I’d eat whatever I felt like during the date (which is usually quite little). The good thing is that unless you’re going out to dinner, no one’s likely to notice what you eat and “I’m not really hungry” is a perfectly valid statement. By the time you progress to dinner, the guy usually already likes you enough to brush it off or is adjusted to eating 50% of whatever you ordered. The key thing is feeling comfortable with you. Someone will notice if you eat lightly AND guiltily. They’re less likely to note anything if you’re so casual about it that it’s a non-issue (because it is). Just be careful about what you order early on, it’s really easy to have eyes bigger than your new stomach and you can get tricked by old budget-conscious habits. One of my first real post-op meals with a friend we ordered the cheap fixed-price lunch deal, and I finished half the soup and started laughing because I was full and had a main and dessert still coming! (I got them both boxed up) For body image... it takes a while. And probably depends quite a bit on how much you’d internalized your overweight self-image. But it’s really not worth worrying about, and do NOT apologize or explain for anything about your body. Attraction is about so much more than whether or not you unveil an impressive set of bingo wings. Power throughout and be confident.

I wear the Spanx spotlight on lace bodysuit ALL THE TIME. Right now I wear a large, I could probably do a medium but I’m not in it for a crazy level of shaping. This tackles any unevenness and prevents Jello-like ripples on heavy steps or when I sit down in a weirdly shaped chair. Some people get freaked out by the logistics of it being a one piece, but always liked this sort of foundation garment anyhow, so i don’t find it remotely restricting.

My why: I was completely exhausted from shouldering the casual, clinical, disapproving gaze of others for decades. Losing the weight's been great for my knees, my endurance and my shopping budget, but it's mostly been transformational mentally. People who have never been fat genuinely don't understand that people observe you in public. It's like when someone wanders by in a particularly ostentatious outfit while you're sitting at an outdoor cafe and your gaze tracks them - sometimes you're thinking "that looks amazing", sometimes you're thinking "puce and mauve make that coat look like 70s upholstery". The gaze can be positive or negative but it's assessing. The difference is that people who wear loud clothing 1. usually do it because they want attention and 2. CAN TAKE IT OFF. The incredible relief it's been to shed that constant monitoring is hard to express. I don't get quietly observed and judged wherever I go these days, and when I do feel people looking at me, I know it's because I'm put-together and look damn good, so it's not an oppressive feeling. And if I wanted to avoid it I could, by dressing slightly differently. The only option to be unmonitored when I was fat was to avoid other people. I know some people had thicker skins than I did about this stuff. But man, I am glad that psychic weight is GONE.

Oh man, definitely get a therapist. In fact, talk to your surgeon to find one who specializes in bariatric patients. This is something you want to nip in the bud ASAP. While you're finding a therapist, try to do some work to figure out WHY you're doing this. "Mindful eating" could be a good way to slow yourself down and analyze what your motivations are here. Are you trying to "keep up" with other people at the table? Are you misjudging how much of each course you can eat and then stubbornly continuing to eat because you've only had a partial meal? Are you chasing the high you used to get from overeating? It could be any of those, all of those, none of those - but clearly you know this isn't a good pattern, so therapy + self-reflection is something you can start doing right now. Our teeth already have a rough enough time of it post-surgery without attacking them with stomach acid.

I’ve been doing YogaGlo streaming for a couple of weeks and REALLY like it. I also hate cardio, so try to make up for it by walking a ton and swimming.

I’ve recently started eating edamame spaghetti. Ridiculous amount of protein per serving, and tastes like real pasta to me. I have a shake for breakfast once or twice a week, usually when I’m in a rush. I usually eat a cheese stick during the day and then nuts in the PM. I also eat a fair amount of lentils but need to get more creative with them. I’ve been doing a thing where I don’t buy meat at the supermarket, I only buy it st restaurants. This is partly because I was buying and wasting too much meat, and partly because cooking it for one person was a lot of work for such a small meal (or I’d have to eat it for days). It’s worked out much better for me, and all of the plant-based proteins I use somehow seem to get eaten faster or go off more slowly than animal protein.

I think EVERYONE has sagging skin after weight loss, it’s just the degree to which you get it. But clothes cover everything that’s super-evident (thighs/upper arms/abdomen) and if it really bothers you there’s always plastics or other procedures. For now I’m making do with light shapewear and elbow-length sleeves. Two years ago at this time, dressing for summer was 100x more complicated because I didn’t show those areas anyhow AND I was trying to manage the form-fitting/layering/air con-to-blistering weather. Now all I have to worry about is do I look good in one of my many medium-sized elbow-length shirts. So much easier. Definitely overrides any loose skin worries. What will happen will happen. Even if you end up with the least elastic skin ever, you’ll have more options than you do now.

You don’t WANT that feeling to go away. That feeling goes away and you lose awareness. More immediately, it depends on how much you’ve overeaten to gauge how long until the nausea fades, and it’s different for every person. When I overeat (the difference can be as small as half a bao) it usually takes me 15-20 mins to level out. One tip: do not try to drink water to “wash it down”. That trick does not work anymore. You just have to ride it out and next time you’ll pay a lot more attention to that limit-approaching feeling.

I got it on Amazon - I’d tasted it before, so I splurged on 6 boxes at once. The similar version in my local store combined edamame and mung beans and was fettuccini-formed, which was nowhere near as good. The spaghetti shape was key, I think.

Public service announcement: this is pretty damn good. Tons of protein, feels damn close to genuine pasta, my only caveat is that you need to pair it with a pretty bulky savory sauce (whether that’s veggie or bolognese). The pasta-sauce ratio has to favor the sauce. Also don’t put it back in the pot to coat it with sauce, I think that makes some of the water express again. So drain it, instantly massage a little sauce through it to make sure it doesn’t clump, then put a large helping of sauce on top of it and eat. The serving suggestion on the box suggests pesto can get round the ratio thing; will report back. All hail vegan innovation.

Only been back on and looking for a few days, but am feeling a strong urge to lay off online for a while and see who I can fish in person. (I already have the ongoing long-distance texting relationship, I don’t think I have the energy currently to do that on multiple fronts.) That means going to events a hell of a lot more and generally getting out there, but I am surprisingly into that right now, so okay. It’s summer, let’s see who chats me up at riverside cocktails. If there’s no action, I’ll go back online. I got my dopamine fix in spades last month, so I can be a little patient. Anyone else having any luck, online or off?

I didn't realize when I lost weight that ______: I would now be able to see that I have scoliosis with the naked eye, and so would all of my doctors all of a sudden. I apparently look like my sister now, after decades of everyone saying we look nothing alike Visitors from other national offices would seek me out when in town for a business trip for no other reason than they've seen my updated headshot in emails and want to get the full effect People would take my photo, a lot I would spend quite this much time assuring chefs that I did like what they cooked, I just can't eat much of it

One element of it is the relationship between the two of you - that I think is mostly manageable, if you’re close friends. Your close friends will do a lot of work to manage their own mindset. But an entirely different aspect is the way you get treated by the world as you get thinner, and your friend gets a front-row seat for all of that. It can be really rough. The closest comparison would be all those high school movies where a girl takes off her glasses and straightens her hair and suddenly she’s being invited out to parties, pursued by the football QB and even teachers are handing her awards and asking her to speak for the class. There’s a reason the best friend in those movies often drops out of sight. It’s one thing to love your changing friend and be thrilled at how she’s becoming more comfortable with herself. It’s another to have to withstand the extremely blatant evidence that society rewards superficial attractiveness in such an obvious way. So sometimes it’s not that the friend has an issue with the WLS buddy. It’s that death-by-a-thousand-social-cuts actually does hurt and at some point they have to prioritize their mental health.