sideeye

Happened to me after a surgery three years ago - had thick straight hair and now the pieces that would be left down in a half-ponytail are frizzy. When I went to a stylist I hadn’t seen in a while she asked if I’d had a baby, because it’s the type of hair texture change that can happen with childbirth. I find it both annoying (frizzy?! My hair was so SMOOTH!) and strangely useful (I can twirl my hair into a bun and it will sometimes stay like that without pins, if I’ve wound the frizzy bits right).

I'd lost weight before (70 lbs at a go) before, so I knew this was coming and lined up a mental health counselor because I knew I was going to hit a point where I hate all mankind. Unfortunately, it does happen - suddenly people are much nicer to you, men are much more attentive, people treat you in a way you haven't experienced, and some of these people are close friends or family! Coworkers start inviting you to drinks, people want you to come to parties, you're asked to do presentations or join work teams, etc etc. It's unbelievably depressing because you know that the only thing that changed about you is your weight, so it makes you think very dark thoughts about the rest of humanity, who are apparently so superficial that they gauge the way they treat people on their size. Horrendous. ...THAT SAID, I actually do behave differently now I'm slimmer. My family has noticed it and remarked on it. I've personally noticed I have more energy and am probably giving off an "invite me!" vibe when earlier I had a "leave me alone I'm going home" vibe. I've always described myself as an extroverted introvert (I come off as social, but if I don't have serious chunks of alone time planned I kind of lose it) but the balance has changed a little - I'm now less territorial about quiet/alone time. I'm making more time to just be around and chat, when previously I'd seclude myself and recharge. I think I just have more energy overall and that also means the mental energy to deal with other people. I recently talked about this with my cousin, who just had her 10 year reunion from high school. A kid who was quite large apparently lost a LOT of weight, and people at the reunion were chatting him up and complimenting him. My cousin heard afterwards that he'd been really, really angry and scornful about a lot of those people, and I'm guessing it's for exactly this reason: why wasn't he good enough when he was the exact same person, just heavier? And why the hell do people think he's magically forgotten how dismissive and remote they were in high school, now that they apparently find him more attractive and are willing to talk to him? I'm good with the attention now, but I think it's because I know it's coming, I have mental health backup, and also because I have a career that most people find pretty interesting so my appearance is hardly the most attractive thing about me. Ten years ago when I lost the same amount of weight and had none of those safeguards was a very, very different and depressing experience that likely contributed to regain as I basically tried to "hide" from all of these horrible, superficial people.

Roll with it. Coughing and sneezing is still going to suck, be careful when rolling or trying to lie on your side, and expect to be very sleepy. But otherwise no panicking, this is just a good recovery.

On a business trip, went to a rooftop bar with coworkers. One of the guys finds the stairs and heads on up, and we're following, and on the fourth flight my (very slim) coworker stops to catch her breath and I realize: I'm not panting at all. I'm not sweating, I'm not needing a break, I can very easily walk up another flight to the roof bar and won't need any time to recover or ANYTHING. And I'm doing it in 4 inch platforms.

Aw man, that blows - can you cut your hair really short? I'm right around 3.5 months and might be on the leading edge of a shed, starting to notice more hair coming out but not evident on my scalp yet. My plan is to chop it all off if it gets bad and tell people it's my summer haircut. That and maybe wearing some of those scarf-style headbands, which seem to be coming partly back into style (as long as you make the rest of your wardrobe a little boho). And maybe baseball caps; when I travel with coworkers I usually dress up a bit, but if this gets dicey then I'm going the athleisurewear-and-ball-cap look for all transit. I'm not getting upgraded but now I'm smaller, I don't care as much about looking good to my economy-seat companions. I would love to get a better idea of what causes the big shed, I have the same suspicion you do, that it's calorie count. I've deliberately stayed at 800-1000 since about 3 weeks after surgery (I'm putting plastics off for at least 2 years, but same as you, I'll have to block and schedule it with work) hoping to ward it off, but obviously it's just a guess. Thanks for the silicone tape tip elsewhere in the forums, I just got mine in the mail. Probably a little late for it, but it feels better to do SOMETHING about the big red marks (which feel like they're getting darker with time).

We just don't get the people who view life through the lens of a higher being (and if I lump the agnostics in here too, a specific higher being that has will and intent, etc etc). That's not being above or below, it's just speaking two different languages. I have a pretty hard time with Chinese characters (though I find them fascinating), because my mind works really well with the order system of phonetic alphabets, but I'm sure there are English-speaking kids who have a rough time with phonics but would be AMAZING at writing and reading Chinese characters since they're a method of symbol-building that's a lot more visual. As far as I'm concerned, those who believe in God are working in Chinese while I'm working in English. Would I find it difficult to understand if they suddenly phrased an English get-well sentence in a structural form closer to Chinese? Probably! Would I prefer if they expressed themselves to me in our common language where the intent was clearer? Also probably! (I would also resist speaking to them in iambic pentameter or lapsing into medieval english, so the road goes both ways.) We could also look at this through the context of superstition. If you believe that stepping on a crack will actually break your mother's back, okay. I can roll with that. Just don't get weird about me stepping on cracks, and I'm going to find it pretty annoying if my mom gets sick and you tell me that you hope she gets better and that you'll be extra-vigilant in helping me to avoid stepping on cracks. That's your thing, not mine, so... What's the point in introducing your belief system when you know I don't give a toss about it? Especially when you're supposedly trying to be there for me in some way? Personally I don't really care about the whole "prayers" thing, though my mind might change if I was constantly surrounded by it. I can brush it off because it's an aberration, not a constant low-key brainwashing attempt to normalize religious culture in secular space. Either way, when offering sympathy it's nice to offer empathy too. If you're talking to a religious person and you're not religious, resist any urge to get into atheist debate while they're talking about their cat going to heaven. If you're religious talking to an atheist, maybe strip out some of the God-language when telling them how you're thinking of them after their parrot died. Proselytizing is an activity that has its time and place, no matter what brand you're pushing.

Atheists do have belief systems, it’s just not supernatural and not predefined, which of course makes life difficult when you’re in a political tussle with a well-organized and single-minded church or religiously affiliated group. I feel the same sense of wonder that my religious mother does, we just view the world through different lenses. She attributes things to God, and I attribute things to a blend of luck and science. She thinks good things are blessings handed out by a sky father, and I believe that they’re organically occurring positives that are the result of a mix of purpose, history and luck. Either way we can both feel the same wave of pleasure at a particularly beautiful sunset.

I'm a pretty solid atheist (despite my mother's best efforts), and for the first few years after making that public declaration I was pretty reactive to all "I'll pray for you" or "God bless you" or other religious-themed messaging, but I think it was residual irritation from the same feelings that made me leave religion in the first place. Basically, I stopped going to church quite young because I knew bone-deep that I did not believe any of the same things that the people around me believed, and it felt wrong to fake it or even to be silently present. It's just weird to sit in a group of adults who have gathered to profess earnest faith in something that you think is unreal, it makes you feel uncomfortable and vaguely feels like you're gently mocking them (you're NOT mocking them, but the feeling is too close to when you're playing with children who have very firm rules and opinions about a game of make-believe, and you don't want to treat religious adults like children, so everything can get pretty uncomfortable). So I think when I fixed myself solidly in the secular world, I resented it when people thoughtlessly brought their religious talk into my newly-fixed sphere. Along the lines of "hey, I respectfully didn't bring up science and the fallibility of the Bible in the spaces where you worshipped something I don't believe, so have the same respect for me in my non-religious spaces". Eventually I mellowed and decided that a lot of religious jargon is just another way for people to say "I'm thinking of you". I mean, there is a certain quality of tone - you can definitely tell the difference between an "I'm telling you that you're important to me and in my thoughts" and an "I am holy and godly and this is another way that I make myself feel good by being publicly pious you heathen" type of pray-for-you - but overall I can mostly shrug it off as a turn of phrase. Part of the mellowing may have occurred from living in areas with not just a huge variety of religions but also some non-Judeo-Christian cultures and languages sprinkled in, so you eventually get used to people just using their own heartfelt phrases to indicate that they value you and want you to know that. (I mean, I never realized that watching a couple of teenagers shout and stomp and stick their tongues out at a suited man in an airport would make me tear up with emotion, but then I was regularly exposed to hakas.) At a certain point it's all just habit, it's the intent that matters. Except for the church ladies who are engaging in holier-than-thou posturing. THEY can cram it, but then again, don't we all feel that haughty better-than-you people can cram it in general? Some people just use religion to do it.

I stall during my period. Then about 4 days afterwards, I drop all at once. Oddly, I am really NOT hungry at all during my period and tend to fall back on protein shakes to make sure I get something in.

I've never had food allergies in my life, but last night I had an allergic reaction and all I can think of is that it's something I ate. All of it was normal food that I've always eaten, but I woke up at 3am with itchy, raised, red rashes all over me. I knew about food sensitivities developing where your stomach doesn't "like" certain foods anymore, but this is a full emergency-Benadryl reaction. Anyone else experience this?

I have a car but live in the city, so sometimes don't actually use the car for a couple weeks at a stretch. A few weeks ago I got into the car and realized all the mirrors were significantly off. I had to reorient all of them - side mirrors, rearview mirror. Was really annoyed that I'd somehow hit buttons and screwed up the mirrors until I realized: I'd had to tilt them all downwards the exact same degree. I'd lost enough on my hips and ass since the last time I'd been in the car to literally shrink a few inches and thrown all of the mirror angles off.

Get a body pillow, or maybe two king pillows. I'm a stomach sleeper and wedging pillows on either side of me was really the only things keeping me on my back that first week, which was key since your incisions will scream if you roll in the night. I used the body pillow along the back of my bed and kind of created a fake in-bed recliner. I got the Water Minder app and preset measures for 1oz and 8oz quantities, since those were the volumes I intended to use. Also loaded up audiobooks and movies. I did also get one of those abdominal binders, just to make sure I didn't pull at my incisions and to generally keep things under control.

Crystal Lite. I hate artificial sweeteners on principle and try to avoid them, but man, Crystal Lite was the only thing that made it possible to get all the water I needed in.

This thread is interesting. My doc and nutritionist are aiming for me to lose around 10lbs per months (after the initial 20lbs in my surgery month). So that means just over three months in, I've lost over 40lbs. If this continues for another 6-8 months, I could be down around 120 lbs, which would get me to the top range of acceptable BMI. But it sounds like a lot of people replying here are losing like MONSTERS right out of the gate, and then aiming to maintain a lot earlier in the cycle? Kind of wondering about the variables here. Are others getting different advice from their docs? Mine basically said around 1000 cals a day, stick to leaner stuff and a list of advised foods, but generally start eating normal content (not quantity). To lose 30lbs a month I would've had to be nearly all-liquid (we were on soft foods about 2 weeks out). Are other gastric sleevers getting advice to lose as much as possible at the beginning?

Two things might be happening here: he might think he can influence you out of surgery, and he might think he's being funny. (There are other options that skew closer to "he's an evil jerk" but I'll leave those aside for now.) Step one might be telling him that you're doing this, that it's a set decision, and that you could use his support but if he's not ready to do that then you're not open to hearing any anti-WLS comments from him, because it's happening. Tell him it would be like him saying he wants to get a promotion, and you constantly telling him he's not worth it, he can't do the job, his bosses will laugh at him for asking... Not helpful, right? So either support or agree to not talk about this anymore. If he thinks he's being funny, then tell him he's not. Jokes about you regaining or about you failing aren't funny, not even a little, they're just mean. They're not casual observations, they're not motivating reminders, they're just mean little asides that do absolutely nothing but make you feel crappy. Ask him why he makes the comments. Is it because he thinks they're funny? They're not. Does he think he's just making observations? Well, there are consequences. And does he care that he's making you feel horrible multiple times a day? If the answer to that is that he's purposely saying something to make you feel awful, then there's a much larger conversation to be had. But there is a chance that all of this is him trying any route he can to stop you from getting the surgery because he's scared of a "non-necessary surgery". He's being passive-aggressive about it, but if the root is that he's scared he'll lose you, at least that's a positive in that it's a twisted way of caring. And at that point you at least have an avenue to talk about morbidity rates, quality of life after surgery, etc. And that's less emotionally fraught than all of the personal stuff. Dig a bit if you can. Hopefully he's not just a jerk at heart.

I went to a huge department store and rather than going to the plus sized floor, I went to what I have been known to refer to as the "Normal Human Woman Department". Picked up a bunch of stuff in sizes 14-18, and they ALL FIT. Some were too tight in places, some were too loose, but none were on the usual plus-size spectrum of sausage-casing-to-circus-tent. Not only was I able to find clothes that I could pull on and zip and button, I was able to not panic-buy the things that were the closest fit. I took photos of all the tags and was able to leave the store, knowing I could go online and find the exact clothes I wanted in the cut I wanted and length I wanted, because that's how normal human woman stockists work. I even found a dress I'll probably wear to a wedding in autumn, so I'll keep my eye on that and know to try it on in a much smaller size closer to the time. This has been a complete bizarre experience that I probably last had 20 years ago. Usually when I leave a store empty-handed I feel exhausted and depressed. This time I was absolutely fine and thinking about stuff like colors, trends, accessories that I could blend to put together an outfit of choice instead of necessity.

The staples aren't what hurt when you cough or laugh, it's the abdominal incisions. For some people hugging a pillow helps, for some people (me) it didn't. It's about 20 seconds of sharp, shocking pain each time but then it's done. Sucks, but is over after the first week. Regarding food intake, my doctor didn't make us go on a liquid diet until 24 hours before surgery and just based on tracking against others who got surgery at the same time, I think it helped me in the post-op month because I didn't start off hungry and undernourished. Now: that doesn't mean I'm saying you should ignore your doctor's orders. But what I am saying is, maybe don't do it early. We all get enthused about getting the process started, but if you don't have to go on liquids until the 11th, and you're feeling hungry right now on cottage cheese, then just eat like a normal person for the next two days. Don't go overboard, but don't start starving yourself ahead of your doctor's schedule - it's like going for a one-mile sprint before you start a marathon. And I agree with everyone else about the shakes. Drink a couple to figure out what brands you like and why, then don't touch them until the doc starts you on them. You will get tired of them, and post-op your preferences might change anyhow, so pace yourself.

I CAN eat anything, but there are definitely things I regret eating 15 minutes after swallowing. Lots of baked goods fall into that category: fine with a taste, but not with a serving. Riced cauliflower didn’t work for me either. Too much fat does the same thing, just a gross feeling and the strong impulse not to eat that much of that item again. As much as I like meat, I’m going to start experimenting with tofu more because I just feel it will be lighter on my stomach than animal protein. Weirdly, there is a distinct difference for me between a stomach that’s full and a stomach that’s just weighed down. The weighted down stomach isn’t fun, so I eat those foods in much stricter moderation. Still eat ‘em, though.

Just don’t keep wearing them if they’re loose - I gestured the other day and my ring flew off my hand and into a pond. It was costume jewelry, thankfully, but still!

My hair crisped. I have no idea why, and I'm not yet at the four-month mark when people say it falls out, but I've had to buy an oil pack to use once a week on my hair and then add leave-in conditioner. I'm not sure if it's the surgery or the post-op diet but my hair's pretty coarse these days. My skin isn't noticeably different, but I started doing the whole multistep skin care fad a few years ago so there's not been much room for my skin to dry out. I picked up hand cream too, which I wear overnight. If I have a big meeting or event, I'll use a gel mask the night before just in case.

I have a question for the long-termers: I see "eat to satisfaction" mentioned a lot, as in "you won't need to eat much, you'll be satisfied much faster" but I'm two months out and wondering if that term means the same I thought it meant? When I used to eat to satisfaction, I would feel pleasantly full. Not overstuffed, just right on that verge of eating lots at Thanksgiving and it was all delicious and now I'm going to take a nap - that kind of satisfaction. But now I kind of eat to the point of restriction. I certainly don't WANT any more food, that's for sure, but I can't quite say that I'm "satisfied". More like I'm "done". I can't eat any more, I feel a little uncomfortably full, and while I guess I'm not technically hungry it's not the same feeling at all as finishing a good meal used to be. To be clear, I don't mind this and have no regrets. But going in I think I got the impression that I would happily stop eating after 1/2 cup of food because my stomach would be satiated, like that sensation would just be moved up the timeline and now I'd get it five bites in, and that's not what I got. What I got was a stomach that feels either maxed out or right on the edge of maxed. There's very little space between "okay to keep eating" and "STOP EATING!" signals. So when people are saying "you'll be satisfied", is there some sensation further down the road where I'll hit that same sense of happy fullness, or is this just another way to say "you'll stop eating because there won't be any more room"?

Do you feel satisfied by taste and quality before restriction kicks in, or do you just mean that quantity no longer dictates satisfaction? Just trying to guide the conversation away from advice focusing on my personal experience and towards the broader experiences of people who are years down the line: less "I can't predict how this will feel for you" and more "four years out I feel satisfied by taste and quality" (which is helpful, thank you). Yeah, I think this is the change: pre-op patients can think of "satisfied" in emotional terms, and post-op it becomes much less complex: lack of hunger. But pre-op the concept of hunger and craving are so twinned that patients don't even imagine that post-op the definition of satisfied will change. It's an interesting think to think about when a pre-op poster is worrying a lot about not being able to enjoy food at events or is asking a lot about whether they'll still enjoy eating - I think the answer is that eating is going to change so fundamentally, there really isn't a direct sensation to map. The joy/contentment/endorphin rush will NOT be moved further up the process and just kick in at three bites of taco, but you also won't be hungry. You'll just be full, and have little interest in eating more. Which isn't really a pre-op state of mind without the additional endorphin kick.

Sort of, yeah - certainly closer. I think you captured it pretty well here: Not so much the part about leaving it or putting it in tupperware, but more like "I still want to taste that". Like your stomach might be full, but your taste buds weren't satiated. So while your stomach is definitely full and there's absolutely no way you're going to eat another bite because you'll feel gross, you're still craving the taste of that thing. Pre-surgery the craving and stomach capacity blended together into a single "I feel satisfied" sensation, but post-surgery it sounds like they split: there's the small capacity which is quickly filled, then the craving that frequently is a long-term head game of retraining yourself. What I'm curious about is: do they EVER bind together again, so you eat a meal and what stops you is not the restriction but a contented feeling of eating enough paired with having tasted enough? Do post-op patients ever go back to using satisfaction as a barometer to stop eating rather than the restriction? This is more of an academic question, I'm not concerned about my own adjustment and am not looking for encouragement or advice - just curious.

That's sort of what I'm asking - is it the SAME sensation of "full" as before, or is it a NEW sensation of being full? I'm wondering if post-op commenters are using the terminology in a way that doesn't really relate to how pre-op commenters understand the term. Maybe what I'm getting at is that pre-op, "satisfied" seems to correlate with a food-emotion, whereas post-op "satisfied" is really talking about something more food-transactional and biological. Another way I could ask this is: when the restriction eases, does that sensation of "I'm too full!" ease off too and get replaced by a more gradual sense similar to pre-op "satisfaction"? Or does the eased restriction just mean that "I'm too full!" comes later in the meal timeline? Again, I'm not concerned about any of this on a personal level regarding my surgery - I'm just curious about terminology because it seems there's a full definition change happening for a very specific word, and that word is commonly used by post-ops to reassure pre-ops. I'd argue you aren't going to be "satisfied" in the same way you think of it now as an overeater - you're just going to totally change your definition of "time to stop eating food". It used to be emotional, and now it's restriction. And it's possible for some people facing surgery, they're expecting to be able to eat to a point of emotional satisfaction, which is a very different consideration than biological satisfaction.

I have four. The doc usually does five but he says my liver lifted on its own (!!) so he didn't have to make the sternum-ish incision for the liver retractor.