Dragon64

Question; can I document an entire six months as it happens? The only way I can tell the journey is as it happens. How I got here; Hi! My name is Johnnie, and I am morbidly obese, and I am also a food addict. 27-years ago, I was a dope smokin, cigarette puffin. soon to be alcoholic. This is when god sent me one of his purist angels, we will call her Elizabeth. This angel accepted me for who I was, but loved me for who I am. When my destructive lifestyle began to corrupt her, she gave me an ultimatum; lose the pot, or lose me... I cannot have both. 27-years ago I quit the destructive habit of smoking dope. Elizabeth and I were also married. Retaining the other two bad habits of smoking and drinking, I had also started to pack on the pounds. My married weight some 27-years ago fluctuated between 195 to 200 lbs. Over thsee years I tried the Atkins diet, which worked initially, but not before the steadily gaining back the weight. Fast forward to 2002, my weight blew up to 260 pounds. This was also the time my doctor started me on my first of many high blood pressure meds. At this time I also wanted to quit smoking, so my doctor prescribed Welbutrin, and within a month I became a non smoker. This about the time that my drinking got worse, and my weight started to soar again. A brief try at Atkins again proved futile, as my metabolism was not as young as it used to be. At 300 +/- pounds in 2008, I quit drinking and started dieting again; this time it was the 1600 calorie diet with a daily dose of Phentermine. I managed a measly 50lb loss, before reversing direction. I tried Phentermine a couple more times, and even tossed in the 1200 calorie diet. Nevertheless, my weight was now getting out of hand. I have been plagued with plantar faciitus, sore knees, accompanied by a (un-)healthy dose of low self esteem, it became clear, I need help. 2017 arrived, and I decided to change occupations. In April I started a new career as a professional truck driver. I do not need to describe a truckers lifestyle, accept to say, 2017 was not my best year for decision making. July I came off the truck with a kidney stone. It took 2-attempts to get the stone out, but that little bugger came out. Three days after the last kidney stone procedure, was rushed to the emergency room and diagnosed with multiple pulmonary emboli (blood clots). It was deduced that I got deep vein thrombosis from the truck driver life style, producing the clots that nested in my lungs. Weight in July and August was 298. I should note here, that through all of the years I also suffered from acid reflux, which I treated with baking soda and water. But the acid reflux became severe about 5-years ago, before I managed to get a grip on it. I have been reflux free for the last 4-years. This was about the time I was diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and put on the CPAP machine. If you skipped ahead in this story, just know that I suffer like so many here, with many of the issues surrounding those two nasty words; Morbid Obesity. Elizabeth, has never left my side, she has been my rock, my angel, my best friend for life, even now more than ever! With my background story out of the way, I can begin my journey now...

August 9, 2018 Stats: Weight: 279.4lbs BMI: 39 Note: These are my current stats based on my recent visit to the doctor; the Ticker in my signature indicates an "empty nude" weight just after waking up. My weight loss surgery story has come to an end. I have have been wrestling with whether or not I could actually go through with surgery or not, and I have decided to cancel any further pre-op insurance screening visits. The decision does not come easy, and it was not made alone. My wife and I have talked at length about how I truly feel deep down; that I can do this weight loss ordeal on my own, surgery is just not for me. While at my doctors visit yesterday, he gave me a little extra time to talk about it, and he now believes I am seriously committed to getting healthy. He believe that I have made the right decision, and he has offered to doing everything in his power to help me succeed. My next visit will be a full physical, which I have to have yearly anyways (prostate and all), followed by visits to the hospital provided fitness center. For now, diet will remain unchanged, as my doctor feels the slower loss of weight is the better approach to maintaining my weight in the future. Thank you all for your support and encouragement on this short march, it has been greatly appreciated. I wish you all the best luck on your own weight loss journeys, and that everyone lives a longer, healthier and happier life. Take care and God bless!

This week has been busy; first off, I had a scare Sunday afternoon, while experiencing a sharp cramp pain in my right calf muscle. Further signs led me to believe I was experiencing Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT) or blood clots in the legs. As described early on in this thread, I was diagnosed with multiple pulmonary emboli (blood clots in the lungs), caused by DVT's. So I spent yesterday in the ER, only to find out that what I was experiencing was a deep muscle pull... a heating pad last night alleviated that discomfort. Also yesterday (Monday), I had a much sought after NSV, in that I am now wearing a size 46 pant. At the start of the march I was stuffing myself into a size 52, now I am comfortably wearing a size 46. To that, I have dropped 48lbs from 325 to 277. The date escapes me at the moment, but visit #6 is later this week, so more when I know more.

And I question the decision daily; Just this past Friday (7/20/2018) my mother came over to watch a movie with the family. She brought MceeDees for everyone except me, I had a home made grilled chicken chef salad. Any way, my mother, who is a 10-year veteran of gastric by-pass, managed to finish only half of a small burger, and maybe 1/3 of the medium fry. 20-minutes into the movie, she starts to drop off to sleep... she has a bit of narcolepsy. Suddenly she wakes up, apologizes for falling asleep, and then begins to take a sip of water... she caps the bottle, just before her eyes go wide, and all of the color drains from her face... a very eerie sight to see. She starts fanning herself and chanting "Do not pass out, do not pass out..." I managed to get her a 5-gallon bucket just in time for her bring back up the water she just drank. No food thankfully, just the water. Apparently, she has these episodes a couple times a week... sometimes she still passes out, even after expelling the "what-ever-she-ate-or-drank" She was quite embarrassed, but we all handled it well without panicking. Saturday my wife had a heart to heart with me, pleading her case again that she does not want me having the surgery, if I have the possibility of going through the same stuff myself... I told her, that until I get used to the "new me" I will probably have my own episodes.

Back to my coffee dilemma; adding Sweet'n Low back into my diet was not a smart move, and would be considered a small step backwards in the march. My sweet cravings begun to return, and I was getting a little edgy as my wife would put it. I stopped all sweeteners again, and boom! Nearly 3 pounds gone this week alone. I am currently at my lowest weight in nearly 9 years now. Luckily, with the slip backwards with sweeteners I only maintained the weight, I did not gain any back. The march goes on!

July 9, 2018 Family Doctor Visit (5 of 7) Stats: Weight: 289.0 BMI: 40.3 The visit went well as could be expected (no bridges burned); I only managed 3 pounds lost, a far cry from the 14 pounds lost before my last visit. But then I still have well over a 100 pounds to go to reach my goal weight. My blood pressure is remaining at a good pace at 124/67, and I am feeling better and better everyday. Since my last visit, I had a birthday, and my mother surprised me with a copy of P90. This is an exercise program put out by Beach Body, one of many programs that they put out every year. Although I am struggling a bit due to my size, I am attempting to exercise per the program outline on the videos. Those downward dogs can be a bear... Diet remains the same, in that I am not really dieting. I buy from the edges of the grocery store, and I cut my portions. I will admit though, that after 3 weeks of giving it all that I have got, I can not get used to black coffee. I have added creamer and that pink packet stuff back into my diet. Shame me, I do, but that is like "liquid Jesus" to me at 4:45AM every morning. More about the doctors visit; the doctor himself did all of the duties of his nurse: he weighed me, took my blood pressure, and checked my temperature... it seems that his nurse, found a better place to work. I don't know if she left based on how the office manager treated me, but she is gone. Coincidentally, a co-worker stopped me in the hall at work today to tell me that I was looking fit & trim (yes, totally made my day). I told him about my journey to lose weight, and explained my recent experience with my doctors office... he proceeded to tell me that his wife used to work there and quit on account of the office management... go figure. We exchanged pleasantries, and parted ways, I could fill in the blanks. Small world.

I was never warned about losing too much weight, I was told not to gain anymore weight... As it stands, I am 39 pounds from any chance of getting my surgery cancelled. I want to lose as much as I can to lower my set point, iwth the goal of getting me closer to my goal weight, which ultimately 185 to 195. Truth be told, I would rather lose the weight on my own, and never need surgery. But too many past diet failures have led me to where I am at now, the six month march to surgery, and a new healthier me. Alabama definitely does not have a shortage of doctors, I'm sure there is a physician just waiting for us to call. Until this current doctor, I had ran through a couple, including a woman doctor. Nothing against woman, she just had a problem giving me the "yearly male check-up" if you catch my drift... thank goodness to, as she had some serious finger nails. Ok TMI, sorry, but these things are important. I need to find a new doctor with who has nothing but my good health in mind. First thing firs, I need to get through the next 3 visits (including today), then I can put this doctors office behind me... without burning any bridges, just in case.

I was looking over reviews of my doctor, and it is interesting to note that the reviewers love the doctor, but give his practice low marks due to the rude front office staff. Once I am done getting these required visits done, I will be searching for a new family doctor.

The office manager said that if she were to make an exception for me, she would have to do it for all... I told her I promised not to tell (trying to defuse the conversation), but she had no sense of humor. No reminders, text or phone call, like they have always done in the past... Misunderstandings all around, and it cost me an extra $40 for a missed visit. Live and learn. I do not believe this will severely impact my schedule, as I only need three more visits between now and September 4th. So, for this weight loss surgery story; be ever so vigilant on your schedule. Six months worth of weight loss supervised doctor visits go by quicker than you think, especially when there is so much needing to get done before the big day. Insurance, in my opinion, got this one right. They are forcing us to take this six month time, to get our head straight, for what will be a life long life style change. Trying to get all of the changes in place after surgery, in my opinion, would be a tough go... Enlight of recent events, "Life is Still Good..."

I may have really messed up. My family doctor called last week to change my appoint from this Friday the 6th of July, to today. I did not write it down, and I totally missed the appointment. Completely my fault. They called me at 2:40 today, to let me know I missed my 2:30. Charged me $40 for the missed visit, and rescheduled me for this coming Monday... Sounds good right? Not really, as I got pretty upset. I admitted fault to the nurse, and on the 2nd call, I admitted fault to the office manager, But they would not take me in for the weigh-in, citing office policy. I missed an appointment, and they would make no exceptions... I may have worded my argument a little terse, and now I feel there is some bad blood... blood hot enough to burn some bridges. These appointments are very important to me, as this is my life! I screwed up by not writing down the appointment change, I make no excuses... but these visits are merely $25 weigh-in co-pays. I was 15-minutes from the office, I could have been in and out and would not have impositioned anyone. Live and learn. Hopefully I can recover the time, and squeeze the last two visits in closer together and still meet the September 4th dead line...

Not much to report at this juncture of the journey; I have plateaued as far as the doctor supervised diet and weight loss is concerned. I have only managed to lose 2lbs this month, compared to the 14lbs prior to last months doctors visit. Diet wise I have made no changes, although I could stand to lose the popcorn habit... that addiction seems to be the hardest to shake. Popcorn on Friday; popcorn if I go to the movies, popcorn! popcorn!! popcorn!!! My next supervised doctor weigh-in visit is this Friday the 6th of July 2018 (For archival). This will be my 6th visit of the insurance required 7. I will have to work with my doctor to modify the final visit to come in under the 180-day limit per the insurance requirements. That should not be a problem though. You know, I was dead set against this insurance requirement of a 180 weigh-in period. But I have to say, it is giving the much needed time to get a jump on the lifestyle changes that I will need to make anyway. It has also helped me to lower my set point, so that I am just that much closer to a much healthier goal weight. As I get closer, I am going to start getting acclimated to a more liquid diet. Since I will more than likely be put on a liquid diet phase prior to surgery, I might as well start the search for the liquids I could stomach (stand) for 2 to 3 weeks prior to surgery... I am shocked by how many people just do not get it; I am on a couple fakebook (facebook) groups, and I am shocked at the questions that some surgery recipients ask prior and after surgery: 1: How soon after surgery before I can start smoking pot again...? Some patients even gave timeline answers as to when... what!?! Try never, you should never smoke pot again. Along those same lines: 2: I am still smoking cigs, and my surgery is in a week... will they deny my surgery? They should is all I can say, as you are just not getting it... 3: A favorite here, this was asked just last week: "What would you do for a Klondike bar?" I do not get why some people look for dietary supplements for the crap foods that got them here in the first place. That is still food addiction, and if you do not get rid of the cravings and the addiction, you could be dooming yourself to failure. Am I the expert? No, not by a long shot. Giving up the cravings is a real b*tch. My birthday was two weeks ago, and when asked what kind of cake I wanted, I said none. What I wanted was a small fruit cup with strawberries, grapes, pineapple, cantaloupe, and honey dew. My mother, who is a 10-vet of gastric by-pass, could not believe that I did not want cake to celebrate... Well, that in itself speaks volumes as to why she is regaining her weight. Celebratory foods was one of the addictions I had to break: Yeah it's Friday. time for chili conqueso, it's Saturday time for Pizza! It's your birthday, time for cake and ice cream! Celebration foods, mood foods, and treats etc. I had to stop rewarding myself every time with food. A very nasty habit to break. Although I do not currently have these addictions, I am still actively searching for ways to offset the cravings... gum really helps! Anyway, still marching on ward. It has been tough, rewarding, and time has literally flown by. I will report after this months doctor visit. Life is good!

Yeah! I finally broke through the plateau and lost a pound. So unofficially I am down 39.4 pounds pre-op. I need to keep at it, so I can keep lowering my set point. I also started a new exercise routine from Beach Body called P90. Years ago I was young enough to do P90X, but now I am a little to brittle for that routine, and P90 seems more my pace. Current diet remains about the same, low carb, high protein (not really watching or counting calories). I have tried using the calorie counter called My Fitness Pal, but I despise that application. I spend all my time entering data... would much rather just walk! Life is good, and getting better.

The June 27th visit to the nutritionist has been cancelled. The visit was not required by insurance like the first visit was, so I cancelled it. Medical bills were expensive this month with my DOT physical, and my wife's need for new glasses, that we had to plug the medical bill leak somehow... Other than that, I have plateaued off at a loss of 38lbs. This may or may not be where I start from at surgery, but I have 2.5 months to try and lose more before all of my paperwork is submitted for approvals. The thought of surgery makes my toes curl with nervous anticipation. Truth be told, I do not want this surgery... but I need it!

June 64, 2018 Family Doctor Visit (4 of 7) Stats: Weight: 292.0 BMI: 40.7 The visit with my family doctor went well. He actually sent in his nurse practitioner for this visit, but I did not mind, she was very nice. I am down 14.4 pounds since the last visit, and a full 2 points off of my BMI. WOOT! They were pleased with my results, and said that what ever I am doing to keep doing it. Unfortunately, I went into the visit hoping that they would take me off of Metformin, but instead offered suggestions on modifying how I take the dosage (Grrr). So what does this mean? It means that I am building a mind set that will help me succeed once I have the surgery. We all know that if we do not go into this prepared to change our lifestyles, then we are doomed to failure. I know that for me, I have 50+ years of bad eating habits and food addictions to turn around, and believe you me, I am going to turn this ship around! About this months weight loss; my goal was to lose 10 to 11lbs, and I over shot that goal by 3 to 4lbs. As discussed a couple posts back, I decided once and for all to cut out all artificial sweeteners, and this decision alone I believe is what helped with the additional weight loss. Yes, I am struggling still drinking black coffee, but the benefits have been 10-fold... yet another addiction I will never return to. Note: My ticker will always show a lower weight, as that is the weigh-in at home, nude and empty. This weight is taken first thing in the morning. I am 5 pounds heavier at the doctors due to breakfast, lunch, and all of my clothes and shoes. Of course, the doctors weight is what will get sent to insurance for approval. Next milestone will be my 2nd visit with my nutritionist on June 27th. My 5th visit with my family doctor will be July 6th. Time is moving quicker than I thought it would... and there is still much to be done before hand. Much thanks to all for listening, "Life is Good!"

Tomorrow is visit #4 with my family doctor. A simple weigh-in and discussion on my weight-loss goals before and after surgery. A quick update before I provide a doctor visit update; I am still struggling with some food addictions that will need to hammered out in order to make "this" work for me. I find that in causal conversations I still bring up favorite foods (i.e. Turkey burgers, lasagna, tacos, The Whopper etc etc), and I talk of them passionately, or in fond remembrance. Although I am not craving these foods, they weigh heavily on my mind quite a bit. On a side note; since I am taking BP meds, insulin meds, blood thinning meds, and am actively using a CPAP machine, the stats of Alabama has asked that I relinquish my commercial drivers license. I have had my CDL now for 24-years. Briefly last year I tried my hand as an over the road (OTR) trucker, but I ultimately came off the road due to kidney stones and blood clotting, as outlined in my first posts in this thread, leads me to where I am at today. Nevertheless, I am forging forward, never looking back! I will update after my visit tomorrow. Also this month, I have my second visit with my nutritionist. I am really looking forward to showing her my progress, should be a good visit all around! Cheers, and thank you for all your support on life-saving journey!

A few words on cravings; I was never a "sweets" kind of guy, I never craved donuts and candy bars and chocolate etc. I was a "crunch guy" I like my chips and salsa, chili conqueso, Doritos etc. To this day I am finding that I needed to replace that crunch, and carrots are now my go to replacement. Saying I was not a sweets guy, is not entirely true. What, if any, processed food is not made with some form of sweetener? High Fructose corn syrup; sugar; Maltitol, Sucrolose, Sorbitol, Xylitol... I may not have been a sweets guy, but I was addicted to a lot of the processed foods that contained these sweeteners, and excess salt. Because that's how 'they' get you. Even now, we are trying to replace sugar with "sugar free" alternatives, and any doctor will tell you that man made sweeteners are just as evil as processed sugars. All this just to say, that I had to rid myself of all processed sweeteners, including the man-made variety that comes in the blue, pink and yellow packets. I had to cleanse my cupboards and pantry of any and all goods that even hinted at some form of sweetener. And do you know what? It is like a cloud has lifted off of me. Sure, I had the jitters wondering how I was going to live without certain foods, but now these cravings are a distant memory. Coming off of all of the sweeteners have cleared my mind, I kid you not. You do not realize the veil that sugar addiction places over you and your thoughts. I can honestly tell you that 90% of my cravings have gone away. Guys at work ask what I do for "snacks" I tell them raw almonds and strawberries & apples are great natural snacks. I do not need or want puddings, Jellos, cookies or cakes. Like when I quit smoking, and the smell of smoke repulses me, the smell of sweets literally makes my teeth hurt. I knew that if I am to form a life long change to make this journey work, then I had to kill the cravings... getting rid of processed sugars was the ticket. And I can tell you, it is working! I urge you to try it, if you feel that you need a sugar free substitute to take the place of your usual go to snack, then you are still addicted to sugar still has its hooks in you. If you gather no other good from reading my journey, I can tell you for certain that this "life hack" works. Tell sugar to take a hike, and to take all of his fake buddies too! The fog will lift in a couple weeks, the cravings will go away, and you will see clearly where you need to go... "Life is Good!"

I love the book so far, everything he has presented has made so much sense. Thank you for the kind words!

I am not a religious man; I have not been to church in over 20-years, and I enjoy my freedom shopping at wally-world, or going to the early movies while everyone else is at church... But I do pray. Most recently I prayed for intervention. I prayed that a power higher than myself give me strength, because in the past I have had little when I needed it most. And "boy-howdy" do I ever need some help now! In my prayer I made sure to ask for exactly what I needed and nothing more; and right now I needed Him to ease my burden, so that I might get healthy... The power in prayer; My office mate gave me a book, titled Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeust. This is a weight loss journey the author tells of from a religious point of view. Now, it is geared more towards women, but I have found I can relate to most everything she writes about, albeit from a religious stand point... and I am not a religious man. But the book is about her carvings, and how she had to deal with those demons, it is a very good read, I am half way through the book [reading it at work] Other than this forum, I am also an avid member on a hobby forum called The Rocketry Forum (I am an avid model rocket flier). On this forum I started a thread on weight loss, and the trouble I had in the past. From this discussion noise, a member came through and contacted me privately. He asked me to read a book, a book that helped him a lot. He said that if I promised to read it, he would send it to me free of charge. I did promise, and a few days later Amazon delivered me a copy of The Obesity Code written by Dr Jason Fung. Once I realized that not only did a complete stranger offer up his help, he actually "gifted" me a copy straight from Amazon. No doubt I felt obligated to read the book. The book basically debuncts decades of research that has told us that "less calories in and more calories out (exercising)" means weight loss. Dr Fung basically says that obesity is directly related to our bodies insulin, or insulin resistance. Insulin has been know to cause weight gain for years, anyone having to give themselves insulin can attest to that. I am half way through this book as well, but I have one major take away so far... Now I have known for some time, that artificial sweeteners are bad. They are a bad replacement for sugar, that in my opinion, is pure evil dressed in white. Artificial sweeteners have been one of my many hold outs, the last enjoyable sweetness that I can run across my pallet. I have been averaging 6 to 10 packets of sweetener (2 per cup) in my coffee daily. In the Obesity Code, Dr Fung stated that these "fake" sweeteners, while providing no calories, still cause the body to produce extra insulin... interestingly enough, I have been recently diagnosed with elevated insulin levels, and I am now taking Metformin to help lower them (insulin). This past Saturday my weight crept back up from 293.8 to 297.4, about the time that I read the revelation about the affects of artificial sweeteners. Then and there, I stopped cold turkey, no more of the little pink packets for me... It seems that the immediate effect was weight started to shed off of me; I went from 297.4, and this morning I am 291.2 I have been so moved by the generosity of a total stranger; my office mate, my wife, everyone reading and commenting on my posts, and my family, that I have been humbled. Just when you thought you were alone you come to realize just how blessed we all are... I did another kitchen clearing; all cans that contained any kind of sweetener, fake or other wise, went into a bag, and I brought them to work. One of my final holdouts, fake sweets, has given up "the ghost" so to speak. I am not a religious man, yet prayer works in mysterious ways... You never know where He is going to send you help, and "That's all I got say about that"

Here is what my wife told me; 20% of people you tell do not care, and the other 80% are glad it is not them... I have elected to tell family members, and a few close workers, but as I move forward, I only keep the family updated on my progress.

The Dragon avatar I created a number of years ago when I was learning photoshop... I use it on most all the forums that I frequent (which is too many). I may have to go back to the facial avatar.

Thanks! Too bad the Avatars images are rounded... the `64 is barely visible.

1964 was a good year... for vintage Dragons! Grammy, thank you for the nice compliment all the same!

The journey is definitely off to a good start, thank you Frustr8!

Recognizing and admitting to the addiction is the first part of tearing down and rebuilding my Rome (or Utopia). Having surpassed three previous addictions, I am surprised I never recognized my own addiction to food. Now I know what to look for. As of today, I am officially down 30-pounds since starting this journey. It has been stated that gastric sleeve will help to reduce 60 to 72% of your excess weight, so the closer I can get to my "ideal weight" before surgery, the better my chances of reaching it after surgery.

So, I am now half way between doctors visits 3 & 4, and I have discovered another eating issue I fight from time to time. This past weekend I cut 'the grass' A group of properties that total right at 2+ acres that needs to be cut. My son usually cuts the grass, but this time I wanted too. Even on a riding mower, the task took roughly 2.5 hours. My sinuses were ruined by the pollen and dust, I had itchy watery eyes, and lots of scratched from various briars and thorns that I cut into. I was a wreck. While taking a shower to wash the grass cutting adventure away, I thought to myself that I needed to reward myself with a generous helping of chips and salsa...why? Because my brain said I deserved it! Mind games being what they are, Games! My brain tried to pull a sneaky one on me... One of the reasons why I am where I am, is because of the many ways I would "reward" myself with one of my favorite comfort foods. "Its Friday night, you made it through another week! Help yourself to some nachos and cheese..." I did not give in, I did real good. However, there was this movie that came out this past week... heard of it? It's called Dead Pool 2? Yeah, I devoured a bucket of popcorn... I still have much to undo in order to get my life style changes to take. Next doctors visit is June 6th.