Mikey

Mikey's Top Ten Things To Do On The Weekends That Don't Necessarily Involve Eating - the 'Low Budget' Version: 10. Have sex. Twice. 9. Change your outgoing voicemail message to say "Thanks for calling, but I am currently examining the correlations between involuntary astral travel and country music. I'll return your call as soon as I am able." 8. Go bowling. 7. Download pictures of anorexic actresses, paste them to big round corkboards, and perfect your darts game. 6. Write your memoirs. 5. Circulate a petition asking for signatures to get your governor to establish an official holiday called I Want A Day Off Day. 4. Start an office Fantasy Reality Show League - make sure you get Ty Pennington from that home makeover show on your team. 3. Go to a fancy art gallery. Stop at every painting, take a deep breath, and say "Impressive use of negative space. Note how the diffusive lighting and specific brushstroke patterns reflect the artist's proletarian views on fame, tyranny, and public transportation?" 2. Take up modern dance. 1. Write a silly Top Ten list for some random forum. Mikey's Top Ten Things To Do On The Weekends That Don't Necessarily Involve Eating - the 'Money Is No Object' Version: 10. Have sex. Three times. This is once more than the 'low budget' version because you can afford a little help - Viagra, the Spice Channel, Bruno Magli Italian leather heels for extra 'lift', etc. 9. Throw a big party and invite the Dixie Chicks, Tim McGraw, Shirley Maclaine, and Cleo from the Psychic Friends Network, and start up a rousing game of Twister. 8. Buy a bowling alley, tear it down, and turn it into a combination day spa / karaoke bar - so you can listen to American Idol rejects while getting your pedi. 7. Contact the agents of anorexic actresses, and hire them to catch Water balloons flung from a giant slingshot. 6. Write a farfetched fantasy novel, then go back and change some names and publish it as your memoirs... then go let Oprah beat you up about it. 5. Pay Abramof to lobby Congress for an official Rent-a-Senator Day. Then rent 5 Senators and form a team to challenge the Harlem Globetrotters to a game. Of charades. 4. Hire Ty Pennington to build a gigantic haunted house for your in-laws - complete with chainsaw-weilding skeleton cheerleaders... and hidden cameras so you can watch the hijinks ensue. 3. Quickly create some sloppy fingerpaintings, and pay a fancy art gallery to exhibit them. Hire someone to walk around and talk about how your use of light reflects your opinion on the city bus system - and then argue with them, saying "On the contrary - I find the artist's understanding of fractal geometry and superglue represent a rather pedestrian statement of poverty and hip hop slang." 2. Attach electrodes to your major muscle groups. Have Twyla Tharp hit random buttons in time to the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber. As your limbs flail about spasmodically, have her shout "Perfect! Now, do it again!" 1. Write a silly Top Ten list for some random forum, and pay for a hot actor/actress to deliver it to each of the Bandsters as a singing telegram. PS. NO anorexic actresses were harmed in the writing of these lists.

Ok - well this thread has definitely settled it for me. I absolutely have to go through with this surgery now! Finally something has cut through the thick armor-plating of denial that I have placed around myself and my loved ones... Finally, something has penetrated the dense insulation of apathy that has for too long kept me out of the game... It's time for me to get off the bench and start training. My lap band surgery is Feb. 13 - I've already started my pre-op diet, and my excercise program. But now I'm even more determined to follow through! When the time comes - and we all know it will... if you don't believe, just watch Terminator, Terminator II, Terminator III, Terminator Strikes Back, Revenge of the Terminator, Terminator and the Killer Toaster from Hell (a great buddy movie, by the way!)... When that time finally comes, I'll be prepared. I'll be 250 pounds lighter and in fighting shape! I'll be quick on my feet, and ready for action - with the only machine that has never failed me: my trusty blender - ready to blast those pesky rampaging industrial robots with Janet's spectacular ChocoVanillaMapleCoconut Protein smoothie Surprise!!!

Mikey's Top Ten List Of Coping Mechanisms That Don't Include Quarter Pounders With cheese. 10. Write "I'm not here right now. Please leave a message" on a Post-it and stick it to your forehead. 9. Call your best friend and leave a cryptic voicemail message. "Hey, it's me. The flamingo has flown the coop! Repeat - the flamingo has flown the coop!" 8. Go to the dollar store with eight or ten bucks and pretend that you're Donald Trump. 7. One word: bubblewrap! 6. Speak only in quotes from the movie "The Princess Bride." When people ask you to stop, glare at them and say "HHHHalllo, my name is Inigo Montoyo. HHHYooou keeeled my fodder. Prepare to die!" 5. Invent a new nickname for little things around the house. "Honey, will you hand me the accordion-playing monkey so I can change the channel on the TV?" 4. As you're watching TV, pick a fairly common word. Every time someone on TV says that word, yell "Now I've got you!!!" at the top of your lungs. 3. Try this on your best friend or significant other: "I'll bet you a dollar that if you give me ten bucks, I'll give you twelve bucks." Then... when he/she says "sure" and gives you ten bucks, give him/her a dollar and say "Hmm... guess I lose." Then take the nine bucks and go back to #8 on this list. 2. Say the words "toy boat" really fast 10 times in a row. 1. Three words: bubble freakin' wrap!!

*steps bravely into the thread* As an official representative of the Guy Club, I can say with authority that yes, those are indeed hot. Your husband will like it. A lot. *turns and runs away before he is spotted*

If men start hitting on me, I might actually appreciate it - it would mean that they think I'm hot and sharply dressed!! And I have to say, I'm looking forward to having men hit on my wife! I think she's fabulous now - but I can't wait to see the color red that hits her face when she realizes the cat-calls and whistles are aimed at her! That'll be fun!! Overall, I'd say that Apryl's advice is some of the best I've read. Enjoy yourselves!!

*Warning!! Long post ahead!!* At the risk of getting shot down - crashing and burning into a molten pool of flames, testosterone, and nachos - I have to say that it's an uphill battle. The fact is, it's tough to be a guy. Don't get me wrong - it's WAY tougher to be a woman. We men don't have to worry about things like carrying babies to term in our bellies (which, by the way, ours look like rock hard abs when we look in the mirror), or getting paid less than 80 cents for every dollar some schmuck with a comb-over gets for the same job, or dating men (here I'm speaking stictly on behalf of those of us whose mountains AREN'T brokebacked)... However, just because it's certainly not easy for you doesn't mean it's a breeze for us. The fact is, we men have amazing mutant superpowers. Unfortunately, one of those superpowers is denial. Another is rebellion. Yes, I might have to surrender my secret decoder ring and membership to the Guy Club, but I feel called to tell you all the truth. There are a lot of steps that we have to take before we are ready to make any large - although necessary - changes. I've been pretty heavy since adolescence. When I graduated high school, I was around 250, and for the next 20 years I have gained pretty steadily. Right after New Years, I went in for my initial consultation for the Band, and I was at 515. Did I just suddenly snap out of an evil hex, look in the mirror, and realize "Hey, I might have a little problem here!"? Like maybe if I were still at, say, 485, I'd never have decided to go for the Band-age? No. There were a lot of steps - some small, and some large, but there were a lot. There had to be a lot in order to counteract amazing mutant superpower # 1. My denial was (and probably still is, but we're not going to ask my wife Janet to confirm this, now, are we?) spectacular. You've heard the cliché before - but it's true. I really could look in the mirror and say "not bad." Seriously. Sure, I'm 6'5", so 500-ish pounds might look a little better on me than it might on some others... but it's still 500 pounds!! And then, if someone managed to crack through the denial, then there was amazing mutant superpower # 2: rebellion. One of the 'truths' that I grew up believing was that when I was an adult, I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I suppose that I still believe that, to a certain extent (again, we're not asking Janet). However, I do now recognize that the ability to do what I want does not make me immune to the law of consequences. The point is that no one could 'make me' decide to lose weight - and there was a possibility that any effort along those lines could conceivably push me to gain even more just for spite. And then, if someone was able to skillfully beat both the denial and the rebellion, I'd pull out the Secret Weapon... amazing mutant superpower # 3... I'd be reasonable. Does this sound familiar? "I know it's a problem, and I know that I should do something about it. When I'm finally ready, I will." HAHA!! I'd deliver the blow, leaving the poor person lying in the fetal position on the floor, writhing in the crushing grip of reason, and I'd head off to the buffet gleefully. NONE could stand against me!!! Still, I'm having surgery on Feb. 13. How did I get there? It's a little hard to explain, but I'll try. Love. Over the 20+ years of my obesity, just like everyone else, I did the yo-yo dieting thing. And, just like everyone else, when the weight came back, it was a bit more than before. Once I got married, we tried as a couple to get a handle on things. We actually had quite a bit of success with Atkins - and we tried a few other things: ordering groceries delivered to us (so we could shop from home without risking sensory overload and impulse buying); having a chef-nutritionist cook and deliver meals to us, etc. Through it all I never really descended into the depths of despair - for reasons that are long and involved and probably for another thread - but I did eventually get to the point where I was starting to believe that it was never going to end. I was always going to be obese - and I had started to come to terms with that, in between battles with amazing mutant superpower # 1. However, there was another element that hadn't always been there. Yep - you guessed it. Janet. First, I realized that coming to terms with always being obese meant that I was dooming her to always having an obese husband. Ok, that hurt. Secondly, I realized that she was starting to be in the same boat as me: she was starting to throw in her resignation as well. Partially because of me (yes, I'm saying partially because I know that these issues are complex, and I am not ultimately responsible for her decisions), she was going to give up. And she wasn't just giving up on her own weight loss. She was giving up on a lot more - her dreams of being a mom (our weight has made parenthood impossible for us up to this point), her dreams of having an active married life, and - dare I say it, her dreams of having a hunk for a hubby! That hurt even more. I don't know if I can honestly say that WLS is our absolute and final last chance for happiness. But I do know that it's an amazing tool that will have a SPECTACULAR impact on our lives. Now... for the hard part. How do you get your husband to arrive at these same conclusions? Unfortunately, you probably can't. You know the joke - how many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb? Still, you can help. Encouraging positive choices (which is NOT the same as harping on the negative choices!!!), discussing your dreams, gentle education, maybe show him this thread (don't worry - my address isn't on here, so he can't come after my decoder ring!)... So - bottom line - love conquers all. The punchline to the joke: Only one, but it has to really want to change... I'm praying that the guys mentioned in this thread will get to the point where they want to change as well.

Great topic! This thread succeeded in bumping me from lurker to actual poster!! Before I go on, I should mention: Any opinions expressed in this post are not necessarily those of management! And no animals were harmed in the writing of this response... And if you don't feel like reading a long post - skip to the end for the short version! I believe that, like everything else, it CAN be a spiritual issue - depending on the person/situation. Is it a sin to be obese? Is it a sin to go through with WLS (or NOT go through with it)? Maybe. Or maybe not. From a purely Christian perspective, these questions can't really be answered without more information. Specifically, why? Why am I obese? Is it because I disobeyed the 1st commandment (of the famous 10) by putting food before God in the priorities of my life? Is it because I choose to practice a form of idolatry by making that 'full' feeling my sole source of comfort in life, ignoring all that I know God has done for me? Then yeah, my obesity is probably sinful. On the other hand, am I obese because of other physical, medical, or emotional reasons over which I had very little control? Am I obese, but still clear that God is God, and I'm living that truth to the best of my ability? Then no, my obesity is probably not a mortally sinful failing on my part. Am I having WLS because I don't believe that God has my best interests at heart? After all, if he did have my best interests at heart, why would he have made me this way? Well, fine! I'll just do it myself - and have a potentially hazardous surgical procedure just to spite him! Then yeah, the choice for WLS is probably sinful. On the other hand, am I going through with WLS because after a significant amount of prayer, discussions with spiritual people that I trust, and a generous helping of common sense, I recognize that this is an opportunity that God has placed before me? Do I realize that WLS is a demonstration of the fact that God loves me and really does have my best interests at heart? Well then, no - it's probably not sinful at all! And ya know what the most beautiful part of all this is? Even if the initial pieces of this puzzle are rooted in sin, a Christian perspective means that we can change that completely! Maybe it started out badly - but one of the most important themes in the Christian belief system is that God can and does make Good come from Evil. One of my favorite verses is 1 Corintians 10:13. "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." That's the New International Version. Here's Mikey's Version: "There's nothing that has happened to you that hasn't happened to someone else - so get over it... you're not alone. And God rocks! If you are tempted, it's because he knows you can deal with it - because he will give you what you need." For me, WLS is a gift from God - it's a door he opened for me as a fulfillment of that promise he made to give me what I need.

Welcome aboard!

Between Dallas & Ft. Worth? My wife and I are scheduled for surgery in a couple weeks with Dr. Sewell in Southlake. www.lapbandspecialists.com We're paying for it ourselves, so I can't say which insurance plans he participates in - but I do know that he's done fills for folks that didn't use him for their surgery...