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Hey Sweetie. I totally understand how you feel. I unfortunately had a lot of mental health issues after losing weight due to feeling like people (especially dudes) were only nice to me because I looked good... it sent me into depression and I started using drugs. Lost all my friends in the process... Your feelings are very valid, but, as hard as it may be, you have to let that go, love. People are superficial, there is no other way around it, and you can’t really change that. But you need a social/support network to thrive! Especially in college! There are plenty of awesome people out there that would like you no matter what you look like. Just be confident and put yourself out there. Or, do like I did, and PRETEND you are confident. Fake it til ya make it, and eventually you will actually become confident for real. Talk to your classmates, join a club, participate in school events and activities. You’re bound to meet a person or two or three that you vibe with. You may not be able to relate to them about a few things, but that’s what we’re here for right? I should probably take my own advice 😜 But anyway, let me know if you ever want to talk, vent, or need anything at all friend!

Hey there @Skinnycows. I just turned 30, but had my RNY when I was 23 and 300 lbs. At 25 I was at my thinnest, and had lost about 175 pounds. The extra skin wasn’t bad at all...then I gained about 65 lbs. back, lost some again, and am now at 180. I do have extra skin, mostly around my upper inner arms, upper inner thighs, and stomach around my belly button. Also, my boobs have completely deflated. You can’t really tell I have extra skin with clothes on, unless I’m wearing a sleeveless shirt and lift my arms up (“wings”), but you can definitely see it without clothes on. I am not trying to discourage you or anything, just keepin’ It real. I’m a very self conscious, insecure person, so I think I’m hyper aware of my extra skin. My boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind at all! Also, I must admit that I didn’t work out and tone my body like I should have. My unsolicited advice to you... Please Don’t let this aspect of WLS be what makes you decide to to get or not get the surgery. When I got it, I was under the spell of wanting to LOOK better rather than FEEL better, and I was not ready to make the lifestyle changes I was I supposed to. Now I wish I hadn’t gotten it so young. Anyway, the skin should be the least of your worries! Depending on your insurance, cosmetic skin removal surgery might be covered if you keep the weight off for over 2 years. That’s what blue shield told me at the time, anyway. Hope this was helpful for you. Good luck with everything ❤️

Yes! I remember all of those exciting things the first post-op year! My favorite was being able to cross one leg over the other when sitting in a chair. I had never been able to do that before, and it made me feel so feminine and "normal". Congratulations on all your successes! Keep being mindful of them and it will keep you positive and motivated. ❤️

Oh, yes. I didn't mean to say that I am not actually those things (funny, generous, etc.). I AM a very nice, sweet, and giving person... Almost to a fault! It's partly a cultural thing stemming from my family. I think I just overcompensated in those areas to make up for the fact that I was obese, which, as you already know, is outside of societal norms and looked down upon. I just didn't realize that that's what I was doing at the time... Until I didn't have to anymore, because of my weight loss. Ya know what I mean? It was all just a big mind f*ck for me. Being obese was just a huge part of who I was. In psychological terms, I was fat for all stages of my personality development. So it was like I lost part of who I was, but only on the outside. I don't know, it's complicated! LOL maybe this is not the right posting to be ranting about this I'm glad I'm not alone in this, though. Keep being your badass self!

While I agree with everyone else regarding confidence, men are men regardless of size, etc... I just want to say you're not alone in your feelings... For me, I got really messed up in the head after my surgery. About a year post-op, about half the weight of what I originally had been, and dudes were constantly hitting on me. Or maybe it felt constant because I had literally only ever been hit on a handful of times before that... But there was definitely a noticable spike in how attractive I was to others. It wasn't just guys either.. suddenly girls I knew in high school who had snubbed or bullied me for being big we're interested in what I was up to and "what my secret was." I even got better service in restaurants! As someone who had been obese since childhood, family always telling me how much healthier and better looking I would be if I just lost weight... The fat girl mentality was burned onto my brain (and still is). I developed coping mechanisms and strategies that motivated me to be the funny girl, sweet girl, generous girl... qualities that forced people to see past my fatness and see what a great person I was. But once majority of the fat was gone, I didn't have to do that anymore, but I still felt like that fat girl on the inside... I was with my current boyfriend at the time I got the surgery 7 years ago, and he loved me then just as he loves me now (so true love really does not see size), but we broke up for a while due to his issues with jealousy (thanks to all the new dudes hitting on me) and my mental health issues (thanks to the fat girl inside vs. skinny girl outside). During the time we were broken up, I dabbled in dating, and because of my skewed mentality I found it so hard to tell if dudes were seeing and liked me for who I was inside, or if all they could see was outside and they just wanted to bone. It's a pretty rough thing to wrap your head around... I don't think that's anything like what you've been through, and sorry if this is unrelated, but I just wanted to say that I think your feelings are warranted. Not necessarily accurate, but understandable. And honestly, I think that you shouldn't give up on dating because of these experiences. Just continue not giving up that nookie, and you'll know when the right one comes along. You really are gorgeous, and you're doing you. Someone is bound to fall in love with that sooner than later. I hope it gets easier for you! ❤️

Hey y'all. I'm a new member and this is my first time posting here. It's been an incredibly long time since I talked to ANYONE who has had RNY, and I'm just trying to reach out and find others who maybe understand what I've been/am going through. I had my surgery when I was WAY too young. I was 23, and totally confused being healthy with being thin. About a year and a half into it I had lost about 150 pounds, but became severely depressed. Then that thing none of us thinks is going to happen to us happened to me--my mysterious food addiction transferred to opiates, then to alcohol, then to alcohol AND opiates, and unfortunately I made it all the way to meth, where I stayed for way too long. I've been clean for a little over 2 years, and I'm actually making positive moves in my life, but I feel very unhealthy and not as happy as I wish I was. I've also become addicted to sugar, ugh... ANYWAY. I should probably save anything more for the "Journeys" forum, just wanted to throw a line out there and see if anyone else has experienced something similar to this? Or if maybe there is an addiction transfer forum/post someone can direct me to? I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks for reading. Have a good one <3

Hi Gwenny, Thank you for sharing your experience <3 I'm so sorry to hear about all the physical ailments and pain you have been enduring It is extremely difficult to deal with chronic pain, especially with so many limitations on the medicine you can take, so you are a strong person for pushing through it! I have totally had kidney stones before and it was THE WORST pain I have ever been in! The nurse said some women say it hurts worse than having a baby, so kudos, girl! Given how long you have been taking the opiates, it's likely that you would have at least some physical dependence on them. How long ago did you have the surgery? Hopefully after you have the kidney surgery there will be no other medical interferences and you can wean off comfortably. I can't really comment on that process because that was not part of my experience. I had gotten myself into some trouble when I was using, unfortunately, went to jail for a 7-month stint, was forced to go cold turkey when I got there, and was clean for my entire stay. When I got out, I went to rehab for a month and got into a Suboxone program. I'm not sure if you are familiar with this, but suboxone is a medication generally prescribed by doctors who are addiction specialists that is both an opiate blocker and a craving pacifier. In other words, it has 2 medicinal properties: one that satisfies your cravings for opiates, and one that prevents you from getting high from opiates while you're on it. Supposedly, if you are taking suboxone regularly and then decide to take an opiate, it will throw you into withdrawals immediately. Anyway, I bring this up because this is the main reason for my sobriety. Not that it doesn't take will power or anything to stay clean, but the suboxone is a safety net. I am deterred from taking opiates because it will be a waste of money and it will make me sick, plus it acts as an opiate would by satisfying my cravings. Good luck to you with whichever route you choose! Iff you need anything, don't hesitate to let me know!

Thank you! And yes, it can happen I had to go through two hour-long information sessions before I could even start the surgery application/approval process (to make sure it's what I wanted to do), and they did discuss addiction transfer briefly, but I feel they did not stress the possibility enough. I also did not realize I was addicted to food, so when the transfer happened it was all just a huge shock to me and hard to understand/handle. I'll definitely have to check out some of those books. Is she in recovery and a weight loss surgery patient? Or just in recovery? Either way, I have a ton of books to read for school already, but I will put them on my to-read list! And sugar...oh, sugar...the bane of my existence! So delicious, and yet so terrible and addictive! I really want to do a sugar detox, but I'm not sure if I have the willpower to do it right now Hopefully in the near future

Being such an independent person, sometimes it's really hard to admit that I'm struggling and need to lean on others, but when I do (in places like this), I'm always so overwhelmed with positivity that it makes it so worth it! Thank you I see that you have not had WLS surgery yet, but have lost quite a bit of weight already. Congrats to you for that, as well! I am obviously not familiar with your situation, but my advice to you in pursuing this surgery--please do keep in mind that addiction/addiction transfer is a sneaky lil' bastard and can have life-changing consequences. Keep yourself safe, and make sure to see a mental health counselor of some sort for at LEAST 2-3 years after you've had your surgery, even if you feel you don't need it. I wish I had done that. Anyway, just a pocket of "wisdom" from me to you LOL. Have a lovely day xo

Well then congrats to you, too!

Thank you! I hit rock bottom and went through a lot to get to this point, so it is definitely an accomplishment. I appreciate the encouragement <3