pikachu.gray

That's what goes through my mind, that I've boarded a train to Crazy Town. I mean, am I really going to have more than half of my stomach removed? Voluntarily!? It seems insane! And when they tell me things like "you can't drink within 30 minutes of your meal time", and "no caffeine or alcohol ever again", I think, who can live like that? SO the big huge doubt creeps in...even if I can get through the horrible pain of surgery, and the horrible liquid diet (because those are just temporary), is this surgery going to RUIN MY LIFE? While it's true, I've struggled with my weight over the years, and now that my doctor says I have PCOS, I no longer believe I can lose the weight on my own. And it's also true that the weight affects my quality of life; I don't get out and do things I would do if I were normal weight. And I have some health problems that come from my weight, the worst of which is my knee. However, on the flip-side of the coin, I'm not suicidal! LOL. I mean, I don't miss the things I can't do all that much. I've adapted. I'm not a happy fat person, but I also don't want to be a miserable thin person for the rest of my life, or WORST (and here's another big doubt creeping in) a miserable ONLY LESS FAT person for the rest for the rest of my life! Part of me still thinks I won't be able to get down to a weight, even with the surgery, that I will be happy with. My primary care doctor says I have like no metabolism at all. And right now, I don't think I even eat all that much. So what if I get this Horrible Surgery, go through all this pain, limit myself for the rest of my life so that I can never have a margarita, or a Starbucks again! And after all that, I'm still the fattest girl in the room? Or I still can't fit into Designer clothes that only go up to size 12? Should I stop the train and jump off now? I have to do 6 months of classes and counselling prior to surgery for my insurance, and October will be month 2. Can anyone help me feel better about this?

Wow, you are only 2 months post up and down 85 pounds? That is amazing! Congratulations. What an accomplishment! Thank you for sharing your experiences. I am more encouraged. It also helps to know that you had some of these same thoughts prior to surgery too. So I am not so different.

Thank you for the reply. I can identify with alot of what you said, so maybe I would have an experience like you. I'm encouraged by you reporting that you don't want coffee (can't imagine myself not wanting coffee) and that the pain was not bad. Congratulations on your success so far and thanks again for telling me about your experience. You gave me some things to think about.

Thanks for the reply. I don't think ending up at 145 ibs. would be worth going through the surgery and giving up so much in my life. I would still be unhappy, and probably more unhappy than I am now. I can remember when I was 145 lbs, I was ashamed of my weight and I went to Jenny Craig (of course didn't work long term). But at that weight, I was desperate enough to join a program. You've given me something to think about.