Taylor5

Have you ever looked back at pictures of yourself from 5, 10, 20 years ago and thought, "Wow! I looked so good then!!" -But then remember how you criticized yourself when you first saw that photo? And now, well now you would give anything to look like that again?! I had been doing that a lot lately when my weight shot up to 205 this year and I finally met the criteria for bariatric surgery.
Unfortunately, my ins excludes all bariatric procedures, so, no coverage for us. After careful consideration, my husband agreed we could take out a loan to cover surgery. He’s being so great about this, and honestly, I feel guilty at times because A. I don't work/bring in income anymore due to a long list of chronic pain/health issues, and now, B. We have this loan w/a high interest rate bc even though our credit is good, we’re self-employed, which is seen as higher risk.
But we are hoping the sleeve surgery will help me lose enough to take significant pressure off my joints, hopefully including my back. That should result in a reduction of pain. If I have less pain, maybe I sleep better, can do a little more exercise & lose more weight, and just "have a life". That would be a great improvement. If my pain reduces to the point I could put off fusion surgery for my back pain indefinitely, I would be ecstatic. But, even if I do still have the fusion, I know the closer I am to my ideal weight, the faster I will recover from fusion, and the better my chances for a positive outcome.
So that's pretty much my reason for doing this. Of course, I also want to be thin (thinner) again, to fit into clothes I haven't worn in years or still have tags on them, for my shoes not to be so damned tight, to be able to wear cute bras again, to revive my long-lost libido, go swimming w/o feeling so ashamed, show my daughter (now 19) that even with all of my issues, I can still accomplish something significant, and to prove to my husband that he wasn't wrong to invest in me!!
We finally decided on Mexico for surgery. It wasn't my first choice. I really wanted my local place for aftercare, support groups, surgeon I liked, the whole package. But suddenly prices rose for self-pay (I already have my loan/can't get more) plus all the extras they now bring up. They aren't real responsive when it comes to getting back to me. I hate that.
I’ve looked in other states, near and far. I found some fair prices but only a few places offer complication ins (BLIS), which is important to me. Even my local place doesn't offer BLIS, (which is the only plan I know of for surgery within the US), and they were always reminding me to keep in mind all the “what ifs”.
I've seen people w/good & bad stories about MX. More good than bad, I feel. But of course, when it goes bad, it's hard to sugarcoat. Then again, there’s a highly credentialed surgeon in my area who I tried to track down, and came to find an article regarding his Rx drug addiction that eventually got his license suspended for his failure to seek treatment. He had been writing his own prescriptions. Follow-up story mentioned other skeletons in his surgical closet as well. Anyway, my point is: scary things happen right in our own back yard. Which mainly makes me a little afraid to have surgery anywhere.
But I’ve made my peace w/this decision, purchased complication ins that covers me for up to 6 months after I return home, and I can be treated at home, don't have to return to MX. We discussed this at length, and I feel good. You know, excited, but with realistic nerves. I am now 13 days pre-op, leaving for San Diego on Christmas Day to have pre-op testing on the 26th and surgery on the 27th. So far the liquid diet phase has not been fun at all, but I didn't really expect it to. Just praying I make it through  
This support forum has been very helpful to me, and I hope I can help others as I move forward in my journey. No more looking back and wishing I could be who I was...I want to improve my health & self-confidence, the way I treat myself, and finally, get out of this pain/weight time warp and start Living. As Oprah says, "If not now, when?" -Indeed.