SpindleCity

I think fat shaming is ridiculous regardless of who is doing it.
My mother n law (when she was alive) was the queen of fat shaming. She would figure out ways to make you feel like a big fat slob. For example, she would buy my husband a birthday gift that was 2 or 3 sizes too small. She would then ask, will it fit? Hubby would respond and say, no I am not a medium I am a 2xl. She would say well them lose weight. (True story).
I collect wee forest folk mice. One year for Christmas she bought me a chubby little mouse standing in his bathrobe on a scale. She proceeded to tell me it reminded her of me. Really? B#%+€!
then there is a right way,
For me it was my nephrologist who suggested I consider WLS. He did this very respectfully but at the same time very sternly helping me understand that if I kept on my current trend I would be looking at dialysis and ultimately a kidney transplant.
There is a right way and a wrong way to deliver that message. Thankfully he delivered it the right way and I listened immediately.
I remember being very angry at my PCP for not having that same conversation with me before I got to that point. I had no idea that my kidney function had been so bad for so long, when my nephrologist pulled up my chart and showed me the downward trend was chronic and had been going on for years, I really got pissed that my PCP never said a word until I was at stage 3. Not 1 word. I spoke with her about it and told her that my nephrologist was my hero for helping me see the light. My PCP then told me she really should have been the one to direct me there and felt bad but she did not know how to deliver the message appropriately.
That was when I changed PCPs.

The fat acceptance movement is a lot like the feminism movement in that a lot of people have utter misconceptions about what the movement is actually about and why it exists. Much like the crazy people who call themselves feminists while attacking men, saying we should just kill off all the men, saying the men are inferior, etc are not ACTUALLY feminists, people who truly believe that being fat is healthy and that all doctors are just being hateful and discriminatory are not actually fat activists.
The point of the fat acceptance movement is the same point as the broader body positivity movement: it doesn't matter if you weigh 800 pounds and literally can't move off your bed, it doesn't matter if you have made yourself unhealthy with poor choices or if you are making no move whatsoever to lose weight. Every person deserves to be treated like a human being, with dignity and respect, end of story. Fat acceptance is all about treating fat people like they are humans instead of the often appalling way we are often treated, ways that are still socially acceptable and that need to change, NOW. The point is, no one has a right to judge you or treat you poorly because of your body because it's your body, not theirs, and no one gets a say unless you want them to. These misguided people who stubbornly tell themselves that fat acceptance is about pretending to be healthy and thinking fat is better are just that, misguided. I can't really blame them, in some ways. Being treated like less of a person because of how you look is just absolutely wrong and ridiculous, and doesn't serve to actually help people.
No true body positivist would ever ignore medical advise just because they are hurt and offended by the truth, just like no actual feminist would say that men are inferior. There are idiot radicals in every movement, but what's important to take away from it is the core message.

This is a tough one. I think that everyone should have the right to feel good in their skin. And I think that society as a whole should be more accepting and accommodating of all body types. But I agree that a line needs to be drawn when it comes to the medical side of the issue. I think it helps to put it in the frame of reference of any other medical disorder or disability. It's not acceptable for people in society to make fun of or look down on those with disabilities, but it's perfectly acceptable for doctors to try to TREAT those disabilities.

I rented this on iTunes before surgery. This week was my first time watching it after surgery.

I didn't think it was sad and I wasn't offended. Most reality shows with a group of people, the people have a common factor. Their factor was they met at the fat acceptance group. Which by the way I think is a cool group, there is nothing wrong with being fat. I feel like no one paid attention to why they hung out together. They did it because they didn't have the options other people have to socialize. They were meeting in homes. Plenty of girlfriends meet once a week or once a month for dinner, lunch or drinks. That is normal female behavior. If they went out at their size, people would mock and make fun of them and they wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves. As a minority I see them doing what lots of other minorities do, stick to their own and make their own fun.

I thought more people would have been interested in the rift created in their social circle by having surgery. Their group used to be much larger, but as people had surgery and lost weight they disappeared. Fake friends. The women that did stick around buy had surgery had issues navigating with the women who hadn't. I thought that was really the most important thing about the whole thing, the change in relationships. Friendships and marriages. There are plenty of people that post here about issues their spouse has with them losing weight.

Finally these women were super super morbidly obese. You can't compare their lives and their options to the options of people with lower BMIs. When I was at my heaviest I could still fly on a plane, fit into a booth and live a normal life. The only difference right now is everything is just more comfortable. I can't judge these women with fewer options by my options.

I think the chubby chaser angle was important because it is assumed especially in certain cultural groups that no one will want you if you are fat. There is a market for everything though.

@@OutsideMatchInside
Love your comment!! It makes me very sad that more people on these forums seem to hate the fat acceptance movement. Fat people are discriminated against and face micro-aggressions on a daily basis, there should be some sort of movement that says "Hey! I don't deserve to be treated like **** because I take up more space than you! Thanks!"
For example, I am a very fat woman that had VSG and I still believe in body positivity, fat acceptance and health at every size. I did not (and still don't) hate myself because I am fat, and I have great confidence. I did the surgery because I knew that for ME, I was headed down a path of growing health concerns, and I knew I couldn't lose the weight on my own.
Not all fat people are unhealthy. Not all fat people are sad. Not all fat people have "a thin person trapped inside" of them. Maybe some of the women on the show truly were happy with themselves, maybe some weren't, but seeing all of these comments saying "they must be really sad inside" is frustrating.
Also, men having a preference for fat women is not a fetish. It can lead to fat related fetishes, but preferring fat bodies is not a fetish.

@Sclark8756, I am sorry you are going through this, but thank you for posting it. Your description and some of the comments in response have been a comfort to me over the last few days. I had my VSG surgery 8/15, so only 10 days out, but genuinely think I might be experiencing the same thing, and hoping it resolves for both of us soon.
For me, I had a great post-op time in the hospital, walking laps around the unit a couple of different times the day of surgery, shifting from Water to Crystal Light easily, and to shakes the next morning. I was sleepy/groggy, but surprisingly ok. Once I was off the IV pain meds, I was more sore all around, with lots of wincing, but was committed to giving it time and rest. As the days have passed, the gas is gone, my drinking Protein and the authorized puree/soft foods has become routine, and my incisions have healed a lot. Basically everything has gotten much better except the incision to the left of my belly button, the one they said was the most manipulated as it was where they removed the cut away section of stomach from. The pain from that hurts when I move in almost any way and sometimes just when touched the wrong way by fabric, just as much and just as intensely as the first day. It isn't a dull ache like the others, but a sharp shooting pain that ranges from 6 out of 10 to "dizzying, I might faint." Wearing a binder helps while I am wearing it, but after it is off, it is much worse for a while, almost electric intense doing anything other than sitting reclined or lying down still. The narcotic pain medicine takes an edge off, but given my family history, I am uncomfortable taking it other than for sleep this far out until I see the nurse/doctor again.
I hadn't thought of the potential of nerve pain/temporary nerve damage at the incision site until I read this thread. I was struggling with dealing with it exactly because it felt so much more intense than any muscle/cut healing pain I have had before. (My general pain tolerance is very high, getting me smoothly through two natural childbirths and freaking my dentist out altogether.) Reading your experience, and the tidbits related by @Sullie06,@cwhit, and @Jeaniered too, it helps me understand what it might be better, and therefore cope with it more.
I also decided I can't wait until my scheduled post op appointment with the surgeon on Thursday to get more reassurance. I called and scheduled an interim appointment with one of the bariatric nurses on Monday. She will examine the healing of the incisions in person and be able to pull in the surgeon if there is any chance I need anything more beyond patience.
Thank you again for your post. You are not alone and you helped me directly already. I hope we hear good news from you soon.

@Sclark8756, I am sorry you are going through this, but thank you for posting it. Your description and some of the comments in response have been a comfort to me over the last few days. I had my VSG surgery 8/15, so only 10 days out, but genuinely think I might be experiencing the same thing, and hoping it resolves for both of us soon.
For me, I had a great post-op time in the hospital, walking laps around the unit a couple of different times the day of surgery, shifting from Water to Crystal Light easily, and to shakes the next morning. I was sleepy/groggy, but surprisingly ok. Once I was off the IV pain meds, I was more sore all around, with lots of wincing, but was committed to giving it time and rest. As the days have passed, the gas is gone, my drinking Protein and the authorized puree/soft foods has become routine, and my incisions have healed a lot. Basically everything has gotten much better except the incision to the left of my belly button, the one they said was the most manipulated as it was where they removed the cut away section of stomach from. The pain from that hurts when I move in almost any way and sometimes just when touched the wrong way by fabric, just as much and just as intensely as the first day. It isn't a dull ache like the others, but a sharp shooting pain that ranges from 6 out of 10 to "dizzying, I might faint." Wearing a binder helps while I am wearing it, but after it is off, it is much worse for a while, almost electric intense doing anything other than sitting reclined or lying down still. The narcotic pain medicine takes an edge off, but given my family history, I am uncomfortable taking it other than for sleep this far out until I see the nurse/doctor again.
I hadn't thought of the potential of nerve pain/temporary nerve damage at the incision site until I read this thread. I was struggling with dealing with it exactly because it felt so much more intense than any muscle/cut healing pain I have had before. (My general pain tolerance is very high, getting me smoothly through two natural childbirths and freaking my dentist out altogether.) Reading your experience, and the tidbits related by @Sullie06,@cwhit, and @Jeaniered too, it helps me understand what it might be better, and therefore cope with it more.
I also decided I can't wait until my scheduled post op appointment with the surgeon on Thursday to get more reassurance. I called and scheduled an interim appointment with one of the bariatric nurses on Monday. She will examine the healing of the incisions in person and be able to pull in the surgeon if there is any chance I need anything more beyond patience.
Thank you again for your post. You are not alone and you helped me directly already. I hope we hear good news from you soon.

I too have experienced incredible pain in only one of the incisions. I DID call my Doc because I was concerned that it was not normal. This is the explanation that i received from my Doc: The incision is the largest and it is the spot where the stomach is removed. The muscles around the incision are affected. What has most likely happened is that during the closure of the incision, a nerve was caught in the incision. Doctors cannot see the nerves when closing the incision. The pain will lessen over time, but, will not completely go away until the stitches dissolve. That could be 6 to 8 weeks. My pain is lessening a little, but, it is still very uncomfortable. My Doc also suggests cold and hot compresses....alternating between the two. Hope this helps.

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Of course, but it was my impression that the surgeon was blowing the patient off. Since the OP is still concerned enough to get onto an internet chat room to inquire, obviously the question was not answered satisfactorily by the surgeon, so a second doctor can take a look and order tests if deemed necessary.
From what I've seen on the boards, it is somewhat unusual to still be experiencing significant pain 4 weeks post op..especially pain enough to hinder sleep. A common complaint for up to 2-3 months is the occasional pinching sensation that comes from the stitch in the muscle.. but to describe it as "extreme" is a red flag.
There are several kinds of complications that can happen that might need treatment, so even though the OP probably doesn't have those problems, it's always good to rule them out.

My surgeon didn't give me a goal either. He said we should wait to see how things go and kept repeating not to drink my calories and to make sure I'm exercising.

His nurse said "keep your goals close", which I took to mean short-term, easily attainable goals. I told her I don't really care about goals as long as the numbers continue to go down.

I think that right after surgery, the only goal is to get your Protein and fluids in and get moving. It's not the time to be worrying about the long-term big picture.

I'm at 5 weeks and I'm still struggling with getting back to semi-normal eating. After being restricted for so long between the pre- and post-op liquids and the early post-op stages, it's hard to remember what I was doing when I was eating normal, healthy food (I lost almost 40 lbs. in the 4 months before I started the pre-op liquid diet just from following the nutritionist's guidelines and tracking).

I had the same thing. I twisted a lot one day and felt like I pulled a muscle. It got worse and worse and lasted about a week. Horrible pain and I could not get comfortable in any position. My doctor said that they use glue on all the incisions except for one. They use stitches and they are actually sutured to the muscle.

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No real plan from my surgeon or nutritionist, but they give tips on how to keep the process going. Everyone's body is different and it will stabilize, but I have my own goal and plan to get there. Maybe it may be better to consult your primary doctor to determine height/weight goals and a plan.

Good for you! Weight loss is only part of the story. Reducing or ending those comorbidities is equally important.

We never set a goal. I cranked along, lost weight steadily, for about 6 months. Since then, life has intervened, I've been pretty lazy about hitting the gym, had 3 vacations this summer, etc. I haven't gained any weight, but I haven't lost any more, either, and my 1-year visit is in a month. I need to get back on the wagon and move further into health!
One thing my surgeon did at my 9-month visit which threw me a bit: She asked me what I want to weigh! I'd never thought about that! I told her probably about 160-165. She said that sounds like a good goal for me, given my age, etc. She said I should shoot for 106-175, with 170 being the "warning" point. Well, I've not gotten down that far yet, but today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I'm working on it again.
I decided I'd not worry about weight goals and such, just stick to my eating plan and get back to the gym. I have spent my entire life focused on what I weigh, what the numbers on the scale say, and letting that dictate how I feel about myself. I didn't have this surgery so I could spend the rest of my life focused on these things, too. I feel good, I like how I look, and I am happy. If I never lose another ounce, I am SO glad I had this surgery! (but I know I can lose another 20 or so pounds!)

Hi everyone!
Thought I should log in an update. I am now 11 months post-op. I've gotten through all the challenging transitioning and healing which takes place for a good nine months or so after surgery.
Before/After Stats: (Surgery was performed on June 9th, 2014)
Height: 5'6
Before Weight: 210 lbs (highest weight was 240)
Current Weight: 127
Before BMI: 34
Current BMI: 20
Surgery Day Pant Size: 16
Current Pant Size: 2 or 0
Things went like this:
I had my surgery. I followed my doctors orders. I didn't pay attention to stalls. I focused on Protein and hydration. I weighted myself daily but honestly didn't pay too much attention to the number, just checked to see that the pounds were still dropping. I never obsessed over anything, just enjoyed my journey into this new lifestyle, even the tough days.
My biggest challenges:
Definitely drinking enough fluids. I still struggle with getting 64 oz in!! Also I should do better about tracking my food consumption every day. (If I don't track, I don't eat enough)
The hardest time for me:
Even months after I added solid food it seemed like eating would never "feel" normal again. Always too full, always slightly queasy after eating, always getting things stuck in my esophagus, always dealing with heartburn. There were nights when I would just be so tired of feeling sick from eating food....but I always kept in mind that this was a temporary stage and that it would pass. It did. Now I can eat anything including Pasta, bread, red meat, chicken, and lettuce. Just very little amounts.
What I wished I had done differently:
Added strength training as soon as I was cleared for exercise. After loosing all of this fat I also lost a lot of muscle mass which led to that gaunt post-wls sickly look for a few weeks. Now I do yoga nearly 7 days per week. It would have been waaaaay better to have started earlier when I still had muscles to work with.
Here is the most important thing I did:
I worked very hard in the beginning to reset my entire relationship with food. I had to find new ways of coping with stress and new ways of rewarding myself. I did a lot of personal detective work to understand the why's and how's of my food addiction. Food to me now is just a tasty fuel for my body. Do I add good or bad fuel to my machine? Without having so many emotions interwoven with the act of chewing, swallowing, and stuffing food inside my stomach, it is now easy to choose the healthy fuel.
The coolest thing so far:
Honestly, it's the knowledge that I have just increased my life expectancy and long-term quality of life. That's a huge deal. I can see myself as an active, engaged, healthy, and youthful senior citizen. I'm only 37 but I feel like I've given myself the most loving gift possible...a healthy future.
Other totally awesome things:
I take up sooo much less space in the bathtub. I spend much less money when eating out. I am oftentimes the thinnest person in the room, which is so so weird. I no longer want to hide myself inside baggy sweaters. I am wearing tank tops without an added cover-up. I look 10 years younger!! I have beautiful cheekbones which were formerly hidden underneath a plump and chubby face. There is such a thing as a clavicle bone and I LOVE running my fingers along the ridge! Getting up off the floor is so much easier. Walking though a parking lot or up the steps is much easier. I CAN LEAVE FOOD ON MY PLATE which is something I could never do before and is now one of the most empowering choices I make on a daily basis.
The downside:
This cost a lot of money, $14,000 out-of-pocket. I went from a C breast cup to an A. I lost all my butt. Seriously, it's a sad situation about my ass...there is none. I lost all the excess fat, but also my womanly curves. I have a very loose wrinkly stomach and a saggy place where my butt used to be. I've spent a fortune in clothes and Protein drinks. It's been tough having to explain myself to family members. The downside in no way compares to the positive things that happened as a result of my wls.
My current goal:
Is to consume between 1500-1800 calories per day. My nut said to change gears and fatten up my diet. I am supposed to add carbs, calories, and fat. If I don't track I am only hitting about 900-1200 calories per day. I can only eat about 1 cup of food at the most. Now when I'm stressed I find it difficult to eat as opposed to binge eating my stress away like I used to. So believe it or not, my biggest goal at the moment is to stop the weight loss and maintain my current weight.
I hope this can be helpful to those out there who are considering getting a wls, are struggling thorough those early days when all you can focus on is sipping broth and forcing down Protein shakes, and those who are scared to take the plunge. I feel this is the best decision I could have made for my current happiness, future health and quality of life, and to model healthy eating habits/behaviors/relationship with food for my two daughters.
Good Luck to all of you beautiful and brave people!

Thanks, everyone. My newbie nerves are real, and it is kind of you to take a moment and share your experience and perspective. My goal for having the surgery is focused on health, mobility/activity, and avoiding developing the cholesterol/blood sugar problems I was starting to inch toward which are so common in my family. The idea of a numeric goal, I think, was wanting a point where someone professional would say, "hey, you've done well, you're in a good place, you should feel free to switch to maintenance now and feel ok relaxing a little bit so long as you stay on the path." But, some of you have said and you are right that that is still about seeking outside validation. :deep breath:

That would have been funny too. Unless I am missing memory, they did mine while I was under. Probably much more efficient that way.

There is a great variability among folks. For me, more than 2 years out, I have never thrown up from eating past where I should. It's a good and bad thing. When I get tempted for another bite, it's hard to say no!

I've been sick about twice since my surgery - surgery was about 4 years ago - and it was painful. It was a good lesson and I'm far more careful now. Like some of the others it was more about what I ate and how fast. Some foods just don't fill up the sleeve quite as fast as others. I had 3 bites of chicken breast and broccoli last night and handed it over to my hubby. My sleeve just said: Nope, not one more bite, or else! ::sigh:: But, on a treat day when I make popcorn I could go on eating and eating, like I never had surgery. Dangerous!
Post-op will be much easier with your partner doing it too, that's fantastic! Best of luck to you two, and your mom.

It seems that at least 50% of the posts on BariatriPal are bemoaning a stall. Daily, and sometimes hourly, I am reading about how someone ONLY lost x number of pounds and now the scale hasn't moved in ___ [fill in the blank] days/months, etc. Oh no, they write, I am a failure/unique/my surgery didn't work/life is not fair, ... Why am I in a stall?
I know I am exaggerating but I think you get the idea.
Guess what? STALLS are a NORMAL part of the PROCESS of losing weight. If you want to lose weight, you will stall. Not just once, but over and over. And, guess what? A stall is where your body actually does the hard work of becoming smaller. It takes a lot of work and energy to dismantle a structure that has been holding up, in some cases, hundreds of pounds.
For those who think they have to DO something to somehow "break a stall" (in my opinion, you do not break a stall, you just ride them out), here is my response:
What can you do to "break" a stall?
1) STAY OFF THE SCALE
Relax and stay off the scale if it bothers you so much. Weigh no more than once a week, or even less often. Weighing only at your doctor's appointments early in the process is a good strategy if your mood and self-worth are dictated by the numbers on the scale.
2) PICK UP A TAPE MEASURE
In addition to using the numbers on the scale to measure your progress, take your measurements. Inches lost are also a great way to see physical progress when the scale isn't moving. Most people see the biggest physical changes in their body when the scale seems stuck.
3) TRACK YOUR Protein AND Water AND MEET OR EXCEED YOUR PROTEIN AND WATER GOAL EVERY DAY
As long as you are getting in all your protein and water and following your NUT and surgeon's instructions, you are doing what you are supposed to do.
If you aren't getting in all your protein and water, then increasing your protein and water is something you can do (and should be doing anyway whether or not you are in a stall).
4) EXERCISE
If you aren't exercising, then you can exercise (and should be whether or not you are in a stall). You can start slowly by walking or even moving more around the house. Exercising will help you feel better, tone your skin and build fat-burning muscle.
5) MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR NUT
If you are unsure or unclear about what you are supposed to be, or should not be eating, then make an appointment with your NUT (which you should be doing whether or not you are in a stall).
6) REASSESS AND REEVALUATE
About the only good result I see that comes from complaining about a stall is when you take an honest look at what you are doing and realign with the program recommended by your NUT and surgeon. Have you started eating more outside of your plan? Are you restricting calories? Are you eating enough carbs and protein for your exercise? Are you taking your Vitamins? Are you eating often enough? Are you eating slowly with protein first? Sometimes, all you need to DO is go back to basics.
7) JOURNAL
One of the biggest things I have noticed from the various posts is how anxious and out-of-control some people feel when they notice a stall. Journaling can help you gain some perspective and deal with some of the emotional turmoil.
-- Write about how you are feeling about the stall and your weight loss, and surgery in general.
-- Write about why you had the surgery in the first place.
-- Write about what life was like before surgery.
-- Write about what you hope and dream about accomplishing in the future.
-- Write about your fears.
-- Write about your NSVs.
-- Make a gratitude list.
-- Make a bucket list.
-- Write a letter to your old self; write a letter to your new self.
Just write.
8) SEEK HELP
Stalls are when too many people seem to revert to old, counterproductive dieting behaviors (restricting calories, over exercising, bingeing, etc.). If this is you, then another thing you can DO is to talk to a counselor or therapist or consider joining a bariatric support group or a twelve-step group like Overeater's Anonymous.
The discomfort of being in a stall can also drive people to develop new, unhealthy coping habits or even transfer addictions. This is where you want to marshall all the resources you have available to you and use them.
The last, and most important thing you can DO is:
9) EMBRACE THE STALL
Stalls are a normal and natural part of the process.
Our bodies are complex systems and not simple machines.
Stalls go hand-in-hand with weight loss.
If you had Weight Loss Surgery, then you probably want to lose a significant amount of weight. So, get ready to embrace the many stalls you will experience as your body is transformed. It will be worth it.

Worrying about the future is 'borrowing' trouble, you don't want this to be a 'I have to get to goal ' battle or you might feel like a failure if you struggle long and hard to get to a number. So many factors will influence your end goal - health, heredity, lifestyle, etc. So relax and take the journey, appreciate all the steps, and follow the guidelines and be good to yourself. It's not willpower - that suggests you are deficient and have to correct a defect, it's commitment to yourself which is a positive - like committing to school or marriage....good luck.

Yes!!! Remember that health is your goal!

Honestly most of the research is coming out to say your body will stop on its own and you will transition into maintenance. You will gradually increase your calories all along and there will come a point where it's a struggle to lose... like ANY NORMAL PERSON. The last 10-20 will be vanity pounds not health pounds and you may lose them you may not.

And healthy eating and moderation that fits with your body/genetics/ethics and lifestyle will make maintenance easy too IF you listen to your new set point. If you want to lose the vanity pounds, good on you, but the health pounds are most important. No external validation needed.

Howdully he will see what you come up with and advise from there! Good luck and we will cheer each other on!!! 💕💕💕

Weldone! I alsohad the reduce blood preasure, i had melignent hypertention, blured vision headaches, on high dose of meds. was completely of my meds in under 2 weeks , because my bp was going low ! so amazing. i have not even lost much but the change is just amazing

- My plan is not super strict, i am in the uk, It seems plans are more strict abroad, but balanced diet is all I am required to do, been told not to do low carb. But its inevetable as you just do not feel like wasting tummy space with some foods even if its infront of you , you just eat meat , then veg, ignore potatoes. lol for me anyway 6 weeks in.
I have my goal of 135 ( 24+BMI) 5.2 will maybe lose 20lbs more to give myself space incase of bounceback or whatever.