FunnyDuddies

As his sister all you can really do is pray that his relationship goes well, and that he does the right thing. but he is your brother, not your child, and his choice is his. no matter how much it stresses you. the best thing is to release ownership of his actions, and hope that he does the right thing. if he doesn't, it is not your deal. of course you will ache for any trouble he goes through, but you cannot try to stop him in his decision when and who he marries. if anything your stress and upset over his decision may have the opposite effect, and he will rush to make a change to prove that he is right. it sounds like he already has that going on, rushing to prove that his marriage would be based on love, rather than the fact that he had a child coming. You never know, this could be the one. enjoy the bliss of a new marriage and hope that all goes well for them!

abortion, politics, religion, and pedophilia is not tosmething that people come to a lap band forum to read about. These things may not be offensive to you, but i know a LOT of people that expressly do not come to this forum any longer because they are reminded of these topics and threads everytime they do come here.

Well if this is ok by you, why the discussion? If you can just go in and read it when you want to, why subject others to view post titles to threads they do not wish to even see on a Lap Band Forum?

no....our age is based on our "birth" day. Our personal liberties are important, but nothing is more important than life. If someone takes lives, they are stripped of their personal liberties. If someone takes someone's personal liberties, in this country, they are not stripped of their life.

again...no one is forcing them to read the threads, but the titles being in the list forces them to read the titles, which are (to most) offensive.

so we should make the majority deal with something for the good of a minority group? I was always under the assumption that the right thing to do in a group setting was to pander to the greater of the whole.

Oh I do not at all Alexandra. I am very aware of how Alex runs the site, as I watched how other issues were handled. this is his site completely, and his word is law. Of course threads like this help him to know how the members of his board feel, but i would in no way say he MUST do something. Its not my place. These are just my opinions, and the fact that Alex owns this board and makes the decisions is left out quite often. That is why I have brought it up. and I hope that, as wel all accept the way things are right now, that it would also be accepted if he took the opinions from this thread and those of his advertisers and got rid of the RnR section, or changed things around. Lauren, I am not calling you immature. You are the one calling others immature. and when a thread title is in a list of other titles, it gets read. no matter what forum it is in. you have to read what the thread title is in order to determine whether or not you wish to read on. and when the thread titles themselves can be offensive, it does force people to be subjected to it by default. it is not a weak or strong thing. You are an educated woman I am guessing so this should not be a hard thing for you to understand what I am saying. Now if someone clicks on a thread with an obvious title, that is their own issue. that is not what i have a problem with. And i am not saying the forum should be removed. I am simply stating that having these offensive titles listed in the new posts section or the top 5 is a turn off to those who do not wish to read that section. Esp for newbies who do not understand that you can keep that section from being seen. Just because you and i know how to do that does not mean that others will understand. Its off topic, not relevant to the site, but still a part of the site. Where is the damage in removing it from the list, and letting those that wish to read and respond to these threads go directly to that forum to do so? There is no censorship here. It should not be offensive to you to remove these threads from the lists. unless you have some other motive as to why you want them to stay there.

when it is a medical procedure it is not murder, but when it is an abortion caused by a woman being beating is it? where is the "opinion" in that? Sounds like a flaw in the law to me. and it is better to err on the side of humanity and innocence.

LOL you are right Lauren. I am an immature person. and so weak willed. You know, its so hard for me to not read something that is written on a page. my psychic mind is just not as practiced as yours, i guess, when i open a page and words "Boy-love" is listed in a group of thread titles. I should work harder on knowing when something offensive is going to pop up. Then I won't be "forced" to read those words. Mind you, I haven't even clicked on that link at this point. The words are simply there in the listing. I guess the adult thing would be to leave completely and give up on the support I give and receive from the rest of the site. That really does seem like the adult thing to do right? give me a break. As for gathering support from people i disagree with, sure! I get support and help from people who I feel have been adult in their conversations. In fact there are a few people on here that I disagree with completely on a number of issues, but the debates have always been adult and worthy. There are others here, who I have seen fight in the RnR section (on both side of politics) who I wouldn't accept advice from if you paid me. I also would not give support to them. Their actions prove to me that they are not worth my time. This outlook on life has left me with a large circle of friends and aquaintances that I am proud to know, and would go to the ends of the earth for. I will talk to everyone, but there are opinions of people that i have formed based on the way they carry themselves. Not their political stance on things. And i will not waste my time giving or receiving support from someone who will do nothing but poison my life. that is the adult thing to do. The immature thing is to think that everyone deserves equal time. that is something that is earned, not gifted.

Abortion is outrageously offensive and totally lacking in compassion, so i think that her description completely fits the bill here.

if the courts can charge someone with homicide if they hit a woman and she as a miscarriage, then abortion should be outlawed. plain and simple. there cannot be a double standard. and whether you are religious or not, everyone is open to saving a life because in our hearts we know it is right. it cracks me up that there are so many pro-choice people that belive in saving the lives of people on death row. you would rather pull the plug on an innocent being who has the chance to change the world, but you want to save the life of someone who has taken the lives of others. again, there should be no double standard. saving the lives of innocents is paramount to our society becoming stronger and saner. if you don't want to have a kid, stop having sex until you can get your tubes tied. Its that simple.

Not everyone who comes to the board is an adult. we have teens here. we also have people with good taste, that are offended by even seeing the thread titles that refer to such things as boy-love. Lauren and Lisah, the majority I am refering to, because I need to explain it again, means the majority that do not participate in the RnR threads. A lot don't even participate in the off topic forum. Only a small percentage do. Their lack of participation in those two forums indicate that the majority of the active users on this board are here for LBT support, and that should be the main focus of this board. When the "off topic" (again, aptly named) threads show up and push out the threads on lap band support, those threads become the main focus, as well as the representation of the direction of this board. I know that keeping the RnR threads in the top makes sure that everyone is forced to deal with your political views. I guess my question is why you need to push that on people. And stop using the cop-out of "Take it or leave it". An intelligent person would see that a thread title can mislead people into reading a thread that possibly attacks their moral stance and opinions, and humans are emotional people. It is impossible to not effect people. Your argument does not hold water. I think that neal put it right in that when he goes to the support side it is hard to not form opinions of people and their suggestions because of the way they have carried on in the RnR section. You form personal opinions of folks by reading the way they vote, practice religion, and generally treat others in that forum. If I do not agree with your political stance, and you have been fairly bullish or rude in your delivery, there is no way in hell I am going to accept commentary or suggestions from you on the support side. and sadly you could be the one with the right answer to a situation. It removes the support from a support board. Seems kind of stupid to me in honesty. Why force someone to see your vile side, then expect them to openly receive support from you later. It just doesn't happen that way. Not in normal society at least.

We are a spanking family, and use it as a learning tool as well as a disciplinary tool. As a learning tool, we spank, on first offense, for something that will hurt or cause serious damage to the kids. If they run out into the street, or hurt one another or another person around them. the moment we see it happen we pull them out of the situation, and spank. then we explain the situation and why they got spanked, and that if we ever catch them doing it again they will get the same punishment. As a disciplinary action, we usually escalate in punishment. the first time they do something wrong we tell them what they are doing is wrong, and that they need to stop. No need for punishment at that point. it might be that they do not know that what they are doing is wrong. But we tell them straight forward that if the activity or action continues the next thing they get is a time out. If they continue to do it, they are put in time out for 5 to 10 minutes. Third offense is a spanking. they are being spanked for the offense, as well as for not listening and following the rules. Our kids are 4 and 5, and they are constantly being praised for being the most well behaved kids people have ever seen. We just spent the weekend at Disney, and some really funny things happened there. Andy, our 4 year old, has a mohawk. He loves it, and we do it for the summer to keep him cool. He gets a lot of girlie attention which he just adores. hehehe while we were at disney most people saw it and would comment on how cute it was. He was polite, and would respond with a "thank you very much ma'am/sir" to which people would be shocked. but we would catch families pointing and whispering and claiming that it was "child abuse" that we "force our son to wear his hair like that". This was coming from the parents of kids who were running all over, being extremely loud, bothering others, climbing railings and generally doing things they were not supposed to. What most don't get is that Andy begs us for this hair cut. He just loves it. and he gets it as a priviledge for being really good. When he does something bad, one of his punishments is to have the mohawk shaved off. We are not abusing our kids by having the ahir cut, and those parents who complain about the actions of the parents of a 4 year old should be paying more attention to the actions of their litle hellians. More than likely they will find their parenting skills lacking in other ways. We are all individual in the way we raise our children. One thing i do have to say as an absolute though....if you do not have children, you should not be in a discussion about the proper discipline of another's child. I am not speaking of abuse, but just pure and simple discipline. I really don't care if you have watched kids, or taken care of some at one point. Until you have taken a child from infancy to toddler to teens you really don't have a single clue of what really works and what really needs to be done. Being a parent means you need to figure out what works with your family. I would NEVER tell someone else how to discipline their kid. Because i do not own their kid. I own my own, and I know what works for them. It is NO ONE's place to tell another parent how they should be disciplining their children. When I am out and about I may form opinions, but it would be completely wrong of me to bring that opinion to that parent.

Lauren, please, you have missed the whole point of my post. My point is you cannot use a poll as your basis for your argument when the poll is not a controlled one, polling everyone that is active on the board. Alexandra, I hear ya on the personal basis, but you have to understand that when you become a mod, which you have been for a long time here, your personal posts and mod posts cannot truly be seperated. If you post in the RnR section a lot, which you do (nothing wrong with it either) you will have your own personal feeling distract from the mod decisions you have to make. Its impossible to seperate them, no matter how much you say they are seperated. Its an absolute truth that as a mod you are one of the largest representatives of the board. What you post reflects as "the word" of the board simply because of your status. On other boards that I mod on I really hold back on certain things that i post because I represent the board first, and am a general poster second. Its just common sense. Its like a manager of a company sitting around bad mouthing the company they work for. It might be a personal feeling, but as the role of a manager you are to present the company you and your employees work for in a great light to maintain morale and keep things running smoothly. As for the Top 5. I totally agree. no need for it at all. But I think the idea of taking the Rant and Raves section, and even the off topic section, is a great one. But it is certainly not my decision to make. It is Alex's. And past experience tells me that Alex will do what Alex feels is appropriate. that is how the RnR section came to be. Most of the posters in the RnR section have no idea why it is there to begin with. Its an interesting history. And certainly one I am sure LBT does not want coming back into light. But that right there should be evidence as to why the threads in the RnR section should not be mingled with the other sections specifically designed to help support those who are needing lap band help. If you want to read or post in the RnR section, you know where it is. Very simple fix. Remove it from the rest of the sections in top 5 and new posts, and everyone still has the place off topic hot debates.

Maybe that is why he is back and forth on everything, and trying to do a romantic hawaii wedding to bring solidarity to a posible rocky start. My thoughts are with him and his girlfriend in this tough time. It is certainly a hard thing to go through, and I am sure it adds a lot more stress to his new life. But one thing to keep in mind is that it is HIS life, and HIS choice who he gets married to and when. It could be the perfect fit and they stay married for 50 years. Or the marriage will fail in 6 months. The thing that needs to be done by the family is support him any way they can, rather than add to the stress that is being caused by the flip flopping. I hope that your whole family finds peace soon and that when/if they get married it is a lovely day for the two of them. Nothing makes it more beautiful than having your whole family suppot and love you. If you can't make it to a wedding in hawaii, a phone cal, and a really nice card with heartfelt wishes can really go a long way. And I am sure that they would eventually understand that their decision to have the ceremony in another state would make it tough for everyone to be there to celebrate with them.

Actually, I am refering to the larger majority and minority. Not the poll. I didn't even see the poll, and they are rarely an indicator of what the whole really wants. its more an indicator of what the loudest mouths want. Seeing as how this thread is in the RnR section, an area where only 10% (and I am being really generous here) of the membership base frequent and post, of course those who want this section to remain in the face of everyone else will even out the score. The majority I have refered to is the majority of the lap banders who have come to this site looking for support and information and do not participate in the RnR section because of the nature of the beast. I bet, if the mods were gutsy enough to face the info, they could do a global pm to everyone asking their opinion and directing them to a poll, with no chance for comments. Just a poll. Should the thread titles in the Rant and Raves section, an off topic section for inflamatory threads, be in the Top 5 section? I can guarantee you that a majority will say it should not be there.

I think it is all great that you love LBT and the RnR section. That fact is not negated by removing the topics from the top 5. And the need to keep those topics in the top 5 is really just a selfish move. Its forcing the whole to face threads that maybe only 10% read and contribute to. Again, no one is asking for the threads to be censored. People are asking for the RnR section to be taken out of the top 5 so the rest of the LAP BAND board can be spared from seeing the words "abortion" or "boy-love" or other topics that they did not come to this board to see. Quite frankly I am surprised that the mods are so quick to take the side of a minority group here. The purpose of a mod, in general, is to conform to the wants and needs of the greater whole. Not the loudest individuals. This is a lap band board, and while the RnR section is liked by some, it is not the focus of the site aptly named LapBandTalk. So the focus should be taken off of the "off topic" (see the irony in that term there? silly isn't it.) and put back onto the "on topic" threads. Taking the focus off does not censor anyone in anyway, so whining about it not being an improvement is a moot point.

While I am slightly back to this forum, I have to say that my visitations lately have brought me to the conclusion that I fall on both sides of the fence here. While i agree that the RnR and lounge area should not be a part of the top 5, which it is very easy to make that change in the software, I also agree that this is a privately owned site. It is soley up to the decision of Alex as to whether or not this happens. Seeing as how the advertisements will be plentiful soon I am betting that the RnR section gets removed from the top 5, or removed all together, because no advertiser in their right mind would want to advertise on a board that has such loose reins on a section that has nothing to do with the main topic, and is so political in state. I agree that the RnR section might be a good solution to the problem that came up with the big feud, but the it certainly is not something a band doctor would want to affiliate themselves with. As a business owner I know I would not personally give money to a site that allows boy-love and other abrasive threads that have nothing to do with the topic that I am advertising for. Just my .02 cents. Personally, I think the need to shove threads in people's faces with the line "Take it or leave it" is one sided. The suggestion that was brought up seems like a good comprimise. It does not censor anyone, but it leaves those who do not want to see the posts or their thread titles in peace. The software is setup for just this capability, as well as the ability to keep google and other search engines from spidering those threads. its a fairly simple change. On the other board that I belong to we even put the pray requests into a forum of its own, and removed it from the top 5, as well as the search engine spidering, so that people do not get offended. its all about making the forum comfortable for everyone. you can still post whatever you want, to a certain extent (PG-13 rating and all) but it does not fly in the face of people who do not wish to feel that they are having it shoved in their faces. I remember when the "prayer requests" were challenged on here. The same "group" of people were offended just by having the word "prayer" in the thread titles. Its funny how people groups will turn the tables to conform to their own agendas.

so those who agree with having abortion made illegal are nutjobs? pretty broad brush to paint people with.

No worries Lauren. I appreciate the apology, and love a good debate that is civil and thoughtfull. I look for no praise from the deeds I do. My reward is gotten in the journey and the experience. I have been in this debate before (charity and giving, and who does it more...the conservatives or liberals.) and it goes one of two ways. If you do not disclose the amount given, you are hiding the amount and the truth to your charities. If you disclose you are looking for praise. I do not care what people think my motivation is truly. I do it because it is my duty as someone who can give back to do so. And that is my motivation. And Rob and I truly enjoy it. Personally I LOVE working with the sea turtles. those little buggers are cuter than a kitten!

Hey girl. I am not back completely, although the pm's have been overwhelming. It is good to know I have friends where ever I go. I certainly felt the love from the moment I signed on. :thumbs_up: To you that is the measure of a truly charitable person. to others, it is not enough until it measures up to their levels. I cannot please everyone all of the time. For me, I give most of what I own and make away, while giving myself a comfortable life. I volunteer time, and I live my life the best I can. I am proud to say all of this, and hope that my talking about it drives others to do the same. This world would be a better place if that was the case. My mistrust comes when someone says "I give" but do not offer up what it is they do. Why be sheltered about it? You might find that the charity to give to or participate in is one that someone else is looking to support! And i would never own a crystal studded belt. How tacky! No way baby! I use ALL of my brain. hehehe Thank you for the debate BJ. See ya on the flip side!

But you cannot punish a group for the actions of one. and you certainly cannot expect the same of the group because of your close ties and observation of underhanded actions of one church. Its prejudice.

this is one thing that you and I can COMPLETELY agree on. :clap2:

I did state what sort of places I support and have volunteered at. There have been a lot of posts though, so missing one here and there is normal. I am sure I have done it a number of times. As for the people I work with, people talk about politics all the time. Look at the board here. it is VERY normal for people to wear their political compass on their sleeve. Its actually rare to work with someone for a long while and NOT know what their political associations are. I do not post how much I make or donated to make myself "better" than anyone. There have already been comparrisons on this thread about how much is enough. Like I have said before, I am merely qualifying the charity programs and my participation so as to not be labled as "a feel good contributor". As for donating all of my 200k minus what I need for living expenses....that is how much I can give. You see I support my sister in laws family of 4 as well as my father and mother in law. I do not count this as part of the charitable amount, but we provide for those two households because of serious illness hit both homes. I also started 2 new businesses this year and last year, and have had to put quite a bit of my own funds towards doing so. I do not donate a set amount, I donate what I do not need. If you would like a complete accounting I am happy to provide it. Since you do not feel my 25% is enough. hehehehe As for being a snob, well, that is certainly both of your opinions. I am not sure where name calling will get you, certainly not a seat at my table. But I am amazed that someone can even begin to form an opinion of someone else just by reading a few posts on a board. You and BJ probably do not even know me from the years I was on here before. Alexandra and Wheets know me. I think they can safely say i was always a generous and helpful person. No snobs here.

Oh, and our church, when they give to community families that need it, do so without them doing anything in return. Most churches are like this, but there are a select few out there that have given the rest of the group a bad name.