brandyII

Hey if you want to see how people can behave on this forum just go to Rants and Raves "I hate it when people post just to post" to see how people really are and start in the beginning, it's only about 1,300+ threads but it kind of shows a dark side to the forum, and when I started reading it one day it really depressed me because it's hard to tell sincerity anymore! brandyII, sad face

Thanks Tina, Never quite made it to "lifetime" that's pretty darn good if you did! Do you follow it now and still go to meetings? Actually it's cheaper than going to my doctor's office to get weighed, now that I think about it. My sister-n-law lives near me and started going again, like everyone does at sometime and asked me to join her and her friend so I may do that. Thanks again, Nancy.

Mhaz..., I was the same way after I moved out of my Roach apartment! It makes you paranoid. It was an old one near the city so there was no way of controlling it, just leaving. We bombed all our stuff before we moved into his mother's but I was always worried that they'd still be in boxes. And believe or not I gave away a lot stuff for free because I knew there were roaches living in it. All my living room furniture was given away. You can open up a cookbook from back then and see a dead one, I know TMI, but that's how infested this place was. I was dumb to move there but it was close to the subway and cheap! I'm afraid of the lion pits at the National Zoo in Wash DC. It's been a while since I've been there and now that an incident happened, I forget at what zoo and what animal but they can get out. Also they have/had a gorilla house and it's all glass and these huge guys will come right up to you face to face and pound on it and I remember screaming and running away thinking they could break through! dandy brandyII.

What were we talking about again, I forgot! LOL.

Hi heartfire, I have a therapist to talk to who probably would have been a much tougher screener than the psych eval that I got through the surgeon's office. She knows I have issues, my dad was an alcoholic and as we all know that is another issue that can go on forever. When he died he had a heart attack and was actually clutching onto a glass of scotch when he had it and they had to pry it out of his hand after they found him dead on the floor. There's not much of a line between alcohol and sugar if you think about it. I felt like I needed a jump start and starving myself wasn't the kind of jump start that would work for me. I think if my surgeon had said, yes you are not doing well on the band and we'll talk about gastric bypass now I would have gone with it because I would have seen it as an option that would have been easier. I know you think that's crazy but it's true! Anyway since my daughter is getting gastric bypass next month I met with her nutritionist and she was really nice and offered to meet with me or email etc... I get to go through all the pre-op stuff all over again with my daughter so it helps too to relearn certain things. I've been a Weight Watcher since 1973 or 1972, and probably haven't been in about 4 years but still know basically the point situation and have all my books. I may join or see if I can just follow it on my own. I haven't completed decided yet but I meet my surgeon in a month and hopefully my ticker will start to move!!!! I want to love my band like everyone else here, but I think we'll just be friends for a while first! Thanks brandyII.

Let Cosmo put a beautiful fat woman on the cover of their mag!!! Do you think the world is ready for that? We can only dream!

Suz, I don't know if I read your second post earlier, sometimes my posting goes past the second ones. Anyway, you sound a lot like me except you had lost weight in the beginning. I know I already emailed after my surgeon appointment but I have a lot of those same issues as you. I stay up late and sleep late and am tired a lot. I crave sweets. I don't have any heart issues. Prior to my surgery they put me through many tests at the hospital and with follow ups with specialists if there was a prob. One thing they found was that I had a low oxygen level in my blood and went to the pulmonologist who then sent me for a sleep study and found I had sleep apnea and sleep problems can cause weight gain and make you crave sugar! I'm just bringing that up in case it could pertain to you too. I do sleep with a CPAP machine and because I had such issues sleeping and was tired all the time prior I adapted pretty well to the machine. One thing I could do well. At this point I don't think I could sleep without it, that sounds crazy. Also I had type 2 diabetes and an under active thyroid and one doctor said I had PCOS. I ended up being anemic a few years ago because my periods were so heavy. My obgyn told me to have a uterine ablation and so now they are light and I'm not anemic anymore but that really made me tired. I think I told you before that maybe your band wasn't tight enough but now I realize you're like me and can eat the high fat high sugar foods like cakes candies Cookies ice cream because it's hard to eat the other stuff. That's exactly why I had the fill taken out today, well I'm down to 2 ccs in a 10 cc band so that I don't have to just eat cereal or foods that go down easily. Anyway I hope I wasn't too rambly and let me know if this is what you think has been happening to you too. I know also that when I get up at 6:30 AM to let out the dogs and I've gone to bed at 3:00 AM that night I crave sugar and feel like I have to eat then. I'll go back to bed after I let them out. There are a lot of studies done with food and sleep deprivation etc... and there's some correlation. Something about needing energy. Anyway if any of this rings a bell with you let me know. I know dieting prior was difficult and having the band is supposed to help but I didn't know it would be this hard! Talk to you later brandyII.

Thanks heartfire, My husband came and met me there so I had some support which was nice. Basically I'm the only bad apple in the whole bunch because he has never had a patient gain back the weight like I have. I told him that I guess he wouldn't be featuring me in his "posters" unless it's a don't let this happen to you or something like that. Anyway I basically learned that the band is a tool, lol. I know I'm laughing but I had too hard of a time following "the program" and so we came to a kind of compromise. I asked him to remove a lot of my fill, went down from 4ccs to 2ccs and am going to start the Weight Watchers program and that way with less fill if I feel like I need to stuff my face I can eat more of the healthy low cal stuff and not puke them back up and then go back to sweets like I had done. I needed to do something because my head is all screwed up from not doing a good job but I knew if he didn't take out any fill I would continue on the same path I was on. So I'm hoping with just 2 ccs I will be able to eat more of a salad etc...and maybe even a piece of toast and follow their points program. If all else fails he said then we can talk about gastric bypass but I don't want that either, I mean I've gone this far I can try a new method with the band and eventually maybe get more restriction or less restriction depending on how I do. He's not sure if even gastric bypass would help me but jeese, it makes me feel like I'm a totally hopeless case in some respects. I guess the sweets would go down easily with me because they're mainly fat and that's what made it easy to eat, plus they kind tasted good. So anyway I guess I pretty much am not the prize pupil of lapbandology but I'm not giving up and will try this for now. Thanks you guys, you've all been so nice and I know I've been a pain. brandyII.

babygirl, You are completely right!

Well luluc, he's a purdy boy!! brandyII

readysteadygo, That really sucked. Your mom must have been pretty calm. If this had happened to my older daughter she would completely freaked and drove off the road or into another car. She'd definitely bug-phobic! And that poo thing, your poor dad, that would have totally grossed me out. Doesn't have to ruin vacations just no more RVing!

Okay, One day I was driving down a country road on a hot summer day with my daughter in the car and all of the sudden a bumble bee flew into my shirt. I started to freak! I whipped the car over to the side of the road and without even thinking I ripped off my shirt to get that bee out of there, as it had already stung me in the back. Thank God, no one was driving down the road as I stood there in my non-Victorian Secret bra. The only ones to see me were about twenty cows across the street. My daughter still tells everyone that story, but what can I say I hate bees especially when they're in my shirt driving down the road! I don't think that's irrational do you?

donnabarney, If you had a leak would you still feel restriction?

Thanks guys, Didn't mean to sound like a poor poor pitiful me but I'm a bit tired of it all and have to face the surgeon tomorrow and trying to figure out the right things to say and figure out what to do etc... Damn I wish it worked as well as some peoples have, maybe it's mental who knows. From what I've come across on this forum in general, as a newbie to forums there's a lot of good people here but there are a couple that will beat you till you die, do you know what I mean. So in some ways I almost have to be careful when I talk about probs or I'll be made fun of somewhere else, it's kind of scary when you read some of the stuff people have said out there, but hey it's a free country or is it? I don't know but it isn't cheap, thanks again, brandyII.

I have one more thing to say about large size people in movies and TV. Don't you hate the fact that there can be an ugly guy of size or not of size in TV or a movie and he always has the "hot thin chick". You never see the reverse, that's why movies like Phatt Girlz give us power and are important. Even if it was a somewhat goofy kind of movie it still had something in it that spoke to me on that level.

Oh Juli, I think that deserves an addition to your rep power!!!!!!

Baggio, Maybe it's just me but his story would not have scared me from having the surgery if I had gone to this forum prior to mine as you have done wisely. But I do wish I had known prior to my surgery that I could still eat a lot of cr&^%%p after the band was in place and I had full restriction. I really really would have found that info important and may have gone a different route. You may not be one who would have issues with cake, Cookies, ice cream, candy and chips but I do and I'm at that age when menopause is around the corner and it makes it even more difficult for me. I just want others to know that it can be an issue, "slider" foods are not just ice cream and milk shakes best of luck to you in two days, recovery to me was a breeze and I hope yours will be too, brandyII.

luluc, like your golden, is it yours? I have to ask because my avatar dog is just a cute pic. Anyway, here I go again, but I loved that movie Real Women Have Curves. It made me feel good about myself. I know we're all trying to lose weight and be thin/heathy, added that later. I am fat and would like to be thin, no one wants to be fat, well maybe some people do but still, I am fat, I've been thin, and fat and thin and now I'm fat. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but as a fat person and as someone who had a thin mother and was the only fat child out of five kids it's comforting to see people in those rolls to me, no pun intended. I loved Phatt Girlz too, I found it to be real and it's nice to know there is a culture out there that can appreciate our bodies as they are. It did have some good messages in it. There is also an actress from a British sitcom and other shows/movies named Dawn French. She had a show where she played a female vicar called "The Vicar Of Dibley". Very funny show and it's on PBS here. She is a full figured woman and her size really never played a part of the show, and she played a sexy character on the show. This character was based on a real female vicar. She also did some special once that I saw on A&E or something similar where she discussed fat women and their bodies over the years and in the end she posed nude. She discussed the famous artists who only painted large size women, can't remember the time period etc... and my daughter can't hear me to ask but I think you all know what I'm talking about. Anyway I know one of the hardest things is to love our bodies but when we have large size people, women in general because I think we can agree large women have it tougher in our world than large size men as serious roll models it can only be a good thing. Can we only love ourselves when we are thin, it's a hard thing to deal with. It also bothers me that I look at a plus size woman catalog and all the models are swimming in the clothes because they're probably a size 10 at the most! I think Juno is one of the only catalogs I've seen that actually has plus size woman wearing their clothes, bravo to them! Anyway I'm sure this is a topic that is fairly combustable (sp) but it's truly how I feel and am curious if anyone else feels this way too, thanks brandyII. Don't hate because I'm fatttt!

Roaches, Okay, I used to live down near D.C. in an apartment when I was about 23 and this place was infested, they feared nothing! They didn't scatter when you turned on the light they were tough little buggers. Well one morning prior to walking to the subway to go to work I saw a huuuuuuuuge one in the kitchen, of course, and there was no way I was going to step on it because it would make a really gross noise and also it would spuuuuu goo every where. This bugger was so big I called it a burger-eater. So I found a pot and put it on top of and left a note for my husband to kill it before I got home. Needless to say I lived with my mother-in-law soon after that because I could not take those burger eaters any more! That's how much I hate roaches, I lived with that woman!!!! brandyII.

Readysteadygo, You are so much like my daughter, if I have to hear one more story about protecting the earth from the eventual Zombie takeover I think I'll scream! lol, brandyII

Wow greeneyez, that's pretty intense. I'm really sorry. I'm assuming you'll be doing therapy to work on your arm/hand etc... so hopefully in time you start getting some movement. Keep us posted and best of luck to you brandyII.

Suz, I don't know if this makes you feel better or worse but I've felt restriction and got my band last August and never lost but gained back all 25 pounds I lost during my four week Medifast liquid diet prior to surgery. I guess I'm lucky where I didn't have to fight like you did to get the surgery but now I'm considering the gastric bypass and have no idea of what the surgeon will say tomorrow when we "discuss". Of course insurance wise I'm not hopeful but I guess miracles can happen. Maybe not all of us are meant for the band. I know it seems like everyone else is doing so well and I know they work hard at it and I wish it could be me too! I've cried about it already today so I know what you're going through. Good luck to you, brandyII.

Thanks taz you're very sweet. I've tried to hold on as long as I could and kept saying, I'm not giving up but it's getting harder. Today my doctor told me, and he is very nice and he's been my primary for about 17 years that I need to speak to the surgeon honestly and said seeing him today was my kick in the pants to get things going and not give up on myself whatever direction that takes me. He said he still wants to see me down to 145 pounds one day and I just laughed. Probably not even a healthy BMI right? Anyway thanks again, I just really wish that things will move down instead of up! Keep up your good work and thanks again for the nice thoughts, brandyII.

heartfire, I have had restriction, my first was three months after surgery and then I had them but it only worked on the Proteins etc... and still crave the sweets. When I exercise for some reason I get hungrier. I guess part of it is PCOS and part head hunger but because I have no problem eating sweets they go right through the band. My metabolism is very screwed up anyway so even if I don't eat a ton I can look at cake and I might as well have eaten it. chocolate, Cookies, chips, cakes, goes right through the band and I guess I should have had the gastric bypass because then I would have had "dumping" and would have avoided them possibly. My vomiting was because they thought I had less saline in the band and put in one too many cc's. Now I know to go to the doctor right away if you have to pull over into a church to vomit Water on the way home! I was vomiting my own saliva at home for ten hours, no water, saliva, and called the service and a surgeon met me down at the office and took some fill and that's when she found out the nurse wrote down the wrong amount and hence put too much in. I have also vomited like a lot of people if they ate Protein too fast or something else that needs to be eaten slowly and chewed well but I tend to be better at that now. After I gained the first ten pounds I asked the fill nurse if I could just go on a liquid Protein diet again for a while to lose it but she said no I had to get the fill and eat the protein and stretch out my pouch. Anyway that's why I made this appointment with my actual surgeon because he always told me because he knew I had problems sometimes with the fills I got from the nurse that he would do them for me it's just harder to get in to see him. I've never had a stomach bug since the lap band, thank God! and vomiting is so much easier now because it comes from a higher place, well okay it's different and not as gross how bout that! I'm sure you'll do fine, most people do, so good luck to you, I'm just in a holding point right now so that's about it, thanks brandyII.

Hey Losing...I'll give you one if you give me one, lol. Can we take them away from people that would be fun, brandyII.