Iwanttotriagain

... and I really need to figure out how to do all these cool tickers and everything. It's my personality ... I have the entire new gym outfit, all the tickers, protein shakes and everything and I don't even have my surgery approaved yet!

This my first blog thingie! I'm very new but have realized the power of having a group of people listening to you and understanding where you are coming from. I think, at least for myself, that I have had at least 39 years of *stuff* stirring inside of me and am surrouned by people that have not lived the life of a fat person so it's difficult to a] be honest and b] be understood. At least as far as I'm concerned. I'm gearing up for a very long bumpy ride and if I can connect and help - and be helped along the way? What kind of blessing would that be? Because in our real life if we had that we probably wouldn't be here right now!

Just realizing I should probably put down my past. I'm 39 and have struggled all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I"m sick and tired of it. I've been up and down trying everything liquid diets, Weight Watchers you name it. I've been ashamed of all my failures. I have been lucky in one sense, I've married a man that loves me and have 3 great children [9/7/5]. 5Years ago after I delivered my daughter I had to have back surgery due to the fact that I slipped 3 discs delivering her. I was 268 lbs. Had back surgery & the doctor says to me ... So when are you going to do something about that weight? I was really surprised because I thought all my turtlenecks, long hair & sense of humor covered it all! Apparently not! Well, I managed to get to a great doctor & dietician that helped me to get to 203 lbs. through diet and exercise. I trained for a triathelon and did it! Then I had marital problems, went back to work full-time and 4 years later I'm here .... crying again ... praying every day that my pants will fit before I put them on. Here is where my journey begins [in this chapter] releasing control to gain back control of my life and for me? That's huge. Sometimes I think I"m just not worth being a 'normal size' I'm not really sure why but it seems that every time I get down to the 75% point I turn around and stop. I'm just not worth being under 200 lbs. Serious issues that need to be resolved within myself. I do know one thing about myself is that I'm so fricking stubborn that I know when I make up my mind - that's it and I'm happy to report that this weekend I finally have ... resolved myself to this knew life that is!! Easy to say before I actually do anything about it! It will be fun to read this as the months tick cause they are coming anyway whether I do something with my life or not!:biggrin:

Just realizing I should probably put down my past. I'm 39 and have struggled all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I"m sick and tired of it. I've been up and down trying everything liquid diets, Weight Watchers you name it. I've been ashamed of all my failures. I have been lucky in one sense, I've married a man that loves me and have 3 great children [9/7/5]. 5Years ago after I delivered my daughter I had to have back surgery due to the fact that I slipped 3 discs delivering her. I was 268 lbs. Had back surgery & the doctor says to me ... So when are you going to do something about that weight? I was really surprised because I thought all my turtlenecks, long hair & sense of humor covered it all! Apparently not! Well, I managed to get to a great doctor & dietician that helped me to get to 203 lbs. through diet and exercise. I trained for a triathelon and did it! Then I had marital problems, went back to work full-time and 4 years later I'm here .... crying again ... praying every day that my pants will fit before I put them on. Here is where my journey begins [in this chapter] releasing control to gain back control of my life and for me? That's huge. Sometimes I think I"m just not worth being a 'normal size' I'm not really sure why but it seems that every time I get down to the 75% point I turn around and stop. I'm just not worth being under 200 lbs. Serious issues that need to be resolved within myself. I do know one thing about myself is that I'm so fricking stubborn that I know when I make up my mind - that's it and I'm happy to report that this weekend I finally have ... resolved myself to this knew life that is!! Easy to say before I actually do anything about it! It will be fun to read this as the months tick cause they are coming anyway whether I do something with my life or not!:biggrin:

Well, It's Sunday night. I have my first doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon. I've been thinking about this for years and now all of a sudden there is a cancelled appt. and I'm going to the doctors after just a few days. I didn't think I was ready - I didn't know if I could make the "change" in myself. I took a sauna and I 'flicked my switch'!!! I'm ready to do what I need to do. I turn 40 in 9 monhts. I want to be in "one"-der-land by my 40th birthday. Well, there you go, now it's in print. Time to get my ass in gear. I will follow everything to the letter until then and then evaluate where I am. :biggrin:

Thank you!!! I've been thinking about this for years and I'm finally getting the courage to proceed.

I'm new too! I still have to call for my appointment but of course the woman is out on vacation until next week! I'm with you all the way. I'm nervous too - I'm scared to death!!!!! In order to BE someplace different .... we need to DO something different ....