Iwanttotriagain

When I think back to 2002 and how modivated I was [i had back surgery & realized I needed to lose the weight] - I weighed 268 lbs. I came back from the hospital after my surgery and decided I was going to run a thiathelon which had been a life goal. I never in a million years would have thought I would ever be that modivated. I went to the gym 5 days a week for 2 hours and never cheated on my diet for 18 months straight. Even with that I couldn't break the 200's it was soooo frustrating. But I kept my positive attitude and loved feeling healthy and athletic. I would rather be buff and athletic then skinny any day of the week. Paris Hilton, ew!?!? I would rather look like a swimmer or tennis player. But you made me realize something - it was totally my attitude. Every day I kept a journal and when things got rough I began to mandiate myself to writing down 2 things: Why am I doing this? and What do I love about myself today? I am going to start doing that again. Why am I doing this? Because I want to be proud of my body What do I love about myself today? I think I'm a great mom.

Well, I have my psych, diet & exerise appointments tomorrow and my ekg/heart thingie on Wedensday and then I should be able to submit to insurance. :biggrin: I'm very excited about all of it. Of course I get nervous about the stories that people haven not only not lost weight but have gained it back and then some. Which I just don't understand.:wink2: How can you gain weight when you can only eat 1/4 cup at a time? Makes me very nervous. I just suppose it's up to the individual but then that makes me worry even more! I've lost and gained HUNDREDS of lbs, why will this be differnt. When I ran my triathelon I was 213 lbs. and had lost 55 lbs. Well, I said I would NEVER gain that weight back. Never say never because here I am. In 5 years I haven't gained it all back but most of it and the very thought of RUNNING 3 miles on a treadmill is freaking me out. I did all of that while not working but now I work full-time with 3 kids [9/7/5] and there is no way I can spend 2 hrs at the gym everyday. Plus I hate to exercise!!! :crying: So, I think I'm with everyone else. I know this is the next step ... but will it work? I worked my ASS off to get from 268 down to 203 and could never break into the 100's. It got to the point that I was burning muscle for energy because I wasn't eating enough! Never say that to a fatty! Then I started to eat more and apparently have never stopped. Sigh. I'm lucky in the sense that my husband of 15 years is very supportive :smile: and is always there for me but he's the go-along-with-the-flow kinda guy and he would NEVER say, hey toots put that twinkie down and go for a bike ride!! Sometimes he's to supportive!!!

Telling her will make it real and make you accountable. Both of which can scare the gajeebers out of anyone! It's like getting weighed once they write it on that darn chart it become part of your record! What might suprise you is that you are actually going through with it because she has made you strong enough to! She might jump out of her chair and give you a hug and kiss! Well, that probably wouldn't be professional, maybe just a high-5!!!

My girlfriend just had her evaluation and she said her impression was they were looking for bulemia & serious issues like that. Since she doesn't have those types of issues she thought it was useless and expensive $200 spent. It obviously depends on who you have. It sounded like yours was fantastic. She sounds passionate about wanting you to succeed! To me it seems like just one more piece falling into place for you. YEA FOR YOU!!!

I am battling the exact same thing. For me I'm totally "justifying" what I'm eating because it "might be the last time" I can eat french fries or a hamburger or whatever! I'm getting kinda depressed about it because once again I'm reminded how little control I seem to have over myself. I keep thinking ... well, in a few weeks it's liquid chicken through a straw so have at it girlfriend! How twisted is that?

Dee, I'm with you. I have over a year and a half of supervised dieting but it was 4ish years ago ... I pray they take it and I don't have to wait 6 months. I hope it goes well for you - keep us all posted!

ok, I realize this is small but I just ate a tomato in my salad. I'm sitting here in Panera bread & I ordered 1/2 sandwich & 1/2 salad and I DIDNT ask for them to remove the tomato. I'm making the transition to eating healthier. Now, I hate tomatoes. I'm making the pathway to the healtheir me and I'm very proud of it. Even though in my mtg this morning I had 6 cookies .... I can still rebound and make healtheir choices. Just last week I would have just blown the whole day off and said ... tomorrow I'll try harder and I won't fail. Well, today I thought I'm going to type into my blog and I want to have a trend towards the positive and there you go. The tomato - who knew!?!?!?

ok, I realize this is small but I just ate a tomato in my salad. I'm sitting here in Panera bread & I ordered 1/2 sandwich & 1/2 salad and I DIDNT ask for them to remove the tomato. I'm making the transition to eating healthier. Now, I hate tomatoes. :biggrin: I'm making the pathway to the healtheir me and I'm very proud of it. Even though in my mtg this morning I had 6 cookies .... I can still rebound and make healtheir choices. Just last week I would have just blown the whole day off and said ... tomorrow I'll try harder and I won't fail. Well, today I thought I'm going to type into my blog and I want to have a trend towards the positive and there you go. The tomato - who knew!?!?!?

What a great way to start my day ... I was feeling a little bit down and I just read your blog. I'm standing in my kitchen thinking what a great thing for you to put down on paper. It tough, it's hard but the rewards are so wonderful. Thank you for that! And it's not the size 18 pants - it's the size 18 attitute towards life! It actually helped me not to care that I made my coffee 100% decaf today - I'm really trying to get that out of my system before surgery. I wish you were here so I could give you a giant hug and we could chat about how much I hate DECAF!!!!!

It's so stupid that I'm more afraid of having to drink clear liquids for x amount of days then I am about strangers sticking knitting needles through my stomach!

OMG I have the exact same fears. I'm terrified of dying of a blood clot! I think personally it's just the way I am trying to cope with the stress, I'm focusing on one thing that I have no control over so I can give myself permission to what I do have control over - my decision to have surgery. Does that make any sense? Well, in my brain it does. HAHAHA

Never give up you can do it! You're here, right? You're listening to yourself and you're getting the courage to do what you need to do! Make a mini goal - it's the 2nd of April.what better time then the first of the month!!! Get yourself on track girlfriend and we're here for you when you need it. Now I just need to do the same thing!

Ok, it's the beginning of April so it's no better time to start. I have scheduled all my appointments but am worried that my "doctor supervised" 6 month diet stint will not be accepted because it was 4 1/2 years ago. I started in July of 03 & ended in Nov. 04 with those. I lost 62 lbs but of course have gained most of it back. I''m excited and scared and yesterday being the first of the month I wanted to be "good" and all I could think about was ice cream from Culvers. Which went went and had along with cheezeburgers and fries for dinner. I disgust myself.:biggrin: Get some control girlfriend.! I think it's just because I'm like you have about 3-4 weeks to eat what ever you want so get it out of your system. I had to gain 10 lbs to hit the 40 BMI so now that thought process is lingering ... I need to get over it quick because I feel like CRAP!!!

Ok, it's the beginning of April so it's no better time to start. I have scheduled all my appointments but am worried that my "doctor supervised" 6 month diet stint will not be accepted because it was 4 1/2 years ago. I started in July of 03 & ended in Nov. 04 with those. I lost 62 lbs but of course have gained most of it back. I''m excited and scared and yesterday being the first of the month I wanted to be "good" and all I could think about was ice cream from Culvers. Which went went and had along with cheezeburgers and fries for dinner. I disgust myself. Get some control girlfriend.! I think it's just because I'm like you have about 3-4 weeks to eat what ever you want so get it out of your system. I had to gain 10 lbs to hit the 40 BMI so now that thought process is lingering ... I need to get over it quick because I feel like CRAP!!!

Mattie I wish you all the best. All I can say is that everything usually gets better when we dont have all this weight resting on our bodies. You will be fine because you are making good choices for your body - and you will be getting the support you need from your doctors and for your heart here through this support group. We're all here for you!!!!

I just began my journey today at Beaumont. Royal Oak, Michigan. Anyone out there/here? I'm just curious how long the process has taken everyone ... she told me 2-4 months to get to the surgery date. I don't know why it can take me 39 years to make a decision and then all of a sudden I want to do it tomorrow but I do!

Well Jayme you haven't missed a thing - its windy and about 34 degrees and we I JUST got rid of all of our snow!

I will do that. I'm at work right now but I have a gazillion questions!!! You are so nice to respond! I think I may have written Troy, but all the "stuff" is going throught the Weight Loss Center in Royal Oak/Troy off Coolidge. I just had my first medical visit yesterday with Kerstyn Zalesin. She seemed nice just not a whole lot of personality going on there. I just gave blood, signed in blood and handed over a ton of money so far!!!

DONT DO IT!!! I stuffed 3 rolls of quarters and drank 2L of water and it worked wonders! I gained a magical 7 lbs in 20 minutes!!

I have my 1st appt. in 3 hours. I have to find a way to hide about 5 rolls of quarters somewhere on my body - I'm about 5 lbs short!!! I have to make myself laugh or I may start to cry!!!

My suggestion, and realize I'm really telling myself this and not you!, is to love them all. Love them for their shortsightedness, love them for their fear and love them for their inability to see the light that is growing inside of you. And if they don't love you back - go shopping for a new outfit!! HAHAHA I have a friend that is in the ministry and she keeps telling me I have to love everyone ... everyone. The good and the bad - especially the bad ones. They need it the most. If they had the love that you now have for yourself they wouldn't be so fiesty about it. So they *need* it the most. You'll feel better about it if you can get past their fear and move on to acceptance - because this is really about YOU and not at all about them. Ok, let's make a pact today. We are going to love everyone, even if it kills us!!!! And let you tell you something, I'm at work right now and it ain't going to be easy!!!

Well, It's Sunday night. I have my first doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon. I've been thinking about this for years and now all of a sudden there is a cancelled appt. and I'm going to the doctors after just a few days. I didn't think I was ready - I didn't know if I could make the "change" in myself. I took a sauna and I 'flicked my switch'!!! I'm ready to do what I need to do. I turn 40 in 9 monhts. I want to be in "one"-der-land by my 40th birthday. Well, there you go, now it's in print. Time to get my ass in gear. I will follow everything to the letter until then and then evaluate where I am. :biggrin:

ok, I don't mean to be a big stupidhead ... but where exactly on the home page? I'm not seeing it ... can you talk to me like I'm 6?!?!?!?!

Making the move to go to that uncomfortable place is very scary and even scarier when you see others being strong enough to do it. Love them all for where they're at ... stay strong and know that your strength may help get there too.

I have my first appt. tomorrow. I've been thinking about it for years. 5 years ago I lost about 80 lbs. through low carbing & exercise then I had a little marriage *thing* and went back to work full time. Well, I haven't gained it all back but I knew even when I was exercising that I wouldn't be doing it forever. I had back surgery and then trained for a triathelon and did it at 213 lbs. It rocked. But I didn't have a goal anymore and then all the other stuff happened .... and here I am. I've already had the 6 months of medically monitored weight lost [my 80 lbs from above], my BMI is a 40.0 so I just have to do the psych thing & the fitness test, get approaved and schedule. See, easy!!?!?! OY!