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Hi BriarRose, I appreciate your words of encouragement and support. I will contact the county DMH and hope to convince her to a doctor’s visit. It’s a day at a time with her because her moods go up and down. I’ll keep the community updated. This is helpful for me to be able to go somewhere to discuss this matter. I have 3 friends who were and still are successful in their bariatric surgeries. I know that’s why we (husband and I) were so supportive of her decision. I feel now she mentally and emotionally was not mature enough to handle the after effects. I’ll keep my hopes and prayers that a breakthrough will come soon. Thank you.

My daughter and I became members of this community when she decided to have the sleeve surgery 5 years ago. It was a huge decision and a lot of promises were made. I was her support. She’s 27 now, but prior to COVID she showed signs of depression and was gaining weight slowly. During COVID, she got more depressed. In the fall of 2021 just as people were returning to the workforce she did not and it’s been that way since. She’s also gained more weight. I’ve tried to get her help but she’s refused. Now no job, no insurance which means she’s on Medicaid and is afraid of the quality of doctors available to her. She’s not easy and it’s tearing me apart. I believe there’s a correlation between her young age at that time (22yo), her mental state when she had the surgery and whether she was truly ready and prepared for the changes that many of you stated above would occur. She had me promise not to tell anyone of her surgery. She’s not ready to talk about it and appears embarrassed about the decision. I try to tell her that it’s a testament to her initial success and could be an inspiration for others but she refuses. I’m trapped and don’t know what more to say or do. I’m going to continue to help and support her. I just wanted to share a mother’s story during a moment in time with her daughter.

My 20yo has been struggling with her weight since middle school. She's 5'7" and 255lbs now and has successfully gone through all her pre-op. She has a 6/21 date for her sleeve surgery. Her dad and I are not supportive of her choice. We feel she's too young to take such a drastic step when other than her weight, she's a healthy young lady. She has been up and down with her weight but she also gives up too easily on the lifestyle change required to keep a healthy weight. We fear because of previous behaviors she'll do the same and not stick to this commitment. As her mom, I won't let her go through this process alone and will help her with her healing process but, this decision has caused friction and stress at home. It breaks my heart. We've asked her to hold off and we'll work with her to go the healthy route with seeing a nutritionist, a physical trainer and a therapist to guide her through this journey. She said no that her minds made up. She's under our insurance and the thought has come up to mention to the company that we don't approve this surgery but don't know if that may back fire. Another thought is to remove her and encourage her to get a job with insurance and she can do it and pay for it on her own. I'm conflicted and scared.

She's doing wonderfully well. Thanks for keeping her in mind and asking about her.

She's doing well. Thank you for asking. Please see my post from yesterday. I gave a detail account since her surgery.

I'm sorry BariatricPal family that I haven't written to provide an update. We are all doing well and Gabby is a trooper! Today is day 10 of Gabby's surgery. She's doing very, very well. To recount the experience: It was 5:45 am when we had to report to the hospital on 6/21. We were all excited waiting for the surgeon and the anesthesiologist. I said a prayer and off I went to the waiting room. I cried for a moment then shook it off sending only positive thoughts her way. Two hours later, her doctor came out and said, "the surgery went extremely well and she is fine". I had tears of joy and relief. Couple of hours later, I went to her room. She was groggy but awake experiencing nausea and discomfort but no pain, at least not yet. Four hours later she took her first walk and it was successful. Nurses and staff were rooting her along the way. It was great. I spent all day by her side went home in the evening showered and returned to be her roomy. She was elated. Can't say much about recliners' comfort in the hospitals but was there every time she woke. It meant a lot that I stayed with her. It was her first stay ever. Next day again did very well. She experienced more discomfort than pain which made it easier for her to recoup. Clear liquids and now at home full liquids diet has been quite successful. On her one week follow-up, her spirits were up and looking forward to removing the drain. 1,2,3 Swoosh - out it came out. No pain just a weird sensation per Gabby. She doesn't feel like a patient anymore. She has lost a total of 16lbs. since the start of this process. 😃 I relaize the importance of true heartfelt support and of course love for the person undergoing this procedure. Without it, I can't even imagine how she or anyone could do it alone. She 's walking a mile a day and looking forward to Tuesday when she can go to stage 2-puréed food. Thank you to all who shared their thoughts and guidance to help this "Concerned Mom". We will continue to stay connected

Thanks for your well wishes. Yes, we've had discussions about joining yoga and looking up healthy and good tasting recipes. I'm excited and yet still nervous for her but we're only one day away. She's packing her personal bag and getting ready for her hospital stay. Most importantly, she's doing very well with her clear liquid diet. It's only been one day but she's so determined to make this work that she's willing to endure discomfort of not eating solids for a while. The motivator for her is seeing weight come off and energy level go up. I want to be her health buddy for both our well being. Thanks again.

Good day to you both, I appreciate so much you sharing your daughter's choice and your journey with her. I am at peace with my daughter's decision and support her all the way. Of course with any surgery, it's normal to feel nervous, unsure and apprehensive. However, I'm keeping her in prayer and appreciate all the outreach of support from the BariatricPal families who've reach out to us. We are now 3 days away! It's all good. I shared this site with her and she has now joined. She's Gabbby. From one parent to another can you please welcome her and give her a shoutout of support. Have a grand family day on this Father's Day. Thanks again.

My daughter is now 4 days away from surgery. She was only required to lose 5lbs and has not been informed to begin any special diets. I also read that a liquid diet prior to surgery is advisable to maintain a healthy functioning liver to minimize complications during surgery. This info freaks me out especially when I find out through postings rather than the doctor. It maybe that it isn't necessary for her either case I'll have her contact the doctor and ask about it.

My daughter is 20yrs old too. She's 8 days away from surgery but she hasn't begun any trial and error meals or liquid diets before she really has to do it. It's funny I've been telling her to go through the motion and practice this life style way of eating. Is that what you were advised to do?

LOL!! It's a deal. I certainly will keep everyone up to date. You all are part of this journey with me and her. We all need cheers and support. I know she'll love it.

Thank you Newme17. I will have her join this group. And, I'm glad to learn all is good with your parents. Everyone will hear about our journey. It's been an emotional trip. If I can be of any help to other parents I want to be there for them too. Still nervous, 8 days and counting. Thanks again.

Wow, PA student. I know now that I was waiting for more 20yr olds to share their story. You are the first who's written. I'm actually going by the doctor's reaction about how young she is and that he's only operated on 4 (20yr olds). It freaked me out to the point I kept telling her to wait till she matures because it seems that it was the 30+ age group that take this road. I appreciate your line of questions and thoughts. I can agree that she has asked herself the same. My daughter states she's ready for this commitment and I believe she'll do it. I also know her too well and will insist she be part of a discussion group and go for therapy in order to succeed. Her relation with food has to change. She made a comment the other day that after she heals she can still eat sandwiches and other stuff just in small portions. I encouraged her to seek a chat support group (like this one) that can help encourage her and even share recipes and ideas on what to eat to be successful. Thanks for your input and much success to you.

Congratulations on reaching your goal. I do realize the preventive measures we all should take toward well being. You described the amount of time it takes without complications (about 45 minutes), I want to be hopeful cause the doctor told us something differently. He said 3-4 hours. He's known to be an experienced doctor and an expert in this field. Truthfully, what scares me the most is the amount of time under anesthesia and any complications that may occur. Social issues: I have witnessed her low confidence, self esteem and being prejudged before. I've always come to her rescue and defended her but I realize that hasn't been enough. She's been in a relationship for over 1year. He's a great guy and very supportive. He even helped by joining a gym with her. He knew her when she was lighter in weight (195-205lbs) and he's still sticking around cause he loves who she is inside. That means the world to me as her mom and woman. He said he'll be there at the hospital when she gets out of recovery. I'm going to do what I can to help her succeed. She'll have to do her part to make it happen. Thank you for your comments.

Dear Dedicatedlady, you not only resemble my daughter but you touched on something that I had forgot. In high school, she did have several similar experiences and I remember her always doing her best. Unfortunately, she would quit too often the teams or activities. I recognize now that she had many embarrassing moments and it caused her emotional turmoil. My heart aches and tears are rolling down my face as I think about it. I can't go back but will move forward. I've been with her through it all before surgery and will continue to be there after surgery. We'll encourage her to participate in group sessions and the therapy needed. In 8 more days, she'll be under and her mama will be there waiting by her side. Her father is still struggling with this decision but knowing his heart he'll show up to make sure his little girl is doing ok. Thank you.

OutsideMatchinside, your judging without all the facts. Some of the things I've shared are input and ideas from other parenting groups dealing with teens and young adults seeking this weight loss option. Could it become the next trend? There are a lot of concerned parents worried and scared. Yes, I can learn more about this (which I have; by reading and attending all sessions & medical appointments) and Yes, it's about supporting our daughter's decision. However, the fear and concern with surgery is real especially when the only medical procedure experienced was 4stitches on her knee from a fall. I love my daughter immensely and have always been her cheerleader. Never making her feel bad about her, her accomplishments nor her beautiful looks. It's sad that you haven't spoken to your parents in years. You only get a set once in life. I recognize that some parents are better with their children than others. How you deal with them and your successes is something you need to figure out. Its easy to shut down all connections. But, to demonstrate the good in you and what've become to your parents is a challenge but all worth pursuing. Good luck!!

Hi Blizair09, it's been my general concern that she really doesn't understand the commitment. She has been spoken to by her doctor, nurses and heard it at the pre-surgery mandatory meetings. How the relationship with food will change. But, she continues to state she knows and is ready. My conflict and doubts are that she has gone down this road of trying something and when frustration kicks in, she gives up. That's been both her dad and my fears and concerns all along with her decision to pursue this operation. Even though she's 10 days away I'm looking to try to have her see another therapist for evaluation before the day comes. Thank you for your comments and advise.

Hi MLBDL, by far your advice has given me something to think about and act on. Overall, I have a good relationship with my daughter. She trust me and communicates openly her inner feelings, thoughts and dreams. Usually, if you ask her a direct question she gives you a direct honest answer. I love that about her even if the answer may surprise me. I do plan on accompany her as I have with all her pre-appointments, to the post group meetings and will help search for a therapist who works with Bariatric patients. I know she will need guidance and help in dealing with the emotional challenges ahead. We're just 10 days away from her surgery date. I will be as prepared emotionally as possible keeping a positive out look. My hopes will be that her choice was the right one and that she'll be successful in her well being, school, relationship and future careers. Thank you for all your advice.

Berry78, I'll keep you in my thoughts and pray for success. My daughter is 5'7" at 250 currently. I know what I struggle with is that I only know of people over 30 getting this surgery not 20 yr olds. Even though the stories are positive I just struggle with her being so young to get this serious type of surgery. I'll keep my positive thoughts and strength going to make sure she's successful. Thanks.

Sherrie, thank you from one Mom to another. Your story and how you described your daughter in her early years brought back some similar memories with my daughter. On the contrary to what others say, I'm very supportive but I don't like her choice because it is surgery. I have read many positive stories and only a few negative ones. I'm hopeful but still worry. I'll be there for her always and she knows it. Thanks again.

Berry78, I appreciate wholeheartedly your observation of me and my daughter. She is my youngest of 4 (2 boys & 2 girls). She's a beautiful girl and I've always told her so. Most importantly, I've always encouraged her to try and do her best. She doesn't see what I see that she's smart and so capable. Even her school teachers described her that way. I guess I'll agree tha I am controlling in guiding her when doing tasks. On her own, she's made decisions and acted on them w/o our approval. I know I have to let her fly. Here comes the but... But when we were doing WW in the fall, she lost 5lbs and accomplished running 1 mile within two months. That was a big deal. Then Holidays came and she went off the plan. In her mind, WW was no longer for her. She then found out that an acquaintance had done the sleeve and she was sold that it was the solution. One catch though, she had to be 40%+ above what is normal for her ht & wt. In a matter of 4 months she went from 210 to 262. Only then, did she qualify as a candidate for the surgery. This behavior and way of thinking along with the risk is what worries me and why I decided I needed to reach out to talk to someone. Ironically, her primary doctor's office cleared her. However, the latest discovery is that she has an enlarged thyroid and they would like her to hold off until that's looked at throughly. We are scheduled to have an ultrasound and we'll see but she's still determined no matter what to go through with it. As her Mom, I will be there for her. She will not be alone. I just wish it didn't have to be surgery. I will checkout Dr. Weiner's YouTube for more information and insight to this procedure. Thanks for listening.

Congratulations in your accomplishment. I know I'm coming from a Mom's position of fear and protection. I want her to succeed but I'm asking her to give us one more try to provide her the support and guidance of a trainer and nutritionist. We're going to see a therapist before surgery to discuss her issues with depression and learning disabilities. She's focused only on the surgery and nothing else. I recognize that this is a tool but she sees it as the only solution that will work.

Thank you for your input. I have gone to all her pre-op appt with her cause she asked me too and she was afraid to go alone. I haven't approached the therapy route for her to address her food addiction. I will try and encourage her to do so, I'm running out of time but will do my best.