DianeJarrett

Hi everyone! Here's a new twist on an old subject matter - a bad breakup. I was happy, healthy, losing weight and working out. I had lost a solid 67 lbs since my June 14 surgery, had a great boyfriend and was really doing well. Then, on December 26, my BF and I broke up. It was sudden and I was absolutely blindsided. I moved out of his apartment and moved in with my bestie and her husband in CT, away from my job (which I lost), my neighborhood, everything that I know. The old Diane would be drowning her sorrows in Ben and Jerry's, crying and eating. The new Diane? She can't do that. She can't even eat ice cream because post surgery, she is lactose intolerant. She can't eat chips and dip, or go to McDonalds and get fries and a shake, she can't eat a lot of sweets, she can't drown her sorrows in food, she can't eat her emotions. And, she can't drink alcohol, because she's a freaking lightweight again, like a 14 year old girl at her first kegger. Damn it. But here's the good thing - the new Diane went to the gym and decided to get serious about working out. She is pushing herself harder than ever. She goes for an hour a day and REALLY works out, climbs the Stair Mill, takes a class, does 200 squats in the evening, does a lot of cardio. Why? Because she's in pain and needs to channel that pain somehow and also because SHE CANNOT EAT HER FEELINGS. Why am I telling you this? Because I want you all to know how your relationship with food will change once you have this surgery. You learn to channel your emotions differently, you learn that food is not always the answer, you learn that alcohol won't solve your problems. Food and drink change post surgery. You have to learn to deal with your emotions instead of running to your comfort food or drink. And it sucks. It sucks big time. Instead of gaining the post breakup 10 lbs that I normally do, I've lost 10 pounds. Maybe too much for me to lose in a couple of weeks. I had no appetite and I struggled to eat. But better to lose than to gain, to overeat, to push my stomach to full over and over again. I couldn't do it. So I'm now 20 lbs to goal instead of 30, and I've lost 218 lbs too (that's how much my BF weighed). He was a good guy and I will miss him, but things happen for a reason. And this was a good lesson for me to learn.. how to deal with strong emotions without the comfort of food. I think we all know that food isn't always our friend. We need it, but we don't need to be dependent upon it to get through some tough times. I am still crushed and hurt, and I miss him, but I really don't miss the food hangover that goes along with a bad breakup. Silver linings....

I'm 7 months past my surgery date, and I've lost 80 pounds. I am a solid size 10, but I would honestly be a size 8 if I didn't have a ton of skin on my belly. I have some around my thighs, arms too, but not as bad as my belly. I know I will have to lose about 20 more pounds in order to get skin surgery and my boobs lifted and I'm okay with that. I know it will be a process. But my arms, inner thighs and my booty! I have no booty any longer. None. I'm in the gym daily doing squats with weights and walking on that damn stair mill. Ugh! And I'm lifting weights, working on my inner thighs with all kinds of torture machines. It's hell. My tummy will shrink more, after 20 or 30 more lbs and I know surgery is inevitable there, but does anyone have any booty, arms or thighs/legs success stories? I'd love some encouragement. Thanks!!

Here's a first world problem if I have ever heard one... I can't get used to being so much thinner! I'm down 65 pounds and so many inches, I can no longer count. I'm down to a size 10 in tops and between a size 12-14 in pants (oh... the struggles of the in-between sizes!). And, hey, I'm enjoying my new body (minus the extra skin on the belly - oh!!! the extra belly skin!!) but I have to admit, it's freaking weird!! I see myself in the mirror or walking down the street in the reflection of glass and I can't believe it is me! Who is that woman walking around in size 12 jeans? And people aren't looking at me in a strange way any longer, when I walk in to Dunkin' Donuts and order coffee, the woman behind the counter doesn't turn up her nose at me and make me feel self-conscious about my weight... she smiles that secret "thin person club" smile (I'm convinced they have a club, you can't tell me they don't!!) lol The women at the gym don't stop and whisper any longer.. my trainer doesn't look at me with pity in his eyes...when I interview for jobs, they smile when I walk in the room now, instead of averting their eyes, which immediately are dead when they look back at me. I can't get used to the bones in my knees touching when I sleep at night, I have to put a pillow between my legs now. I can't get used to how thin my shoulders look and how wearing a cold shoulder top doesn't seem so bad now. I can't get used to how much energy I have or how walking up the stairs no longer makes my heart race or how I can walk up the whole flight without stopping to catch my breath. I work in a plus-sized clothing store and I can't get used to being at the very bottom of the sizes and how my customers tell me "I'm no longer plus-sized"... This may seem weird but I can't get used to the whole thing! And what's more.. I don't see myself as "thinner" yet. I look in the mirror and still see that "fat" girl staring back at me. I can't see what everyone else sees yet, despite the glaring evidence in front of me. Please tell me I'm not the only one.

I get it. At 250-275, I was the first one laid off from companies during my career. I couldn't get a job for the 18 months I was laid off. But now I'm a size 10, very petite and tiny even for a size 10 (they can't see my extra belly skin) and everyone wants me. I got a great contract role and I'm looking at great full time roles. People see me as capable and intelligent, things I were before, but now I'm in a tiny little package they love. It's terrible. I'm happy for myself and I think these people suck.

Ladies, I mightily admire you for embracing your extra skin. I think that is fantastic. But I am not in your head space at all. I just had a big breakup with my guy and I will, someday, be showing this body (hopefully) to someone else. I don't want them to see my boobs down to my knees and my stomach too. My arms and legs, I'm hoping I can fix, and my booty too. I will eventually get boobs lifted and the tummy tucked, I know that. I have to do that for me. I am not as confident as you both are without it. Has anyone else gotten their arms, legs and booty back?

Thanks. I appreciate that.

I got a hair cut too, I layered my hair and it made a difference. Trust your stylist and also, if you are graying like me, keep your roots colored. The gray makes the thinning more noticeable.

For some of us, it's just going to happen. Keep taking your vitamins, your biotin and wait it out. It stops. My hair loss was about 30-40%. Now it is growing back, and I have so much short baby hair around the top of my head. It's kind of crazy. But it will grow back, never fear.

I'm genuinely startled about how much hair I lose in the shower in the morning. I know this is normal, I'm one of the 40% of bariatric patients that go through telogen effluvium, the resting phase of hair follicles. Yay! (insert sarcasm here) Thankfully, i have a thick head of hair and it isn't very noticeable. And I'm almost at the 6 month mark. I've added biotin to my daily vitamin intake and I know it will be okay. It's just scary. No bald spots, just some thinner areas, but it is very disheartening. I've stopped washing my hair every day (I didn't do it before, but I'm down to 2-3 times per week, which I hate because my head feels so dirty!!), I don't brush it any longer and I'm treating my hair like a pair of pantyhose when I wash it. I really hate this part. I know it is temporary, but I really really hate. it. (rant over)

But you are!!! I'm sure of it! It's the hardest thing to do, change our mindset. Hardest for me too!!

Stop. Stop doing that! Wear the size clothes you should be wearing, the size that fits. That's a solution we do as plus-sized girls to hide our curves. We shouldn't do it. I have so many people pushing me to wear clothes that fit. It's hard to do, but we must. The toughest day of my life was wearing a shirt that fit me perfectly, and showed my (smaller) tummy. I thought I looked like crap but never had more compliments than that day. We gotta do it! I'm sure you look amazing!!

I think our biggest issue post surgery is body dysmorphia. When we are heavier, we are in denial that we are as heavy as we are... somehow, until we look in a mirror the wrong way or in a reflection or picture, we see ourselves as just a little bit thinner than we truly are, in reality. But now, it is exactly opposite. We look in a mirror and see that heavy person at their heaviest. Sure, we see the thinner person looking back in the mirror, but not really. We can't see what others see and that's why our bodies feel so weird and alien to us . The bones touching, the lack of heat between our thighs as we walk, the boniness of our shoulders, elbows, wrists and feet! To us, we still don't see it, we live in a thinner body but our psyche is still plus-sized! And it is so hard to cope! We comforted ourselves with food when we were heavier but our comforting and coping mechanisms have all changed and that's hard too. Talking to our friends and family is really no use, they just say "you look great" and "don't you see how thin you have become" and that's nice, but it's not what we want or really need. We truly want to parse out our emotions down to the detail. We miss our heavier selves, we really do. Not the weight, actually, but the comfort of knowing WHO you were in that body. Now we have to redefine ourselves as thinner people. How do we do that? This site helps but it would be great to have a live, in person group too, so we could talk about it ad nauseum (not type) and it help us settle down. I'm kind of thinking of starting a group, or maybe even a Google Hangout video session. It would help me too. (Sorry, I used to be a psychologist and that weird crazy part of my brain took over.)

And I'm the same weight and height. I may be 1/2 inch taller than you. I guess I just carry my weight different. 180 lbs, 5'2 1/2", size 10 up top, 12 on the bottom.

I get it, I'm 5'2" too. I'm still obese. I'm looking forward to the day I cross the "overweight " mark. LOL Hey, we all have the same path to follow... From your starting weight to your current weight, it's a huge jump! Congrats!

My wrists! Yes! I remember I could never buy jewelry or watches because I was so "big boned!" Come to find out, I was just fat. LOL They are so think and the bone sticking out of my wrist?? Where has that been all this time? Alien is a great word! You nailed that. I looked in the mirror yesterday at my shoulders and arm... I still see arm fat, mostly, but the shoulders looked so bloody thin to me. It truly felt weird. Glad to see I'm not the only one. I'm not ungrateful, it's just so freaking weird, right?

Um...no! 14 is actually the national average! Plus sized in stores, sure, but the smallest plus size you can go (although Torrid goes down to a size 10, AS IF that is plus sized - maybe they think you are on your way UP instead of down?) I always think of size 14 as on the cusp of plus-sized... 16, to me, is where you can no longer shop on the 3rd floor of Macy's in Herald Square and that, to me, is the kicker. LOL 14 is great! When I was a size 24, 14 was my goal! Yay for you!

yay for the slowing down! I'm hoping mine slows down too. It is alarming.

Good luck to the both of us! I'm ready for it to stop too!!

We've all been there. We second guess right before the day, second guess the surgery, the doctors, etc. It will be fine.

Relax... we all have gone through this!! Trust me, it will be fine. Everyone in the world besides us thinks this is the easy way out, the quickest way to lose weight without doing any work. Is that true? NOT AT ALL. This is forced portion control and it is tough, no doubt. Your relationship with food will change dramatically and it will be a constant shift of the way you eat and the way you THINK about food. Will it be tough? Sure. Will you regret it? I HIGHLY DOUBT IT. If we could lose weight on our own, if our food addiction had not taken over our lives, we would all be a size 6 and pushing away a salad halfway through the meal. That's not us. We are food addicted and the inmates have taken over the asylum. This surgery will help you defeat that crazy insane need to eat. I didn't even want to LOOK at food for the first four months after surgery. Overeating after surgery? No way!! I didn't throw up once. Not once. And I was a crazy overeater, I would eat until I was full and then continue on... You will begin to lose weight and your self-esteem will change completely. You'll see the changes and want more, crave more, work harder at it because those scales DON'T LIE and you will want to reach the goals faster. I'm serious. The day I crossed certain weight goals, I cried. The day I crossed 200 pounds, I sobbed. I couldn't get there on my own, through diet and exercise. This surgery helped me to reach weights I have not seen in years, decades! I feel great, I look great, I shop at regular clothing stores, I walk up and down stairs without feeling like I want to die. I don't cover my body in clothes that look like tents, I'm not ashamed any longer. I don't let people define me by my size, I know I went that extra mile to make myself look and feel better, healthier, happier. Don't be scared and don't listen to the horror stories. The complications that happen after this surgery are few and far between. Some people who are less healthy when they have the surgery generally have a few complications post, but the death after surgery is very very rare. I had a complication post surgery, my esophagus swelled after I went home and I vomited the first night, couldn't keep anything down. I went to the ER and got a steroid shot, and boom! I was home in 2 hours and never looked back. My blood pressure is normal, my A1C is normal, my cholesterol went down to normal levels. I take ZERO medication besides vitamins. You'll be fine. You'll take your vitamins, you'll take care of yourself, you'll miss some things sometimes but you will make up for it. Every once in a while you will overeat until you feel sick and you will learn your lesson. And you'll stay in touch with all of us on this site, you will ask the questions, you will rage, you will get stuck at a weight for a few weeks and whine and cry, you will hate the diet post surgery, etc. We have all gone through it. You will be fine. Don't lose hope. Do the surgery. The gastric sleeve is safe and generally complication free. You're almost there. Don't quit. Every single person on this site was terrified pre-surgery. We all second-guessed ourselves. And post surgery? We are all thinner, healthier and happier!! Do we miss food? The overeating, wondrous quality of it? Sure. But do we miss our old heavy unhealthy bodies? NOT AT ALL. Hang in there! You'll be great!

People always perceive you based upon your appearance. It's a sad fact of life. Post surgery, I'm down 65 lbs and it's been a very different experience for me. Before my surgery, I couldn't get a job. People looked at me like I was lazy and fat. Post surgery, interviews are easier, and i got a seasonal job after one interview. I wish I could tell you that it won't matter, that the only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself and it's about what is inside that matters, but I won't lie to you. The world is a very superficial place and some people will change their attitude and opinion of you based upon your changed appearance. BUT YOU SHOULDN'T! You know your value and your worth. Don't let the others determine who or what you are by your appearance. Take their changes toward you in stride. You can't fix stupid.

Balls! Yeah, there's a bad apple in every bunch. But, generally, the people on this site are just nothing short of freaking amazing. They have been a true calming and guiding force for me through this journey. Most of us will be here for ya!

2 words - water and shock! It's a great way to kick-start your body during a stall. First thing, eat. Don't diet. Gain a pound. Eat things you don't normally eat. Don't be afraid to eat something off your diet plan. Don't follow your plan. Skip the protein for a day. Don't drink as much fluid. Gain a water pound. Your body stalls because it gets into a pattern. Get it out of the pattern. Shock your body. Then, go back on your meal plan and drink water. More than usual. Water only, lay off other fluids and any artificial sweeteners. Do that for two days. Your body will not only lose the water weight gain but be shocked back into the normal weight loss pattern. Great advice from my nutritionist but it worked like a charm. It's a marathon, not a sprint, and your body can't be constantly in a weight loss mode if it becomes too complacent. It needs some change from time to time. Good luck! And don't worry about stalls. They are natural. Everyone here has experienced them, myself included and the advice I got from these good people really helped. I wish you all the best! You're doing great!

My plan was 6 weeks post surgery. I didn't even crave it, to be honest. I didn't want anything! But, now that I can have it again, I am happy to be drinking it again. I still don't crave the caffeine, I just want it. And it's a great natural diuretic for any constipation. It sooo helped me.

Today, I was allowed, for the first time since surgery, to have coffee. Mmmmm...coffee. Okay, so it wasn't my normal large caramel latte with whipped cream and caramel drizzle. It was medium regular coffee, unsweetened caramel shot, skim milk, and 2 Splendas. Still, it was heaven. I finished every drop! The surgery was bad enough, but the lack of coffee was pure unadulterated torture. LOL Have a great day!!!