Nichole Edwards

I'm at a total loss. I don't even know if I'm posting this to the right place, but I'm hoping some of you might be able to help. I've been researching non-stop for the last 3 days, I haven't eaten, and I have barely gotten any decent sleep. My fiancé wants to get the gastric sleeve WLS. I'm literally sick with worry about it. I don't do well with change at all and that's the main problem. My fiancé isn't hideously overweight but he is enough to qualify for this surgery. For a long time he pursued it with only rejection. So to be honest I never actually thought we would get the call from the VA saying they'd cover it, but we did. He just had his pre-op appointment where he met with the surgeon, and we are supposed to get a call tomorrow to schedule the surgery and another meeting with the doctor because he wants to see why I'm not on board with this surgery. I love my fiancé and I care about him very much, but No matter how hard I try, I can't get myself to cope with this. I'm scared he will change and I won't like the new him. A lot of this stems from a childhood trauma I had as well. I know once he gets prepped for surgery, rolled back, and even in recovery I will not be able to handle it. I'm going to be a total wreck. I don't want to see him in pain when there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to see him struggle to keep a cup of Soup down in the weeks to follow. I'm really at my wits end with this. He won't get the surgery if I'm not on board, which isn't fair to him, but at the same time I know I'm far from okay with it. We are literally at a stalemate, if he doesn't get it because I can't handle it then we are both unhappy because he's wanted this so long and I'd hate myself for ruining it for him and I know he'd resent me as well. But if he does get it then I'm afraid I won't be able to even bear to look at him, it'd be too painful to watch him be so vulnerable. I just can't do this. And I feel absolutely awful. If he does end up getting the surgery I'm convinced I won't see him as the happy healthy guy he'll be in a year, but I'll see him as the pained sedated patient lying in return hospital bed.

Hey it's me again! I'm a human being, and I know I'm not perfect. I have issues, and who doesn't? For all of you bashing me and calling me selfish, NONE of you even know me, know about my relationship, or how strong it is or isn't. I'm not a selfish person, but I know in this situation I am being selfish. And I do want what's best for my fiancé which is why I have now decided to tell him to get the surgery, before I even read any of the comments. Not that he needs my permission but because I know if I'm not supportive he won't get it because he loves me and also wants me to be happy. And I know I need to do the same for him. What I actually came here looking for is a little bit of support, maybe someone that could sway my fears a bit. Because like I said I love him and I know he deserves this BUT IM ALSO TERRIFIED GOD DA** IT. I want to be strong for him but for goodness sake all I was asking for was a little bit of guidance as to how I can be more on oars with this. Sheesh.