LadySin

Hang in there.. with time it gets better. For those who think it's about making excuses.. you are entitle to your opinion.. but the struggle in the beginning of this process is VERY REAL.. It's individuals like you that make those contemplating vsg that are given this false sense of believing this is great.
Yes it's a positive in being a tool to assist those struggling with morbid obesity but there is noting easy about the psychological.. emotional and mental changes you will under go specifically in the first few months of this process.
For those like myself who have been struggling.. keep moving forward and find what foods will work for you when your able to have solids. Same routine does not fit all when it comes to vsg..

Julie, yes it can be brutal! But for me it was not brutal at the onset. This is the hardest it has ever been for me. I'm glad to see other long-term bandsters though that are making it work. That gives me hope that it can be done.
I was thinking about it and the other thing I did religiously in the first few years was log my food intake. So I recently joined loseit.com and am now logging my food intake every day, honestly accounting for every bite. Sometimes its the small nibbles that add up that can sabotage you, so I am committed to being honest and transparent with myself.

I think I found your problem. The band is working as designed. You are not maintaining the lifestyle change. No surgery will change that. If you were to have another surgery, you would most likely have another honeymoon phase. But if you do not make the change in your lifestyle, it will only be temporary again.

I agree you are strong, and I believe you are a becoming stronger as well. (I like your quote and I like to believe it describes me as well, "I am broken but strong".) I probably didn't take the time to write all my thoughts, so forgive me for not communicating more admiration for you than I did, that was my mistake. I admire your courage to face your issues and make changes. It is unfortunate when the people closest to us become obstacles to our success instead of resources.

There are many issues in our relationship, you are correct. I never ever try to play victim and accept all responsibility for my part in how our marriage has gone down. I was broken when he met me due to my family situation and I was so desperate to be loved so I accepted a lot of crap that I shouldn't have and that hurt and despair from my mom just transferred later to being from my husband and I never sought help to deal with the first bad situation. So maybe it is my fault. But I am strong enough to acknowledge my weakness and brave enough to know when my season has passed. I feel that is has passed with him and the weight coming off was just a way of me shedding some of the past and when that happened, I started to feel empowered and wanted what I have longed for for such a long time. I know what I deserve and that's love and happiness and peace. My husband has issues of abandonment with his mother and father because he was partially raised by his grandmother for a big portion of his childhood while his mom n dad traveled country in military and he holds resentment towards his parents for that. So, in a strange way , he was broken as well. He didn't get that motherly love and I think that affected him majorly as well with how to love a woman. I just know we probably could have both used counseling. But we were young. It just got out of hand and became a very bad situation for myself.
I am broken, but I'm not shattered.

My 2 cents...
in my life experience being married for 20+ years, having gone through counseling and observed many relationship dynamics as I help people with addictions with recovery. Your situation in many respects I think is a natural consequence when one person changes without the other person immediately changing with them.

I believe "birds of a feather flock together ". Which has good and bad implications, when we are married to people who suddenly don't seem to fit us anymore .
First, if he is "broken" today, I will assume he was broken the day you first met. So consciously or subconsciously you were attracted and or accepted his brokenness then until now. He also was attracted and accepted your brokenness as well which has worked at some level as you are still together. (Probably nothing to do with your physical appearance.)

I have no idea if there is co- dependency inside your relationship like mine had or not, but it wouldn't surprise me. But co-dependency is a two way street as I have learned first hand. So that space between liking our partners issues, and them liking ours is likely the issue.

While I Celebrate your life changing decisions to improve yourself, clearly your husband's issues are being rocked. It doesn't make logical sense for any loving spouse to want their partner to be less than ideal or healthy. But I also see it as a red flag in the bigger context of your relationship, and at some level you play a part in that issue. (Counselor can help you discover that.)

The immediate danger and temptation is if you perceive this only to be a broken husband issue, then you are likely not going to identify your own potential "brokenness" that has nothing to do with your weight, or even him. Than if unaddressed, even if you leave your husband, that unresolved issue will likely attract the same type of person in your next relationship.

I am not saying you should stay or leave, I am merely saying, there are many issues here and your weight and appearance is likely the smallest of them but making the most noise.

I hope you both find peace, and are able to use this difficult circumstance for your collective good and grow closer together.
I admire your strength for making change even though your path is different than what you originally expected. The old saying, proves it truth again... "the issues come out, as the weight comes off" even and especially with our relationships.

I still have many issues myself I am battling with my weight and life in general. So I don't mean to come off better than anyone else, or pretend I am fixed. I am not.
I don't know you, I am making a lot of assumptions with my comments, if they are off base, I am sorry and please disregard.
I am just trying to share the wisdom I paid a high price to learn, so others can benefit.

@ShinyLady

Yeah basically, that is why the sleeve is so popular now. A lot of people that were not candidates for RNY due to other issues can be sleeved. A lot of Drs though only know RNY and lot a Surgeons only perform RNY. So people get roped into RNY because of that.

I have chronic spinal stenosis + and grade 4 osteoarthritis in my knees and was steered towards G Sleeve due to the ongoing need for NSAIDS. 95lbs to lose. 52 yo. Cannot take NSAIDS with RNY so I also find it interesting that the back specialist suggested RNY.
My time is NOW!

Usually people with chronic conditions that need medications are steered away from RNY because of malabsorption.

Probably 5 pounds a month max.
I'm shocked they are recommending RNY for someone with such a small amount of weight to lose.

First and foremost, nothing anyone says here should countermand your Surgeon. So if he said liquids, do liquids. If the only solid you can keep down is potato chips, then you are much better off with liquids anyway.
Every single surgery is different because all surgeons are different and all patients are different. It could be that you have something stuck in there, it could be that you have a bunch of inflammation still, it could be a stricture, it could be nothing at all. Did the doctor say how long to stay on liquids for this time?

All I've read from vets here on this forum is that your stomach can't stretch the way we think it can. So a sleeve wouldn't need. I've read you can stretch the opening or exit (or something like that). They certainly can't stretch back to pre-surgery stomach. Whatever happens, believe in yourself, and love yourself (cheesy I know) you've got this! Goodluck!

I mean finding someone that loves you for you, weight loss surgery isn't going to help you with that.
The only thing WLS did was give me a wider variety of men in more quantity to choose from.

Losing weight you trade one set of problems for another.

Men are visual. I know a lot of men ask me out because of how I look and how that makes them look when they are out me. That is just life.

Not everyone values thinness. I personally find overweight people very attractive. Post pictures of yourself having fun, dressed up cute, smiling. Show your personality. Don't assume it's about weight cause it isn't. I'm a wedding photographer and trust me I see people of all shapes and sizes getting married all the time!!

Honestly dating and online dating and issues, is bigger than surgery.

I had an easier time dating as an 28/30 than I do as an 8/10. When I was larger I was more approachable, now men are intimidated.

With the internet, everyone has a lot of options and it is hard to pin someone down.

Losing weight isn't a magic ticket to getting a man, at least not a quality one.

I bothered my insurance so much as soon as I knew it was sent I think they just approved it so I would stop calling got my date of May 3rd tho

Hell no.

I would agree with the above comment - Go to a plus size store - I remember that feeling when nothing in that store would fit me anymore - It is priceless feeling to be unable to fit anything from a plus size store - It is such a morale booster - When you know you have to go to a 'normal person' store - My goodness the smile on my face that day!!
It is hard though - To know what to wear - Even now I feel I don't deserve stuff - I tend to take clothes off my kids rather than go buy it - I don't know why - I guess I feel it is better to reuse than to go out to just buy for ME - I am 7yrs post op my first op and even now - It is weird in some ways - When you can stand and look in the mirror and you realize that is YOU - Than slim person is really YOU! You have to get to know the new you - To I guess make friends with yourself - The person you may have hated for many years as I did - And now - You don't quite hate yourself as much - I still have some bits of me I dislike..... But in the main - I am still amazed at the me I have become
Well done on your achievement. You have done well!

Hahahahaha understatement for me. For the first couple months:
Question: "How are you today buddy?"
Answer: "I'll kill your whole damn family if you don't leave me the f**k alone!"

Why Psychologists Deny Certain People for Weight Loss Surgery and How to Not be One of Them


I have worked as a psychologist, providing psychological evaluations prior to bariatric weight loss surgery for the past eight years. For the most part, people need a power tool to help them lose and keep off the weight they have lost over and over again in their lives. The gastric sleeve, bypass, and now balloon are those tools. However, every once in a while, I will encounter someone who believes these procedures are the magic bullet.
I can pick this up in five seconds when I learn that:
this person has no exercise plan to maintain their weight loss a barrage of excuses as to why they can't exercise anymore zero insight into why they are overweight ("I don't know why I am overweight, I just eat steamed vegetables and grilled chicken mostly.") a lack of motivation or understanding for why they also have to engage in behavioral modification in addition to the surgery "Why would you reveal all of this?" you ask. Aren't I giving away the keys to the kingdom to anyone who reads this and wants to pass a psychological evaluation? Perhaps- but who are you really cheating if you don't go within and face the real demons that got you here in the first place?
When I ask people about their eating styles, I tend to group them into four categories:
1) emotional eater- someone who uses food when they are bored, stressed, tired, lonely, sad, or even happy in addition to eating when they are hungry
2) skip and binger- someone who fails to think about food until it is too late, and when they are ravenous end up going for whatever is available which is usually some type of carb and calorie laden fast food
3) miscellaneous- someone who just recognizes that they eat too large of portion sizes and/or the wrong types of food
4) food addict- usually someone with a history of other addictions, trauma, and a significant amount of weight to lose. They usually have comorbid psychological diagnoses that have been unaddressed or ill-addressed.
Out of the four categories, the 4th is the most troubling for a psychologist. This particular person is most correlated with the patient who fails to address their core issues, eats "around the sleeve," or bypass, experiences dumping syndrome, comes back a year later and asks for the bypass, or a different procedure.
This is the person who, ironically, is usually the most resistant to my recommendation that they seek therapeutic support prior to the surgery. They want it done YESTERDAY. They want it NOW. It is this type of thinking that got them into trouble in the first place. The impulsivity and lack of emotional regulation.
I've witnessed people fail to address their maladaptive eating patterns and never quite get to their goal weight. I had a male that would buy a bag of pepperonis at the grocery store and snack on them all day and couldn't understand why he wasn't losing weight. This daily "snack," which was a mental security blanket, served as a veritable IV drip of fat and calories throughout the day.
I've had a woman who figured out how to ground up her favorite foods into a liquid form because she never quite let go of her attachment to "comfort foods." One of her most notable liquid concoctions consisted of chicken and Cheetos. I'll just leave that for you to chew...er swallow.
They say with drug and alcohol recovery- you "slay the dragon," but with food addiction recovery, you have to take it for a walk three times a day. If you don't fundamentally shift your relationship with this dragon, you're going to get burnt when you are walking it.
My number one tip for transforming your relationship with food is to start looking at eating the same way you do as brushing and flossing: You don't necessarily salivate at the idea of what type of toothpaste you will use, where you will do it, who you will do it with, right? You just do it twice a day because you don't want to lose your teeth and you want to maintain healthy gums.
Food has to be thought of in the same way. You fuel up. You don't use food as a place to define your quality of life. You don't use food to Celebrate. You don't use food to demarcate the end of a long day. You don't use food to help you feel less alone. You figure out healthier coping alternatives to meet these needs.
Loneliness-call a friend for support
Celebrate- get a massage
Demarcate the end of a long day- start a tea ritual and use essential oils
Another reason you must say goodbye to comfort food is that it triggers the pleasure center of the brain, which ignites our dopamine, which perpetuates the addiction. Many people think we are just telling them to get rid of the comfort food because of the carbs or calories, but there are unique and harmful chemical consequences to ingesting these types of food we know are bad for us.
If you are ready to take a modern approach to weight loss and stop dieting for good- check out my wls/vsg psychological support course here for free.
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I can't say I loved what it said (I despise the chewables I have), but I trust it!

Just think, you're going to be a pioneer in this subject for many people. There may come a day when someone in your exact same situation will also be afraid and embarrassed and you will be that person for them. Good luck and I wish you the safest surgery and recovery on your road to a healthy new you

Thank you for the support guys I really appreciated 🤗,with my family and friends I can't really talk about my status because as soon as I say something they start crying. I appreciate they love me but I need them to act normal lol. Ok but back to my surgery I called my Dr that's going to do the sleeve and they said no solid pills for 2 weeks to crush them after you could take regular pills. My HIV provider called me and said is safe to be off medication around 2 days and it was safe to crush but as soon as I was able to swallow pills to start taking them regular. I was so nervous and Google in every thing lol. But finally got my questions answer.

Please don't be embarrassed or ashamed. Like you say, you came out of depression and am taking control of your life. How exciting is that!?!? I'm proud of you for doing so. We human beings have to "talk" to release those things that want to hinder and bring us down. Let's say no more to those, we are in control! In regards to your medication, I will hope and pray for find clear answers and maybe someone here can answer! Keep us posted. 😊

I just wanted to say you don't have anything to be embarrassed about. It sounds like a good opportunity for your doctor who handles your meds to talk to your potential surgeon about. I doubt one knows much about the other's area of specialty, so a consultation would be in order.