Mummabear

Hi everyone, Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. Since writing my OP I've gone into denial and totally pushed it out of my mind, just not wanting to deal with it at all. I know this is wrong, but it's what I've done. I will phone the surgery this week and make an appointment to have the fill put back in my band, and I start working again at the end of this week (after 3 years as a stay at home mum) so hopefully that will help with my outlook and confidence. I'm also going to head to the library tomorrow and see what self help books I can find. Thanks again to everyone that took the time to respond. Please feel free to keep sharing.

Okay, where to start…. I was banded on 8 November 2007, so it’s been 6 months. I’ve bounced between 10kg & 15kg (22lb – 33lb) loss for the past 3 months, constantly going up and down. I just can’t seem to get my head in the right space. Before the surgery I went into ‘Last Meal’ mode to excess, putting on 10kg in just over 1 month. Since the surgery I still haven’t truly snapped out of that mode. In being totally honest I don't think I could say that I have even monitored what I've eaten or consciously made good food choices at all since banding. I’ve gone through the various levels of restriction, up to the point where I couldn’t keep my own saliva down, then had it at a point where I was very limited with what I could actually get down and keep down, hoping that this would make me do what needed to be done, but it just made me turn to chocolate and ice cream, well in all honesty I had never ‘turned off’ those things, but now I was using the restriction as an excuse. I then got gastro and had to rush to hospital & have all of my fill taken out about 1 month ago. I haven’t been back to have any fill put back in yet because I just haven’t been able to afford it. Anyway, I finally have the money saved up and will call to make an appointment shortly, but will not have the entire amount put back in so hopefully I can increase the nutritional value in my meals. But at the end of the day the fill and level of restriction is not my main issue, it's ME and I just don't know what to do about it. I know everything that I should be doing, what I should be eating, etc, but I seem to think about the right thing to do/eat and then deliberately do the opposite. I'm like a defiant child and it's pathetic. Anyway, I guess I’m asking for suggestions on how to get into the right head space. I know it’s a very personal journey for everyone, but if you would care to share your story I would be extremely grateful. I feel like such a failure (sorry, I know there are people here who hate ‘whingers’), not because of the slow weight loss, if I was doing everything right and losing slowly but maintaining a healthy lifestyle change then I could handle that, but I feel like a failure because I have done everything I can to work against the band and I just don’t know why. I’m self funded, so I spend $15,000 on this surgery and do not get any rebate on all of the follow up appointments that I have to pay for. I struggled with my recovery because I have two small children and had a hard time saying no to picking them up after surgery – so I went through all that expense and all that pain and I’m still sabotaging myself – why? Every day I feel like bursting into tears and running away from myself screaming. I hate my attitude and I hate myself in general at the moment. I have a wonderful and supportive group of people around me (husband, parents and friends), two beautiful little boys and every reason to knuckle down and get on with it. I can't afford therapy so I have to sort this out myself (hopefully with the help of some of you wonderful people ) If you managed to read this far, thank you :thumbup:

I don't even know what to type. I never realised just how addicted to food and eating I was until I had the band. Some days I wish I never had the operation so that I could gorge myself the way I used to, that's how addicted I still am. I have no idea what my triggers are because as some of you have already said, I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, busy - you get the picture. I'm always thinking about what I can eat next, where I'm going to get it from, whether I can be honest about eating it with others or if I should sneak it in, what I'm going to eat after that. I'm totally obsessed. When I get full, I just push and eat some more. Granted, I don't eat as much as I used to, but I still eat way more than I need to or should. I don't know how to deal with this, I don't even know how to get to the place where I care about dealing with it. In my mind I'm already defeated, chalked the band up as one more thing that didn't work. I know this isn't the case, but it's how I'm feeling :tongue2:

Salsa, thank you so much for your reply. I don't really know what else to say, I'm still reading and re-reading, digesting it all. Thank you for taking the time to share with me - it is greatly appreciated

Thanks for the info. I've been looking at those but wondered if they would give you much of a workout, but then again it's got to be more of a workout than sitting on the couch which is all I do at the moment! I just did a search on ebay and found that you can also get a dance mat for the Wii, which would be good exercise!

hey there, good luck on falling pg! You won't want to keep any of your pants as you'll mainly grow in your tummy and hips so larger pants will just look saggy baggy around your crotch and bum - not very attractive at all, lol. As for tops, it all depends on how you carry. I went through both my pregnancies wearing very few maternity clothes and mainly just stretchy tops in my normal size or just 1 size larger. I would probably keep some nice big, comfy tops for around the house, perhaps even some trackies come to think of it, but for going out in public I really wouldn't go with anything larger than 1 size above what you would normally wear. Hope at least some of that made sense for you.

Don't panic. I didn't get ANY restriction until my 2nd fill. After surgery I was starving, after my first fill I was still starving. After my 2nd fill I got halfway down the hallway and had to rush to the bathroom as I couldn't keep my own saliva down. The doc then took some out but then I found I was still really hungry. I had my 3rd fill a couple of weeks ago and now it's pretty tight. I need it tight though to stop me from eating things I shouldn't, at least until I get my head hunger worked out. So don't worry, it's a very personal journey and eventually you will find the right level of restriction (which is completely different for everyone). I have heard of people coming out of the surgery and never needing a fill and others that have needed a dozen or so fills to get restriction.

I told the girls in my Mum's group as I see them at least once a week and they're very supportive. I told my family (and obviously my hubby) and my SIL because she's awesome. I have friends that I have been through heaps with, have been close with for over 15 years, but I can't tell them, it's crazy isn't it. I'm just thankful for finding the forum!

Hi everyone, Where to start....?? I was banded on 8 November 2007. I've struggled with my weight and emotional eating most of my life. At my heaviest, which was just prior to starting the pre-op liquid diet I was 125.7kg (277 pounds). Today I weigh 116kg (255.7 pounds). So in 18 weeks I have only lost 9.7kg (21 pounds). I never realised just how much of an emotional eater I was until after the surgery. It's really quite unnerving. I have been feeding my emotional hunger with ice cream & chocolate, both of which go through the band very easily. I'm off to the surgeon tomorrow to have some more fill put in, it's pretty tight at the moment, but I think I need just a smidge more. Hopefully I'll be able to find some tips here to help me deal with my emotional eating. I saw a shrink about it but he was of absolutely no help at all!