ChaosUnlimited

I love my family but it has been very difficult being overweight where they are concerned. I have struggled with my weight all my life, yo-yo'ing until my 30's when I just couldn't lose anymore and started steadily gaining. My parents are very superficial about looks and weight, and though I know the intention was not to be cruel, at least in my moms case, there have been many hurtful things done and said over the years to the point that I hate to go visit. Yet I do, because it's family. So now that I've lost a bunch of weight, all of a sudden I'm being offered food left and right. I arrived yesterday and went to the grocery store to get things I can eat, and I said as much to everyone. They do a lot of carbs and I'm doing low carb, but I don't want anyone to have to worry about whether or not I will eat this or that for meals, I have my stuff if I can't have what everyone else is having. So this morning, everyone is having breakfast. I like to have a cup of decaf, then wait my 30 min, and have some cottage cheese and fruit. While I was drinking coffee my mom asked if I needed my blueberries out. I said no thanks, I'm not ready to eat yet - so I know she remembered that I had my breakfast planned. Then comes the barrage of food offerings: a bagel, cereal, a sugar filled "breakfast bar", and oatmeal. I finally was like: Just. Stop. I'll eat when I want. For the record, before I lost weight, no one ever worried so much about what or when I eat. Now it seems to be everyones focus. Then this afternoon my mom called her friend to come over to pick something up. I never met this woman before, and she asked me "So how are you feeling now? You are looking so much healthier!" So I guess she'd seen a picture? Which was odd because I wasn't included in pictures too often before, but there were some I made it in for last Christmas. I felt like the whole purpose of the visit was for my mom to parade me in front of this person to show her how much better I look now. When my mom found out I was having surgery (I wasn't going to tell her but my youngest spilled the beans), I told her I didn't really want to tell anyone, but close family is ok. There is more, but I won't make this a novel. I'm trying hard to make this a nice visit and make good memories. All of my adult kids are able to be here and I want to enjoy the holiday with them more than anything. I can feel that emotional stress building, and I really want to take a bite of a brownie or a cookie, but I refuse to give my parents the satisfaction of failing - I'm sure my mom would love to tell all her friends about it. (And though I had planned a cheat item, an emotional snack binge is not the same as a planned cheat item) Please send me strengthening vibes to get through this. I just needed somewhere to vent so I can go back and face everyone with a smile.

I'm sorry that so many are going through the same or similar circumstances. It's really difficult when it comes to family, @hope4momof4, you hit the nail on the head. You feel obligated but are at the same time overburdened. There are many issues that factor in to the family dynamic, and I remember trying to talk with my mom about some of them one time, and she broke down in tears. She doesn't see herself and some of the things she does and says as being hurtful, and quite honestly, I don't think she remembers doing some of them either as alcohol is a big part of their social structure. I'm glad to know that others are dealing with similar issues. I typically don't talk about this kind of thing ever, but it has felt good to let it off my chest a little bit. Please know my thoughts are with all of you who also have family issues and if you ever need to vent I hope I can offer support and an encouraging word!

I'm only 6 months out from surgery, but I know I want to have plastics done. The two things I want the most would be abdominoplasty to get rid of hanging skin which I had before surgery and to the boobs put back where they used to be, lol. I would also not be opposed to getting bat wings removed and possibly the tops of my thighs lifted some day. I am worried about the cost, so I will have to see what I want the most, and I've heard it can be quite painful to have the abdominoplasty done. I have a while yet to go before any decisions are made, but I have some thinking to do about whether or not the pain and cost will be worth it.

Danny, the double standard is most definitely there. Women and young girls are so pressured to watch their figures and look young and pretty (for men) from a very early age, while men don't usually face those societal pressures to the same degree. I haven't had the experience of my friends drifting away, but most of my friends have known me through thick and thin, so they are lifetime friends. However, I have heard the same stories from some women about how they don't fit in with their former group of friends anymore, so not only are they starting over with a new lifestyle, they now have to find a new support system as well, and it's hurtful. It's ingrained into our culture unfortunately, and all we can do is be aware and try to be supportive to each other, and call it out when we see it.

Thank you all for the support, it was much appreciated. I am home now and getting back into my routine. It was exhausting being with family. The women in my family all tend to be small and petite. I am like an amazon next to them at 5'8", and then especially when I was heavy, I was just so much larger next to them, lol. My sister is also heavy, but only about 5'4" or so, however she never comes for family gatherings any more (we both live out of state). I can understand why though, because her and her son, who is also heavy, bore even more of the harassment about their size than I did. I really think I am going to see a shrink about my feelings of resentment when it comes to my family, I have to find a way to let it go because it affects me more than anyone. I harbor a lot of negative feelings about the past, and though I try not to let them rise to the surface, I can't stop them every time we visit. I end up feeling guilty afterward because I want to have a good relationship with my parents, I know they are getting older and we have limited time on this Earth.

I just want to make an observation in a forum where I know others will have experienced something similar. Since losing a lot of weight over the last several months, I have noticed people (mostly men) acknowledge me and speak to me more. I'm not saying that it's people that I see every day or that I know, just random people I pass by in the halls at work, or in parking lots, or at the store, or the gym. They actually look at me, say hello, smile, etc. It's new to me, and I am just amazed that it happens so often. I'm sure it's a mix of my weight loss and my confidence returning that makes me stand out more, but it makes me kind of sad that I was deprived of this friendliness for so long because of my weight!

If you're not ready to commit to a fitting yet, there is a way you can see what type of shoe your need to look for. Check out the links below, and then once you do the foot test at home, you can research your specific type of gait and what shoes are best for you. I found out I am an under-pronator several years ago when I started running, and have to get neutral shoes with cushioning. I had been wearing the ones with stability and kept turning my ankle. My favorite shoes are Brooks, they are usually kind of ugly, but they are so much better for the stress on my feet, knees, hips and back. I had a back injury a few years ago, and am just recently getting back into running. I bought a new pair this year, and still use the ones I had when I ran a few years ago. Cheaper brands that I've used that are ok, but don't seem to last as long, are Asics and Saucony. Good luck with running! I've never been fast, but it is a good feeling when you progress and beat your own personal best times! https://www.livestrong.com/article/173249-exercises-for-ankle-pronation/ https://www.runnersworld.com/running-shoes/the-wet-test http://www.asics.com/us/en-us/pronation-guide

My nutritionist recommended Quest, the Oh Yeah brand which I haven't found in my area yet, and Power Crunch bars. The Power Crunch bar in chocolate and mint chocolate are the best ever! They have wafers inside, so they are crunchy and the mint chocolate is reminiscent of the thin mint flavor. I keep mine in the refrigerator because the chocolate coating on the outside gets pretty melty if it doesn't start off chilled.

A hint for those who use the Quest bars: Put the bar in the microwave for 10-15 sec. It gets soft and tastes so much better! I take the chocolate chip cookie dough bar, cut it into pieces, microwave them, and it's like I'm eating chocolate chip cookies!

I agree with Fluffy's post about getting in touch with a weight loss surgery clinic and seeing what else you can do. Before my surgery, my doctor went over all the options with me and what statistics show in recent years for the success rate of each. It was eye opening. I went in wanting the VSG, but statistically, I probably wouldn't lose as much as I wanted to with that surgery and there is a higher risk of regain over time. I can't remember the numbers now, but it was explained like "if you have 200 lbs to lose, over the long term you can expect to lose about 60% of that with VSG, 75% of that with GBP, and 85% of that with DS". The DS had the highest success rate at reversing type 2 diabetes. This is not to say that people don't do better than those statistics because plenty do, but it seems to me that someone who has more to lose would be better served by going with one of the malapsorptive surgeries. Don't give up. You can do this, you just need to find the right option for you and a supportive weight loss clinic. Keep going with your fitness challenge, but if it's too difficult right now, modify it so that it fits your needs. Doing something is better than nothing.

Right back at ya! The family and I are flying to my moms for Thanksgiving. I know it will be difficult, but I have decided that I'm going to make a side dish of a healthy vegetable to avoid the over-abundance of casseroles that are always present, and a healthy dessert so I can avoid the cake and pie that will surely be there. With some turkey breast hopefully I can keep it fairly healthy. Once I get the lay of the land (buffet table) I am going to allow myself one cheat item if I really want it. I had a bottle of Torani Sugar-free Pumpkin Pie flavor and a bottle of the regular Pumpkin Spice flavor sent to my moms house so we can make pumpkin spice lattes - sugar-free for me and anyone watching their weight, regular for the people who would cringe at the sugar-free option. Luckily because we're flying mom can't try to send me home with plates full of leftovers! Stay strong everyone!

I asked my nutritionist about patches and she didn't recommend. She said it is difficult to tell how much you're really getting from them on a consistent basis. I still do the chewables, if you find ones you like it's not bad at all. I love the chocolate and caramel calcium chews, it's like having a treat. I was able to stop taking two of my meds (for blood sugar and blood pressure) within the first month after surgery, maybe you will eventually be able to get off some of your meds.

Just keep doing what you're doing. I find that sometimes the scale doesn't move for a week or two, then I lose about 5-7 pounds seemingly overnight. I totally skip numbers on the scale, went from 211 lbs to 207 lbs without ever seeing 208-210 on the scale, and I weigh every day. Look for other ways to measure your success, like clothing getting looser, or take measurements of your waist, hips, and chest. Sometimes even though the scale isn't moving, you can see other things changing.

Most of my questions were related to trying to decide which surgery to have. I also asked about complication rates and potential complications down the road, as well as long term success rates. Is there support offered for patients 1, 2, or 5 years later so they don't regain? I was concerned because my surgeon is >70 miles from where I live so if I had complications and had to go to the ER, would they transfer me to his hospital or would he consult by phone? I wanted to make sure I'd be kept comfortable after surgery - I have issues with nausea after anesthesia. I wanted to know about recovery time and when I would be able to go back to work comfortably, post op diet expectations, and vitamin regimen. How long do I wait before being able to lift anything or exercise? Drive? I was concerned about malabsorption issues and asked how often they check vitamin levels and do post op visits. How easy is it to speak to someone at the office if I am having a problem that is not emergency but important to me? There were probably more but I can't think of them now. If I find my list I'll come back and update.

Great NSV! I never felt comfortable in skinny jeans either, but have come to like them more, especially now that I bought a really cute pair of boots. Congrats! I found a great consignment store near where I live, they have lots of high end stuff. Got a pair of Banana Republic jeans for $9 and they fit so nicely. Another good option for cheaper clothing while still losing, and there are so many more choices in the less than plus sizes.

Yes, I use the caramel for my coffee every day and it does fine. I've even rewarmed a cup in the microwave with the caramel protein in it and it was great.

I have often been annoyed that it seems the only group of people it is socially acceptable to discriminate against or make jokes about is heavy people. Just as an example, my husband watches the show "The Big Bang Theory". I admit it is pretty funny, at least the old ones are. But I have often been appalled, and embarrassed by, the amount of derogatory statements made about people who are overweight. One episode in particular was about the characters imagining what their lives would be like if they were overweight and it was full of stereotypes and mean jokes. I doubt it will change any time soon, as there are so many people who feel completely justified in believing that being overweight is a character flaw. But, I know that I will do my best to never make anyone else feel that way, and I will go out of my way to treat everyone the same.

@FluffyChix My biggest challenge even now is trying to figure out how much to cook so I'm not stuck with too much left over. One time I had a whole freezer full of chili leftover, I used up all my 4 and 8 oz containers. I'm still sick of chili!

It goes back and forth for me. In the beginning I was all about trying new recipes so I could get some flavor and not feel deprived. My husband and teenage son are picky eaters though and I often found that they didn't like the new recipes and it was all on me to eat what I cooked, so I purchased some small containers to freeze meals. That was helpful for when I didn't feel like cooking or needed lunch to take to work. Now, for convenience, and honestly out of pure laziness, I sometimes just make plain meat in the crock pot or instant pot, let the fam add their own sides, and I just eat my protein to "getterdone". If I start feeling deprived or feel like I can't eat one more bite of plain meat, I start looking through my recipes to try something new. It just depends on my mood, and I don't want to feel deprived or I will start craving things I shouldn't have.

My body has been very confused since surgery. I have skipped a month, and had heavier than normal and lighter than normal months. I think once my weight eventually stabilizes I'll be able to see what the new norm will be.

Thanks for sharing everyone! Lots of great tips!

I have had several herniated discs in my lower back and my neck for years. I had one back surgery to release a pinched nerve, which helped, but didn't fix everything. Before bariatric surgery, I had back pain daily, and sometimes by the end of the day I could barely move. I used to take Ibuprofen all the time just to be able to function in my job, but a few years ago I had to stop taking that because of kidney problems. Since I stopped Ibuprofen, I was taking Tylenol and Tramadol a couple times a day without much relief. As I began losing weight, and getting out to exercise more, I started noticing that I didn't have as much back pain. One day I realized that I hadn't taken any Tylenol or Tramadol for about a week, I never missed it! Losing weight and exercising has helped my back pain so much, I feel a million times better and don't suffer with the same level of pain on a daily basis. Carrying so much extra weight around has a lot to do with all the body aches and pains I had for years. I still occasionally have some back pain, which comes with the territory of having the herniated discs, but it is nowhere like it was before and I can recover from it more quickly than I used to. I feel certain that losing weight is a major factor in relieving much of the pain many of us have when obese. It also increases range of motion and the ability to exercise effectively. I wish you the best of luck, I hope your pain gets better. I know how it feels to live with it.

Just tonight my husband and I were out at a memorial where there were people we've known for years through kids school stuff but only see occasionally now. One guy was like "OMG, you look so good!", then turned to my husband and said "Dude, you are so lucky, you better watch out, keep an eye on her, she's a new woman!" I know he is just one of those people that says off the wall stuff, but it was a bit awkward. I just laughed it off and moved on to talk to other folks. I get comments all the time at work, I have worked for my company for almost 15 yrs and know a lot of people there. I decided to let most everyone know that I was having surgery because I didn't want people whispering and speculating about my wt loss behind my back, and in my current area, they would. I get a lot of comments from all over, but especially from former coworkers who haven't seen me in a couple months, so I can understand getting frustrated with it being the center of conversation. Sometimes I get tired of talking about it, but I have had such great support and genuine caring from most everyone, that I try not to let it bother me, and I figure once everyone gets used to my new look it will taper off.

I feel like I lost some height because I used to have to buy tall clothes (I'm about 5'8") but now they're way too long on me. I know I didn't actually lose height, I just don't have as much in the booty and belly to fill clothes out, so now I can buy regular length pants. Nice for me because they are often a bit cheaper!

It's been a long time since I've been there, but no matter where I go, I look for a meal that I can get my protein from, and leave off the carbs. Things like steamed shrimp, or steak, or chicken with vegetables instead of rice or potatoes. The food in the park is so expensive, I would bring a cooler of food to leave in the car and go tailgate for lunch.