Hoping052017

So, I began this journey of mine a long time ago, like at the age of 9. That was my start of yo-yo dieting. I'd tried everything and researched bariatric surgery over and over and then over some more. No insurance would cover it and my husband wouldn't allow it, even if the insurance did cover it. Well, after he passed away a lot of things changed for me for the positive. Not the least of me was losing my job and having to apply for disability for numerous reasons I won't get into here. Thanks to the survivors benefits my children and I received, there wasn't a lot of problems with money, but the "best" part was I was able to receive medicaid benefits, which would pay for my surgery. I had a lot of work to do. After my husband died, and I lost my job due to medical issues, I ended up getting up to 310 pounds and barely able to fit into my size 28 pants (that was only if they were stretchy). On April 18, 2017 I had my gastric bypass done. Anyone who even tries to say having surgery to reach your goals is taking the "easy way out" is insane! It's the hardest thing I have ever done. Today I reached 185 pounds for the second time since my surgery. For the last 6 months I have been plateaued at between 186 and 191. That's when you've really got to focus on the Non Scale Victories (NSVs). Today I'm glad to report that I'm wearing my daughter's size 12 shorts. Will I wear them in public? Probably not. They are too short for this girl and still a bit tight, but I'm wearing them! I'm really self conscious about the sagging skin on my inner thighs, so I don't wear shorts that don't go down to my knees out in public.

A lot of people believe I had this surgery for my kids, and I guess that's partially true. But, I mainly had it done for me so I could enjoy life again. So I could enjoy my kids for pretty much the first time ever (my youngest is now 12 and my oldest is 19) I did it so I would be alive to see my grandkids and be able to enjoy my time with them. I wanted to live until i am 94 like my Grams did. Not sure about that now that I know a few things, but I'll leave that for a forum discussion. No matter what "they" say, you have to do this surgery for you. You have to be selfish. You have to take charge of yourself. You need to see a therapist if you need to lose 150 pounds or more like I did. I began seeing a therapist for other issues, but we still talk about what mental aspects come up when you have this surgery. It is life changing, and wonderful, but also scary and heartbreaking. Most of us who need the surgery get there because of the fact that we are addicts. We are addicted to food. We use food as a coping mechanism. We use food as an escape from our problems. We just love food. I actually have a t-shirt that when I got it, right after my surgery it was too tight, but I wore it to the gym. The t-shirt says "I work out because I love food!" And it's true! I love food! Plain and simple. 

I used to be in culinary school because I loved food so much. But I also wanted to use that degree as part of being a nutritionist/dietician. I decided on that way before I even had my surgery. Now I know two awesome dieticians that are helping me figure out how to do what they do. I'm going to go back to school, despite my disabilities. My therapist wants me to reapply for disability. And I'm going to. But that's not going to stop me from losing the rest of the weight I need to lose and to achieve the goals I set in place for myself through the years.