Hoping052017

The psych eval was three flipping hours long!!!! Three hours! I talked to the psychologist for about 20 minutes. He asked all the questions i figured he would like if I had a support system at home and all that. And was glad I was seeing a therapist on a regular basis to help with the major depression issues I have. The rest of the time was answering a MMPI2 test. I've taken one of those before, but not. I think the one I took before was just a MMPI. Or something along those lines. I actually don't remember. LOL! I will hopefully hear from them tomorrow. I'm getting more excited now because this is past me now. Now it's one more cardiologist appointment and 2 more diet and exercise appointments and then we schedule! The new update to this site wouldn't let me change my weight unless I put in a surgery date, so I'm going to have to change my surgery date once I officially have it. I'm really hoping for April 22. I'm actually going to ask my care coordinator tomorrow when I talk to her to see if that's feasible. Never mind about that date. I just looked at a calendar and found out that's a Saturday! Poo. Hopefully the 21st then!

To say I've been in a dark and depressing mood the past few days is a mild understatement. Okay, a major understatement! People I thought were friends haven't been there for me when I needed them the most. And perfect strangers reached out, not knowing me at all and sending words of encouragement. To those strangers, I thank you. Your kindness means the world to me. Mostly I'm sorry I got as dark as I did. I really am trying to see someone about it, but like my "friends", they said they can't see me right now. Oh wells! I'll see them a week from tomorrow, probably bouncing off the walls happy. I'm doing okay now, though. I got back on the wagon today. I have a goal to lose at least another 10 pounds by April 22. I also decided that is going to be my goal date for surgery. I know that this date is highly contingent upon my surgeon, but I am praying that this will be my day to shine. Well, I'm rarely shining right after surgery, but you know what I mean. See, a little background history about me. I met my husband on February 5, 1995. We went on our very first date on February 14 of the same year and became a couple four days later until April 11, 2013. When I was telling my new therapist about him during my intake I lost count of how many times she said "He had some serious mental problems". I already knew that and it was the reason I filed for divorce because he wouldn't get help for those problems. He committed suicide on April 22, 2013 after he got the divorce papers. Left a message for me on Facebook that read in his status "Til Death Do Us Part". To say that's messed with me over the years is another major understatement. Therefore, I think having my surgery on April 22 would be a perfect way to begin again. To put my fat and him behind me once and for all. For me. For my kids. For us. As a kind stranger told me, it's time to let go of the past. And that's exactly what I intend to do. God Bless and Protect you always.

What do you do when the darkness seems to engulf you? February is always a really hard month for me and right now, looking out my window at the grey sky and the bare trees and remembering the good and the bad of the last 21 years, all I want to do is curl into a little, itty bitty, teeny tiny ball under my covers and hide. I want to go to that place in my mind that seems to hold me as a happy prisoner. A beautiful place that never rains, the sky are always blue with white puffy clouds (you know the kind that you can imagine pictures out of). A crystal blue pond with a full willow tree that you can sit beneath and take in all the beauty around you while you peak through the many branches. Yesterday was the 21st anniversary of the first time I met my husband of over 14 years. We went on our first date that Valentine's Day. We became a couple four days later when I stole his fedora in the lobby outside my college French class. 18 years later I found out that he was not the person I thought he was. I realized he had multiple mental health issues that he refused to seek help for along with some that I didn't find out about until after I had filed for divorce. The day that he got the divorce papers, he decided that he couldn't live without me and our children. He committed suicide that day in April 4 years ago. Despite the things he did, the problems he had, I never stopped loving him. Most of his family doesn't realize this or believe this. It's taken years to be in the presence of his mother without getting a look that says "You're a pariah and should be exterminated". When the darkness engulfs me, as it is today, I just don't care. About close to anything. I don't care what I look like. I don't care what I eat. I could eat everything or I could eat nothing. I'm trying so hard to be conscientious of this today. So hard. My back is hurting and my shoulders are burning because of the weather, but I'm in a place where it doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that I'm alone with my thoughts, my memories - both good and bad. The memories of our first date together where he met me in the student union with a glass filled with hershey kisses and tied with a red ribbon. The memories of the last time I ever saw him alive where I had a glimmer of hope that he would get the mental help he needed and that we could at least still be friends and not enemies. And then all the memories in between. I want to eat right now. I want to bake, actually. I want to bake decadent chocolate cupcakes. I want to bake chocolate chip cookies. I want to bake pear and apple tarts. I want to bake anything and everything because when I'm baking I can disappear. I can dive into a recipe and tweak it, perfect it, change the flavor and add to it. And everything else doesn't matter anymore. A lot of times I will come out of the kitchen and my major depressive episode at the same time like baking just wipes the depression away. Other times it's like getting drunk where the pain goes away while you're in that state only to find it right back where you left it after you're sober. I have a feeling that today is the latter day. And until I get through February 18 I don't see it getting a whole lot better. Good thing I'm seeing my therapist Thursday.

@sonkat5355 Thank you for your comments. I'm trying to see a "professional" because I have known I need help for a while. I was supposed to begin sessions with her tomorrow. She called me late yesterday afternoon and said she had made a few errors and the earliest that she could see me is on the 16th. As for calling someone, unfortunately, I don't have anyone I can talk to. I only have 1 friend and she's rarely available. The other person, whom I thought was a good friend, hasn't answered my calls or returned my texts in over a week. The only other person that I counted as a friend hasn't returned my calls or texts in a year. Sometimes I really think there's something wrong with me. My head knows I'm not to blame for his actions, yet my heart still cannot seem to let go. I'm in a better place today, but my heart is still heavy after reaching out to two people who told me once that they would always be there for me if I needed them. Neither of those people have reached back. Since I am an emotional eater, I thought I would reach out to strangers since not even my new therapist will see me right now. Pretty bad when you talk to someone for over an hour, cry three times in the office, make an appointment to see her again in 10 days and then she calls the day after the darkest one you've had in months and says she can't see you because she made a few errors. It made me think that the errors were me. Thank you for reaching out. It means a lot to me that a stranger would reach out when the people I know, that claim to love me, won't speak to me. Oh, in answer to your question, yes, I have 3 children 10,12,& 17. They and my mom are actually the reason I'm still here. As much as I don't want to be here most days, I could never be selfish enough to leave them alone intentionally. It's the main reason I sought the bariatric surgery. So I could be here for them. So, I'm trying to pick myself up and dust myself off. I just have to get through the 18th and then I know it will be mostly smooth sailing from there with the exception of April 22, which I think I just decided I'm going to try and make that my surgery day. The day I leave my fat and him behind forever after. Yeah! I like that idea! Now, here's praying it works out that way! Thank you again! You just made my day. God Bless!

Fitness blender has a lot of neat workout videos too Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

I'm sorry for all the posts in the last 24 hours. I talk a lot when I'm anxious/nervous and without anyone to talk to face to face...I guess I'm outletting here. So, I'm seeing a new therapist (at least I hope i haven't seen this therapist before) at an agency that I quit going to a couple of years ago because I needed to see someone more than once a month and I was tired of leaving the place feeling like I was 2"tall and like poop. But I have no choice now. I have to get help or I'm not going to be able to get my surgery in April. And my stupid insurance doesn't cover anywhere else. I don't think I can succeed without the help of a therapist....too many issues. I'm scared that this is going to end up the same way as the first time. They've already told me the wait list to see the psychiatrist for medicine adjustments is a year. I tried making a medicine adjustments appointment with my pcp and can't get in there for a month unless I'm actually sick. Even then it would take two to three days for that as well. I've already been waiting for an hour. And I couldn't find my water bottle before I left the house this morning so I don't have my water. Grrr. I know this is just my anxiety rearing its ugly head, but I am kind of freaking out right now. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

That was supposed to say my first therapy session that was supposed to happen Thursday has been postponed to the 16th because the therapist had several errors. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

I'm trying. It's so hard right now. I . me until the 16th. I just wanted to cry. February is such a hard month for me in the first place because it's the month mymen's husband and I got together 21 years ago. It's been a nightmare month ever since he passed away. February and April. February because of the beginning and April because of the end. Maybe it's time to cry on my friend's shoulder? Thank you for the advice@redmaxx Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

Thank you. As scared as I was last week, I really wish my next appointment was today instead of three days from now because I feel like giving up and I've barely started. What do you do when you feel like giving up?

@@MowryRocks - Thank you. I sure hope so.

So, mom and I watched the most awesome Super Bowl game I've seen in years! She was rooting for the Falcons. Therefore, I HAD to root for the Patriots. I couldn't believe they just HAD to wait until halfway through the 4th quarter to get their head in the game! But omg! To see the very first overtime in Super Bowl history and some of the insanely miraculous plays that were made was the best. Especially to be able to share it with my mom. Still can't believe they came back from a 25 point deficit to win the game in overtime all in the last 10 minutes of the final quarter! It was awesome. With all the excitement though I wanted munchies sooooo bad! I wanted chips and dip or popcorn or anything to actually crunch just like the ball players on the field. I am sitting here writing this and watching the local news and still crave something to crunch. Craving cookies. Craving chocolate milk. Craving chocolate chips, Wow. And my clinic just had a commercial on as if to give me a visual reminder of why i'm not going to the kitchen for any of those things. A reminder why I didn't cave in to any of those cravings that I had during the game. I am trying so hard to be conscious of the mental hungries and the actual physical hungries. I actually succeeded today. I'm proud of myself. I even skipped the mashed potatoes at supper! Cheesy Ranch Red Skin Mashed Potatoes no less! Yay me! Telling the difference between the mental and physical hungries is one of the hardest parts of this weight loss surgery prep. I'm getting there, but the trek has been slow going. I started this journey in November and I'm still not there. I think I'll get there. No. I know i'll get there. I have to. " """"""""""""""""

so much this !!! But this is also why I love seeing the success stories on here. Right now I can't imagine losing over half of my body weight. It just seems so daunting that I get to wondering if such a thing is even possible. Then I see some of these success stories (like the lady who started at 450 pounds and actually ran a marathon in NYC last year!) and see that it really is possible. I just have to get off my bloomin arse and get busy losing!

I'm 5'2" an I was 265 at the start of the journey. I lost a bunch of weight before the surgery so now, just over 4 weeks out, I'm 192. I feel the same way you describe yourself! I look in the mirror and I think I look fine. When I see a picture of me I want to cry. Now that I'm down nearly 70lbs I am afraid to see a picture...what if I still hate the way I look? It's scary to think that I could work so hard and still not be happy with it:( I'm scared I won't be happy with how I look either. I will be happy to be off a lot of the medicines I take and all and I can't wait for the clothes ( love clothes and shoes but currently hate shopping because none of the cute stuff I want to wear fits me) As for pictures...I very rarely let anyone take a picture of me unless it's from the shoulders up. I don't want to look at myself at all - mirror or otherwise.

Okay, I realized something really weird this morning on the way home from dropping my oldest off at school. I used to get migraines 2-3 times a week when I was working. After I was fired in 2014 because of my attendance, they miraculously stopped. I just stopped being migraines. They started up again a few months ago. I couldn't figure out what had changed. For the past few months I started drinking Protein shakes for Breakfast since I didn't have time to fix anything else. About two weeks ago I stopped drinking the Protein Shakes because I actually had the time to make breakfast for myself again. Remarkably, I haven't had a migraine in the past couple of weeks. Has anyone else had this happen? Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

Addictions come in all sorts of forms. The most common forms of addiction people think of are drugs and alcohol. And those are both, obviously, bad. There's other addictions too though. There's addictions to soda pop, bread, pasta, cookies, cakes and other pastries, food in general. I think most people that have gotten to "OMG I have to do something about my weight or I'm going to die" have some form of food addiction. I've been realizing, albeit way too slowly, that I am addicted to sugar. I may even be addicted to food in general. I was at the grocery store with my mom today and at the checkout are the candies. Reese's, Twix, Butterfingers, York Peppermint Patty, M&Ms...the list goes on and on. I nearly cried because I wanted some (and I really didn't care which one either) chocolate yumminess (that usually isn't all that yummy after I eat it) so badly. I am so glad I am going to be going to a therapist starting on Thursday. I HAVE GOT to get this crap under control before my surgery. I should already be at least 20 pounds down by now and I think I'm the same weight I was last month. I'm awful about not logging any meal that isn't good for me. I'll log all the ones that are right on track though. I don't even understand why I want the stuff. It doesn't taste good most of the time and then I feel all kinds of guilty after I eat it. Other times I'm just so depressed that I couldn't give a rats patootie what I eat, so I don't eat what I'm supposed to. Like tonight mom bought pizza for dinner. I could have run over here to my house and gotten the leftover chicken and broccoli from the other night. No carbs hardly at all. I could have been a good girl, but no. I just didn't care. I was tired, hungry, and depressed and so I ended up eating two pieces of pizza, a cheesy bread stick with marinara sauce, and a chocolate chip cookie since I figured I'd already blown the whole meal anyway. Now I'm just tired and even more depressed. How do you fight an addiction to food? I'm scared that I'm going to go from one extreme to the other. Going from a see food diet to a no food diet. I guess that's something for the therapist to deal with, huh? I hate this. I'm going to bed. Night night.

Addictions come in all sorts of forms. The most common forms of addiction people think of are drugs and alcohol. And those are both, obviously, bad. There's other addictions too though. There's addictions to soda pop, bread, pasta, cookies, cakes and other pastries, food in general. I think most people that have gotten to "OMG I have to do something about my weight or I'm going to die" have some form of food addiction. I've been realizing, albeit way too slowly, that I am addicted to sugar. I may even be addicted to food in general. I was at the grocery store with my mom today and at the checkout are the candies. Reese's, Twix, Butterfingers, York Peppermint Patty, M&Ms...the list goes on and on. I nearly cried because I wanted some (and I really didn't care which one either) chocolate yumminess (that usually isn't all that yummy after I eat it) so badly. I am so glad I am going to be going to a therapist starting on Thursday. I HAVE GOT to get this crap under control before my surgery. I should already be at least 20 pounds down by now and I think I'm the same weight I was last month. I'm awful about not logging any meal that isn't good for me. I'll log all the ones that are right on track though. I don't even understand why I want the stuff. It doesn't taste good most of the time and then I feel all kinds of guilty after I eat it. Other times I'm just so depressed that I couldn't give a rats patootie what I eat, so I don't eat what I'm supposed to. Like tonight mom bought pizza for dinner. I could have run over here to my house and gotten the leftover chicken and broccoli from the other night. No carbs hardly at all. I could have been a good girl, but no. I just didn't care. I was tired, hungry, and depressed and so I ended up eating two pieces of pizza, a cheesy bread stick with marinara sauce, and a chocolate chip cookie since I figured I'd already blown the whole meal anyway. Now I'm just tired and even more depressed. How do you fight an addiction to food? I'm scared that I'm going to go from one extreme to the other. Going from a see food diet to a no food diet. I guess that's something for the therapist to deal with, huh? I hate this. I'm going to bed. Night night.

Addictions come in all sorts of forms. The most common forms of addiction people think of are drugs and alcohol. And those are both, obviously, bad. There's other addictions too though. There's addictions to soda pop, bread, pasta, cookies, cakes and other pastries, food in general. I think most people that have gotten to "OMG I have to do something about my weight or I'm going to die" have some form of food addiction. I've been realizing, albeit way too slowly, that I am addicted to sugar. I may even be addicted to food in general. I was at the grocery store with my mom today and at the checkout are the candies. Reese's, Twix, Butterfingers, York Peppermint Patty, M&Ms...the list goes on and on. I nearly cried because I wanted some (and I really didn't care which one either) chocolate yumminess (that usually isn't all that yummy after I eat it) so badly. I am so glad I am going to be going to a therapist starting on Thursday. I HAVE GOT to get this crap under control before my surgery. I should already be at least 20 pounds down by now and I think I'm the same weight I was last month. I'm awful about not logging any meal that isn't good for me. I'll log all the ones that are right on track though. I don't even understand why I want the stuff. It doesn't taste good most of the time and then I feel all kinds of guilty after I eat it. Other times I'm just so depressed that I couldn't give a rats patootie what I eat, so I don't eat what I'm supposed to. Like tonight mom bought pizza for dinner. I could have run over here to my house and gotten the leftover chicken and broccoli from the other night. No carbs hardly at all. I could have been a good girl, but no. I just didn't care. I was tired, hungry, and depressed and so I ended up eating two pieces of pizza, a cheesy bread stick with marinara sauce, and a chocolate chip cookie since I figured I'd already blown the whole meal anyway. Now I'm just tired and even more depressed. How do you fight an addiction to food? I'm scared that I'm going to go from one extreme to the other. Going from a see food diet to a no food diet. I guess that's something for the therapist to deal with, huh? I hate this. I'm going to bed. Night night.

Addictions come in all sorts of forms. The most common forms of addiction people think of are drugs and alcohol. And those are both, obviously, bad. There's other addictions too though. There's addictions to soda pop, bread, pasta, cookies, cakes and other pastries, food in general. I think most people that have gotten to "OMG I have to do something about my weight or I'm going to die" have some form of food addiction. I've been realizing, albeit way too slowly, that I am addicted to sugar. I may even be addicted to food in general. I was at the grocery store with my mom today and at the checkout are the candies. Reese's, Twix, Butterfingers, York Peppermint Patty, M&Ms...the list goes on and on. I nearly cried because I wanted some (and I really didn't care which one either) chocolate yumminess (that usually isn't all that yummy after I eat it) so badly. I am so glad I am going to be going to a therapist starting on Thursday. I HAVE GOT to get this crap under control before my surgery. I should already be at least 20 pounds down by now and I think I'm the same weight I was last month. I'm awful about not logging any meal that isn't good for me. I'll log all the ones that are right on track though. I don't even understand why I want the stuff. It doesn't taste good most of the time and then I feel all kinds of guilty after I eat it. Other times I'm just so depressed that I couldn't give a rats patootie what I eat, so I don't eat what I'm supposed to. Like tonight mom bought pizza for dinner. I could have run over here to my house and gotten the leftover chicken and broccoli from the other night. No carbs hardly at all. I could have been a good girl, but no. I just didn't care. I was tired, hungry, and depressed and so I ended up eating two pieces of pizza, a cheesy bread stick with marinara sauce, and a chocolate chip cookie since I figured I'd already blown the whole meal anyway. Now I'm just tired and even more depressed. How do you fight an addiction to food? I'm scared that I'm going to go from one extreme to the other. Going from a see food diet to a no food diet. I guess that's something for the therapist to deal with, huh? I hate this. I'm going to bed. Night night.

Being a single mom is a scary thing in and of itself. I've been a single mom of three for almost 4 years now and it still scares me. Having a strong support system is a big plus. I don't know what I would have done if I was newly single and going through wls. It's insane enough now trying to do it after over 3 years of singlehood. Sorry about your ex. I like to think that people get what's coming to them. I have found that Karma really is a beach. As for the dating thing...I've tried, but so far no good. Not that I haven't met some really neat people along the way, but from experience...take your time. Like someone else said, get to know the new you and spend as much time loving on that wonderful little one of yours. They grow so fast. You give birth to them and then it seems like you blink and they are all grown up and you ask yourself "What happened? When did I miss that?" I believe you are a really strong lady to have gone through the wls and have been successful. Just use that same strength and determination that got that weight gone in everything you do and you'll be great. Congratulations on the weight loss and have faith that when the time is right to date, you'll know.

Today was an awesome, albeit a dietetic frustration, day. Mom and I went out today. She had a couple of Dr. appointments and since she pretty much refuses to wear her prescription glasses ("I can see the big stuff" she says) I drive her around on a regular basis (much to the chagrin of my nerves). I get home from taking the oldest to school (the boy refuses to get a drivers license!) and decide to unload some of the articles from my mom's storage locker that I've had in my trunk for the last week. Freezing my arse off I gave up on that idea pretty fast. By this time I decide to go inside and warm up, maybe get some hot tea, and make breakfast. I was thinking my usual 2 eggs, sunny side up with a cup of greek yogurt. Lots of protein! Yeah...that didn't happen because I had just started to get the stuff together to do that when mom asks what I'm doing - we have to leave in 15 minutes for the Dr. "But that's this afternoon!" "Dr. Mike is this afternoon. This morning I have to see Emily" I'm thinking "well, poop. I don't even have time to make a shake before we leave" (and my tummy has already been growling for an hour. Oh joy. We Get her to the Dr. and don't get out of there until almost 11:30. It's lunch time! Ok, mom, where to eat? "How's Panera or Olive Garden sound?" Well, considering the last time I ate at Olive Garden I could find something that I could eat, but it cost a bloody fortune for a lunch menu (which we found out later was actually put in the computer as a dinner item) and I had gas so bad it hurt, I chose Panera. Surely there's something at Panera I could eat without compromising my diet too badly. Then I saw it...New England Clam Chowder. My favorite soup in the world aside of Olive Garden's Zupa Toscana. So I decided on a half Chicken Caesar Salad and a cup of soup for lunch with an apple (which I gave to mom). Big, big, huge mistake all the way around. The salad tasted okay, but it ended up causing pain in my gut. The soup...well, I could only get down two bites it was so icky. Have you ever had potatoes in soup that you can tell they've been frozen by the way they mush when you bite into them and remind you of really nasty instant mashed potatoes that weren't really mixed all that well? That's what these potatoes were like. Eww. My clam chowder tastes like a gourmet chef prepared it compared to what this was today. Thankfully, the lack of desirability for me to eat that soup saved me major amounts of caloric intake for lunch. Not even an hour and a half later, mom states she needs something to satiate her sweet tooth. I managed to put that one off until almost 3. She wanted either TCBY or Olive Garden. I knew TCBY had a greek frozen yogurt so I went there and had half of their little cup of the Greek Honey Vanilla yogurt topped with a spoonful of chopped pecans. Nothing else fancy. It actually ended up pretty yummy. I was surprised. Lots of protein again. Yay me! Mom and I are having our yogurts when she asks what we're having for dinner. Doe in the headlights look greeted this question. I have no clue. We forgot to take anything out to defrost and we aren't going to feel like cooking and cleaning after this. I agreed, but what to do for dinner? Mom's suggestions....#1 on the list - Spaghetti. #2 on the list - Macaroni topped with baked beans #3 on the list - Lasagna (are you starting to see a pattern here?) So I went with #3 and let her know that I had leftovers from last night that I could heat up to eat while they had that. When we went to the grocer, though, I ended up finding this Healthy Choice Steamers Chicken & Broccoli Alfredo and Oikos Lemon Meringue yogurt. OMG! both were so yummy!!! I could so totally see getting some spaghetti squash and pouring that over it! Speaking of Spaghetti squash! This truly is the best way I have found to cook spaghetti squash! It makes the strands actually LOOK like spaghetti! It's amazing, truly! After I put all of what I ate today into My Fitness Pal (MFP) I found out that I actually made my protein goal! 77 grams of protein taken in today and that's before my cheese slice that I have before bed, which will up my total to 80+ grams today. I could actually see myself hitting 100 grams if I had had my eggs and yogurt this morning. That amazed me. What also amazed me was all the things I WANTED to eat today. The San Fransisco sourdough bread mom bought today...the Reeses Peanut Butter Cups at the checkout at the grocery....All the pastries at Panera and the bakery...the clam chowder that I ultimately caved in on (but was thankfully thwarted of because of the taste of it)...the lasagna that the rest of the family had along with the garlic Texas toast...the Hershey Kiss Thumbprint cookies mom bought because the family just HAD to have a sweet treat. (I'm really glad she hid those because I really did go looking for them after dinner because they looked SO good!) I swear I was like a recovering alcoholic that was thrown into a bar! I'm truly addicted to sweets. Not candy, per se, but mostly pastries and cookies and stuff like that. Though even seeing the open bag of chocolate chips in the pantry is a massive temptation to grab a handful to eat by themselves. Do they have sugar eaters anonymous or something like that? "Hi, My name is Alex and I'm addicted to sugar" I am, too. And milk. OMG I think I would die if I couldn't have milk anymore. So, that's my discovery for today...I'm addicted to sugar. I wonder what I'll discover about myself tomorrow?

I don't think so, but I guess it's possible. I would have thought that if it was hunger i"d have them more often since I have a really bad habit of skipping Breakfast. I've been trying really hard not to do that since starting my bariatric program in November though.

I've heard of florescent lighting doing that before. I'm glad that you had warning before the onset. Mine always were there when I'd wake in the morning. I also read somewhere that they are prone to exacerbate ADHD symptoms as well.

So happy for everyone! Here's to more happy days to come! I actually had another happy day today too. I spent the day with my mom running errands, but she was in massive amounts of pain in her lower back so I tried my best to take her mind off of it by making her laugh (which I did with flying colors, I might add ) The two of us laughed so much and so hard today that even though it was icky errand day (she and I both despise errand day) it turned out to be one of the best days we've had together in a very long time. Thank you God for blessing us!

Shopping and no pain are totally cause for happy dances!???? Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using the BariatricPal App

Today is cold, dreary, grey...the kind of day that would normally make me want to stay in bed and forget about the world because weather like this depresses me major. But not today. It's really hard to be depressed when the shower I took this morning was the BEST shower I have taken in over a year!!!! Yes, the best shower in over a year. Why, you ask? What made this shower better than any other shower in the history of showers? I didn't cry! Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but let me give you a little bit of background on my showers over the past couple of years. My skin is hypersensitive. Like, clothes hurt hypersensitive. No, I don't live in a nudist colony so I don't have to wear clothes. But I don't like wearing clothes because they hurt. I do it...obviously, but even if I could get by without wearing clothes all the time, I wouldn't. I don't like what I look like. I'd rather deal with the pain of the clothes on my skin than the pain of grossing people out with what was under my clothes. I've always loved showers. I'd spend close to an hour in the shower if I could get by with it. (enough hot water and all that jazz). But that changed about 4 years ago. The water from the shower head gradually began hurting more and more until about a year and a half ago (maybe it's been two years now) showers began hurting so bad that I would cry every time I took a shower. Since I'm not a major masochist, I took to taking showers only once a week or so, washing my hair every other day in between by hanging my head over the side of the tub and using the handheld shower head. I missed my long, hot showers that relaxed my aching muscles. I missed the feeling of the water running down my back. Today was the first time in so...Soooo long that when I finally got the courage up to put my back under the falling water I didn't realize for at least a minute that I wasn't in tears from the pain. It was the mild annoyance of long ago. The kind of mild annoyance that is easy to ignore. When I used my loofa to clean my skin, it didn't feel like I was washing myself with course sand paper! Afterwards I could brush my hair without going 'Ow!' every other stroke! I don't know if this miracle is going to last beyond today, but I am so grateful for the reprieve (if even only for a day).