Little Green

Compassion and balance... you are speaking my love language!!! Thank you for sharing.

I talk to my mom and my husband and took some pain meds and I'm feeling much better. I am going home without the cats on Saturday, and then my husband will drive me back up next Friday for the 2-week appointment and we'll stay a night or two then my parents will help us move the cats back in. I'm going to text my therapist tomorrow for an appointment next week (yay for calling an Uber to take me there & back) and I might see if I can get my antidepressant in a liquid formulation. With this plan in place I'm going to focus on the positives, keep my eyes on the prize, and focus on my health and recovery. I'm getting stronger every day, I have no issues with vomiting, nausea, or difficulty getting liquids down, I have a great support team, the pain meds help me feel better, I'm sleeping well, lots to be thankful for.

I'm extremely unstable emotionally right now. I don't now if it's hormonal, situational, anti-depressant not absorbing correctly, or a mix of all of these. You're not alone. We're here for you.

I think I'm going to go home on Saturday. I'm so depressed and lonely that I think it's causing my pain and energy to be worse than it reasonably should be at a week post-op. I want to be able to get a hug from my husband when I'm feeling sad, and he'd be more than happy to drive me around even if it's just to go nowhere. I could also take buses in our city - there's no buses in the very rural area where my parents live On a related note, crying post-op is quite painful, from the belly-bouncing during to the nose-blowing afterward. Ouch.

Honestly I think the key issue is lack of driving. I am VERY INDEPENDENT lol. My mom has a super stressful job and I've been wanting to go get a pedicure since Sunday but we haven't been able to find time. The fact that I cannot get into the car and take myself somewhere just makes me frickin insane. Ugh. This will pass.... only 8 more days until my appointment.... this will pass......

Ok Fluff I think I can safely say I've read every page of your thread now! It was so funny (sorry) watching you go through those first few weeks of experimentation post-op! I'm going to be taking pretty much the opposite path in terms of nutrition and philosophy but I'm so thrilled to have you as a guide along the way! I "sparkleheart" you, my friend!

Another day, about the same. Belly pain, no energy, lonely. I did have a BM on my own this morning without having had smooth move tea or Miralax recently. That was nice, good to know all the plumbing is functional.

Feeling much better than this morning. I think I was definitely close to being dehydrated but I've been sipping all day, about 30 oz of water and 12 oz of (extremely delicious) broth plus a premier protein, and resting with brief walks here and there. I'm still having increased pain in my belly - there's one area in particular that protests with extreme prejudice when I move certain ways (which I unfortunately cannot predict). It produces a very sharp, intense "seam ripping" sensation, like I'm stretching something that's been tied tightly. The pain doesn't directly correlate with an incision, but the surgeon explained that incisions are often done at angles or even stretched depending on the needs of the ones running the show, so I could have damage/bruising in muscles underneath my belly despite not being directly under an incision. I had a LOT of this type of pain overnight because I tried sleeping in the bed on my side and it seemed like no matter what I did, I would constantly pull at this one spot and get the awful knife-like pain. So, that's why I've been taking it easy today. It's still sore but I think it's getting better. Honestly if it weren't for that one spot I don't think I'd have any belly pain at all. My incisions are a bit tender if I touch them and I'm bruised and beaten-looking (and worst of all, despite not having any pain when I administer my Lovenox injections, over the course of a few hours the sites bruise and get tender ) but mostly my belly is comfortable. Mentally/emotionally I've been feeling pretty down, mostly from loneliness. My husband had to go back to our city so he can work, my mom works from home during the day so she's here but inaccessible. My parents' house is out in the boonies, I can't drive, so trying to convince people to come all the way out here to visit when they've got work and kids and activities is pretty futile. I'm very much a social butterfly and even just sitting around doing nothing is better if someone else is around. Maybe I'll find an adult daycare to put myself in for the next week or two Sorry for the long updates - like I said, I'm very lonely! Just shouting into my own personal void over here.

I think it's common to maintain or even gain weight when you first increase the intensity of exercise. Muscle repair = water retention or something like that. That could be why. Don't despair, I know that's hard to hear after all the bumps in the road you've had! Stay the course and you will make it.

I'm not feeling well. I think I way, way overdid it yesterday and I still didn't meet my fluid or protein requirements. Today I feel dizzy, weak, and in pain. I am going to get up and walk, obviously, but that is going to be secondary to meeting my requirements and resting.

Also, obviously, I'm not even attempting to use plant-based protein sources at this point. When I get to pureed food I'll see how much protein I can tolerate in whole food form and then either continue supplementing with premier protein or start supplementing with 1-2 of the plant-based shakes.

I didn't sleep much last night; the recliner gives me a massive back- and headache after a couple hours. I showered this morning for the first time and tried napping in the bed on my side; it took a little while but I got comfortable and slept about 3.5 hours straight, definitely the longest stretch since surgery! So I'll try sleeping there tonight. After drinking Miralax (in four ounces of decaf coffee... heaven) this morning, I had a small, soft bowel movement this afternoon and my stomach is feeling quite upset and rumbly; I think I'm going to stick with the smooth move tea for now and only use the laxatives if I get to the 5 or 6 day range in between BMs. No need to force things along at this point. Right now I'm trying the clear Premier Protein water in tropical punch flavor; it's extremely sweet (artificially) and I'm not sure whether I like it or not. This is just a sample bottle but I was going to order more if I liked it. Not sure about that now, but we'll see. Overall my pain is okay. I'm feeling more uncomfortable and stiff than I am actual pain today. I'm pretty happy with my new stomach so far and its acceptance of iced drinks, room temperature drinks, warm drinks, protein shakes, tea, etc. I might try some sugar free jello and see how that does.

Yes! You stated this so eloquently. I'm not going to weigh in prior to my 2-week follow-up and then after that I think I'll reserve weigh-ins for once or twice a month. (At my weight it will be awhile before clothes stop fitting so that won't be a good guide for me.) I did the obsessive naked post-BM don't-drink-any-water daily morning weigh-ins for almost two years and it was exhausting and depressing especially when you knew you did EVERYTHING right and the scale wouldn't budge. As bari patients we have a program to follow - hydrate, walk, eat nutritious whole foods in small quantities. If we do that, we cannot fail. So long, scale!

How have you been doing the last few days? I hope you're feeling better & the new meds are keeping things controlled.

Post-op day 3 was pretty good. My surgery pain is lessening and has been somewhat replaced by gas pain although I can get pretty good temporary relief from that by passing gas. That's hard to do sitting down but easy (and fun!) while walking. Not sure when to expect a bowel movement; I had some smooth move tea today and will likely start miralax tomorrow. (The liquid docusate they gave me in the hospital was so disgusting that I would rather an impacted colon than swallow it again.) New pain has come up in the form of stiffness and soreness in my back, neck, and butt, from limited mobility I'm sure. I walked less than 800 steps today and I'd like to hit 1000+ per day coming up here shortly as the pain continues to recede. I'm going to start stretching my pain meds farther apart; I think they do "help" but mostly in the sense that they put me to sleep; I'd like to be more awake and alert during the day. I still have burps from time to time but no vomiting and very little nausea; the nausea I do have is coming from my vertigo, I think, which seems to be in a slight flare. Today I had about 1.25 premier protein shakes, so didn't come near my 60g protein goal, and probably 35-40oz of water, well short of my 60oz goal. Tomorrow I'm going to try and get on a schedule for such things to see if I can accomplish more. It's not that I necessarily feel full and have to stop; I just don't have any interest in it and the naps/fatigue get in the way. Besides plain water I had a bit of the smooth move tea, two tiny sips of decaf coffee, and maybe 2 oz of thinned-out tomato soup, which was delicious. I keep dreaming about pureed foods, even though I'm not hungry physically or mentally. I think my first meal is going to be refried beans with guacamole and some thin salsa. I also have some good plans for hummus, mmm hummus. Oatmeal with banana and peanut butter. And once I'm strong enough I plan to get the crockpots going with several different kinds of bean chilis that I can puree. For right now I'll just focus on walking & sipping!

Well, I made it! I'm still fairly loopy so I'm going to keep this short. I had a good surgery with no complications, but struggled to wake up afterward so I had to remain on breathing support for another hour or two once I was in recovery. Originally (once in my room) I was using a PCA pump with Dilaudid which helped for my pain but put me to sleep almost immediately so the 2nd day we switched to liquid oxycodone so that I could stay awake a bit more to walk and move around. I spent 2 nights in the hospital; I was afraid I'd have to spend a third because it took me a long time to get walking, but I improved pretty rapidly on the morning of the second post-op day so I went home yesterday around 5pm. My pain in the belly region is pretty intense; there's one spot in particular that feels like it's ripping or tearing when I move a certain way. Overall it's better than before, though. I didn't have any gas pain until last night and thankfully it's all in the belly area, so I can just get rid of it the normal way LOL, no issues with gas pain in my chest or neck or shoulders like some have. Water and protein shakes are staying down fine, I've had a few burps here and there but nothing has come back up or caused pain. We stayed ahead of nausea with the patch and IV zofran so I haven't felt like I needed to throw up at all. I have the dissolvable nausea pills at home now for when/if I need them. Okay I think that's all the thinking and typing I can handle for now. Thank you all so much for your support. You mean the world to me!

Sorry guys, I promise no one is paying me to post brand recommendations on here LOL. Just doing a crazy amount of experiments before my liquid diet starts... in... gulp, 5 days! So in the pre-op diet my surgeon allows any protein bar that meets the following requirements: 200 calories or less 8 grams of sugar or less Between 15-25 grams of protein (We can have up to 2 protein bars per day during the diet.) After much googling I found a bar that meets those requirements for me! This is almost certainly not the only bar but it was available on Amazon and at a good price range so it's the one I decided to order - it's called the NuGo Slim bar. FYI NOT ALL THE FLAVORS ARE PLANT-BASED!!! I actually wasn't paying enough attention and accidentally ordered 3 flavors that aren't vegan, ugh. LOL thank goodness Amazon will let me return them! The three flavors that I've tried (that ARE vegan) are Toasted Coconut, Chocolate Mint, and Crunchy Peanut Butter. They are all REALLY good and believe me when I say I hate most protein bars (except Fiber One which I don't eat anymore obviously). These bars do not have that awful, weird, wet, chewy texture that Quest bars, Pure Protein bars, etc. have. I would say that my favorite flavor is the peanut butter one, but they are seriously all good. The only reason the chocolate mint didn't win was I would have liked more mint flavor lol. I'm really excited to have found these bars. I wish I could eat these 5x a day instead of 3x shakes and 2x bars, lol.

I'm here in the waiting room, waiting to go to pre-op! Last weigh in was 342, from 358, so 16 pounds lost on my liquid diet. I'll see you guys on the other side. 💖

Well I just took the half bottle dose of magnesium citrate for bowel prep for tomorrow... we'll see shortly whether or not I'm full of sh*t! I had a massage and a float session today, both were very relaxing. I'm feeling pretty good, overall, not as anxious as I'd imagined. Plan to relax some more with a bath before bed, and hopefully I can sleep tonight! We'll be leaving for the hospital around 6:45am, I believe I am the second case of the day. I'm *almost* allowing myself to believe surgery is going to happen! I won't really believe it until I'm in the OR but... almost!

I haven't lost much weight in the last week, only 4 pounds. So I'm at a total of 14 lbs down. After 18 days on the liquid diet I would have expected to be at 20 pounds or so (because my starting weight is higher than most). I have had a few odd hormonal things happening - I have PCOS with amenorrhea so I haven't had regular periods since I was 17, but the last couple of weeks I've had on and off spotting that started 4 or 5 days into the diet. I don't know if that could factor in or not. I'm just hoping my liver is small enough for a safe surgery and that my surgeon won't be disappointed. I still have today and tomorrow to go, of course, maybe I can take off another 2-3 pounds.

Thank you so much for reading! Yes... omg, lol, it really has been a rollercoaster. I'm glad the last couple weeks have been mostly smooth sailing for me! You will do a fabulous job on the liquid diet and we'll be here to cheer you on!

Hang in there. You will be with me soon

72 hours until Surgery Eve! The last couple days I've started having trouble with my head hunger on the liquid diet. Right on the home stretch I graduated with my associate's degree Thursday night and my parents, brother, and husband were all there. Afterward, despite everyone saying they didn't want me to have to go out to eat while on my diet, I insisted we all go out. The table was covered in chips & salsa and fried pickles and steak and chicken & waffles (my husband) and the smells were overwhelming. Ever since then I've been dying to eat. Not unhealthy food specifically, just food. My husband made a black bean burrito last night and I nearly cried smelling it. I'm still not having much actual physical hunger but the drive to eat is in full force. I just keep reminding myself that in two weeks (from surgery day, I mean) I can have pureed foods like beans and hummus and chili and veggies and applesauce. It's not that far away! This stage isn't forever... it's just for my safety and recovery. *repeats 100 times* Having said all that, despite the recent issues I absolutely LOOOOOOOVE the Svelte protein shakes. I've got 5 flavors now (thanks, Amazon!) - chocolate, vanilla, cappuccino, spiced chai, and banana créme. I love them all, although cappuccino might still be my favorite. I'd like to use them exclusively after surgery but only being 11g of protein I'm not sure that will be possible. I could just about hit my protein goal (60g) with five of them but that's 55oz of protein shakes in addition to the 60oz of water I'm supposed to be having, which seems like a lot to tolerate. I might have to do one premier protein per day since that's 30g and that'll give me more leeway. I want to stick to the plant-based shakes but I'm going to try and be as flexible as possible during the liquid stage, it's all about staying hydrated & healthy! Tomorrow I'll be finishing up laundry & house prep and then Tuesday afternoon when my husband gets home from work we'll load up the car and the cats and hit the road for my Mom's! I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but just in case, I'm having surgery in another city near where my parents live, in the hospital where my husband was treated after his accident. It's a large, teaching hospital and is a center of excellence for bariatric surgery - so I felt safer there than at a regional hospital in my area. I'll be at Mom's until the weekend of Memorial Day (10-ish days). So that's why we'll be heading off Tuesday night! On Surgery Eve Day (Wednesday) I booked massage and floating therapy sessions, and I'll have a bath in my parents' big tub that night as well. By then I assume I will be nearly catatonic with anxiety so I'm trying to take every precaution against losing my mind I doubt I will actually be able to relax but hopefully the relaxing settings will at least give me the opportunity to do so!

I had my pre-op appointment today which included the nutrition/surgery day class and the lab work. As soon as I walked into the hospital my brain and stomach remembered that I'm having surgery and went into overdrive with anxiety, nausea, etc. I'm feeling better now, though, so that's good. I'm not anxious about whether I should have surgery, or even the specific procedures, etc. -- I just want to wake up afterward. I'm just having "end of life" thoughts about things I have or haven't done or said and regrets and fears about what happens if I don't make it through. I know that is soooo dramatic lol, and I can't wait to laugh at myself. 7 days to go! The lab work was all normal and my bg was 76, it was about 4 hours after my morning protein shake so not exactly postprandial but still a great number. (I'm not diabetic, I just worry. I can't wait until I don't have to be paranoid about medical conditions I don't have!) One more week... so hard to believe it's nearly here!

I definitely feel like I'm in whatever mode! Thank you so much, friend, and I hope the same for you!