serenity55

Terri, congratulations, and good luck to you. I

Sophie, congratulations on your weight loss. I read on another post of someone who has the same HMO as I do, and they went to Cedars-Sinai. I'll go anywhere I'm sent, I guess, though I've registered for a seminar at Northridge. I just want to get things started, and I guess I have to call my doctor again, and give her a gentle nudge. Thank you for posting. I'm glad to know there are so many doctors in our area that are recommended. Debbie

Thank you French vanilla. I am going to see if insurance will approve me. And I'll check out Cedars Sinai, too. I think I'd like to go there.Or anywhere that I'm comfortable with the doctor, which is, I guess what we all want. Good luck, and let me know how things go for you. Debbie

My best friend said she thought I was "wimping out" because I want to get banded. It turns out that she was afraid, for me and for herself. I guess she thought I'd change once I start losing weight. But now she'sgoing with me to the seminar in a week. I hope your support person will come around. There are lots of wonderful people here who have given great suggestions. good luck to you. Debbie

I'm in Van Nuys, too, and haven't been banded yet. I'm going to a seminar at Northridge in a week. Let me know how you're doing, and where you are in the process. Debbie

Hello! I have just started the journey, too, and like you, I'm terrified of needles. Lately, I've found myself trying to focus on the end result. I had a hysterectomy almost six years ago, and that scared me, too, but again, like you, I came through it. I've heard that the fills aren't so bad, and I think my weight has brought me to the point of deciding between my fear of needles and gaining more. So, yes, I'm still scared, but I'm going to come here and talk, and take one step at a time. This is a great place for support, and I haven't even done anything yet. Good luck and keep posting! Debbie

Thursday, April 17, 2008. So how important is this to me, really? I saw my doctor, and I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't get it. I guess I was hoping she'd submit a referral for the surgery. What she said was that she wasn't sure how much Pacificare would pay for, that she could refer me to surgeons but she didn't think anyone at the medical center where I see her had experience with bariatric surgery, and we both agreed that it would be best to have someone who knew what they were doing. It's not that she wasn't supportive, but she wasn't as happy as I thought she would be, and she was the one who brought it up during my last visit. She did agree that it might be the best way for me to go, but she also encouraged me to talk to my therapist about behavioral modification. I almost feel that she wants me to try other things before I decide on the lap band or maybe she'd rather I do something else altogether. It just seems like she should be more involved, to me. I told her about going to OA, but not my entire weight loss struggle, or journey, or whatever you'd call it. Maybe she can only submit requests to my IPA, maybe it's because I'm scared, and that's why I'm letting her reaction bother me. I don't know how to explain to someone who's never been there, that I need something that's going to give me portion control. Sometimes, yes, I can have a piece of something, but most of the time that ain't hapenin. Chewing gum, drinking water, not buying the stuff doesn't work with, as my doctor said, any consistency. I feel like just giving up. All this time I've been researching, and now--just like that!--I give up? Did I really want it? I felt some excitement, and hope, too. I was seeing myself thin. I have the names of two doctors, one has been banded, the other, I know, offers free seminars. I wrote down the address and phone numbers. I just assume Pacificare won't pay. Do I want to? What a sorry son of a bitch I am! I went to the vending machine at work, because I just had to have something sweet. Thinking I'd bought three packages of Oreos, and it turned out I had three packages of corn nuts! One of my co workers bought them from me because she loves them, and I got my Oreos, but jeeze! what atrip! I've just eaten two. It's no problem for me to eat twelve cookies just like that! There's a song by a singer-songwriter with the title, "Look Within." I know as I'm crunching down on those suckers that even though they taste good, I'm trying to erase feelings? Looking for instant gratification? I guess I feel like I want to jump out of my skin. Sometimes I want to scream. I wish I could be satisfied with one cookie, or a piece of cake or pie. Well, I'm still going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Something just won't let me do otherwise. Debbie

Thursday, April 17, 2008. So how important is this to me, really? I saw my doctor, and I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't get it. I guess I was hoping she'd submit a referral for the surgery. What she said was that she wasn't sure how much Pacificare would pay for, that she could refer me to surgeons but she didn't think anyone at the medical center where I see her had experience with bariatric surgery, and we both agreed that it would be best to have someone who knew what they were doing. It's not that she wasn't supportive, but she wasn't as happy as I thought she would be, and she was the one who brought it up during my last visit. She did agree that it might be the best way for me to go, but she also encouraged me to talk to my therapist about behavioral modification. I almost feel that she wants me to try other things before I decide on the lap band or maybe she'd rather I do something else altogether. It just seems like she should be more involved, to me. I told her about going to OA, but not my entire weight loss struggle, or journey, or whatever you'd call it. Maybe she can only submit requests to my IPA, maybe it's because I'm scared, and that's why I'm letting her reaction bother me. I don't know how to explain to someone who's never been there, that I need something that's going to give me portion control. Sometimes, yes, I can have a piece of something, but most of the time that ain't hapenin. Chewing gum, drinking water, not buying the stuff doesn't work with, as my doctor said, any consistency. I feel like just giving up. All this time I've been researching, and now--just like that!--I give up? Did I really want it? I felt some excitement, and hope, too. I was seeing myself thin. I have the names of two doctors, one has been banded, the other, I know, offers free seminars. I wrote down the address and phone numbers. I just assume Pacificare won't pay. Do I want to? What a sorry son of a bitch I am! I went to the vending machine at work, because I just had to have something sweet. Thinking I'd bought three packages of Oreos, and it turned out I had three packages of corn nuts! One of my co workers bought them from me because she loves them, and I got my Oreos, but jeeze! what atrip! I've just eaten two. It's no problem for me to eat twelve cookies just like that! There's a song by a singer-songwriter with the title, "Look Within." I know as I'm crunching down on those suckers that even though they taste good, I'm trying to erase feelings? Looking for instant gratification? I guess I feel like I want to jump out of my skin. Sometimes I want to scream. I wish I could be satisfied with one cookie, or a piece of cake or pie. Well, I'm still going to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Something just won't let me do otherwise. Debbie

Thank you, very much. I saw something about Northridge having WLS, but I'd much rather check out places I know others have been. And the fact that your doctor has been banded is a plus. Thanks again! Debbie

I have one entry in my blog, but it says I have zero. What do I have to do so that it shows in my signature like a lot of people have done, and will it then say that I have one entry? Hope this makes sense. Debbie

:biggrin:OK, I'm a dork! Thank you, Alex. Sorry it took me forever to do this--I'm also a little slow.

Thank you everyone! At least now I'll know that when it happens, it won't be a reason for me to panic. :-) I see my doctor Thursday to get things started. I find myself going from excited to scared to doubtful. But this is the highest weight I've ever been and the thought of gaining more doesn't make me happy. Debbie

Hello everyone! Can someone describe what it feels like when you are restricted? And are you always aware that the band is there, even when you don't feel full? I'm having a hard time trying to picture what it even looks like, because I can't see it. I can hardly wait to ask if maybe I can actually touch one. Thanks in advance. Debbie

Thank you, Ajoneen. You're right. I know that when I read the positive stuff, I feel better. I need to focus on that to get myself through.

This is a test blog entry!

Thank you, Gwen. Your post is very helpful, and I'll be rereading it to remind myself. Debbie

Thank you everyone. I guess I should have made myself clearer. I appreciate the pictures, but I am totally blind, so I really am looking forward to a hands-on experience! :-) Mike and Mia, your descriptions were very helpfull. I'm feeling just a little scared of it all, but I'm going to stay on the path. Thanks to you all again. Debbie

:confused:Last night I couldn't stop thinking about so many things. I'm scared and I haven't even seen my doctor yet. So why am I even pursuing getting the band? Because my lower back hurts if I stand too long, because I used to be able to walk really fast and I can't do that any more, because I hear myself trying not to breathe like I've just been exercising for an hour. And I'm freaking out about the thought of something inside me. What if it doesn't work, and my body rejects it for some reason? And smaller portions of food, and not being able to eat sweets; really having those choices taken away from me, but that in itself is a choice, one I'm choosing to make. I need to look in to why I'm so depressed about that. Oh, I know it's partly because cookies are comfort food for me, and I know that when I was growing up there wasn't enough food much of the time, so I sneak it now, and hide it. But I feel like there's more. I'm afraid of having that taken away from me, and I need to get to the point where I'm more afraid of gaining more weight, and sometimes I am there. And I keep coming back to this site; I love it here, so there must be some part of me that's saying, "Come on, girl, just keep putting one foot in front of the other." So I'll go to see my doctor on Thursday, and I will do just that. Because I think of the other side of the coin, too, the thinner me, the one everybody told me was so pretty when I was in high school. I want her back.

:confused:Last night I couldn't stop thinking about so many things. I'm scared and I haven't even seen my doctor yet. So why am I even pursuing getting the band? Because my lower back hurts if I stand too long, because I used to be able to walk really fast and I can't do that any more, because I hear myself trying not to breathe like I've just been exercising for an hour. And I'm freaking out about the thought of something inside me. What if it doesn't work, and my body rejects it for some reason? And smaller portions of food, and not being able to eat sweets; really having those choices taken away from me, but that in itself is a choice, one I'm choosing to make. I need to look in to why I'm so depressed about that. Oh, I know it's partly because cookies are comfort food for me, and I know that when I was growing up there wasn't enough food much of the time, so I sneak it now, and hide it. But I feel like there's more. I'm afraid of having that taken away from me, and I need to get to the point where I'm more afraid of gaining more weight, and sometimes I am there. And I keep coming back to this site; I love it here, so there must be some part of me that's saying, "Come on, girl, just keep putting one foot in front of the other." So I'll go to see my doctor on Thursday, and I will do just that. Because I think of the other side of the coin, too, the thinner me, the one everybody told me was so pretty when I was in high school. I want her back.

Hi, Chris, I am literally just starting the process. I have an appointment with my doctor this coming Thursday. I lurked here for weeks before I even joined and I can tell you that I have found a warm and loving reception here, not to mention all the information available. Good luck to you, and I hope the time flies until June! Debbie

This morning when I turned on the radio, the first commercial I heard was for bariatric surgery. I thought, Wow! That's interesting. And I've been thinking about being banded all day. This afternoon, I was pretty sleepy; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I dozed a little--the switchboard was slow. So on my break I decided to get some Oreos from the vending machine, because that's what I do when I'm sleepy, bored, whatever. There were none. I didn't want a Snickers bar, or shortbread Cookies, so I just didn't buy anything. I'm excited even though I've been thinking about endoscopies and needles, and the band inside me, and PBing, and the pain. I keep thinking about what someone said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." That just might be my mantra, and maybe this is a turning point for me. Has anyone else felt they were given signs from the universe, or where ever you believe they come from? Just curious. Debbie

This is a test blog entry!

It's really a vicious cycle, isn't it, this journey to band land. I'm fat, I'm afraid, and I eat. I don't think that exercising is helping me because I'm still eating sweets. Is there anyone out there who has been down this road? Eventually, I have to get to the point where fear of more health problems is greater than all the needles. And I'm envious, envious of all of you who have done it already, are already bandsters. Still I eat, and am afraid, and exercise, and have no hope. Sometimes I think I can do this and I'll have the rewards so many people have, and other times ...? Who am I kidding? I know there's no way in he** I'm going to lose this 331 pounds by myself, I've been trying forever, though I haven't always been over 300. I'm putting one foot in front of the other, will see my doctor in a week, but boy! am I scared, confused, and fat! Thank you all for letting me whine. I'll take sharp cheddar with that, thank you! :-) Debbie

Laurinda, Falloutgal, and heartfire, thank you all for your encouragement. Heartfire, like you, I have this skinny girl in my head, too. My sister invited me and a few of my friends over a couple of years ago, and she showed pictures of me when I was thinner. My friends kept saying how pretty I was, and I want that back again. Now, I just get, "You have a beautiful smile, and such a pretty face." As Jack said, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." I like that. Debbie

Thank you, Wheetsin. I'll try that. I have written two entries, well, one long one, I guess, and I want to try to make it show. Thanks again. Debbie