serenity55

My best friend called my doctor’s office today to ask about the authorization and was told that GPA, which I guess is the provider, wants receipts! I don’t have any from twenty years ago, or even fifteen, which is when I went to Gloria Marshall. And they want literature from Cedars, which is where I’m requesting to be sent. And of course, I can’t prove that I went to Overeaters Anonymous. So now what?! I’m so frustrated I don’t know what to do. My friend says it’s just a loophole, and something to discourage me from pushing. My sister said it’s because they don’t want to pay for it. Whatever the reason, I’m not happy, and I feel like I don’t have the right to be on this board, because everyone’s doing something and I’m not. Oh, I’m going to a free seminar next Saturday, the fourteenth. It’s at USC University Hospital. Hope they don’t switch times on me like the first one did!

Thank you, BrandyII. I have high blood pressure and sleep apnea, and I assume my doctor mentioned those things. I just have no idea, so I'm going to ask her what she thinks. She wasn't in the office yesterday. thanks again.

Has anyone been in this situation, and what did you do? Please help!

Yes, exactly!

LilMissBand-aid: I really enjoyed reading your journey. I’m still waiting for a referral from my doctor. She said that if I didn’t hear anything in two weeks, I should call. I’m going to a seminar in a week, that was another setback. But your story gives me hope and makes me determined to keep going Thank you.

Unless you’ve been through this, you couldn’t possibly understand. I’ve been posting about waiting for referrals, which gives me plenty of time to alternate between doubting myself, feeling depressed about my fat, and wanting to be banded so much I can hardly stand it. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> So what do I do? I eat. I know it’s emotional eating, and I write about it and all the issues I have around it. I can relate to so many of the things people wrote in the thread, “Why am I fat”? <o:p></o:p> Anyway, would be very interested in hearing about people’s binges, or just everyday eating habits, before you were banded, or if, like me, you’re waiting, and are struggling with food. <o:p></o:p> Today, for example, I had two packs of doughnettes, (sp) M&M’s, (two packs) two packs of oreos, (six in a pack) and two Snickers bars. I know it’s emotional eating. I’m frustrated because nothing’s happening; I’m scared it might; I don’t feel like I’ll ever change, and I know a lot of it was from childhood, when there wasn’t always food to eat, and I’m over compensating now. But I’m looking for something to replace food, and I think having the band as a tool, and exercise, which I do halfheartedly now, might make a difference I guess I just need to know I’m not alone. .

Thank you, mstrina27. I hate throwing up, so maybe that will help me when I get the band. I love the honesty on this site!

BrandyII, <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> I have managed, with the help of therapy to work through a lot of the anger I felt toward my father, and some of the effects of his alcoholism as well. Yes, there are siblings I’m very close to, especially the sister I lived with. It seems that the older we’ve gotten, the closer we become. I think in our case, it has a lot to do with the fact that there is a lot of illness in my family, mostly cancer, and that has brought us close. <o:p> </o:p> I admire you for being able to forgive your father. I was never able to do that.

BrandyII, <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> I am the ninth of thirteen children, and my second oldest sister was the caretaker. She was also the one I went to live with in twelfth grade. My father didn’t die with a glass in his hand, but he may as well have, because he had alcohol-related illnesses, and had both legs amputated just below the knee. And yes, you really were a good person to take care of him, even though he was a jerk. <o:p> </o:p> I have a sister who used to always talk about how big my legs were, but she’s no skinny mini herself. My family never talked about me losing weight, they just called me fat. <o:p></o:p>

SHARONCRIS , yes, please let us know how things go for you. Congratulations on losing 33 pounds. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> Deb, (great name!) I’m glad there’s someone else who’s going through what I’m experiencing, not glad that we have to deal with this, though. <o:p> </o:p> Bonbon, thank you for the words of encouragement. I know I might have to wait a long time, and I think I said somewhere else that I’m going to try to use this time to do as much soulsearching as I can, and try to get ahead of the game. I know that when it actually is time for me to be banded, I’m going to be terrified! <o:p></o:p>

LilMissBand-Aid, until I got to the end of your post, I was going to ask you if you remember eating the onion. Funny, they never made my eyes water. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> DebNH, you made me think of my family, who refused to recognize that my father was an alcoholic. They always just said he had a “drinking problem.” And like you, my relationship with one of my sisters is--well, we’re not speaking because she thinks I should have come to see my father when he was dying as a result of his alcoholism.

Jacqui, it sounds like you are really gentle with yourself, and there’s a lesson in that for me, when I am banded, and even now. I’ll just keep on trying, even when I feel like I’m failing, which I tend to forget. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> Maryrose, I do have a therapist, though I haven’t talked to her for quite a while because of money issues. I think it might be time to give her a call, though, I did write to her and mention possibly having the lap band procedure. Her response was that she didn’t think I needed it, but I don’t think she realizes how much I weigh. I’m going to talk to her and if she won’t understand, which I don’t think will happen, I guess I’ll need to look for someone else.

Froggie1985, I need structure, so I think that I would benefit from being on the six month nutritional journey. I think it’s wonderful that you have found things to help with the cravings It also gives me time, something I should remember now, to keep working on this struggle with food. . <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p> </o:p> Lifechange1982, thank you for your honest and openness about eating the way you did. I’m really hopeful, and willing to work, if I could just know for sure I have the band as a goal to work toward—if that makes sense. <o:p> </o:p> Linksmom, your words were really helpful and give me hope. <o:p> </o:p> Again, thank you everyone.

thank you all for the replies. I needed to hear that I'm not alone. Jack, your words were, and are, very inspirational.. I can come back to this post and read all of your words, and they will help. thank you all!

I can remember having a second helping of chili with beans and rice, when I was seven, I think, and my mother saying, “Your friends are probably already in bed.” <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> She died when I was nine, and I bought my first box of cookies soon after that, for twenty-five cents. And that’s when my love affair with cookies began. But I was a think child, even though I’d buy bags of cookies whenever I could, which wasn’t often, because I didn’t get an allowance. My father was an alcoholic, and I stuffed myself when I could, because it felt good. <o:p></o:p> I moved in with one of my older sisters during my senior year in high school, and had three meals a day, something I didn’t always have at my father’s. But my weight began creeping up when I was in my twenties. I remember weighing 209 pounds, and going to a Gloria Marshall figure salon. I lost thirty pounds, maybe thirty-five, because I was 174, and my sister commented on how little I looked. That was the last time I saw the one hundreds. The next time I became conscious of my weight was when it was 290, and I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I went down to 232 and back up to 286, and had a hysterectomy, when I went down to 263. I know there are other times I yo-yoed, but this is the basic pattern. <o:p></o:p> About four years ago, I began working with a personal trainer, but I’m not sure how much weight I’ve lost, because I never allowed myself to be weighed until I began considering getting the lap band. <o:p></o:p> I know a lot of my eating is because of my family life, where I experienced a lot of physical and emotional neglect. My brother called me Fatso, even though I wasn’t big, but like so many, I believed him. One of my sisters called me Brahma, and I always thought it was because she thought I was fat, too, but she told me recently it was because of the way I walked so fast <o:p></o:p> The last time I went to my doctor’s office, I didn’t ask how much I weigh, but it’s got to be over 331. Guess I just didn’t want to know. <o:p></o:p> Oh, did I mention that, like so many others, I too snuck food, even when I went to Gloria Marshall, which I did twice, when I was in OA, I ate sugar free stuff, but still had large portions? Denying myself the sweets only caused me to sneak on weekends or hide food in my closet.

Well, I thought about writing a poem, but I’m not coming up with anything clever right now, so I’ll just write. I’m obsessed with food. I’ve just had potatoes and eggs, and I wish I could have something sweet, but not just a small piece of cake, or five cookies. I wish I could go on a binge n have glazed doughnuts, an apple fritter, Mother’s oatmeal cookies, some pound cake, banana pudding, maybe ice cream to go with the cake Even as I’m eating something, I’m thinking of what I can have next. What is it that I want? What can replace sugar for me? I know how all this sugar effects my body, carrying an extra one hundred fifty, maybe sixty pounds. Even as I eat, I think I’m not enjoying, not savouring the food enough, and I need the taste of the sugar to be continuous, never-ending; so I fill my mouth full of the sweetness. Maybe it’s only satisfying as long as I’m eating it. Every time I hear a bag rattle I wonder what’s in it. Especially if it sounds like i could be cookies. I want to loseht, but I keep eating sweets. If I could find the key, understand what changes I need to make, how to break the cycle, if I could just read this to someone who could help me. If I can be a little ahead of the game before I know for sure if I’m elegible for the lap band … Add a cinnamon roll to the list

Well, I thought about writing a poem, but I’m not coming up with anything clever right now, so I’ll just write. I’m obsessed with food. I’ve just had potatoes and eggs, and I wish I could have something sweet, but not just a small piece of cake, or five cookies. I wish I could go on a binge n have glazed doughnuts, an apple fritter, Mother’s oatmeal cookies, some pound cake, banana pudding, maybe ice cream to go with the cake Even as I’m eating something, I’m thinking of what I can have next. What is it that I want? What can replace sugar for me? I know how all this sugar effects my body, carrying an extra one hundred fifty, maybe sixty pounds. Even as I eat, I think I’m not enjoying, not savouring the food enough, and I need the taste of the sugar to be continuous, never-ending; so I fill my mouth full of the sweetness. Maybe it’s only satisfying as long as I’m eating it. Every time I hear a bag rattle I wonder what’s in it. Especially if it sounds like i could be cookies. I want to loseht, but I keep eating sweets. If I could find the key, understand what changes I need to make, how to break the cycle, if I could just read this to someone who could help me. If I can be a little ahead of the game before I know for sure if I’m elegible for the lap band … Add a cinnamon roll to the list

I’m not sure where to post this, so I’m sorry if this is the wrong place. I saw my doctor today, and she’s quite willing to write a referral letter for me. We talked about the things I’ve tried to lose weight, and I told her that I’d called my insurance company and been told that the physician’s group has only one bariatric surgeon attached to it, and he is in Fountain Valley, which is not exactly around the corner from me. I told her I wanted to go to Cedars-Sinai. (Now, I’d mentioned this to her at my last visit, and she suggested I make some phone calls.) She says that if I don’t here something in two weeks I should call her. I’m alternating between being impatient and a little scared, which I know will become a lot scared later on. So I wrote this poem, which I want to share with you. Has anyone else felt this way?. Thank you for reading this. Patience, my friend, as you travel this road, For the journey could well be a long one. It may seem that you carry a heavy load, But it’s this that will make you a strong one. While you wait, you can work through your doubts and your fears— Mine arise at least once a day. Just reach out, and you’ll find there is someone who hears The important things you have to say. Late at night is when I am most afraid, Uncertainties often set in. In the light of day, when my plans are all made, I’m ready to fight and to win. Explore every feeling, research and learn; Risks, advantages you understand. Time will speed by; it w..ill be your turn, And you will be getting your band .

Thank you, Laurinda. I know I'll be glad to have the time it takes to sort through everything, but now that I've decided that I want the band--pretty much, I want it now. bu I'm really going to try and use this time wisely, and I know it will be worth it. Thanks again. t

Thank you all so very much. No, I haven’t heard anything from Northridge Hospital where the seminar was held. But I called Cedars-Sinai and was told that I need a referral from my primary care physician, which I saw her about, and haven’t heard anything. My best friend has the same doctor, and asked her to call me, which she hasn’t. I called to make another appointment with her just to get the darned referral! It’s so hard for me to sit at work, knowing nothing’s happening. I know I’m going to be scared of all the stuff I have to do, but I want to get started! Whenever I think of being banded, I get excited. Ariel, to answer your question, I have a screenreader called JAWS which is an acronym for Jaws Access with Speech, which reads everything on the screen to me. I also have a Braille display, but haven’t connected it yet. I started a thread called Aspects of Blindness, I think in this same forum, a couple of months ago. But if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I carry you all with me as I try to start this journey. Big hugs to you all!

I have been registered for a seminar for three weeks. I called the weight loss center at Northridge Hospital and was told that the seminar started at six P.M. The woman I talked to took my name and phone number. A friend who usually takes me home on Mondays agreed to drop my best friend and I off at the medical complex where the seminar was being held. Last Friday, I called to find out how long it would last because neither my friend nor I drive and we need to make arrangements to be picked up by public transportation. Everything went great; my friend dropped us off, and we went in to the building. Well, we had a little trouble finding the address, but we got there on time. When we went across the parking lot, my friend commented that it looked empty. And so was the room. We found the conference room where the seminar was to be held, and no one was there. A woman came by, and when we explained what we were looking for, she said that there had been people there, but they had all just left! She told us that there was an office attached to the weight loss center, and that perhaps there might be someone there. She apologized. So we went looking, and all the offices were closed. And it even says six P.M. on their website!. Why couldn’t I have been told when I called Friday, or even been called yesterday to be told that the meeting time was changed? We had arranged for our ride to pick us up after seven-thirty, and it was only ten after six. I was so angry I was crying. I’d been waiting for so long to go to a seminar and then this happened! My friend left a message on their voice mail, and told them what had happened, adding that I am totally blind, and how it had inconvenienced us. We wound up taking a bus part of the way, and took a cab the rest of the way, because the last bus wouldn’t come for another hour. I was so mad I felt like I could just pull that whole building down!

Thank you all for your support. Of course I heard nothing from the weight loss center, and I'm afraid that they will say that I wasn't registered, when I know I was. I hate confrontations but something's got to give. I want my band! Debbi

Please don’t take this wrong, but why are you considering lying in the first place? You want to have the surgery because you want to lose weight. You are hoping to get portion control by getting the lap band. I’m just wondering if you don’t want the medical staff to know about your eating habits. And believe me, I understand. I have lied about my weight--well, I did years ago, because I was ashamed. I really don’t think they’ll judge you because of what you eat; in fact, one of the goals might be to help change habits you have-- that’s what I’m hoping for, too. Definitely, tell the truth, and good luck! Debbie

Thank you, manykids. It sounds like Cedars is a pretty good hospital to go to. Hope my insurance approves my going there. Debbie

I would be interested in hearing from anyone in the valley, Hollywood, West LA, or any of the surrounding areas, about where you were banded, or if you're just starting the process, or even in the learning faze, as I am. Thanks in advance. Debbie