I understand how you are feeling, I too gained 5 lbs. I had no fill at Thanksgiving, went for a fill on Dec 8th I had lost 6 lbs. Was feeling great and was excited about it. My best friend of 20 years passed away suddenly, was upset, depressed, found myself eating alot more, Christmas needless to say I gained 5 lbs. feel horrible and depressed that I let it happen. I too beat myself made myself more depressed and feeling unworthy in alot of ways. Had to shake myself out it. I am scheduled for a followup on the 12th and thought about not going because of the shame. But I realized that if I dont go it will get worse. That is what they are there for. So, needless to say I am trying to eat healthy and stop the snacking. I am going to my appointment and I am going to hold my head up high. Hey, I got the lapband because I needed help. I knew it was not going to make me control my habits. We all fall short and mess up that is with everything in life but we cannot give up. You go and get your fill and start a fresh. This is a new beginning. Its not the falling short that matters it is that you get back up and back on track. Hold your head up and get back in the groove and don't put all the added guilt on yourself. I know I keep rambling on about it but GET YOUR FILL! Today is a new day. Your not alone. I will pray for you I UNDERSTAND. Stay off the scale for a while. It will help too. You can do it. No one else sees you the way you do. Your harder on yourself. They are there to help.