Hang in there! I know from experience that looking at the overall picture can be an overwhelming load to bear. I was on the fence about it several times over many years. At one point, I decided that it was not for me. I blogged for almost 7 years about trying to lose weight and that didn't get me anywhere.
Last year, my dad died at 59 years old because he failed to take care of himself. He was diabetic and early on he wouldn't take his oral meds, then refused insulin, and when he kidneys started failing he would only do dialysis when he wanted. Eventually, he decided that despite being retired and living a life with no real time requirements, he would rather be dead than receive treatment. His death certificate said diabetes/kidney failure, but I tell everyone that he died from failure. Failure to do what he needed to do to survive.
After he passed, I was angry. I asked my husband, "Why would someone not do what they needed to survive, why would someone choose to let themselves die and not do any possible thing imaginable to live?" He didn't have an answer for me, but later that evening as I looked at myself in the literal mirror, I thought aren't you one to question? I went to a seminar 3 weeks later and met with the surgeon a week after that. I went through 6 months of supervised weight loss and jumped through their hoops. I had my procedure on 10/26/2016 and I am down 60lbs.
My hinderance came from a place of fear, I stopped myself from doing what I should've done all along. I have no fear about the procedure on this side. I'm excited about life again. I'm getting to a place where I believe in myself and I have less fear in general.
The decision to have WLS is very personal. You will make the right decision for you. I have no regrets. Best decision I have ever made for my health.
If you want to read through 7 years of failure, you're welcome www.lifeinsidetheblubbersarcophagus.blogspot.com.