LadyFurball

I'm June 22 too :-) where are you having your surgery? I'm in Colorado with Kaiser. Congrats!

Because I see so many others in a similar situation, I have to recommend some reading that helped me so much. I was not in a physically abusive relationship but the control, gaslighting, and psychological BS was off the charts wacko. It took not only friends, but neighbors and people who I barely knew coming up to me and expressing concern before I started to see it. A friend recommended a book, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft, and reading it helped me SO much. I never felt my situation was bad "enough", but I felt so alone. It helped to be able to understand. I had the book on my password protected kindle (if he had seen me reading it I don't know what would have happened). This book helped me more than I can say. In case it can help any of you here or your loved ones, I felt I had to share: http://lundybancroft.com/books/ The book I read was Why Does He Do That? And Dknal2: (((Hug hug hug hug!))). Thank you for posting this. I am so with you in spirit, and I think your post has helped so many people already to be able to talk about this and to not feel alone!

Dknal2, I just want to reach all the way to Alabama and hug you. You are strong and gorgeous and healthy (and such an inspiration!), and you so clearly have heart. I was in a controlling marriage for a long time, and that game about not being willing to go to counseling and then telling you that you should go because you're the "crazy" one?? Oh wow, that brought back some feels... You've got such a good outlook and sense of what's going on, and it's so good to see a person stay true to herself. I care and I'm here if you need someone to lean on. I hope one day soon he will see that you are the one who has to love the way you feel, and that he is so lucky to call you his wife. Big huge hug ((((([emoji173])))))

How are you doing? Thinking of you

So glad! [emoji4] Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Thinking of you! This is one of the major defining moments in your life, how exciting! I hope you can relax if not sleep I'll be thinking of you all day! Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

You look AMAZING and so strong! what an inspiration! [emoji7]

Aw shucks , thanks! [emoji173]️

I can so relate to being the only fat one, the only fat one in a family who likes to talk about fat people, and I can relate to the pain that comes through in your post. I I don't know if this will help at all, but it has certainly helped me. (I should say I have not been sleeved yet, probably late May or early June for me, and I have been the fat one for as long as I can remember.) What has helped me tremendously is to remember that I am worth just as much as those people, my struggle has been different but has most certainly earned me the right to have the sun on my shoulders just as much as they have the sun on theirs. I hope you are able to allow yourself to be comfortable, especially knowing that you are taking charge. OK, here's the thing that has helped me so much as I have moved towards releasing the fat and have decided to have the surgery: There are a lot of gifts buried under this fat. A lot of gifts that I never really thought about it until I was in my 40s. Being the "fat one", I am also the one who truly knows who the nice people are. My thin and "traditionally beautiful" friends tend to be treated much better than I am. On the surface, that seems incredibly hurtful… I know. But, I have the benefit of knowing that the people who treat me well regardless of my looks are the good people. In fact, it's one of the gifts that I am not looking forward to giving up. being the "fat one", I have had a chance to observe so many things, and to identify the places where kindness is needed, because as so many of us know, we become kind of invisible sometimes, ironic as that sounds. I would like to think I have as much compassion as I would if I had the experience of being traditionally beautiful, but I think people who are traditionally beautiful don't see the subtle things the fat ones do. I am not sorry to have had this experience. Of course no one can say for sure, but I would suspect your MIL is going to think what she's going to think anyway, and in my humble opinion, the way to work with these people is to have as much fun as possible despite what they may or may not be thinking and saying. They're going to think and say it anyway, might as well show them that you are so much more than the fat one. Sorry about the long post, what I hope for you is that maybe this time before surgery can be a time to gather the gifts gained by being the fat one, and perhaps to go out there on a limb and have some fun in the body you have now :-) if you need pep talks while you are away, message me! [emoji254][emoji93][emoji173]🦋

Your smile says it all [emoji4] Beautiful, and congratulations!! [emoji322]

Best thoughts and prayers for you Nita!