fiveholts714

I rarely get invitied to any functions in my neighborhood because I don't belong to the predominant church in my area. I got invited to "craft night" at a neighbors house and I was thrilled. I sat at a table with 3 young women who were all skinny. All they talked about (besides their church activities) was how they needed to lose 5-10 pounds and how hard it was to lose weight when you only need to lose a little and how they are stay at home mom's and can work out anytime they want. I wasn't upset with them since they seemed to be nice and had great lives, but I felt so out of place! I don't seem to fit in anywhere. I felt so huge and self conscious sitting there. I'm used to being left out of conversations once people realize that I don't belong to the predominant church, but I felt so gross and fat and ugly. They were wearing cute clothes and had their hair and nails done. I was wearing the only pair of plants that fit me (clam diggers in 30 degree weather), and a men's flannel shirt. How did I get like this? What happened to me? I have always been really heavy, but I used to have friends and I used to get invited places. I am so lonely. My dh tries, but I need a few girlfriends to do something with. I have no one to confide in. No one to tell my problems to. I feel pitiful. I am so heavy that I honestly don't want anyone to see me anymore. I have to do an introduction tomorrow at this big conference I am hosting for my hospital and I dread spending my 30 seconds at the mike. I have nothing to wear at all. Clothes for fat people are so cheap that they fray and rip and I can't afford anymore. Lately it is hard for me to even get out of bed. I am so exhausted all the time. I can't think and am forgetting things all the time. I cry every day. I am so sick of everything. If I didn't have 3 little kids I would probably quit my job and take to my bed. What a rotten night!

So are you ok? Did the liquids work? Really, if they put in the wrong size band they should replace it at no cost to you. Also, if your insurance may pay and you can't find a surgeon, they will find one for you. They are obligated to.

I eat out of boredom and nerves. A lot due to nerves.

i think I know but i may be wrong

I am in Southern Utah. I am thinking of getting a band in Mexico.

I felt so bad yesterday. I felt like a fool after I did my post and wished I could take it back. But you all had kind and funny words for me. I'm normally not a whiner or a complainer. I learned after developing arthritis that noon like a whiner. Like most overweight people I have lots of pain everyday but I don't say anything. But sometimes we all reach our limit. Today I hosted the smeinar I talked about in my post. The speaker was a nice guy and knew his stuff. My dh made sure I had something to wear and I did my haiur and makeup special. I even wore my expensive perfume. Mid-day came and the speaker came up to me and said, "You look like you've had a hard week". I ran to the bathroom to see what happened to my coifed looks - and I looked the same as I did when I walked out. I laughed instead of cried. i decided this was God telling me to get off my duff and do something about my weight. I am not banded yet. I will do it early in the year- probably in Mexico.

Good for you. I hope to be posting a message like that some day.

All weeks are hard, so I guess in one way the answer was yes. But I was feeling pretty good today! I need to lose a lot! I am 5'11" and weight 335. I can't belive I just typed those numbers. EEEEEEEEK! I have always felt that 170 would be a good weight for me. But to be honest, If I can weight less than 200 pounds I would be happy, happy, happy. My parents don't know I am going to do a lap band. My dream has always been to surprise them by showing up on their doorstep being a normal size. I have been very heavy since birth and that would blow them away (I am 40). Well, I kind of have that chance. In the fall my brother is getting married in Barbados. I don't live close to my parents or my brother. I would love to arrive at the airport and step off the plan much thinner than I am now. They would be so happy. I know I won't be at less than 200 pounds, but I can be a lot better than I am now. They haven't seen me in a long time and would be devastated to know how big I am. I really have wanted to see them, but I haven't asked them to come to my home out of shame.

I will likely have my band done in Mexico. A lot of the packages include airfare. But hello! I am too big to fit in an airplane seat. I imagine most people who need a band are. What do i do? I can't afford 2 seats.