amandalp1021

Hello everyone! I’ll try to get straight to the point, and give my backstory after... I’m 2 years post-op, lost over 210 pounds, but I’m slipping back into old habits, and have already gained 15 pounds. I’m petrified of becoming what I once was. Here are the details of my journey: I had gastric sleeve surgery September 28, 2016. I started at 348 pounds and the lowest number I’ve seen on the scale was 135. My goal weight was under 145 but I kept pushing it . I couldn’t stay at 135 very long (about a week), I would fluctuate back up to 140 and attempt to get back down to 135. My friends and family told me I looked gaunt at that weight (and they were right) so I eased my anxieties and decided that between 140 and 145 pounds was right for me. But ever since I reached that initial goal of less than 145 and hit the “maintenance” stage I feel like I’ve been spiraling. For a good year and a half I consistently exercised 5 days a week, now it’s been two weeks since I’ve worked out. I binge, and can consume 5,000 calories easily in a day (eating around the sleeve of course). Every time I try to get back on track I fall off the horse. I will admit that I think I was able to lose so much weight because I was obsessive. I have diagnosed OCD and I’m medicated for it. I don’t know if that’s related. Right now I’m 151. I took a “week off” from my exercise and proper diet for my birthday and went from 145.6 to 152. I tried to reset this week but yesterday and the day before I went on a spree again and ate 4,000 calories each day. I don’t know how to reel myself in and just be normal. My whole life I’ve either been dieting or gaining. I don’t know how to maintain. I’m so scared to revert to my old self

Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't responded. Just an update...I went back to my therapist on 10/30/18 and we're going to start sessions again. I used to see him pre-surgery and he specializes in eating disorders and OCD. I'm hopeful and will keep you posted. Thank you so much for all the feedback

I'm definitely going to set another goal. That's something I really need.

Thank you so much. Your encouragement really helps ❤️

Thank you so much. I'm definitely going to have a heart-to-heart with myself today and really understand myself and my habits

Thank you so much! I'm going to try to keep a clear focused head. I know getting anxious about it makes it worse

I think it did start once I reached my goal. A sort of panic set in where I didn't know what to do anymore. All I know is dieting and gaining weight. So maintenance is a totally new world for me.

Definitely going to reach out to a therapist. Thank you so much for the encouragement! I think I may know at least some of the reasons why I'm so off track. I was always a very big girl since I was a kid. And I just kept gaining weight until about 15 years old when it caused a big health problem. Since then (I'm 30 years old now) I've known nothing but dieting and/or gaining. And that was/is my life. A constant yo-yo diet. And I don't know if it's my OCD, but I go to extremes. I'm super obsessed with calorie counting and tracking and "perfect" eating and constant exercise or I'm completely off course, binging and giving up. I think once I hit my goal weight, a flip of panic switched off in my mind. It was like "uh oh. What do we do now?" I don't know how to maintain, I never maintained my weight before. And I don't know what it's like to live life not being focused on food every second of every day. The more I write, the more I realize how much I need psychological intervention lol.

I'm going to reach out to the psychologist that I used to speak to a few years ago. I tried to avoid it, but I think I really need it. Thank you!

Good afternoon everyone! I'm brand new to this forum and I'm happy to be part of this community. I know I may ramble on for a bit, so I apologize. I had my surgery Wednesday 9/28/2016, so I'm 4 days out; and I have a few things on my mind. If anyone has any input or advice on anything, I greatly appreciate it!! A little history about myself..I'm a 27 year old female, starting weight at 340 pounds before surgery (I haven't weighed myself since 9/28). I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which is controlled by generic Lexapro 20mg once daily. Some people have attributed by massive weight gain in the past year or so to my medication, but it has helped me so much, that I wouldn't dare stop it. I've had PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome since 12 years old, and I've been extremely overweight since I was a child. I weighed in at 232 pounds when I was 11, and I've been a yo-yo dieter since I was 15. I hit 300 pounds at 14, dropped to 180 by 17. Shot back up to 290 around age 21, dropped to 210 by 23/24. And since 2013 I steadily gained to be at my highest at 348 pounds. I've been seeing a psychologist for my OCD since 2013, but I have not seen him for a coupe of months. I plan on going back to discuss my weight loss journey. With being a new sleever and a natural worrier, (with anxiety) there are, of course, many things I'm concerned and curious about. Again, I apologize for the long post, and I'll list some things that are on my mind: 1. I'm tired and lazy. I've been sitting on my aunt's recliner since I left the hospital Friday (today is Sunday). I get up and walk around a few times a day. My urine is fine and I had my first bowel movement today (sorry, TMI). But I mostly want to lay around and close my eyes. I'm not hungry, but the smell of the delicious fried chicken that my aunt is making for her kids is bringing back memories lol. I'm getting off topic! Bottom line is, is this tiredness and laziness normal? I feel bad and almost obligated to be more active, but I just wanna rest! 2. I was never told that I had a food addiction, and my therapist told me he doesn't believe I compulsively eat. However, I do know that I am an emotional eater. And usually that emotion is happiness. I used food to reward myself all the time. I hated when people were around me when I was eating something delicious and watching TV. I wanted to be alone and enjoy my private time..which always included a good TV show and delicious food. Food always made me happy. I never really used food to self medicate when I was sad, but always ate when I was happy. And bored. I'm such a boredom eater. I don't have any hobbies, I live by myself, I'm an only child. So I'm always alone...and often times bored. And the eating would begin. I planned meals like they were major rewards. For the finale of Breaking Bad, I ordered pizza to have it delivered to my home right on time...I loaded up on Snacks and Desserts. I shut my phone off and didn't want to see or talk to anyone while I enjoyed my show and my food. I foresee that this will be a problem. Has anyone felt the same way? And if so, were you able to control it? 3. I worry about addiction transfer. I've heard of people resorting to alcoholism, drug addiction and/or gambling after weight loss surgery, and with my anxiety issues this scares me. My friend told me to become addicted to exercise and health, but who's to say that will happen? 4. Feeling like your old self? Just a general inquiry...how long did it take you guys to feel back to "normal" in terms of recovering from the surgery? Thanks so much for reading this! I hope to interact with you guys! Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App