kimini

Seriously, I've been astounded at a lot of the things people say. Since I had not heard them before, I found it hard to believe that people would be so insensitive. Until this past weekend. At a party, talking to a guy whose name I didn't even know, he kept questioning me about why I wasn't drinking (it was a wine tasting party, and he had seen me tasting at previous parties) so I finally told him, and he said: "So why don't you just put down the fork?"

Hello all. My dad was sleeved in July (a month and 1/2 before me) and he is not sticking to the plan. I know that my journey is about me and that I shouldn't focus on how others are doing, but this is my dad, and we have always been close. I hear from my mom and my brother (who is living with my parents after his divorce) that my dad is completely off the rails. According to them, he Snacks all day on chips, Cookies and other garbage, and he is not tracking his Protein or following his plan at all. I am so worried that he is squandering his one chance to lose weight and be healthy. I had a conversation with my mom earlier this week, and we both agreed that I was the only one who might be able to talk some sense into him. My mom hasn't been through surgery and she has a very rigid, by the book outlook, which is at odds with my dad's carefree attitude. My brother has been through WLS, but there are two reasons why he can't sway my father 1) He and my dad butt heads on everything. My brother talks down to my dad, and my dad has zero respect for my brother, especially since he has moved back in with them and can't support his own kids; and 2) My brother had duodenal switch, he is more than 5 years out, and he eats whatever he wants all day and literally cannot gain weight. My dad sees this and thinks he can do the same right after having the sleeve. ...Which leaves me. My dad and I have always "spoken the same language". When I was younger, we would challenge each other to lose weight and get fit. We used to go hiking together every morning, and we both agreed that carbs are poison, but then we would fall off our own bandwagon when we felt discouraged, so we've shared a lot of highs and lows. I feel like some of that old pep talk/challenge is what he needs, but I'm not sure exactly what to say or how it will be received. I am supposed to go see him this weekend, and I would like to be armed with some great advice, but I'm afraid I'll come up short and won't be convincing enough. I would love to throw some shocking stats at him or provide some kind of motivation for him to try harder. Any advice on how I may be able to convince him to follow his plan?

Thank you AndeeG. That's great advice. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

I'd just like to set the record straight. I'm a man. Eight inches of cleavage doesn't upset me and in no way was I fat shaming. There is a huge difference between a person (male or female) doing the best that they can to look appropriate in a professional environment vs someone who overly flaunts their body. I couldn't care less if they were 100 pounds vs 300+ pounds. Once again I'm sorry if I offended anyone here.Thanks for the clarification. Agreed, it's not appropriate in an office environment. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

I tried going with my husband last weekend to an outdoor festival in the Dallas area, and it was hot and humid. At 4 weeks out, I'm still having trouble getting all my Protein and Water in. Turns out I was dehydrated, and I went to the paramedic station after only an hour, as I was about to pass out. I know it will be a little cooler in Oct, but personally, I don't think it's a good idea to commit to it when you are so soon out of surgery. Also, I agree with what everyone else is saying about your boyfriend. He should be more concerned about what he can do for you to help you heal than whether you'll go to some festival with him, especially after you've been there for his kid!! Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

Hmm, nevermind. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

Your notification preferences are in your settings. It seems to default to email for almost everything. You have to go in and uncheck all those boxes under email. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

For those of you who have negative things to say about "8 inch cleavage" and the like, I feel like this is mean-spirited and sounds a lot like fat shaming. I would think we all have had enough of that and that it wouldn't be tolerated on this site. I don't want to incite more riotous posts (a la tacos and pork chops) but maybe we could all be a little kinder to those who have struggled and are tuning in here for support and advice. *rant over* Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N920A using the BariatricPal App

@@Babbs, thank you for the video. This was very helpful, and I see that he has many more, so I'm sure I'll be returning to Youtube to watch his videos on other topics as well.

My parents had me completely frightened of going to a concert (the news reports of The Who concert trampling in '79 didn't help), so I got a late start. The first concert I went to was because a friend begged me to go with her and it was Madonna. That quelled my fears. The first concert I can remember wanting to go to was probably Eric Johnson (HUGE crush!), and I was probably in my mid 20's.

Be thankful you are having BMs. The alternative is no fun!

Great job! You look terrific!

While my husband is not an asshat and is very encouraging and supportive of my decision to have WLS, his level of support ends at the dinner table, and actually even before that. He still comes home from work and immediately pours himself a glass of wine, he eats whatever he wants in front of me, and at less than 1 month out, he held up a bottle of wine and asked me if I was ready to have some. I also have three family members who have all had WLS before me. While they have given me great advice about what to expect and what medications to have on hand (Gas-X, Miralax) their food choices are poor and the example they set is less than stellar. My surgery was a line item exception on my insurance, so I had to self-pay and was not required to take any classes or participate in any pre-surgery diet. At my 2 week follow-up appt, my surgeon switched me from liquids to solid foods. When I asked him a specific question about food choices, he told me I was overthinking it. While I agree with the initial rant and understand the frustration that caused it, many of us are on here because we literally do not have the support or knowledge necessary to make the best decisions. I am still learning and will listen and take advice. I may sometimes be offended by the tone, but I get over it, take what I need to from it and move on, hopefully better for the knowledge. Thank you to the veterans who are so generous with their time and knowledge, and please be patient with those of us who are stumbling through this and asking you to help guide us (or sometimes pick us up)!

@, thank you for your advice. It helps to be reminded that we do not have our parents forever, and that it's worth any amount of effort even for the smallest possibility that I can make a difference in his health and longevity. I am sorry you lost your dad. There is nothing more special a father/daughter bond. *Hugs* to you!

Yes, I went to Dr. Dirk Rodriguez. His office is in Dallas (near Presbyterian Dallas), but the surgery center he uses is in Plano. Everything went very smoothly!

Sounds like you're speaking from experience Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App I had a sip of my husband's and that's what it was like!

@@christinah, the advice everyone usually gives is to follow your plan, but here is a post from earlier today that might help. http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/377863-coffee-controversy-to-drink-or-not-to-drink/#entry4269330 As for me, my surgeon said tea is fine, in fact, it's encouraged, and coffee is okay, as long as I don't have more than 2 cups per day. I had a cup of coffee on the 3rd day after surgery.

I don't know about the gentleman under consideration, but lots of people have surgery without wanting success. Some travel under the ambivalence banner, others under the "gimme magic" sign and yet others, well, they are anyone's guess. It's possible my dad was looking for the magic, especially since he sees how my brother eats whatever he wants and doesn't gain weight.

Insurance companies are getting hip to this tactic and a lot of them are going out of their way to make sure it doesn't happen, some even view it as fraud. More than a few people have posted about it lately. And people self pay all the time on here. In Mexico and the US. A few of the most vocal long time members that post here were all self pay, I can name 3 off the top of my head that are vets and self paid. There are more long term successful people that self pay than people that had insurance, and that just speaks to motivation. @@hudjess Honestly for what you spend out of pocket on co-pays and co-insurance, you can just self pay in Mexico for about the same amount, and when you add in that you don't have to waste a lot of time, on visits, you really come out ahead. Fraud?? Really? I had known for a long time that I had issues with my esophagus and had even considered getting scoped/operated on before I ever considered WLS. I think it is a mistake to discount that. I feel like insurance companies will do anything to prevent paying for care. It's ridiculous!!!

Is it wrong to say this? Am I generalizing? I just feel like men play their cards closer to the vest and are often harder to get through to. Maybe I'm wrong? It seems like it was so much easier to communicate with my dad when I was younger. I guess we've drifted apart in recent years.

@@Lema, in your first post, I like that you have laid out a reasonable approach. I will definitely try it. My mom and I had the discussion about her intervening, and she won't interfere in that way. If he doesn't like what she provides for him, he will just go and buy more junk. My brother = lost cause. He doesn't care what affect his actions have. I think the best bet is just to encourage him to get out of their house! @@WLSResources/ClothingExch, yes, I feel like suggesting the partner approach is good, based on our history. I think that suggesting hiking on the weekends is a good way to begin the partnership and gives me a chance to check up on him and see how he's doing. @@sc101071, thank you for the advice. I appreciate a male's opinion. I think part of my hesitation is knowing that as a male, he may not be as receptive, but you're right. I've got to try.

Soma has one. It is the one I wear. It helps for what I call "side boob". I forget what it's called, but you could ask someone there.

Agreed. I'm glad my brother is able to keep the weight off, but it's disgusting to watch him eat, and he doesn't look healthy.

@@OutsideMatchInside and @@Raynbolite, I had a feeling this was the kind of response I would get. Thank you for being honest with me. I will try with my actions and maybe even see if he wants to start hiking with me on the weekends again. Maybe seeing that I am getting healthy will inspire him, but I understand that I can't change him.

I may not have been clear on my last post. They combined the two surgeries, so that the hospital visit, anesthesia and meds were covered for the hiatal hernia surgery, and my only out of pocket was the sleeve part.