TheRev

The only people that know about my surgery are people that are affected by it - my boss and immediate family. Anyone else? Eh... they can figure it out or ask me directly. I'm not advertising it because A) I don't want the attention, I don't need the judgment as I get myself ready, and C) Eff 'em... it's not their business!

Rock on, Cougs! Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

I know most of you have asked yourself this question, but everything is quickly becoming very, very real for me and to be very honest, I'm terrified. I've been working towards my surgery date for over a year. Yeah, an entire year. My original surgeon's office staff screwed up my paperwork and insurance denied me. When my insurance said they could get the approval done but they needed a 20 minute conversation with my surgeon, he refused and left me dead in the Water (this was after SEVEN MONTHS). It had been a massive roller coaster of emotions ... ok, mainly it was just on long endless climb from frustration to anger to rage - sweet, sweet rage. Cigna, while denying me also said that I should go talk to another surgeon and they could get me taken care of if I satisfied all the conditions again (instead of waiting until the middle of 2017). I've done that, gotten my approval, I've quit smoking, quit drinking, dropped about 40 pounds prior to surgery, and today is Day 1 of my liver shrinking diet. And now that everything is within site, after a year of struggle, disappointments, a small bit of pride in my current loss and changes to my lifestyle, I'm now scared out of my mind that I may be making a huge mistake and if I just keep plugging along I'll eventually drop the almost 200 pounds of excess weight (even though I know I'm fooling myself there). I'm 380lbs and 40 years old... time ain't on my side, but still... I'm flailing.

Update: I've settled in and reached a pretty good place where I'm just ready to go and get the hacksaw to my gut. I've lost ~20lbs on the liquid diet and my jeans already feel loose (since I've started this whole thing I've dropped 4 notches on my belt over the past year, so there's that!). It's Sunday morning and I go in Wednesday. Just a few more days!

Thanks, all! Positive words and vibes are deeply appreciated. I weighed myself on Friday night and I was 383 - Saturday and Sunday I said goodbye to pints of beer and terrible food. I started my liquid diet 2 days early (my fiancee is having revision - band to sleeve - surgery a week before my sleeve, so I wanted to be supportive earlier ha!) on Monday and I'm down about 9.5 pounds already. So, seeing that kind of progress and knowing that it'll be easier in some respects when I'm not AS hungry really helps, too.

Thanks! I KNOW that I will come through this and be a better, healthier person. I KNOW that I need an irreversible tool to help me make lasting changes. I know all these things, but sometimes remembering it and embracing it without the emotional baggage is tough, you know?