robin, can say that i know what you're going through. feel that subconsciously i am doing the same thing... lost 90 lbs, and gained 40 back and due to complications but psychologically, I wonder if I didn't sabotage myself because the attention was too much to handle. think that the best thing is probably what 123crod recommended, some good ole soul searching, and counseling to see what lies we are believing and how to replace them with truth. freedom is always better than bondage.
here's to freedom for you and i, sister.