pinkpeanuts

@@claramc, I understand. I swear like a sailor and it's not a great habit. I don't mean to offend anyone with it.

@@LPNAshley, thank you for your kind words. @@KristenLe, it's mostly emotional for me. The pulmonary embolism was a big scare, but I am probably not in grave danger because of my weight. I see the surgery as a good opportunity to improve my quality of life/self-esteem and prevent further health problems down the line. I really do think it will be worth it, but it might help if I look at it in terms of what I need and what is best for me as opposed to what I want. I need to stay as emotionally and physically healthy as possible for my husband, family, and myself. I want to wear cute clothes, look good in pictures, and go out in shorts without feeling self-conscious. I should make the decision that best corresponds to what I need rather than what I want. I will definitely check out the book you recommended.

I mean, I guess a big part of why I'm so touchy about this is because I've actually been feeling ok with my weight recently, but the only reason is because I have this surgery on the horizon. I finally feel like it's under my control and there's a light at the end of the tunnel. I usually feel a lot of frustration and sadness when I look at myself in the mirror or think about my weight. I feel like I'm doomed to a lifetime of obesity. But lately I've been feeling hopeful because this surgery is a real possibility for me. Maybe I really wasn't looking for honest answers -- maybe I was looking to have what I want to hear parroted back to me. I didn't want to have my bubble burst, but it might be good for me to take a more realistic look at what this entails. It is a really big decision.

But when I've already been punished enough for what I've experienced by having to live with this every day, it really doesn't feel great to be told to "grow up" or that I'm "choosing to be offended." Like, okay, great. I'll just press this button, reset my entire life, and turn my emotions off. :|

Yes, I completely realize I'm thin-skinned. I'm genuinely sorry for that. As I mentioned, I've dealt with a lot of trauma. I suffer from complex PTSD and am also dealing with a slew of stresses in my life right now that are worsening it. I think I did overreact to the first couple of posts, and I apologize for that.

Seriously, I've heard these forums are hostile toward people with low BMIs but I thought maybe that wouldn't be my experience. I don't want to deal with this anymore. How do I get rid of this?

@@claramc, you're telling me to "grow up" and you can't even tolerate seeing the f-word with three out of four of the characters censored? This is an Internet forum, not vacation bible school.

@@LPNAshley, people telling me to "grow up" and dictating how I should or should not feel is definitely bullying. At the very least, it makes me feel like garbage. I don't think all the comments were bullying. Some of them were well-intended, but I don't like having assumptions made about me. I certainly didn't come here to feel even worse about myself.

@@LipstickLady, you're taking my words out of context and twisting them to mean what you want them to mean. Kind of like, you know, you were accusing me of doing. "Good, bad, and ugly" was part of number 2 -- I meant of people's personal experiences with this surgery, not "any judgment that pops into your head that you feel like spewing at me." I don't know where you people get off on ganging up on and bullying other people, but this is fucking ridiculous. How do I delete my account?

@@LipstickLady, jeez. I don't feel the need to block you. Why would I do that? We're not 13 and this isn't MySpace. I more feel the need to leave this site altogether. I was looking to get judgment-free support and information about this surgery, and apparently that's not what I'm going to get here. My mistake. So, bye, I guess. It's been real.

@@KristenLe, okay, thank you. I am sorry I misinterpreted your comment. @@LipstickLady, this is a support forum, isn't it? I felt belittled by people jumping to conclusions about my history and intentions instead of actually answering my questions. Maybe they weren't trying to condescend me, but I'm entitled to have feelings. If you think invalidating people's emotions is a helpful way to support people, maybe it really is better if you don't share your opinion with me.

Honestly, I feel like I am being condescended. I don't know where this presumption is coming from that I think this will magically make me thin, or that I am doing this on a whim and haven't seriously considered it yet. I've been thinking about having WLS for the better part of a year, have done extensive research, and I completely grasp the gravity of this and that I will have to permanently alter my eating habits. I think this alteration will be easier for me to make when I have use of this tool, because it's proven impossible by every other method. I'm young, but I'm not reckless or stupid by default. To be frank, I came here not to be judged or have virtual eyebrows raised at me, but to actually receive answers to my questions from people who have had similar experiences. I have been doing everything under the sun to control my weight for at least ten years and literally everything has backfired. I'm not extremely obese and I'm not in imminent danger of death, but I'm still significantly overweight and have failed to fix it on my own dozens and dozens of times. My weight negatively affects my life to a major extent, and I don't want to keep living like this. My size makes me unhappy. I certainly don't want to wait until I develop diabetes or become morbidly obese to fix this. That approach doesn't really make much sense to me. My mind is not completely made up. If I am presented with new evidence or information from people who have had negative mental or physical effects from this surgery, I could be budged, but strangers making assumptions about my intentions and emotional health is not going to alter my feelings about this.

I've actually been in therapy since I was 16, so 7 years now. I've done intensive outpatient several times and one month-long inpatient rehab program. Various therapists and I have addressed my emotional eating more times than I can count. Despite this, I continue gaining weight. My hope is that if I am physically unable to overeat, the food addiction will work itself out.

So, hi! I'm totally new here -- this is my first post on this site. I'm a 23-year-old American woman who currently is studying abroad in Germany. I've been thinking about getting sleeved since January. I'm 5'6" and weigh about 187lbs. I guess even though I'm not "that" big right now, I feel like I have no control whatsoever over my weight. I've been overweight since I was about 9, and now, not even 10 minutes go by that I don't think about my weight. I'll lose weight on a diet, gain it all back with interest, wash, rinse, repeat. I have to eat fewer than 1200 kcal and exercise for at least an hour every day to lose even a pound a week. I'm considering this surgery, in short, because dieting not only has proven not to work for me, but it makes me totally miserable. I have a very emotional relationship with food, so when I diet and am inevitably hungry, I am always in a downright terrible mood until I can get my "fix." I have a really hard time controlling my portions and stopping eating when I'm no longer hungry. When I do diet, I spend my days feeling depressed and being very irritable. Then, the weight always eventually creeps back on anyway despite all my effort. I don't like the way I look or feel right now at all. I am really happy for and supportive of big people who can love themselves and accept who they are, but I think it's time I accept that I am just not one of those people. I want to be able to wear what I want and be comfortable in my own skin. I want to stop worrying about my health and enjoy being young. I want to feel beautiful again. I have a history of severe emotional trauma, am trying to finish my education, and have a lot of other things I should be focusing on besides my weight. I've just recently learned that I'm officially "obese." My BMI is about 30-31. I'm 40% body fat. I can't climb a small hill or go for a brisk walk without getting winded. I have borderline HBP and suffered a pulmonary embolism last winter, which almost killed me and was probably related to my weight. In Germany, most young people are quite thin, so being a big girl, I stick out like a sore thumb. And it's pretty much impossible for me to find cute clothes here, since there just aren't enough chunky 20-somethings looking for fashionable clothes to have a market for that kind of thing. Basically, I've had enough, and I'm sick of suffering and busting my butt with no results. I want this battle to be over so I can enjoy my life to the fullest. So, I found a surgeon in Mexico who is willing to sleeve me. I have the money, but he's about the best I could afford. So, these are my questions: 1. Does anyone have any personal experience with Dr. Guillermo Alvarez in Piedas Negras? If so, what was your experience like? Do you recommend them, or are there any other Mexican doctors that you can recommend? 2. Has anyone with a lower BMI undergone the surgery? If so, what were your results like? Side effects? hair loss? Complications? I want to hear it all: the good, the bad, and the ugly. 3. Does anyone who has experienced the surgery have any regrets? 4. Anything else of note that you'd like to mention, or comments about my dilemma? Thank you all so much for your time.