Joni :)

I'm such a hypocrite! I legit went into this journey thinking "I got this!" I thought I was going to be one of the huge successes that was going to be able to be an inspiration to EVERYONE. I wanted to just rock this process. Then once I had the surgery everything changed. I wanted nothing more than to feel "normal" again. I wanted to have my proverbial cake and eat it too. I wanted to lose the weight, but not even acknowledge the newly built pouch that was the secret to my success. I did really good, going from (5'8) 280 to about 215 in four months. Christmas of 2016 was my stall. Well, guess what...I'm still there. In the last nine months, I've slowly been going back to my pre-surgery life. WTH??? Why would I put myself though all this only to go back to where I was? I bounced around getting down as low as 198 once or twice- but that is just it..yo-yoing again! I'm currently back up to 209.8 and determined to turn this **** around! I cannot believe how MUCH I've taken my tool for granted! I started my pouch reset yesterday. I noticed a difference nearly immediately. I took the advice and decided to do what I should have done the first time around. Good habits: stop drinking 30 mins prior to food and after food, eating (or drinking my protein shakes in my case) sloooooooooowly. I did have some low fat cottage cheese yesterday evening and found that it took everything I have in me to finish it! It felt amazing! I got full in no  time JUST from eating slow. I could barely finish that half cup of food!

So my lesson learned: DO NOT JUDGE. It will be a lifelong battle and journey for me. I was magically thinking my pouch would take away my mental battle with food. The next step is to get help with that mental part. I did have the psych eval, but iI truly think nearly everyone going through this process should have some additional therapy to deal with the eating disorder that caused the obesity. Not many people will acknowledge overeating as an eating disorder- but why is that? If people refuse to eat or cannot eat, its considered an ED, if you purge and vomit or take laxatives to get rid of the food, its an ED. Overeating is, IMO just as bad. 

I am very anxious to get started with my food therapy and finding someone that can help me. One tool i did not take advantage of is the support groups my doctors offered. BIG mistake. That is free help! I'm going to look into getting involved with those and proudly reclaim my tool.  I'll keep ya posted!