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Gloucester, I'm really sorry. I don't know that I'm any help either but I was wondering if she's had any counseling b/c of the abuse? If you're insured, do they have a dietition that you could work with? WW will help her only if she's willing to do the work and at almost 11, don't know that she will be. Take a good look at your fridge and cupboards and see if there are things you can change there. I couldn't tell from your post if your DD is still spending lots of time with your mom. If she is, you're going to have to sit down and talk to your mom and get her help and involvement. Nothing will change until she's on board. (If that's still an issue.) My other thought is to have your DD start a journal. Assure her that she can write ANYTHING in there she wants to: good, bad and ugly. Let her know that you would like to have the option of reading it but if she'd rather you not, that's okay too (as long as you are okay with that). Have her carry it around with her and every time she gets anxious or upset or what ever her triggers are for eating, to stop and write everything down first. That will slow her down and hopefully by the time she's done writing, she either isn't going to want the food or she'll have forgotten about it. If not, then she can have some veggies w/light dips or some fruit. I'm not sure how else to help her. This has got to be very hard for you. Take care and just do the best you can. That's all we can do with our kids anyway!

I would think about asking good ol' cuz what the heck his/her comment about my size had ANYTHING to do with their conversation!! Might want to remind him/her that FAMILY or not, you're still neighbors and therefore can usually hear across the property since there's no fence or anything, although maybe that can be changed! Don't know what your relationship is with your cousin/neighbor but if it's always been good and you thought you were friends as well, might make me think twice about how they really feel! I've come to the decision that for the most part, I really hate people. I hate having to deal with them or interact with them. I like the internet where I can chose to talk to people or not, order things w/out having to deal with crowds or dumb drivers. I love to travel but we always go when it's off-season. The fewer people I have to deal with the better! "People" drive me nuts. I have little tolerance anymore! It's sad. Sorry to take over your rant! Maybe bury a rock and pretend it's your cousin! :ohmy:

Yep. The before and after pics got me too. I got all excited and was going to take before pics and post them to only to realize that I'm just starting this process and have no after pics to post. Then freaked out about not EVER having any after pics to post! I'm still going to take before pics. I hope to be banded sometime this year and hopefully I'll have after pics to post at a later date. (NOT posting the befores yet though!) This whole process seems overwhelming at times. Starting a new diet (insurance requires some WL before surgery) again. Going through the insurance hoops. Do you tell? Or not and who? Making sure you're doing enough research. Making sure your sure! Hoping to be able to do what you need to do before and after surgery in order to have the best possible outcome for yourself. Hoping and praying that NOTHING goes wrong before, during or after surgery. It all gets crazy in your head sometimes. I know I'm obsessing about it but sometimes I think that's okay. Other times, I just can't stand to think any more about it and just want it done and over with. So, long answer, yes, I know what you're going through! Try not to cry. Although, it's really okay if you do. Keep coming here to read and post. I've learned a lot here. Take good care of yourself and try to have a good night. I'm off to bed, my toddler will be waking me early! :purplebananna:

Debbie, I'm scared too! Scared of surgery, of not getting surgery, of something bad happening, etc. But I'm also hopeful too. Hopeful of losing the weight, being more active and having more fun. I still have skinny thoughts in my head, I wasn't always this size. I graduated high school weighing about 120. I see myself in pictures or a reflection in a window or mirror and am shocked at what I see. I don't like it and I want to be that skinny girl again. Well, okay, I can't be a girl again since I'm almost 40 but with the band, I can be skinny again. Anything close to or resembling my goal of 130 will be a dream come true. No one can do it for you and you wouldn't want them to! Keep coming here and keep typing. Maybe start a blog if you feel the need. Kind of an online journal that the rest of us can read too. If that's too public, start a file on your computer (I prefer typing to writing, myself) and just randomly start typing your thoughts. I'm glad you're not going to let the fear get to you, it would be so easy. But from what I've read of you so far, you don't scare to easily and if you do, you work your way through it. You are admirable. Have a great night and best wishes on your doctor appointment!!

I grew up skinny but had a warped sense of self-image and always thought I was fat, just the skinniest in my fat family. I look back at pictures now and wonder what the heck I was thinking that I thought I was fat! I had boyfriends and some who where a lot older and just never thought it was b/c I was cute. Actually, I'm not sure why I thought they were with me. Anyway, I started gaining after high school. Pretty slowly at first. Got married a year and a half out of HS (at 19) and the activity level dropped and I really started packing on the pounds. I started eating huge portions and with little to no activity it just got worse. I did WW a few years ago and was able to lose about 60lbs but then after a failed in-vitro fertilization and adopting our baby girl, I stopped paying attention to what I was eating. I had no time and no energy to care or even think about planning good food and trying to continue to lose weight. I gained back about 40lbs. I've since tried to get back on track but have been fooling with the same 10lbs for the last 6 months. My highest documented weight was 250, I could have been a little higher but don't know for sure. I'm currently 233.6lbs after starting a program (at 236lbs) through my insurance for the surgery process. I've tried lots of diets and lost little and usually gained more. WW was the only one that worked pretty good but as usual, I couldn't keep it off. I also have hormone problems which don't help. My daughter is almost 2 now and I've decided that I've got to do something before she gets much older. I'm tired of being fat, I don't want to be the fat mom when she starts school and I'm embarrassed for my husband when he introduces me to his co-workers. I'm hoping to be banded sometime this year, depending on how long it takes to get through the rigamarol and the waiting lines w/Kaiser. So, that's my long, drawn-out story! :purplebananna:

I'm sorry that you're going through this. You'd think that if he wasn't going to support this he wouldn't have had you go through all you did! I'm hoping I don't have a problem. My PCP referred me on to the seminar to get in the program and has done the referrals for the nutritionist and psych eval and then I found out he was switching departments and wouldn't be here to send the final application to the surgeons once my reports were back to him. My new PCP starts at the end of this month and I'm worried about having to fight him over this. My PCP assured me that it would be okay w/the new PCP and I'd like him but we'll see. I'm not going in expecting problems but will not be too surprised if there are problems.

OH MY GOSH! You look fantastic! I'd print that pic out and put it on your mirror, fridge, living room wall, basically everywhere! I hear ya on the wearing things that actually FIT instead of hiding. That's going to be one I'm going to need to work on. Especially as I won't be buying much on the way down. I still have a bunch of stuff from when I lost 60lbs 2 yrs ago and hope that stuff will last for awhile before having to buy only what I must to get through the losing process. We'll see. BTW, I've been hoping you'd update this thread. I'm glad you did. Take care!

Thanks, spicegrrrl! Think I'll check into that book. Barometric pressure is also another trigger, that's what's happening right now for me. We're expecting a storm tonight. I was "addicted" to Advil when my PCP discovered I had migraines. The Advil would help but as soon as I stopped taking it, wham! I'd get so sick and have to leave work and barely make it home and I was only a couple of miles from work. I totally understand about rebounding. It's awful. He had me go cold turkey for MONTH before I could get my Maxalt Rx filled. It was horrible but so necessary. I had to "get off" the Advil before the Maxalt could help me or I would have just traded one "addiction" for another. Who'd a thunk! Didn't even know that could happen let alone have it happen to me!

ALL of these stories and my own experience of being on WW and EVERYONE knowing about it are exactly why I have only told 3 people (DH, mom and a friend) and don't plan on telling anyone else. At least for awhile. Unfortunately for me there are 2 women from church who have the same insurance as I do and are going through the same process at the same time (seminar and 20 session nutrition class) and are big-mouths (they're best friends and VERY obnoxious!). I'm hoping they keep their traps shut but if anyone asks, I'm going through the process and will make a decision later. I think they are focusing on bypass though, so that should help. Meaning we all have to go through the bypass process even if we want banding and they'll be losing weight faster so they may just "assume" that I changed my mind about surgery. I'm hoping anyway.

I'm so very sorry that you're having to go through this. I can't say I know what you are going through, even if I'd ever had a miscarriage, I wouldn't really know what you are feeling. I do know how hard it is to try so hard for a baby and have it not happen. DH and I are infertile (yes, both of us) and we did an IVF. I remember how it felt when I started my period the afternoon I had the pregnancy test. Obviously the test was negative. There was a huge feeling of loss and grief. Those 4 embryos meant something. As far as having to decide whether or not to have a D&C, I would actually say, do it. You are at risk for infection, you need to get everything out and I think it's been too long for you to deal with this as it is. Just my opinion. As far as your DH, men deal with things differently. It's hard. On both of you. You've also got your hormones to deal with on top of dealing with your grief. And please know that people are going to say stupid things to you. Part of the problem is that they need to say something but don't know what to say so stupid ends up falling out of their mouths instead. None of this was your fault. Please try not to deck anyone who says otherwise. Please take care of yourself and take all the time you need in order to grieve. I don't know about your belief system but to me, this was a baby at conception and you have all the right in the world to grieve for as long as you need to. Best wishes to you and your DH. Let us know how you're doing.

I'm not banded yet so I was interested to read this thread. I take Maxalt melt-tabs for mine. Works wonders unless it's my hormones and then I'm just controlling the severity for 3-5 days. I don't have food triggers except red wine. Caffeine will actually help as will chocolate. A Peppermint Mocha Frapp light works wonders for heading it off if I don't have my meds with me. It'll bite me later but by then I've usually got my meds and am okay. My triggers are hormones, flickering lights (fluorescents and strobing), extreme altitudes, and strong scents or smells (perfume, air fresheners and copious amounts of exhaust fumes are the worse). Does this book you're talking about deal with those or just dietary? If it's just dietary then this book wouldn't work for me. I'm curious to know. Thanks.

It's actually normal. It's the anesthesia. It messes with your hormones as it's leaving you system. Happens to me every time I go under. Makes it worse when your hormones are a mess to begin with! Horrible thing is, even when you know what's happening to your body and you think it's stupid to be doing this, you can't stop it! Just have to ride it through. Usually you're all better in no time. Hang in there.

I'm not a firefighter but I've been married to one for the last 20 years. Just wanted to say welcome! I'm not banded yet but going through the process to get approval. You'll find a lot of information on this site. I think you'll like it here! Have a great night!

"Eat all you want and still lose weight! We couldn't say it on TV if it wasn't true!" LIARS!! I'm so sick of these commercials. There is supposed to be "truth in advertising" but I don't see it. Sorry, just happened to be online when I heard this commercial again and lost it. Any others out there you just hate?

My mom and sister had GB 4 and 6 years ago respectively and both are doing great BUT they use their surgeries like banders do. As a TOOL. My sister's husband also had GB after my sis and he's gained most of his weight back and blames the surgery for not working. He eats til he pukes then goes back and eats some more. My reasons for looking into LB: Don't have to cut up and rearrange my insides. I only started gaining weight in my early 20's and have about 100lbs to lose. I'm hoping to avoid PS with a slower loss and less time being fat overall. My mom and sis were both very heavy ALL of their lives. Very important - shorter down time. I have a toddler at home and a husband who's a fireman and on duty half the week. I can't be down for weeks and weeks. Another very important - less risk during surgery. Yes, it is surgery and there is ALWAYS a risk of dying or major complications, BUT the risk is dramatically decreased with LB vs. GB surgery. Less chance of malnutrition problems, dumping syndrome, puking b/c something doesn't agree with you, etc. The adjustability of the band. Although I'm going to have to travel several hours for fills and un-fills, I like the idea of being able to have an adjustable tool to help me keep the weight off. I don't mind the hard work. It's the working so hard only to see the weight come back again and again that I hate. I lost 60lbs on WW and felt great. Hit a bump in the road and never recovered from getting stuck in my process. Ended up gaining all but 10lbs of it back. I've since been fooling with the same darn 10lbs for the last year. It ticks me off and I'm tired of trying so hard and not getting anywhere. SO, I've started this process and we'll see where it takes me. I don't want to be the fat mom when my DD starts school. I hate meeting my DH's co-workers for the first time and wondering what they think (he's 6'3" and about 190, I'm 5'3" and 236). I'm tired of being tired and things being sore or stiff and being winded when I climb a hill or stairs. SO, for me, LB is the way to go. I'd suggest that you make a list of pros and cons and go from there. You have to work hard with any WLS so if you are looking at WLS then you need to look at all aspects of all of them. I'd suggest hanging out on this board and reading the good, bad and ugly. Yes, it sounds scary but at least you'll be informed. And you are going to hear a lot of ugly sometimes b/c people come here to talk about it in order to get some help or just find that they aren't the only ones. Personally, I'd rather hear about ALL of it before-hand then find out about some of this the hard way AFTER! Okay, this was a very long post. Sorry! Best wishes in your decision!

EVERYBODY CALLS ME: Michelle MY PRIMARY RELATIONSHIPS INCLUDE: My firefighting husband of 20 years and my 22 month old daughter MY NON-HUMAN FAMILY CONSISTS OF: Female dog, Dakota, a rescued Chow/Spitz mix I LIVE IN: Central Sierra Nevada Mountains (just south of Yosemite National Park) OCCUPATION: Part-time Church Bookkeeper AVOCATION: Reading, Traveling FAVORITE EXERCISE: None!! I COLLECT: Snowmen

momto3, Please don't panic in regards to your little girl. My DD's godmother has a little boy who at 8 months old weighed more than my DD at 16 months old. He's slowed down on his weight increase and is getting taller. He's now 14 months old and my DD is 22 months old, I think he's still about the same as weight as she is. He weighed less than his sister and my DD at birth. Her DD and my DD were within an ounce of each other's birthweight. Her DD was sent to a nutritionist at 18 months old b/c she was so underweight. She ate fine, she just was more active than her intake. Kids are so different in the way they grow at this age that it's just impossible to be comparing what kids are doing in relation to other kids. BTW I weighed my DD this AM after Breakfast and she is almost 28lbs.

We live in the mtns, with a gravel driveway. We always take our shoes off inside the front door. It also helps to keep track of DD's little shoes as well as any dirt issues. We don't really care if people wear their shoes or not in the house. It's up to them if they want to take them off or not. Most of our friends who prefer to go barefoot will remove their shoes when they come in. We're pretty casual about it. I don't like to wear shoes anyway so I always lose my shoes at my friends' houses as most of them are like me. nina874, DH and I hope to have a newfie someday. We'd like to try to rescue one but have had a hard time getting ahold of the rescue group here in CA. Maybe someday!

I would agree that some education of these parents and supervised shopping and cooking would be very helpful. I always hate the idea of taking kids away unless there is an immediate risk of sexual, bodily or mental injury occurring (or has been occurring). As a side note on the youngest. My daughter is 22 months old and just over 25 lbs. She's only 50% of her weight-per-age class. She's eats well and is energetic and happy. Now, I don't know how small this other child is. My DD is on the short side (75%). I'm still giving her whole milk b/c she certainly doesn't need to watch her caloric intake at this point!

Well, last night I went to the seminar. They mostly talked about Bypass but I knew they would. They do Bypass at that facility and LB is done out of the area at another facility. Listening to the Bypass discussion just helped me cement my decision though, so that was good. My insurance will pay for everything except co-pays and any travel expenses so that was good to find out. It was a huge block for me. I can't do the surgery unless they pay for it. I have some hoops to jump through, of course. My PCP needs to refer me to the Dietition and Psychiatry and once I've seen those 2 he needs to fill out an application to send to the surgeons. I e-mailed him this AM so I'll find out soon what he'll do. My one problem is that I've started this with him and he's leaving to go to another dept at the end of the month. I've asked him if he can keep my file just long enough to get the application done but I don't know that he can. If not, I have to hope that my new PCP goes along with what he and I started and doesn't mess this up. I also need to start a 20 week "Lifestyle and Weight Management" class. If I can get childcare, I'll start next Wednesday. The first 2 classes are in-take classes. The following 18 classes are part of an on-going class so the in-take are to document how much you weigh and get you up to speed on where the rest of the class is. She constantly has people starting and ending their sessions. The main reasons for class are to get your head on straight about the lifestyle change you're making and to help you lose the weight that the surgeons are going to require before surgery. For those of you with Kaiser {Northern CA}, it sounds like I'm being sent over to the Richmond facility. So, that's it! I guess I've started the process! I'll know better if my PCP is going to cooperate after I hear from him. Should be okay b/c he had to refer me to the seminar to begin with. It's just a matter of him being able to follow this through for me or making sure the new PCP will continue the process. I'm excited!

So, how do you FEEL? Do you feel good? Are you comfortable? Wearing clothes you want to wear? Have someone take a few pictures of you from the neck down. Then take a look at them and see what you're first reaction is. Maybe even put them away and go back to them after a week or so. The idea is kind of like seeing your reflection in a window or a mirror and wondering who that (__blank__) person is. It's too hard to look into a mirror and see good, bad or ugly. Taking a picture (bad enough but God forbid I catch a reflection of myself in a window!) makes you really SEE yourself as others see you. At least it does for me. Asking people who know and love you doesn't help b/c they are used to fat (sad but true) and anything smaller is great and in some cases, to them, too small. I'm 5'3" and my ideal goal is 130 mainly b/c of the BMI # but I seriously doubt I'll ever get down to the 120 I weighed at 17! We'll see how I feel once I get down to 140 but not really planning on stopping there. Heck, I'm not even sure I can GET down to 130 but sure as heck am going to try! Although you're still losing, 1lb a month doesn't seem out of control. I would maybe up your calories some, maybe milk or something but if you're really worried, your best bet would be to talk to your doctor or dietition and see what they say. Take care and best wishes.

Tracy, You MUST calm down. Think about the alternatives if they went ahead and did your surgery anyway. If there are problems with people coming out of this surgery, then you want them to be working damn hard to find out what's going on BEFORE they operate on YOU! Too, it may mean that they just have more team members or specialists in the OR with you and maybe you stay in hospital for a couple of days for monitoring. Whatever... you DO NOT want to be heading into an OR that is having problems with patients when you may be further compromised to begin with. You DO want to wake up from surgery. You DO want to go home safely. You DO want to recover fully and be healthy. Take a deep breath and thank GOD, if you are inclined, that this was postponed This is probably a blessing in disguise. Your Dr. did say "postponed," not "canceled." Hang in there.

Hi ella, I haven't been banded yet but just had my seminar last night. I'm in central CA and will be sent to Richmond for surgery, if approved. We're not sure how much of the pre-op stuff I can do here vs. going over to Richmond to do it. They do open bypass in the city an hour from me so they are thinking that we can do all of the pre-op evaluations and classes and then send me up for surgeon meetings and such. We'll see what happens with it. Sorry, I can't help with your question. I'm in the same lack-of-information boat you are!

Hi! I don't live in the Bay but I'll be having surgery, if approved, in Richmond at Kaiser. I live in the mountains near Yosemite. Anyone who has had surgery at the Richmond facility - was everybody there pretty good? I've heard that they're so busy they just kind of herd you through. I don't need them to hold my hand but I also would like to think they give a darn even though they are seeing so many people. I suppose I'm just nervous. I've been researching and know some about the band and it's function but know so little about the pre-op process that I kind of feel out of balance. I'm one of those people that likes to have a good idea of what's going on at all times. Yes, I have control issues! :embaressed_smile: Anyway, any info about Richmond would be great. Thanks!

Bea, I'm glad you posted this. I just realized yesterday that I'm practically swallowing my food whole, I'm in such a hurry. Doesn't help that I have a 21 month old who's usually done eating by the time I get my plate fixed. I was just telling my mom last night on the phone that I need to start practicing slowing down and chewing my food better.