Anna Nim

I have noticed some people HAVE to have the last word, and go into longggg detail about it and their positions, when it would be better for them to stay out of the conversation all together. It can turn into Forum Bullying. I personally, comment when it may help or something I am interested in and ignore the rest, but wished I didn't have to ignore so much. As for the old forum questions and overly simply questions-I will say I was here 5 years ago when I first was going to have surgery (and backed out of it) and the site is harder to navigate and do searches on than the prior layout. I also wish there was/more of a "standard" info section, to stop the repeated posts and make info easier to find. Appropriate post for the Rant & Rave section. Night!

The recent way I did them, is put them in a large Tupper with ice. Shake, shake, shake and the semi-busted shells will slide right off. I was amazed how fast it worked!

Like others said, there are compression/exercise garments you may like (Spanx can go back to hell!) Buy/Wear them if they FEEL better to you (and they should), but DGAF about what your jelly looks like!

Not exactly.. but.. My Orthopedic doctor has these damn paper shorts to put on that only go up to L/XL. They do not fit, at all. I have to wear a specific pair of pants for my visits to avoid that embarrassment. I have talked to BOTH doctors in the office & they claim they don't make em bigger. Told em to look at a different company. I am "only" a size 24. I myself may find them myself so they can order larger. I can't be the only one! Years ago, my first knee doctor wrote on my chart, "..a 33 year old, obese female". Well, hell, I didn't know I was technically obese, I thought he was a jerk (he was, but not for that)-what a shock! My OBGYN after my son was born, told my now ex, that he was "Going to sew her up better than she was before". I just had a BABY and was still on the table. I interrupted and told him that I was perfect before (and indeed the episotimy was a mistake). Never went back to him and left him with a bit of the bill. Jerk. He had also told me that he might tie me down when I half-joked that I might kick him. Physical threats during delivery. Jerk. Years ago, while going to a county/charity doctor for a female exam for some skin eruptions (due to my weight and fluctuating hormones), the Dr. asked how old my son was, when I mentioned I was breastfeeding. He was 15 months at the time. This Dr. told me to stop breastfeeding. Well..I was a Breastfeeding Peer Counselor for WIC at the time and I told this Dr. that the AMA recommends until at least age one and the WHO recommends at least until age two. Furthermore, he needs to be careful what he tells patients, as he is a Dr. and that people are going to listen to him and they may stop breastfeeding because of him. I said this, WHILE in stirrups!!! I was livid. Why? Well, I had NOT gone to see him for my breastfeeding at all! Plus, when I asked for antibiotics to clear up the folliculitis (not my first rodeo with that fun issue), he said it would "clear up on it's own". Yeah..in weeks & weeks and leave scars. What a waste of my time. Imagine if I had not been a strong woman and did what he said. Jerk.. I have little patience for that. I consider Dr's independent contractors that I have hired for a job and there are plenty other doctors to see..

"Will you use your body as a trash can, or will you use the trash can as a trash can?" WORD! (and yes, overhaul everyone's eating style. If you cook, take a break, they get what you cook, which should only be what is good for you, they don't need weight issues later either!)

What I wish is that we all could have been this way in our 20's... Not taking anyone's junk-especially lovers-Life is too short for that crap! Not doing things because we are/are not 'supposed to' or 'don't want to be rude'. Not NOT taking chances because it might not work..well, hell how you gonna know? Not having a self-esteem not matter what we look like naked. I'd have been "dangerous" as a younger person

Water is a worry of mine. My surgery isn't until November (I had planned on this summer, as a teacher, but I won't have the money/family loan until November. Ugh) The energy issues made me think of this.. IMHO, Magnesium will help us all be regular and have energy, reduces anxiety, depression and ADHD. Stress...like surgery or life sucks it all out, leaving exhaustion behind. There is a book, Magnesium Miracle (Amazon/ Kindle/ Hardcopy) that I would buy the whole world a copy of.. In fact, I think I am going to change my screen name to The Magnesium Queen. Ha! I am CONVINCED it is the cure for a lot of our current issues. After we spoke, an ex started taking it after she expressed that she didn't want to get back on Anti-Depressants, but was so anxiety ridden, but months later and daily magnesium and she still is without them! Not saying she is w/out anxiety, but she is functioning. (Note: I am not trying to tell people to get off meds, I am *just saying* that her anxiety is now manageable with Magnesium and TMG). All Magnesium is the same, but it has to be bound with something.. Magnesium Oxide is usually at the grocery store..but it only absorbs 10%..guess where the rest goes? Poop city. In fact, Mag Oxide and Mag Citrate are used for regularity, so I don't take those I take it with Folate/B and D so they all work better. My Vitamin D was a low 17 in December. I take either Magnesium Glutamate or Magnesium Oratate..I actually have both on my counter right now. I also work up to about 200% of daily value. (work up, because as your body gets used to it..guess where the extra goes). One pill a Day isn't going to cut it and that is Okay. If you buy gel caps you can open and put it in water, sorta bitter, but doable). It takes a while to fill up an empty bucket, so hence the larger than 100% dose and takes a bit to get the full effect. Have a great day!

Smoking!

Like others have said and.. Get someone else, like maybe a trusted guy to look at your profile for suggestions. I actually looked at my brother's and took note. Maybe it can be improved to be more positive, less wordy or whatever.. Ensure you have good boundaries and confidence so the creepers will go away and you can spot the narcissists a mile away (Let me Reach with Kim Saeed is a magical website for seeing those types of dynamics in relationships). Keep trying and see dates as Job Interviews, jettison the junk, and the dates keep you on your toes, so to speak. Go to events of people that have interests you have. Go to Meetups and search for, let's say, Hikes, in your area and join a group. Then at least you have a group of people that you may become buddies/friends with and might find a sweetie too. ..and here I am, going to take my 45 year old self's advice

Since knowledge is power, I wanted to share a site that saved me in so many ways and I can not speak good enough about.. Let Me Reach by Kim Saeed Kim is on Facebook and Online and writes about narcissism recovery and it's effect on relationships in quick, bitable articles & is amazingly supportive. I had light bulbs explode in my head, the past and the current finally made some sense. Best suff I have ever read-and I have one of those oh-so-useful degrees in psychology! When it falls apart, nothing makes sense; the stories, the reasons and the equation in a relationship is just not adding up.. this may be what is going on! I 'thought' I knew what narcissism was, but I found it wasn't that simple. Also, a person does not have to have "all" the traits to fall under this category. To me, it seems the whole Co-Dependent/Narcissism manipulative dynamic is at the root of so much pain. Kim's site is a total lifesaver! Good Luck Peeps!

Your daughter is scared. But, the odds are in your favor FOR this surgery and the outcomes. Yeah, you might have extra skin, but better than the extra weight and the effects on your joints. You are bedbound and a Grandmother-so I assume you have had many years of "trying" the conventional way. You already know the outcome, you are living it. Ultimately, it is your body, you wake up and go to sleep with it, not her and as you have supported her in her life choices, she will have no real choice but to support yours. I suspect when the surgery time is actually here, she will be there for you, she clearly loves you. Good luck

I believe that Magnesium (Oratate, Gluatamte..basically anything but Magnesium Oxide or Magnesium Citrate) is the magic supplement. Stress burns out our stores, surgery is stressful, it adds to depression, increases anxiety. The book, Magnesium Miracle is a good source of information or even Amazon reviews on magnesium. To me and some of my friends, Magnesium is the bomb. I regularly take 200% of daily value (gotta fill up the empty bucket), in fact I bought some tonight as I ran out..and guess what? Been depressed and low energy. We are all IMHO low on it. If you take too much, you only poop it out. I think we ALL should be taking it! You are only weeks from surgery and in a major life change, this will soon pass and you will be in rocking shape when that baby gets here.

Doesn't seem enough time off.

Everyone has said what I could..but yeah, ignore her. She is feeling a bit threatened as you both were similar weights and now you have taken a drastic step. She is projecting that old, 'try harder' myth on you. If "people" have been gossiping, don't worry, people gossip about everything and everyone at work, but actually care little. Eat and do whatever YOU want.

I am a Texan, and in general I'd avoid rice like the plague-use it as sparingly as salt. Forget the tortillas and that stupid "two corn equals one flour tortilla" idea. Fill up the plate with lettuce or nopal and then put on your meats. I haven't had surgery yet, but I already see Mexican food being a point of sadness for me..

I am planning a Sleeve (Thanksgiving as that is when I will have the money, since insurance doesn't cover jack) because it has less Vitamin deficiencies, far less chance of dumping, shorter surgery time, I read that the part of the stomach they take out produces the most Ghrelin, the hunger hormone, and I would like less of that. They used to do a Sleeve first then later add on the bypass, which could still be an option. I see that you have a bit more to lose than me and yes (I am 5 10 and currently 285), the bypass tends to have people lose more, but I think if your Sleeve didn't work or if you end up with severe GERD, you could then do a bypass later.

"Getting a hobby" may not be THE answer, but it can be an answer or at least a way to be involved in social interactions. ....but not wanting to go out is where the loop begins.

Social Isolation is worse than weight. I myself had a very dark moment in time tonight where I thought about the future when my son, the light of my life is graduated in a few years and off living somewhere with a wife, when my ill mother is gone and even when my father is gone-how profoundly sad I will be and how I also may be content with staying at home alone and depressed instead of trying to be social when I am flat and purposeless inside. I am envious of people who have family and extended family around. Their kids, the grandkids and whomever else. I see myself missing my son when he is grown everyday until the moment I die. I don't have the answer (Oh..get a hobby isn't it...). I know weight and pain only makes it worse, but looking at my Dad. He is slim and lonely as anything. My heart breaks for how much my parents have missed me since moving away from home years ago. I am single. My exH is alone and the "love of my life" that I did moved mountains to be with turned out to be a covert, sneaky narcopath. Sometimes I think of going back with him just to not be so damn alone. I KNOW I have hijacked your post and dropping a ton of depression on it, but yes, the weight has major issues, but worse is the depression that comes from loneliness.

You are not going to like what I am going to say... I speak my mind with tough love. I can only say it like I see it; so for what it is worth: Stressed at work and BP does not make a man leave his children and wife. Those two issues can make drive him to drink or kick the dog. There could easily be another woman. IF that comes out, please don't take the blame for it. IMHO, when they leave and use another woman as an excuse, it won't have been the first time. You know, the old, "You've changed, I don't feel attention enough". story. Many relationships change after a big life change, in this case, WLS, but you guys have young kids, twins and a special needs kid. That is a high level of "Adulting" that can make a person want to run..the strong, grow up and tackle another day and then the next and the next. The anger is sometimes a way to make you give him space to do whatever he is doing and not ask questions and be okay with whatever he is up to. One thing that helps is NOT being afraid he won't come back. Don't beg. You have to still be a parent in the face of incredible stress while he does what? Sit on "someones" sofa and complain? I can assure you, you could, if needed to, do this on your own. If he knows that you really, really do not need him, that you have true confidence in your own abilities to do life on your own, he will take notice and maybe even be a bit afraid..because, what if you are not waiting for him when he returns (and no doubt he will), but what if you don't respect him after him leaving you in the lurch. Him knowing that you mean business, will have him respect you...No Matter What Happens. You may not feel strong enough right now, but you are and once you know it through and through, nothing can take that away from you. I do hope for the best for this situation, I really, really do.

A bit of sabotage going on with your folks? Do talk to them. Maybe they are afraid and figure if they hold off money you won't do it. Or some kinda game. WHY won't they loan you the money? You will also need money for your special foods and such. But, if they won't budge, my best ideas are these: *If you have a clear title on a car, you can get an awful high interest signature loan of about $300-600 dollars. *You can pawn stuff. Usually you get it for 3 months, then you have to pay the interest and can keep the item (re-newing the loan every 30-90 days with interest payments. *Got anything you can sell? "Anything" adds up quick. (Re-sale toys on Craigslist or at a resale shop, Retro Stuff, books to Halfprice Books, Jewelry on Craigslist, Furniture). Of course, met people in public to sell stuff. When I have to sell stuff, I make it slightly cheaper than others to get it gone quicker. *Craigslist for temp bartending jobs, catering jobs, babysitting jobs. Call catering companies to work a few weekends. *Temporary agencies (often more trouble than they are worth....) *Get a job (Denny's) and don't tell em about surgery and then quit with only a few days notice.. *Can your boyfriend do lawn work or something else on nights/weekends for the cash. All those above I have done for quick cash. Good Luck