crazygoose

Okay I've always had mental issues, clinical depression, anxiety, ptsd and a history of being abused as a child yadda yadda (the stereotypical poster child for low self esteem)... But never once did I think losing a bunch of weight would be the sole solution to all my life problems, but yes it has greatly improved my quality of life, health wise most importantly and I wouldn't change my weightloss journey for anything in the world, yet I've always understood no matter what I will always be a damaged person. That is not to say I can't change and I consider myself a work in progress but sometimes I'm not sure what I'm doing. Before I always had a child like mind and was considered naive, innocent and easy to take advantage of (but part of me actually knew what was going on, just too meek to say anything and I often play dumb to avoid conflict). I had only been in one relationship in my 34 years of life (that relationship lasted 12-13 years) and when he moved on I just completely gave up on living and hardly went outside for 8 years, just stayed in my room and rotted away and hoped everyone forgot I existed and that I would just eventually die. For years it was told to me that I was disabled and just beyond help and I'd be better off living my days in group homes or facilities for the mentally ill and despite me knowing it was untrue I just gave into whatever everyone said about me until that one day I the found fire and strength in me to turn my life around. 3 years later and everything is much different now, people can't believe I'm the same person. I finally got over my fears and learned how to drive, got a car ,got a job, live on my own in and...got the sleeve which means I dropped a lot of weight. I've grown up and changed a lot...Except in one area where I am very much like a teenage girl. My "love" life. While I'm attracted to men it's like their a whole different species and I don't understand them at all. Even when I was in the relationship with my ex he left me because he wanted someone "in better shape." So I always assumed I'm gross and unwanted with a big part of it being because of the weight. So last summer I weighed about 200 pounds. I had just started fixing myself up more and my mom introduced me to this guy she thought would make a great friend since we were both shy and had similar personalities. Our friendship grew into a little more over the 4 month span but he never wanted anything else from me so I respected that, but he knew I liked him and we had been intimate on a few occasions and all of a sudden he just stopped and just wanted to stay platonic. I later found out that he had someone else but never told me and it crushed me. He said something to the effect of "When you get smaller you'll be a killer and I'll be bummed that you don't like me anymore." Yet the women he chose is heavy set as well and she is 19 years older than him and not to be mean but she is a known drunk, so yeah it was a major blow and I felt like crap. Despite my mom saying "It's not you, just he has his own deeps issues and prefers women who he feels need him." I still took it hard and looked everywhere for some sort of validation as a person and because of it I put myself in dangerous situations. In the quest of opening my eyes and seeing what else is out there, wanting to feel desired and connect with someone... I went on random dates with pretty much any guy who showed interest, even strangers who showed red flags from the beginning by repeatedly insisting I drink alcohol when I said I don't drink or as soon as I got into this one guy's car after talking to him on the phone for 2 weeks thinking he was going to take me out somewhere first thing he did was grabbed my boobs and stuck his tongue down my throat. I tried going to social atmospheres like bars and clubs, but it's really not my thing. I'm just really horrified at this point about dating because I feel like the majority of men are creeps and I'm not sure how to go about finding a decent one or knowing when I'm ready to.

That really sucks but love yourself regardless you are beautiful. Whenever I go through a stall or the pounds start creeping up I revert back to my post op diet where I do protein shakes and only eat things that have nutritional value (chicken and veggies). Are there any foods in particular that might be holding you back? For me it was popcorn and granola. I thought granola was healthy until I started noticing I was gaining weight despite working out like crazy but once I cut these two things in particular out of my diet I finally dropped a stubborn 30 pounds.

Yasss you look great keep up the good work!!! Sent from my SGH-T399N using the BariatricPal App

Thank you all for your advice and support. Unfortunately my grandma passed away last night while under a medical induced coma. I was able to kiss her and say goodbye before she was gone. One thing I did not mention was that in the beginning and through the middle of her illness I was at the hospital with her every day spending 4-8 hours with her but as she got worse and worse and her pain and suffering took over and she began to seem less and less like herself it became harder and that's where I fell off because I knew she was not going to get better. I get the gist of where many of you are coming from saying I should've sucked it up and concentrated more on her and I'm beginning to see my failures in that and realized more things that I could've done but now it's too late.... I appreciated the small things posts where someone said they lotioned their dad's feet and played music he liked that was sweet my mom and my aunt did that for her. I was devastated when I learned my grandma had passed, but now waking up the next day I look at her pictures of when she was alive and well and along with sadness I feel a strange sense of peace that she is no longer laying up in a hospital bed suffering. That the worst has already happened and there's nothing more to dread. I know maybe it hasn't hit me fully yet. Even though she's gone I think I still got another chance to do right by her. I still have my grandpa, I can check on him, go over and tidy up their house and bring him meals. I'm gonna honor her by doing what she would've want me to do, move forward, get my life together,work on my health, pursue my education. I'm starting this morning by taking my medication I'll try mixing it in with something. Anyways thanks to all who took the time to read my post and reply.

I know it's been a while since I've been active on these forums but I have been depressed lately and didn't really realize it until yesterday when I had a break down. It just sort of crept up on me, before I was very motivated and active on these forums and active in my weight loss journey and other goals in life such as furthering my education and bettering myself etc. I just lost interest in all of that, I mean I still obey the rules of my diet but I haven't been exercising. Then two weeks ago I started getting anxiety attacks while out in public, I stopped answering my phone, texts and started avoiding people, I started skipping appointments, I let myself go again I look like a cavewoman and all I wanna do is stay inside my apartment and watch netflix and play games, anything to feel safe and escape reality. What is my fault and that I need to take responsibility for is that I stopped taking my meds, the reason for that is that I was told because of the weight loss surgery I would now have to break the capsules in half and take my meds in it's powder form but the taste is unbearable and makes me throw up so I just quit taking them thinking I would be okay. Another thing I'm dealing with is that my grandma, the woman who raised me is dying, like we're not sure if she'll make it another week let alone this weekend. While everyone tries to spend every moment with her that they possibly can me and my sister have been doing the opposite. See I do visit my grandma at least twice a week but all she's seems to be doing is getting worse. It's like I've been doing everything I can to avoid dealing with this fact. The last 3 times I visited her I had anxiety attacks. I think I'm in some deep level of denial because my emotions and my mind are sort of detached when I see her because I'm calm but my body reacts and I start to feel sick like I'm going to faint, vision gets blurry, I feel dizzy and start sweating a lot and it even triggers my period and all I want to do is get out of there as fast as I can. During visits all she does is cry in pain the entire time and the other night I visited her she was crying loudly and praying out loud "God just let me suffocate tomorrow." over and over again. I think she tried to ask me to end her life at some point. My sister on the other hand has been doing everything possible to avoid seeing my grandma and everyone gets mad at her and calls her selfish but I think she might be having trouble coping as well. People in my family have implied that I need to stay with my grandma longer during my visits and I try but its very difficult, I try to comfort her but I feel helpless. I don't even have the strength to pray and I faith in God but I've been avoiding him too. I know this is a long post but from 2011-2015 I didn't leave my room at all except to go to the bathroom and eat so I don't know if this cycle is starting up all over again I don't want it to but I think it's possible. I also wonder if I've been compartmentalizing my grandma being sick and dying, and if all this depression and anxiety attacks is because of it. It's like everyone else in my family has been crying and stressing out all along, but me I just stay in my apartment watch netflix I feel "happy", then I go visit my grandma and get a nasty dose of reality and nearly lose it. The last two days though I have been moments when I think about her and I burst out crying hysterically. So yeah that's what's been going on with me.

Sounds like the NSV just snuck up on you. Anyways congratulations!

Welcome Mike! All the best wishes on your journey!

Not that I've ever been in your shoes, but I say as long as you aren't going broke and have severe shopping addiction, give your least favorites away and keep having fun! You are a woman and shopping just comes with the territory.

There's no horrible feeling like feeling powerless/helpless. I cannot imagine the stress you are going through but just stay strong and you're a champion for not stopping by Mc Donald's. Don't give in and this is just one of those sucky tests life just likes to spring up on people, it's testing your well-being, your finances, your diet, your family, etc. To fight the feelings of helplessness, maybe you can try to be proactive. Support your husband if you can, maybe help him look for another job, sit down search, gather your resources, find out what's available in your area if you get short on bills and food. Not to be all religious fanatic here, but if you believe in a higher power then pray if that's something you do. For comfort lean on your family/friends a little maybe try to come up with a positive hobby or project to take your mind off of things.

The doctor says I can start exercising next week and I'm really looking forward to it. I would love to have a personal trainer but I can't afford one. I don't want to just walk on a treadmill. I want to be able to do things like walk up two flights of stairs without getting so winded. I want to walk faster, I want to work on my arms, I can't hold my arms up for more than a few seconds without them getting painfully tired. I want to push myself but not in a dangerous way. What are the different kind of exercises I can start out with?

I was told to get whey protein powder isolate and that I would have to put a spoonful on my food. Other than that the others here have given you pretty good advice. I ordered my vitamins from bariatricpal one of the gastric sleeve vitamin packs. I pretty much though wanted to say congrats though!

I'm so glad you asked this because I have also become fixated on popcorn -it was my favorite snack food. So much harder now to go into a theater and smell the powerful aroma of delicious popcorn and hear people munching on it. I think because we're on this liquid diet for so long that we begin to crave something salty and crunchy in texture. But after reading some of these replies I think it's best to stay away from popcorn as long as possible and when the time comes when I can actually eat it I will only have a handful or two of it.

I'm not sure if this advice would be helpful because I wasn't afraid of dying (my family was more afraid than I was) sure I knew there was the possibility but really it's just that, a small possibility and I had faith that I would make it through. Now one of the things I did do the day before was ask if my surgeon lost any patients and they told me none so far. So maybe if you can contact your surgeon's office and ask them if your surgeon has lost any patients . If he did lose some then yeah it's okay to rethink this a bit. Try to think positive though think about your future and how you expect to benefit from the sleeve.