Emily'sDad

Tina, I never crossed that line, but my wife did. Now I know exactly how much it hurts to be betrayed. As I mentioned earlier Bonnie and I spent 6 years of our marriage with very little love and interest between each other. I was certainly frustrated and often wondered what it would be like to be with other women, not just sexually but to be “in love.” During the first 4 years of our marriage I was always interested in sex, and often frustrated because I couldn’t get Bonnie to sleep with me more than once every couple of months. It felt like she had sex with me to appease me, not like she actually wanted me. Then when I finally quit wanting sex (because it was painful to ask and I was so resentful of the poor state of our relationship), Bonnie becomes interested. She would make sexually leading comments and try to initiate sex, but there was still no improvement in our relationship. Because of this I didn’t have any desire to be with her at all. I know this bothered her, but how could I sleep with someone who constantly made me feel so bad? One evening Bonnie asks to talk about “us” so we sit down and she informs me that she would like me to move out while we seek marital counseling. I didn’t understand why I had to move out. Isn’t the person that wants to be separated supposed to be the one to move out? I felt like I was being punished and that I was the one at fault for our problems. I told her I didn’t see my moving out as an option and that I felt that separation doesn’t solve anything. If we were going to work on our problems then we needed to work on them together. The next day I ended up not going to work, mostly because I was so upset by the notion of separation. When I got home I got to wondering why all of a sudden she wanted a separation. I began to think about how much time she has been spending with a guy friend from work and how she texts him constantly. I’m a fairly trusting person by nature, but even this caused me to wonder. I told myself to trust her, because Bonnie needs good friends. Well my insecurity won out and I looked at her email. To my horror I found that she had hidden a bunch of love letters from her boyfriend, describing their kissing, holding each other, and professing his never ending love for her. Strangely there was nothing from her, which means she was trying to be sneaky and delete her sent items. Except she missed one where she wrote to him stating, “I want you darling! You are a blessing in my life. Sweetest dreams Darling.” Even writing this my feel a huge weight of pain on my heart. How could she do this? How could a person be so cruel? I was crushed, I still am. I feel so worthless, so lied to. That evening I confronted her with her adultery. At first she just sat there calmly and didn’t say much, only that he made her feel beautiful and loved. As if to say it was my fault that she did this. I told her I don’t feel beautiful and loved, but I haven’t gone out and betrayed her. As the discussion moved on Bonnie became upset an professed to dump her boyfriend and work on our marriage. I actually felt renewed hope for the future. We even made love that night. How stupid I feel looking back on that and thinking we would be ok! The next month consisted of weekly counseling sessions. I would leave these sessions energized. I felt like there was a chance that we could not only repair the damage, but having the kind of marriage I’ve always dreamed of. Except, Bonnie wasn’t buying it. She would ask me, “What’s the point?” I wouldn’t know what to say, the point is obvious, can’t she see that? I felt affectionate towards her, but she was distant and standoffish. One day she told me, “Saving our marriage for the sake of the kids isn’t a good enough reason.” What? Not good enough? Saving our marriage for the kids isn’t only good enough it’s one of the best reasons there is. I knew right then, that it was over. http://carryonbrad.wordpress.com/

It's nice to read I'm not the only one with an A-hole for a doctor. I get the "you need to be more committed" speech when I go in for a fill. I finally told him that I am exercising to such a degree that the small weight loss I've had so far can be attributed to the exercise and not the band. That's great right? Sure, but I want to get the benifit of the band as well. Otherwise what's the point of having the procedure done? Anyways he give me a 1.5cc fill and I definately felt restricted and began losing weight quickly. I'm finding tha the restriction has lessoned in the 8 days since the fill. So I'm made another appointment. It's time to take charge and get this train moving!

Bullets are 3oz of concentrated Protein drink. for those of us that don't care to drink a big glass of nasy milk shake, the bullets are perfect. I get NewWhey from GNC if I have to buy them locally otherwise I prefer to buy them on line. I haven't noticed any adverse reactions to them. I don't take them every day, but I probably should. I like to drink one first thing in the morning before going to the gym.

I haven't heard that. I use them all the time.

I've also noticed that I have restriction for a few days after a fill, then it goes away. I've been exercising a LOT 5 days a week and have been losing about .5 lb a week. Considering the level of exercise I am getting .5lb seems right with out band help. I should be doing better than that?

Dr Warnock is a nice guy, although his patient load is extreme. Don't expect good service. See my thread on this subject if you'd like to know more. http://www.lapbandtalk.com/f11/dr-warnock-nice-guy-but-always-late-73388/?highlight=warnock

If you want to watch the procedure being performed then search lap band on youtube.com The lap band is a life time change. The amount of restriction you'll varies through time, but you'll probably always need some restriction.

Just about all protein drinks taste nasty, so I get protein shots called NewWhey. they're about 3oz and 45grams of protein. They taste ok, and can be gulped down in two swallows.

I would like to thank everyone for your support here, especially Mumof2twoboys! My wife and I have had a few heart to heart discussions now and both agree that counseling is necessary. As a matter of fact we have our first appointment with a counselor scheduled for the 8th of October. It's amazing the difference that is already apparent, simply because I told her what was going through my mind. Thanks again everyone! Tina, you ROCK! Brad

I'm going to stick my neck out fully understanding that I may take a few hits, maybe that is what I need? Following Tina's story has been an eye opener for me. While I have not chosen to go outside my marriage (yet), I have begun to have a wandering eye. The spark, the tenderness, everything that made our relationship what it was, feels gone now. My wife and I don't hate each other, we have minor spats now and then, but we just don’t love each other. We barely manage to get along, with very little cooperation in our day to day lives. In that lack of love is where I feel the most alone and find myself looking at other women now and wondering if that connection that I long for can be found with them. Maybe I am getting ahead of myself here and should include a little background. Married two years, together a total of four, two (AWESOME) kids. I have a lot to lose, which is never far from my mind. Following Tina certainly drives home just how much pain and suffering a betrayal such as this can cause, not just my wife but my kids. It doesn't seem possible that a person could knowingly inflict this much pain on another. I wonder if a lot of cheating husbands are like me, in that it isn't the sex that they want, it is the intimacy/connection. It occurs to me that it would be highly unlikely that any real intimacy could exist in an adulterous relationship. Yet somehow that draw is still there. I don't want to cheat, but I do want to feel connected, like there is an "us" rather than "you" and "me." My parents divorced when I was in high school, and I promised myself that I wouldn't do that to my kids. I've broached the idea of marriage counseling to my wife, she was not receptive. I continue to believe that we need outside help to straighten ourselves out and will probably revisit the idea of counseling in the future. In the mean time it is very difficult battling the loneliness. On those bad days when we are more adversary than couple, and I pass by a nice woman who might politely smile as I walk past, I think to myself is the grass greener on the other side? It bothers me that I can relate to those cheating husbands. I’ve always felt (passionately) that adultery was one of the scummiest things one human could do to another. I’m ashamed that I could find any sort of connection with people who would do this. Reading through this post before I hit the submit button I realize that I have painted my wife as the primary evil doer. She is not. In an almost creepy coincidence it seems as though every complaint that I have for her can be echoed in my own actions. If we are both exhibiting the same negative attitudes, then it would make sense that one of us might be able to break the cycle. Sadly, this is not the case. For a period of time one of us will make attempts to bridge the gap only to be met with indifference on the part of the other. We just can’t quite get our souls lined up. I wonder if she looks at other men and asks herself, is the grass is greener? Tina- I will continue to follow your experience. Most notably the steps you and your husband took to repair the damage, in the hope of avoiding a disaster of my own. Considering my attitudes towards cheating I find your road toward recovery nothing short of miraculous. By all means a testament to your character and love for your children.

Boobookitty I have enjoyed both your story and your posts in this forum. I'm not sure I could explain why I identify with you so easily, perhaps it is because there are difficulties in my life besides that of just the band, as I know is also the case for you. It is a pleasure to follow your life, and thank you for sharing. Brad

Well done. keep up the good work!

To look at the bright side you have some great things going for you. Since EVERYONE around you is thin then they should have no trouble supporting you in your new life style. Being around healthy people tends to encourage a healthy life style. Which brings me to the second good thing. If your moving on from you old hubby, it may be time for an upgrade to go along with your nice new body you are working on!! So many things are changing for you, this is your chance to start fresh!

Thats a good point DEgirl. The surgery may influence his deployability, since his nutritional requirements post band will be somewhat unusual. I can't imagine trying to eat some of the things they put in a MRE (Meal Ready to Eat) with my band. As an aside, if he has any medical complications due to his weight he may be able to tie it in to a service related disability when he eventually seperates from the Army.

I can't say for sure, but I would guess that if your son meets the minimum qualifications Tricare has set for a LB applicant, then he should be approved. It doesn't sound like he is quite there yet though to me. A little shocking to hear someone say your not overweight enough to get care?! I know there is a lot of tricare discussion on this forum, just search tricare and you sould find plenty of good info.

You're never silly calling your doctor! You may just be feeling the actual port under the skin, or you may have an issue. Never hurts to ask, that's what you pay them for!

That's about it. The Dr. will poke around a bit and make sure you are recovering appropriately. My Dr. told me to make my appt. for first fill at the one month mark.

I noticed that you said you just started exercising. Speaking for myself, I know that the first few weeks after beginning an exercise program my weight will actually increase due to the Fluid retention that goes with the soreness. Once I'm in the swing of a workout routine the pounds start dropping again. My plateaus have been longer, along the lines of 6-8 weeks. Since I've been exercising regularly I've made much better (slow) progress. As long as you burn more calories than you eat you'll be moving again soon!

Hang in there, and don't give up! Our thoughts will be with you!