alikelley

In 2013, I was the largest I had ever been in my life. At my heaviest, I weighed 243.3 pounds. In the past, I lost a lot of weight dealing with gallstones during my last pregnancy. I weighed 193.6 pounds in 2013. And in 2014, while on a medically supervised diet using appetite suppressants, I lost more weight going down to 187.2 pounds.
 
But, as soon as I was able to keep food down and I stopped taking phentermine, I shot up to 225 pounds and I've been here steadily the last 18months. Now that I am 29 years old, I feel a huge change in my body. I am tired most of the time. I have no desire to do anything but work and clean the house. This is no way to live. I have two small girls that look up to me. My oldest daughter is 10 and she is ashamed of me. She is tall and slender, but she put herself on a diet because she does not want to get fat like me. She use to ask me all the time will she grow up and get like me. And when people compliment her on how pretty she is saying she looks just like me, she frowns and says no she doesn't.
 
Sometimes, I just want to cry. But, I love myself far too much to beat myself up about my food addiction. Its time to break the cycle and end obesity here. My mother is overweight, my grandmother is overweight and my great grandmother is overweight. My siblings and I grew up on a diet filled with sugar, carbs and sodium. My brother and sister are thin and have nice physiques. But, I have always struggled with my weight.
 
When I was 16, I stopped eating to lose weight over the summer so a boy would like me. I literally ate and vomited an entire summer. I went from a size 16 to a size 5/6 in three months due to my eating disorder. My parents force-fed me and monitored me for over an hour after I finished eating after being hospitalized for severe dehydration. It was a terrible experience that I am not ashamed to share with the world. I want people to know that being obese is not always a choice. Its hard enough to be who we are but we do not need others persecuting us for it.
 
I decided in January 2016 that I would end my suffering and do right by myself for once. So, I made an appointment and now I am beginning my journey.