scubagirlblues

First of all, absolutely congratulations on your amazing weight-loss so far! That is a tremendous achievement. I'm in a similar situation, icy, at least in terms of the decision that has to be made… I've dropped over 40, and am working with a trainer. Just got my date today... Boy I'm conflicted! This is one of the hardest decisions to make - and make again. It is real, and serious. On the one hand we are going to do damage to our bodies and forever change how it works and our physiological relationship to food… (ice already changed my emotional relationship to food) On the other hand, it's impossible to predict how hard it will be to keep this weight off. In fact, the lifestyle change you're making now is exactly the same lifestyle change you're going to have to make anyway. And keeping it off will be just as hard with the surgery, as without it. I'm looking at it this way: The surgery will let me lose 70 or 80 more pounds that I may not realistically be able to do on my own… But it comes at the cost of my body being permanently altered. Is it worth it? So, I'm still struggling… I'm super interested to hear how you're doing, and what is influencing your decision.

I mix unsweetened unflavored protein powder with cooked veggies and hot chicken stock and blend into a soup in the nutribullet. Delicious!

Jeans. Hot, sexy blue jeans that look damn good! Putting on a wetsuit without struggling or hiding in another room. Being more graceful in general. Nimble, flexible. Running again. And being able to lift my own body weight. Like the badass, strong woman I am inside!

Dub, how did you do it? I'm wrestling with this issue now, and it's really throwing off my motivation. I would love to learn how to shift my own perspective.

Yes!! Oh my gosh, yes. The thought keeps me up at night, researching loose skin and surgery options... I'm actually questioning whether I want to lose the weight at all because of it! I know that doesn't make sense, and it's much more important to be HEALTHY, and I know I would still be slim... BUT I'm still scared. I'm saving up for surgery now... you know, the tummy tuck doesn't worry me as much as the reconstructive breast surgery... Is it a question of trading nice firm breasts (accompanied with a 300 lb body and all its very real woes) for surgical scars and pain (and a new identity as someone with fake breasts)? Or would I keep the loose skin and sagging breasts and just enjoy being a healthier size? I don't think it's simply a question of vanity... I think it's possibly an unwillingness to accept and live with the consequences of my letting myself get to this weight. Emotionally I want to erase the damage I did to myself, and the loose skin seems to me like it will be a painful reminder. Fundamentally, it's a question of identity. I think that's what I'm wrestling with. Who am I now, who will I be after weight loss, and who do I want to be?

Dub, that's so great to hear.

Love it, bsanders! Awesome!

I struggle with fear of this reaction myself, but I do know better and I'm working on getting over my own fears. My counselor once said something to me in another context that I think works really well here... don't let them rent space in your head. I mean, we are not responsible for anyone else's happiness or misery, and we can't control what they think... but we CAN control what we think, and frankly space in our minds it too valuable to waste on those who cause stress, inadvertently or otherwise. Mind share is a gift we give to those we love and care about. Evict 'em, baby!

I've just started the journey towards WLS, and have had my first couple of appointments. Right now I feel I don't want to tell anybody at all! Except my mother who is supportive, and my husband who is not, but will come around. That's for another post Because frankly, I don't want to be DEFINED by this surgery. I've seen it firsthand that once you're the "oh she lost all that weight because she had the gastric bypass" girl that's the first thing people see, and the first line of any description of you. It's almost as though the achievement of weight loss is diminished... I mean, we don't go around saying "she lost all that weight on a raw diet" or "he looks good because of paleo", and if we DO say that, it's with pride and respect! Yet when someone tells me so-and-so had WLS, it's done with a sort of "oh well, if that's the only way she could do it" kind of shrug. As though the act of losing the weight post-surgery wasn't the hard work we here know it is. So all this being said, I guess I'm still worried about being judged and found wanting. I guess I do still care what other people think. I prefer to be defined by the whole life I have lived this far, not one choice. After all, I'm not merely a before and after weight loss story, I'm a whole collection of experiences, including a wide mix of decisions that have brought me to this place in life.