deeplue

Kinda freaked out by the thought that I will be sleeved and home from the hospital by this time next week. There is a lot to do at work before I can finish on Wednesday night. Then I will be in and out of surgery less than 24 hours after I finish at work. In some ways, I feel really ready for this next step. In other ways, I am completely terrified. Trying to stay in the moment and trust that this is the right thing to do.

I am so excited! I just tried on an old dress for Easter. It hasn't fit for about five years but it fits now! No elastic and no stretchy fabric. Before starting this WLS journey, I was most comfortable in women's size 32. My Easter dress is size 26 - and it FITS! My WLS is scheduled for May 12 and I am already down about 40 pounds in 2 months.

@@shellyd88 - this is something I am anxious about and already resentful in anticipation. There is part of me that wants to believe that I am a person of worth, no matter my size. Of course, how can I expect others to treat me with dignity when I don't treat myself with dignity? This is especially a concern with my parents. I am still 10 weeks pre-op and I have only lost 25 pounds. They are already saying how proud of me they are. Why can't they be proud of me for other, more acceptable things other than the fact that my pants fit better?

The last few days have been challenging. I got a date for surgery - May 12 - so that is a good thing. My surgeon provided positive feedback about my progress - so that is a good thing. Like a person truly struggling hardcore, I ended up overeating and gorging on stuff that is not on my nutrition plan - so that is a bad thing. It feels like WLS is taking over my life. My partner feels very distant right now and not incredibly supportive. I have a pre-op class at the end of April for patients and caregivers and she doesn't think she can come. I know she is super busy at work but I feel a lack of support from her. I'm trying to remember two things: one, I am still reeling from yesterday's binge and not functioning at full emotional or physical speed. Two, WLS is a new area of my life and while I am doing a lot of work in this area, my partner is doing the best she can. Unfortunately, remembering those things does not do much to alleviate my need for support right now.

There is probably a thread about this somewhere, but my search function isn't working right. Has anyone struggled with IBS pre-op and then have it resolved as a result of WLS? I have a particularly nasty case of IBS that seems to be brought on by particular foods as well as hormones and emotions. My nutritionist thought that dietary changes through the WLS process would resolve IBS, like how WLS can help resolve diabetes. Is this even a possibility? Have you had this experience?

@@bigguy928 - I haven't had WLS yet. Not until May at the earliest. I'm the same way as you with my parents and my sister, especially because I was so nervous about their reaction. I decided to tell them early in the process because shame about my weight hasn't gotten me very fair. They have been surprisingly supportive. I have not told any of my partner's family. I know I will have to tell my mother-in-law eventually but that will require more trips to the therapist! Fortunately I have a good therapist now. I still don't like talking about food, weight, and body issues so much or so frequently, but I'm getting used to it.

Fully realizing that this breaks the commitment to anonymity, but if you have used the tools of Overeaters Anonymous in conjunction with WLS, please send me a message or reply to this thread. I tried OA a while ago but it never really connected for me. I am beginning to wonder, though, if now might be a better time.

@@BananaB - thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings so eloquently and honestly. Many of them seem familiar, even though I am still three months pre WLS and not six months post.

@@bigguy928 - I'm sorry to hear that your pcp has said such damaging things. I remember when a therapist told me how she doesn't know how fat people lived in New York City, just as I was about to start school there. Needless to say, she is now my former therapist. I have a good pcp and therapist now and they are both very supportive of my decision to have WLS.

Honestly, I never really thought about the excess skin. Now that I have spent time - lying awake at night - worrying about the excess skin, I feel some anxiety rising. My goal is to lose 180-200 pounds, which will leave me with a lot of extra skin. Yikes! I'm pretty sure that plastic surgery is not financially an option but I'm trying to tell myself that extra skin is better than extra weight.

In my initial conversation with the surgeon, he said 180 should be my goal, down from 358. I guess I was hoping for something lower, like 150, but losing half my body weight doesn't seem too bad. I don't remember being 180 pounds - it's been close to 20 years. Maybe I will be able to shop at a 'normal' clothing store in a few years!

I'm still four months pre WLS but I'm down about 20 pounds. Not only did my partner say she noticed a weight loss but a pair of jeans that used to cut off my circulation has a little room in the waist. Also, I realized that I could actually be weighed on a regular doctor's office scale. At the upper end, of course, but every NSV helps. Sleep study was last night, endoscopy is on Monday, second appointment with nutritionist is on Thursday . . . Things are moving along.

@@gowalking - thank you for sharing those pictures. I'm trying to trust in the process as well as take the necessary steps to start on the journey. The surgeon said my goal weight should be 180 - half of my starting weight. I would love to get to 150 or 160, but anything less than where I started will be great. 180 is still overweight but it is so much better than where I am now.

@@gowalking - living as a "slender" person feels really far away. I've never been anything remotely close to slender - even as a kid. Thank you for the encouragement, though. Life in Edison gets hard sometimes but I trust that there is light at the end of this tunnel.

@@KindaFamiliar - Thank you for the feedback. I'm still very new to this site so I am still trying to figure out the different approaches people take. I appreciate your perspective and the offer for support. I just might take you up on that!