newhope4me

This is so me! And even after reading all the positive posts, I still can't bring myself to go to a gym. I am waiting for a 24 hr gym to open closer to me. It is a gym that the members get a key card and can go anytime, my plan is to go when no one else is there. I have a very low self esteem, the one time in my life when I did have an exercise regime, I would drive 8 miles out of town to run, so no one would see me. Besides growing up in a very negative house, my first husband was very degrading to anyone over a size 3, including me. I've heard comments made by him and his buddies, even though i've been divorced from him for 12 yrs and now have been remarried for 5 years (not to mention the 7 yrs of being single in between) I still hear those comments in my head. I will not even work out in front of my husband. And the whole Curves thing, in my experience, women are meaner than men. I feel more competitive with men, so actually prefer "men" type workouts than aerobics. I am more self conscious around women than men. I am hoping that as I get more into shape, I can break through some of this and be able to workout without hearing degrading comments floating through my head.

I have Paragard, which is similar to mirena, except that (if i remember correctly, mirena releases hormones while it is also an IUD). I do not plan to have any more children (have 3, 2 who are adults) and I just cannot bring myself to do anything more permanent than an IUD. I will say the cons of having an IUD, at least for me, is the cramps! I had cramps when i was a teen, but after i hit my 20's (or after i had kids, both at the same time, so I don't know what to attribute it to) i didn't really have cramps to complain about. The Dr. said when he inserted the IUD there would be some pain, like "mild cramping." Bullsh*t! A friend gave me a pain pill it was so bad. And now every month they are awful! (i can actually time them, since cramps are basically contractions) And, my periods are super heavy now. Until I got used to how much heavier, I ruined a few pairs of pants. I would have it taken out, hubby suggests it every month seeing what I go through, but i know it is going to hurt to take it back out. I read info before getting it, but didn't see the "heavier periods" and "more cramping" info until after I got it. (of course) I do like that i don't have to take a pill every day. And on depo I gained weight like it was cool.

For those out of the US wondering why the weight is listed...it is an ID, if you were wanted by the authorities, one way they search for you is to check DMV records, if you have a DL, they can list your description in the APB. i.e. White male, 6' 190 lbs, brown hair, brown eyes. Also, I'm sure of it is in hopes that one cannot use your ID for themselves, if your DL states you are 6', 190 lbs but the person standing before an officer with the ID is 5'5" 100 lbs, hopefully the officer would realize the ID did not belong to him. A picture can only say so much. In response to the actual post, I have always lied, for the longest time mine said what my original DL said when I was 16 (110 lbs). Even after I had 3 kids it said that. Then when I moved to Calif. and went to get a DL, I realized that was ridiculous, so I said 130, still very much under what I actually was. When I had to get my AZ DL, I said 150, and now I am almost back down to that, so hopefully when we get relocated again i'll be able to be honest and be proud about it.

I've also heard that it is more likely to happen if you ride.

I use "instead" cups, they are difficult to find here so I order online. But they are awesome. Someone stated that they thought they were expensive, but when they can stay in way longer than any tampon, it is actually less expensive. If I can't find those, then of course I use a tampon. I can't stand pads, its like a huge diaper or something and there used to always be some spill over when I did use them.

i wasn't sure the number of bars, i thought there were a few to choose from, but didn't want to mispeak. For my "last meal" or actually, it was later in the evening, i had room service bring me flan and a margarita and quesadilla. You can't go to Mexico and not have a margarita, lol.

I stayed at the Lucerna in Mexicali. It was great: high speed internet, 3-4 restaurants, bar, the staff was very attentive (one offered to go get me sushi since they don't offer it in the restaurants), room service, pool, hot tub. I grew up extremely poor, so i was impressed.

When shortly after a fill you go out to eat and order the french onion soup (still on liquids) and are disappointed that they add cheese and bread to the soup. Spent my time trying to push the soup out of the bread (bread was lining the bowl and i swear it had like a half inch of cheese melted on top at first i thought they got my order wrong)

I love unjury vanilla mixed with orange juice- I have to limit myself due to the carbs in the orange juice, but it tastes like an orange dreamsicle. I only drink this occassionally or when i'm on liquids after a fill. I usually have sugar free carnation instant breakfast with skim milk every day for breakfast, even though i've been banded since March.

Not updating my weight, since it went in the wrong direction. But just got a fill today, so hopefully I will be back on track in no time.

Speaking of our cycles, we all know that hormones directly before and during our period greatly affects our moods/emotions/behavior. Did you know that throughout the 28 days of our cycle, our hormones affect us? I found this awesome book, 28 Days, that for each day it explains how the hormones (which is increasing/decreasing) are affecting us. Things such as the best time of the month to ask for that raise you've been wanting, the most amourous feeling of the month, when you are the most outgoing, when you would rather stay in and be alone, etc. It is so interesting. I got this book for my daughter (age 12), she asked if she could share it with her friends at school. It really helped her to understand everything her body is going through. Also, there is a link, where you can see your "hormone scope" (Hormonology, The Hormone Horoscope: Discover the secrets hiding in your body's hormone cycle). You can also sign up for daily emails (5 days a week). Now, I look at this information to help me counteract the negative and accentuate the positive. When I lent my book to my friend her husband was ready to kill me. He said it should be called, 28 days of excuses. She used it as her excuse for whatever negative (not wanting to cook, moodiness, etc)

I have implants already, i got them when i was closer to my goal weight about 4 years ago. I've always been at least "thick" (personally hate that word) but hardly any boobs, so I wanted to be more porportionate. As I gained weight, of course they got larger, but i've already noticed them decreasing since i've lost some weight. One person even asked me if i was worried about losing my boobs when i lose weight, but i know at a certain point, there wont be any more to shrink, since saline doesnt shrink. Not sure if this has been answered yet, I saw in an earlier post that someone was concerned about losing nipple sensation. I wouldnt want to lose that either. My PS Dr. in Scottsdale (Dr. Borsand) is awesome, he has what he calls a 24 hr procedure, leaves a very small scar under the boob, about the length of a quarter, very small I think, and my implants are under the muscle and within 24 hours you are fine. It is an outpatient procedure, the next day you just feel a little sore, like a hard workout from the day before kinda sore. I still have nipple sensation (yay). At the time, he told me I had a 50/50 shot that the size i chose and that i didn't need a lift at the time that the implants themselves would kinda lift them. He could have done a lift while he was there, but i opted not to. (i was raised poor and for some reason always take the least expensive route) Now, i wish i had gotten the lift. But, i think most lifts do leave you with no nipple sensation. A coworker had a lift and they completely removed her nipples and sewed them back on. (yeah, i know, huh, not what i want to do!) So, i choose to buy a good bra.

Firstly, sorry for hijacking this thread, but cosmos, you have, well, I'm not sure if "offended" is the correct word, but you've definitely ruffled some feathers by this: "This lady says Rodriguez hit on her. Rodriguez is a rich man in Mexico. If he made a move on this gal, I'd conclude that she dosen't need to loose weight. Isn't that why we get lapbands, so we can be thin and sexxie ? Sorry Ladies, I'd need some strong proof for that one" Ok, I am sure there is no one who despises being overweight, fat, huge as much as I, however, even if I wear a size 1 and could blow away in a strong breeze, I am aware that (#1) there is someone for everyone (you know there are guys that are so attracted to large women that they will encourage them to eat?, in fact, i was once told that i was too small for a man who loves large women.) and (#2) some men (and i am sure there are women too) will take advantage of a situation if they can. Now I don't want to get into the discussion on whether or not a Dr. hit on a patient (completely unprofessional if it did happen/completely wrong to say if it didn't). What I upset with, and i've seen it before on LBT (of all people to express this, i'm just in awe), is that if you are a large person, you are not worthy of, well, of anything that the beautiful people are. You think only because someone is large enough to get the band, they are not attractive? You think that a large woman cannot be beautiful? Or, do you not believe that possibly a person in the capacity of professional in your life, when you are at a low point, possibly feeling inadequate, inferior, trying to get a band to improve not only your health but also your self image, that this professional could take advantage of that, for his own personal gratification. So he's rich, I've known rich guys who threw away everything for a little romp. I know rich guys who should lose everything for what they do. Just because someone has money it doesn't mean they have class. Again, I am not saying anything happened or did not happen. I am upset that one who (I am assuming since you are here) has been/will be banded is so negative towards large women.

"...the pool (they don't allow suntan/block products at all cause they mess up the filter)." Telecia, I don't think they can do this? Maybe it's a local thing, but here, you cannot prohibit the use of sunblock, because of health issues. At work, we must supply sonblock for our lifeguards. It is somewhat like the smoking laws, if you have a pool, you cannot deny someone applying sunblock to protect themselves from skin cancer. And if I remember correctly, you can burn through a wet white shirt. I do not believe that is adequate protection.

Thank you! I am doing much better now. I am remarried now (actually we will Celebrate 5 yrs in Aug), even though he is only 6 yrs older than my oldest son, he accepts my children as his own, and they respect him more than they do thier own father. I used to be (still have urges, but some how combat them) a cutter, in the past year I learned that my younger son(age 20) is a cutter. He has a great support system where he is and is doing pretty well. He jumped around until he found a counselor that he's comfortable with. So I like to think we are all doing much better now.

"It's not easy when you're in a situation especially if you need to involve the police that in itself is a real heart breaker because you're basically using tough love but it's killing you at the same time!" You don't even know! And I pray no one ever has to know. When the police came to the house, the officer said I had to say, "you are under arrest" basically a citizen's arrest. That was hard! But I held my composure, at least until they drove away, then i lost it. We too have mental illness in our family. I myself spent 2 months in a psych hospital after attempting suicide (PTSD, from my childhood). We all (except my daughter) have been on medication at one time or another. And I guess that is the main reason I am the type of parent I am. I have always been afraid to turn into what I hate. I used to think that if I spanked out of anger, I would loose it and beat them. Now I know I could never do that, I don't see how anyone can look in the eyes of any child and hit them.

Brandy, even just reading this: "Imagine how sad you'd be when they picked up that little girl that you took the time with an they were slapping her around on the way to the car, would your stomach not drop??" made my stomach upset, just the thought, its unbearable. One of my boys gave me problems, discipline, trying to skip school, stealing, even drugs. And believe me, I heard many times "what that boy needs is a good ass whipping." No, he didn't. He watched a very abusive relationship turn into a nasty divorce then tried to get his dad's attention by "following in his footsteps" (my son's own words), and then didn't know how to deal with his dad not even contacting his own children, not to mention that mom, who was always there was now working all the time. What he needed was some tough love. I told him that his dad used up all his excuses (this regarding cigarettes i found, and then the drug issue), I had help from local PD (very small town, I was told, "not like we have anything else to do") to get him to school, when he stole, i took him back to the store (who refused to do anything, so that didn't help me, just told my son it was ok). I put him in juvie over night for pushing me(he tried to hit me, but didn't make contact, he has been taller than me since he was about 11). But not once did I hit him. Some tried to say that my decision not to spank him, contributed to his behavior at that time (between the ages of 10 and 12 is when all this transpired), I disagree and say he was a child who was overwhelmed with what was going on in his life and acted out. This does not mean he was allowed to get away with anything, by no means. Now, to listen to this boy, wow, it makes me feel i did a great job. He is now 21, and he gets as frustrated as I do when he sees a child whom he believes deserves better parenting. When he was going through all that, he called me every name in the book, now he calls me mom and compares other moms to me. That may seem small and normal or whatever, but to me, it means the world.

I think time outs are a great alternative. Many in my extended family (and my ex's family) had never even heard of time outs (we are talking 20 years ago) when i had my boys taking time outs. They were very well behaved, we always got compliments. It is something that takes more time than a spanking, it takes committment from the parents. Time outs are somewhat like the band, it is not the easy way, it takes a lot of work. And it must be from the beginning. I used to have day care in my home, so I have had several personality types of children in my home. I will admit that I have spanked my own children, but as other's, it was a last resort, and i hate it. I hated myself for it. One little girl I took care of, well, she was a handful, there were even relatives of hers that refused to watch her anymore. But, I had no problem with her. It takes time to find out the needs of each child, her need was she needed you to be direct with her, and not give in to her. If you got down to her level and looked in her eyes and explained to her whatever the situation, she understood. Her stepsister, complete opposite, but they both were like angels eventually. It does take time.

As you said you've never exercised, you should start slowly. Walking for 20 minutes (if that seems too much, start with 10-15 minutes) a day for a couple of weeks, then each week increase that by 5 minutes. I do know how difficult it is to find the motivation, I've been there/am there most days. Gradually, add five minutes of running, until you can start increasing that. But, always remember to drink plenty of Water, even on the treadmill. If your body doesn't have enough water, it will start to take water from your joints first, which leads to sore knees, ankles, etc. I grew up despising any exercise, until I was introduced to body building. I loved it, as a tomboy and one who doesn't fit in well with girls, i am more competitive with guys, so a traditional "male" exercise was enjoyable to me. That was several years ago, I gained all my weight and several more back and have been ashamed of myself ever since for falling out of it. I have an expensive weight system in the other room, collecting dust. Now that I am banded, I still feel i'm too big to use it, am too embarrassed, even though its only my family in the house. I am trying to do cardio, to burn the fat and lose more weight before i eventually add the weights back into my lifestyle. But that motivation can be very difficult to find. Due to lack of motivation to get up off my butt, I am like you with restriction, in fact I'm scheduled for another fill Saturday. I know what I need to do-get up off my butt! I was riding a bike with my daughter in the evenings, but here the temperature is already up to 100-110 degrees, even in the evenings, which makes the thought of doing anything physical outside unbearable. Just remember to start slowly, but once you start don't give up! (Now i'll try to take my own advise too) :tongue2:

I'm with you on that one, Fenton! I'm the same way. Especially this new dress I bought recently, hubby especially likes it too. But it accentuates my hourglass figure, i love that! My waist looks smaller, isn't that great!

For a while, no one was saying anything. I accepted it since I used to be a yo yo'er. But one of the girls has been out of work on maternity leave and she stopped in the other day to show us the baby and said she said i look great! (she is one of only 2 at work that knew) Only 2 other people at work have said anything. One is loosing weight as his diabetes was affecting him more. The other has the same yo yo issues I had and was asking what i was doing differently. It sure feels great when someone notices and says something. I don't expect anyone to say anything because of my yo yo history, so when someone does, it truly makes my day!

This is fun! Here are some of mine: Getting hit on by a guy (even though i'm very happily married, this was flattering) Some pants that have been hanging in the closet for a couple of years fit again! (yay!) And pants i had been wearing (in a size i long ago swear i'd never buy, but eventually had to) are now loose. Feeling sexy again! Feeling more comfortable w/ hubby, still leaving the light off, but feel more relaxed. Finally someone at work said something (i used to be a yo yo'er, so i think thats why no one wanted to say anything). Can't wait for more!

Had a fill May 12th (2.4cc) seemed to provide some restriction. Was loving it, except when i didn't eat on schedule and ate too fast or didn't chew well enough because i felt like i was starving. For about the last 5-8 days been eating an increasing amount. Yesterday for dinner i know it was too much. (about 1.5-2 cups of mostly meat). I was shocked at how much i could eat, i even stopped several times to try to feel the fullness. so this morning i contact the dr. for a fill appt, which we set up for the 14th. but then at lunch, i was barely able to eat about 4 bites of food. i even pb'ed. :confused2: should i cancel my fill appt? was this just a fluke? its not my TOM, so i know i wasn't tight for that reason. just thought it odd, that yesterday i feel like i ate like a pig and today could barely eat

Didn't realize I had lost another 5 lbs until i did the math, LOL! Name..............Current.....Goal.....Lost...Still to Lose by July 4th atallen06...........231........215.......0......16 Bea1129.............231........200......5.5.....25.5 BigBandFan..........296........270.......0......26 Cgailee ............219........200.......0......19 Epm316..............220........200.......10.....20 erikadawn...........217........190.......0......27 faithmd.............302.1......300.......7.3....2.1(by6/21) Hastings............248........228.......5......20 Jennypoo............176........170.......3.......6 jrob281.............212........190.......0......22 KarenG..............170........160.......4......10 kathystrick.........318........288.......0......30 kellygirl0520.......236........220.......0......16 legster.............188........180.......9......8 Lenore1890..........263.4......247.......4.3....15.7 Leslie2Lose.........226........208.......7......18 LessNLess...........149........140.......2.......9 Lilmissband-aid.....240........225.......7.5....15 losingjusme.........249........238.......11.....11(started 5/30) Luu2008.............215........185.......0......30 luvinke.............217........190.......4......23 Marissa's Mom.......388........358.......0......30 MollyMolly..........193........188.......11......5 nancy52.............197........170.......0......27 Nettie..............193........170.......0......23 Newhope4me..........168.8......160.......8.2.... 8.8 njudono............ 298........277...... 5......21 NukeChik............231........222.......11......9 nurse7263...........244........150.......0......24 renewedhope.........192........170.......5......22 Sades...............194........185.......3.......9 Sunshine2...........179........160.......4......15 (by6/29) Suzzzie. ...........273........260.......0......13 Tess415.............327........299.......5......30 TexasFire67.........170........145.......0......25 Wombat712...........130.6......120.......3.6....10.6

In my situation, I did tell the other woman's fiance. I sent him a letter, because she had the balls to send us a wedding invitation. I sent a letter to him, stating that she must have finally found someone who would leave his wife for her skanky ass. I told him everything that my husband (1st husband, not present) had told me happened. But it bit me in the ass. She mailed something back to me, blaming me for my ex's infidelity, that if i had been a better wife or something basically to that effect if would not have happened. That hurt, it stung so bad, that it was like going through the whole thing again. Mainly because in those days i was so naive and stupid, i did everything he wanted, everything, except join him in the drugs. Come to find out her fiance knew. He knew everything, probably joined in on the party w/ them sometimes. Your man doesn't sound like he's anything like what my ex was, but you do have to think about the reaction of her husband. If this isnt her first time, maybe he does know and just is staying for the kids or he "allows" her this. Some relationships are difficult to understand. How would you feel if you did tell him and he responds negatively towards you for telling him or whatever reason. I would hate for you to go through that on top of what you are already feeling.