Wheetsin

Yo Mama jokes (I love these things) Yo mama is so nasty, I called her for phone sex and got an ear infection. Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Ragu. Yo mama is so fat, she sat on the rainbow and Skittles fell out. Yo mama so ugly that when she sits on the beach, the cats try to bury her. Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes. Yo mama so greasy she uses bacon for a band-aid. Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rug burn when you were born. Yo mama so short you can see her feet in her driver's license picture. Yo mama so short she poses for trophies. Yo mama so nasty she makes Right Guard turn left. Yo mama so nasty she makes Speed Stick slow down.

Star-Trek joke... (I"m not a fan, this is DH's joke) I am Dyslexia of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.

Sexist jokes (don't read if you can't take them as jokes) What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It needs to be open by the time the b!tch gets to the couch. Why did the woman cross the street? Who cares? What was she doing out of the kitchen? Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights. Why do women wear white? So they match the rest of the appliances.

Why can't blonds work at the M&M factory? They throw away all the "W's". Why don't blonds eat M&M's? It takes too long to peel them. How do you keep a blond busy? Put her in a round room and tell her to go sit in the corner. How do you make a blond commit suicide? Put a scratch n' sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool. What do a blond and a turtle have in common? Once you get them on their back, they're screwed.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but they have to be kind of small.

Blond joke: Three blonds die but before they can pass through the pearly gates they're told they must be able to explain the true meaning of easter. The first blond explains, "Easter is when the fat guy dresses up in a red suit, gets stuck in the chimney, and throws presents around." The second blond explains, "No no, easter is when the big bunny hops around to all the houses and leaves candy for the kids!" The third blond explains, "No no, Jesus was eating at the last supper, and he was deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans crucified him and sealed him in a cave closed with a big boulder." Everyone nodded, pleased with her explanation, so she continued - "And every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if he sees his shadow there will be six more weeks of winter." Adult (sex): A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them. The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you. On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts. Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal. Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue." He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole. Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.'' The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor. The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests. Then he told the Greens the bad news. ''I cannot help you, so I will not take your money. I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.'' The Greens pleaded with him, and said, ''You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us. "Ok, go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios...'' Adult #2: <TABLE width=450 border=0><TBODY><TR><TD width="100%"><META content="Microsoft FrontPage 4.0" name=GENERATOR><META content=FrontPage.Editor.Document name=ProgId>A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an American on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man." When the American remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop." </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE> Nasty joke (it really is nasty): What's the difference between a venereal disease and a killer midget? One of them is a cunning runt.

I had my worst PB before I had a fill.

"What's that wrinkly thing on grandma?" "Grandpa."

NurseMichelle, to answer your question - yes - but chances are you will not one at some point as you lose weight and the mass around your organs decreases. The band itself can cause enough restriction to fill you up faster. It did with me. I went ahead with my fill because I COULD eat more if I wanted to, and also because I figured - that's why I got the band... so on top of advice from a fellow bandster I realized that one of these days my willpower was going to fail, and it would be a good idea to have the fill there to back me up.

My weightloss is going well, but it has been random. Nothing, nothing, 11 lbs, nothing, nothing, 6 lbs... Banded 3/1 and I've lost just under 70 pounds since my surgery date according to my home scale. I've had two fills, one five weeks out and another 3 weeks after. I'm debating scheduling a third - want to see how I do for another few weeks though. I still don't have anything but me limiting how much I can eat. I have no idea of anyone has noticed or not (understanding people may notice, but not say anything or indicate they see a difference), but only people who know I had the surgery have said anything. I will take it as a true sign of change when I hear something from someone who did not know. I'm down four sizes and all of the clothes that were too tight to wear last summer are now too big. I need to have one heck of a garage sale! I'm not having any real issues. About 3 weeks ago I was dealing with my own version of first bite syndrome, for about 2 weeks, but that seems to have cleared up. I've had 2 PBs this month (3 total, one was right after surgery and a total accident... ssomeone put something in my Soup that shouldn't have been there & I didn't catch it until it was already going down my throat), but I'm 99.9% sure they're due to getting too relaxed & confident with my eating and either not chewing something quite well enough, or swallowing too much at one time. You know? You get a little loose, let in a little this or that because it's doing fine, then get a fill and ALL THE RULES CHANGE. AGAIN.

My family is walking in the ACS's Relay for Life this June. Relay for Life combines a lot of celebrations into one 2-day event, including an honorarium for cancer survivors, a memorial for those who lost their battle, and an overnight fundraising walk. My grandfather, grandmother, all three of my grandfather's brothers, and my mother have all been diagnosed with cancer. My mother survived ovarian cancer, the battle with which cost her uterus and both ovaries, and melanoma, which was surgically removed, and required a 25% amputation of her outer foot. My uncle survived lung cancer, but at the cost of half of his left lung. They are the only two in our family who survived. I've just finished registering our Relay for Life team online (bit have only gotten my mother/team captain done so far). If anyone finds the fight with cancer a worthy cause, and would like to sponsor our team by making a donation to the American Cancer Society, you can sponsor our team here by entering the participant name Cathy Jones (my mother) with Team Nikes (Nikes was my grandfather's family name).

Barb, filo is very, very tissue paper thin pieces of dough used most frequently in Greek dishes. If you've ever had baklava, spanakopita, etc. that's filo. To me it chews up much nicer than "bready" crusts.

Um.. okay..?? And I needed to know this WHY??? I visited my parents this weekend and took my mom shopping on Saturday. I had on a cami with a tie-front cardigan over it, and jeans. I pulled up a completely different tie front cardigan that was downright ugly, and showed it to my mom who was about 10 ft away. She grimaced, and I said, "That's not really cute, is it..." This lady who was between us looked up at me and says, "Yeah hon, that is cute! I was thinking I'd get it!" (She's completely serious, and must have really misheard me). Then she walks WAY up to me, and I mean UP to me, like there's maybe a foot between us, and she grabs my cardigan and peels it back like she's trying to see what's behind door #3 and says, "Oh, you have one on like it, I always wondered what people wore under these things, what is that you have on under there? Is that a bathing suit?" She moved quicker than my reflexes, so by the time I told her to get away from me all of this had already happened and my mother is hysterical -- she knows 1) I'd rather strangers just leave me alone, 2) smelly people piss me off, and she was smelly and 3) really, just don't touch me, ok?

I live in KC and my surgeon was Stanley Hoehn, 913-677-2508. I don't know if he does fills on other surgeons' bands or not but you can call and ask. There's supposedly someone down around North Oak Trfwy if you're familiar with that part of KC, I think the guy's last name is Malley or O'Malley or something like that. You can also try here. I found that site by Googling "lap band surgeons kansas city" so I'm sure you can find plenty of other resources if you don't have any luck.

I'd quit talking about my weightloss stats, removed them from my siggy, etc. because I know that reading loss stories can be hurtful if you're someone who isn't losing, and hey - it doesn't hurt me any to not have it advertised. But now I'm thrilled & not holding this one in so if that's you, don't read this post. I'm 2.5 months post-op. :dance: As of this morning's weigh-in I have "officially" (as officially as my home scale gets, anyway) lost 33% of my excess weight! :dance: I have gone from needing to lose exactly 200lbs to needing to lose 134lbs! :dance: My BMI has gone from 56.4 to 47! :dance: I'm within 15 - 20lbs of reaching the weight I was at 2 years ago on Atkins, which was the lowest I'd been in about 8 years! :dance: Having the "left to lose" number start with a 1 makes this seem so much more attainable! :dance: Soon my "left to lose" number will be double digit! :dance: I have gone from tight sz 34 jeans to a comfy sz 26 jeans! That's 4 sizes! Ok, composure regained...

I should know the answer to this, but now I'm wondering. If you're buying shoes with an open heel - sandals, slides, mules, etc., should the edge of your heel be even with the end of the shoe, or should the shoe have extra space so that your heel stops first, then there's a bit of shoe left? Because I know that makes no sense, here: This is a pic where the heel is even with the edge of the shoe: This is a pic where the shoe has extra space (length): http://www.alistclothing.co.uk/inc/get_product.php?id=2037

I had salad for the first time since banding last week at the airport. I stuk to the crunchier pieces - didn't want to end up PBing and missing my flight! I had no problems, and I really missed salads. Pre-op I'd eat a salad every day at lunch, and usually at dinner too. I've also tried spinach - cooked - no problems. Lettuce was one of the things I figured I'd have to give up. It seems like THE most likely thing to get stuck.

Oh hell, let's just turn this thread into the Vin Diesel shrine.

I found internet resources a little annoying in the beginning, because I needed the detail of what I was getting into, but I just couldn't find it. Here's my PB story.

A friend of mine is being pressured to have her band removed. She was part of the early trials and they now believe her band physically shrunk, butting her off the point of near complete restriction (she often PBs her own saliva, just from swallowing). They've made changes to the band construction since, but from what she told me this shrinkage is becoming a more frequent issue than anyone anticipated. Maybe something to mention to your doc...?

It's normal. Your body is like - WTF? - and needs time to readjust. I lost almost 35 lbs my first week. It doesn't mean I lost fat, it means I was dehydrated, in ketosis, and really needing to poo! I'm about 11 weeks post op. I'd have to look at my blog, but guesstimating I'm going to say that between weeks 5 and 9 I didn't lose anything, or lost maybe a pound. My body needed time to recover from the initial shock of everything that happened to it. That's all. If you're following the calorie adage, then you need to keep in mind that results aren't instantaneous. Yeah, you're taking in fewer calories than you're burning, but there are a lot of little things in our body that can help it get by or, adversely, add to our total weight. It doesn't mean that the minute your activity puts you at the point of being under your BMR, ou can jump on the scale and see a pound gone. Remember that the scale weights your entire mass, meaning your skin & everything in it. It does not weight your fat. You will probably experience frustrating times, if you rely on the scale only, because it is possible to lose sizes without losing weight, especially if your workout routine is effective. Just be patient. It will happen.

I've gotten 2 emails wanting the full pic. Sadly I don't have it, that's as racey as it gets, and that's how the original article was published.

Ah. yes - that's the key to being able to carry more weight than anyone thinks. I'm a tiny hair taller than 5'10. I don't really eat like I did on Atkins at all. I try to be aware of carb content, and make smart choices (e.g. I do buy the carb countdown milk when I want a Protein drink, instead of regular milk, will buy sugar free if it's a healthy sugar free, etc.), but I do not count my carbs like I did on Atkins, and I don't eat anywhere near the fat content. I lost 120 lbs on Atkins in less than a year -- I never ate more than 20 carbs in a day (I did induction the entire time) and for me, the more fat I ate, the more I lost, so I was adding olive oil to everything, dipping everything in dressing, frying everything in butter. Now I try to find "balance". I pretty much eat whatever I want (that has SOME nutritional value). I just pay attention to how much of it I eat. My take on it is: You can eliminate anything from your diet, and you will lose weight. You'll lose weight by cutting sugars, or fat, or starches, or whatever. Pick your evil and you'll lose weight doing it. But it's never a healthy decision to remove something so drastically that your body suffers. And you won't sustain it over time. That's why I really believe in balance. Atkins was a desperation move. I saw it working for so many others, I thought it might really be my Golden Ticket.

Oh yea, got side-tracked by the 11.5 ccs. I have not been over tight yet, but my best guess would be that yes - you sound too tight to me. Does your doc have you drinka cup of water after your fill?

The 6/8 lbs differnece is between the "durings" and right now, which I don't have pics for. What thepictures show is the difference after about 65 lbs lost. I *wish* I could see that much difference after a handful of pounds!