LEILE

It is all a distraction. My food is down--because I just had surgery, now let me solve all of my problems in the first 60 days. People are more similar than not. A lot of emotions come up after surgery. For me, it was a lot of anger. I wanted to leave my partner of 6 years--he was so annoying ALL OF A SUDDEN. I still have a long ways to go on this journey--I am almost 6 months out, but I am not going to invite any life changing newness into my life and I am not going to discard anything important from my life for the next at least 6 months. I really struggle with food, even still. Food for me, has been my constant companion for over 25 years and putting that down makes me want to pick up something else. Whenever people on this site talk about passing their mental health inspection--because they DON'T have an eating disorder, hence they could get the surgery--I just shake my head. No one I have ever met, gets to be super obese because they have a genetics problem and are otherwise the picture of perfect mental health. Good luck to you in your pursuits and I hope that you find whatever it is that you are looking for. If you are struggling with loneliness you could adopt a dog, they are loyal, adorable, in need of good homes and right now I have a 95 pound Great Pyrenesse laying in my bed next to me who wants nothing from me but to be loved, fed and scratched--he is amazing and I got him after my surgery. He was at a no kill shelter for two years. I didn't rescue him, most days I feel like he rescued me.

It was only an invitation for introspection. I get it, not everyone does that. The best thing about the topic board is that I can write something (start a topic) and there will be twenty different interpretations of what I have said or what I should/could think about. It is really quite an amazing process. I welcome it, even when I feel someone is snappy--because at the end of the day I recognize that I am not in control of people's reactions and I trust that most people are sincerely only trying to share what worked for them or their personal experience. WLS is not just a physical change it is also very emotional for many of us who have been invisible due to our obesity. My top weight was 261 pounds as an adult, today I am 176 pounds (I have quite a bit to go), but I still find myself on guard against the world that ignored me or belittled me. Today, I am just trying to find peace with my process and I wish everyone peace with their individual processes.

This is a WLS site. This is not a: "Look at me and my lecture I am preparing for" site. I will share this: I am an attorney, but I would never loom that over anyone's head--because my title is a distraction from what is really going on with me. What is really going on is that I am afraid of my sleeve failing or rather, I am afraid of not complying (which I have done thousands of times) and failing at WLS. Nobody gives a shit what people do in their professional lives, I just want to know one thing when I come on this site: How are you (the person with the sleeve) making your way in this world with your sleeve and how are you adjusting to life? Further then, I ask myself: What should I be doing differently? Why am I stumbling? What am I missing? I can learn my answers from a stay at home mom who has had the sleeve just as easily as I can learn my answers from a physicist. Nobody cares what you are doing in your preparation of a lecture. What I would take away from this is introspection: Why did I NEED to mention that? When I have to mention what it is that I do, it is normally a mask I am placing over what is really going on. I can see it clearly--because perhaps as people we are more alike than not. I wish you success, and I hope I remain teachable, Leilie

73 pounds? Amazing, congratulations and of course she is jealous!!!

Your doing amazing! I love yoga videos--in fact I like to try a variety of them on amazon prime. I also bought ballet beautiful which is a wonderful video.

Congratulations!!!!

I started this journey at 216 lbs--I am 5'5. I am a little over three months out and and I am oscillating between 181 lbs and 182 lbs. My surgeon set my goal weight at 145 lbs. I paid for this surgery myself in NY (which was expensive), and I intend to keep plugging along. I work out with a trainer only twice a week, but I believe I will get to where I am supposed to be, which after plastics should be in the 120s--at least that is my goal. I think it will take a long time. But I also know quite a few women who have met their personal goals through the use of this surgery, proper eating and exercising. For me, the weight loss feels slow this past month or so, but I am getting better with it. If I need to adjust my personal goal up, I am also fine with that. Remember, this is a personal journey and at the end of the day our goals in life and weight are vastly different--but that's quite fine.

If I eat sushi--with a little rice, I am prone to a drippy nose and a bunch of sneezes. Sometimes, I have to lay down.

I always had a lot of regrets about my past, and I carried a heavy load figuratively and literally. I think for many years I felt like I was a walking mistake. My favorite affirmation is: God doesn't make mistakes.

My gas pain lasted about 6 days--then it was over. Good luck and Congrats!

So, today I started with a personal trainer at a local gym. And after going over my numbers and all that jazz, we began to warm-up. He wanted to do 45 seconds of jumping jacks. I have not done jumping jacks in over 2 decades. So, I began and I ended up urinating. It was so mortifying--I told the young man, that I had just started my cycle and needed to leave, the truth was I urinated all over myself. Damn it. So my question: Incontinence: What do you use in order to prevent that from happening when doing high impact exercise? I spoke with my surgeon who said it could be obesity related, but also from having a vaginal birth--it happens. I've never bought any pads or incontinence underwear--so I am looking for other's experiences in this department. Thanks, Leilie

I really like to pretend that everything is fine, even when it is not. Yesterday, I discovered that my 17 year old son was engaging in self-abusive and self-destructive behaviors. When I confronted him with these facts he began hysterically screaming and behaving in a very unstable way that I will not elaborate on. Tomorrow morning, I am taking him to a center for an evaluation--and I am afraid. These last few days, I have been out in the neighborhood walking several miles--because I cannot stomach being at home and watching the person I love the most--my son, self-destruct. I was just sleeved 2 months ago, and so I am feeling a lot because I cannot medicate with food--and to be honest I don't want to. I am not a feeling person. I went to law school and I work in a very difficult complex area of law--where I don't have to feel too much, and I could always go to Starbucks get my goodies several times a day and just do what I needed to do. That shit doesn't work anymore, and I feel so afraid of dealing with my son's mental illness and I feel so angry that this is happening to him, I feel like kicking a tree or stabbing a pillow and mostly, I just feel afraid because I realize how little control I have as a mom, as a human being. So, today I am going to continue eating properly, and going for walks and I am going to try and carry on--but I really believe that being sleeved has both saved my life and also made me feel a lot more deeply--and sometimes that is a tough pill to swallow. Leilie

Thank you all so much, I felt embarrassed to share something so personal on this site because--it is not directly related to my sleeve--but it is related in relation to how I am dealing and feeling. I do have a therapist, and I am talking about this stuff--but somehow somewhere I got really lost with my child and I just want to pretend that he is fine, and so I say nothing about his behaviors. I feel like because of the sleeve, I cannot ignore his behaviors and it is time to bring in some professionals to help him--he is so hostile towards me. This evening, just now-I was telling him how to cook chicken and he screamed "JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM AND LEAVE ME ALONE"--I know that does not sound terrible, but it does not matter what we are speaking about or doing, he is filled with horrific self-loathing, depression, anxiety and of course he lashes out towards me and his father--because who better to take it out on? I don't envy teenagers growing up in this country--right now, its really hard for a lot of them--I just wanted my son to be alright--and I have to stand back and let the professionals help him, but it isn't easy. Yep, I have been crying on the walking path--while on the phone to my mother or a friend and I have been crying in the car, and in the shower. I have to pray and thank you for everyone's well wishes--I greatly appreciate them. It feels so different to not be eating EVERYTHING when dealing with pain and fear.

So, today I am meeting a friend for lunch and considering joining a gym. I am weighing in at 188 lbs. The day of my surgery, 53 days ago I weighed in at 216. For the past two weeks I have been 188 or 189 and my mind is starting to go a bit crazy. I haven't exercised--because I have been exhausted. It has been a huge change to go from eating everything, to eating very small portions of nutrient dense food. I haven't felt that I even had the energy to exercise. Now, I am thinking that perhaps exercise can help me with my energy levels and help me with this plateau. I have a total aversion to exercise, but I didn't spend this kind of money (self-paid) and undergo surgery so I could be chunky and exhausted. I feel very sad--I feel afraid that perhaps this won't work for me--and then I feel hopeful, because I see so many of your successes. I feel a lot of things now that I am not packing in the food constantly. I have a complete aversion to exercise because I spent so much of my life spending energy and money on resolutions, exercise plans and weight loss solutions--only to never be able to follow through. I am going to try to do the opposite of what I have done: attempt moderation in exercise. I'll keep you all posted. Today, I feel vulnerable.

I am meeting my Protein goals, sometimes I forget to take my Vitamins. My surgeon said I could take two chewable flinstone vitamins...I know it sounds strange. I continually have to remind myself to drink water--which can be challenging. I am often fatigued and often very frustrated with my son (he is 17 and not very nice)--which I think adds to my fatigue. I also run my own business and spend a lot of time sedentary--just sitting and writing. I am so glad for the sleeve, but I think I need to find a way to combat my exhaustion. And Thank you so much surfer girl for the link back to your post on stalls--it was very helpful. Leilie

I am admitting it--I hate to exercise. I feel like it is a painful daunting chore. I don't like it and I behave like a petulant child when I know I have to actually get up and do it. It freakin' sucks and I feel guilty because I read about so many people loving exercise and running 5k's. I think the real reason I hate exercise is because I struggled with weight for so long that it would literally be one gym membership after another--one resolution after another--and on and on, and it was miserable. Now, I am just hoping to get to a point where I don't HATE exercise. Truly and Really I am so glad for everyone who loves exercise--I just really don't. Leilie

It is alarming to me just how many mental health counselors purposefully remain so ignorant about WLS. The information is a click away and yet they cling to their ignorance. WLS is very successful and a huge tool in combatting obesity. Is it a cure-all? Nope, but it is a very strong tool that I am so grateful for. Leilie

I concur! You need a new doctor. You really need to be supported during this time. I am 7 weeks out today and we have similar numbers. I am so thankful that the medical technology is there to assist in the eradication of obesity. My only regret? I didn't do it 10 years ago. It would have saved me a lot of exhaustion, stress, and self loathing. Good luck on your journey and remember: You are your best advocate, Don't be afraid to ask for what you want and need, lastly, You are the best expert when it comes to YOUR lived experience. Wishing you wellness, Leilie

I am a firm believer that God or the Universe will remove everything from your life that needs to be removed in preparation for giving you what you rightfully deserve. When someone walks away--be grateful, because that means that you are one step closer to meeting the person you are supposed to be with. I met my husband--who is my biggest supporter and best friend at the lowest part of my life after having been in a horrifically abusive relationship for years. When I let that loser go--my best friend and life partner showed up, and we have now been together for several years. Clear the path--focus in on yourself--and when the time is right the person you are going to be very happy with will show up. And for all those who may disagree--maybe they just haven't done enough clearing. Leilie

AMAZING!!!!

Follow the post op instructions--and you'll do great. The first week for me was a little rough, but after that I felt 100 times better. Get lots of rest, remember to get up and walk around and try and sip fluids. My only regret: Not doing this 10 years sooner. Sending you positivity and wellness, Leilie

I had my surgery in Brooklyn, NY. Best surgery every! After the surgery--you likely won't feel hunger. I just had mine done on January 6th and my ONLY regret is that I didn't do it 10 years sooner. Just remember, the sleeve is not a cure-all but if you are diligent and try your best the rewards are going to be so wonderful: You're going to be more fit, you're life is going to be extended--and you are going to feel better and more confident. Everyone can tell you about their process, but at the end of the day: THIS is your experience, and it is unique and individual to you. NY has excellent surgeons--NY is a very competitive place for doctors--so trust your surgeon and do your best, and you will be fine. I am wishing you a lot of success and positivity! Leilie

So, I really love sushi--love it. A few days ago on my drive home I decided to stop and try a half of a roll-Horrific chest pain, felt like bark dust in my chest. The next day, I tried sashimi--sushi with no rice--and it was truly a slice of heaven. I love raw fish, I bought a few pieces of frozen sashimi and put them in my freezer. I have also been thinking about my personal reasons for this surgery--Why did I get the gastric sleeve? I did not get the gastric sleeve, so that I could go back to eating the way that I had eaten and magically (as if) get into a healthy thin body. I wanted this surgery as a tool to aid in my overall health. Before I had surgery, a woman who works for my husband had said "My sister had gastric sleeve--and she failed, she is close to 300 lbs. again. I was angry, because I felt like she was saying: It probably won't work for you. But, I have been reflecting--and the truth is that this woman wants gastric sleeve herself, but is unable to quit smoking and her insurance will not cover it unless she quits. So moving away from that tangent, I want to eat better foods, more nutrient dense foods--I have a long ways to go, but I hope I can always remember that I didn't have this surgery so I could miraculously eat chocolate cake AND be a thin person. Anyhow, I found an adjustment: Just raw fish (sashimi) and soy sauce. I was so satiated and I felt absolutely amazing. I am having it again tonight. Lots of Protein and low fat.

Thank you all for your posts. I still completely hate organized exercise or the mindset of exercise. I work a lot, I have a difficult position--but it is sedentary. I had the sleeve on 1/06/2016--on surgery day I weighed 216--today, I weigh 190. My nutritionist keeps telling me to exercise--and sometimes I do get in my pool and do some aqua jogging, or I will go for a walk--but I feel angry. I think I am going to take it easy. Because, like Kindle said, in sum: I got a ton of stuff to do. The greatest gift for me about the sleeve--and I am really early on, has been that in over a month I haven't been obsessing about food and chasing it--its truly been life changing--and I know that there is no body that can keep excess weight on with the amount of food that I eat--so I think I am going to continue to eat nutrient dense food--and if I feel like walking great, and if not that is alright too.

Well, I had the VGS and weighed 216 pounds--and I am 4 inches taller than you. I qualified as obese, I am guessing you would have to talk to your surgeon. Good luck.